r/olddogs • u/tsetseb • 3d ago
Dead mom’s dog
I got our family dog (14-years old) when my mother died of ALS last year. The dog is very dear to me but I am in a situation where I don’t think I have enough resources to take care of this dog. It has started barking when it thinks it’s alone (mornings or evenings) and that is stressing me and the dog of course. The dog eats painkillers and has some minor trouble with balance outside and with slippery floors inside but other than that it is seemingly healthy ❤️.
I love the dog, it’s just killing me that I feel like I’m glued to home all the time and it makes it so hard to plan things. I’m also depressed so the effort it takes to take the dog out is just enormous. I don’t know if it’s living it’s life to the fullest anymore, partly ’cause it’s so old but also because I don’t have it in me to take care of a dog right now.
For a while now I have thought about euthanasia.
I just really hope someone could underestand and maybe offer an opinion or something…
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u/ChiliLoveH2O 2d ago
My condolences on the loss of your mom.
I inherited my dad’s elderly dogs as well. One is 18+ the other 12+ and it has been a learning experience.
The older dog no longer goes outside, she exerts too much energy walking around. She can’t hold her bladder so I got washable pee pads in runner sizes and then put disposable pads on top. This has helped her so so much with the slipping and if she pees/poos on the runner it’s fine. I have a special area for her where her food and water is 3-4 feet away from her so she doesn’t have to walk far .
I found a turkey broth that doesn’t have onion or garlic in it and I smash her pills up and mix it in the broth. I also soak her kibble because she has half her teeth and it’s helped her a lot. I mix in quinoa as well for fiber and fullness.
It’s now cold here so I dug out my old cats heating pad and put it under her blanket so she stays warm now. I also got her an orthopedic bed at a discount store too.
I have a dear friend that is kind enough to come to my house to watch the elderly dogs when I leave town. If it wasn’t for her I would not be able to leave her alone.
Some days are better than others, today is not a good day. I’m happy I got her to take her meds with the broth but she won’t eat her regular food. Tomorrow may be a better day.
I was able to find a calendar where you can track their days to see if the bad outweigh the good days. When it’s more bad than good then I can discuss the next step with the vet.
These are my dad’s babies, what he treasured and care for the most and now I have them. It’s an emotional roller coaster yes, it is hard, but all I can do is my best and find what works for her in her last months/year.
Elderly animals are not for the weak of heart, and boy is it pricey, but, how we treat them when they need us after years of service matters.
I hope this may give you some good ideas for their care. I have wanted to give up as well. But I look at her blind cataract eyes and I see how much she misses my dad and I just cry and figure out what I can do better for her.
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u/Kimmiedp75 1d ago
I think you are one heck of a good person!!!’ May you both be blessed and happy!
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u/burntneedle 3d ago
My condolences on the loss of your mother.
Is there really nobody else in the extended family to take her/him on? I'm concerned that you may not be emotionally, financially, or psychologically able to properly care for this dog, since you wrote, "For a while now I have thought about euthanasia."
Why did you take on the responsibility of a dog you don't seem to like? You wrote this pup is "very dear to you," but never refer to the name or even gender of the fluffy gal or fluffy guy... your mother's dog is a living being (them), not an object (it).
Please, please, for your sake as well as this dog's, find someone else to care for them.
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u/tsetseb 2d ago
Sorry, first of all english is not my first language, but of course they are a living being, not an item. Second, I’m always careful with anonymity, that’s why there is no he/she or a name.
The issue is that there is no one else… I’m giving all of my energy to this dear dog right now and I promise I’m taking good care of them: quality foods, long walks and pets. I just don’t think that I can keep this up for much longer because of my poor resources
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u/chapstickgrrrl 2d ago
I’m sorry you lost your mom and are in this position.
What do you mean the dog eats painkillers?? Are they prescribed to the dog or the dog is getting ahold of random, human painkillers? The latter of which can be toxic and kill the dog.
Some shelters have programs where you can get help to foster your dog temporarily while you get on your feet. Maybe something like that, or surrendering to a no-kill shelter would be right for you?
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u/asifIknewwhattodo 1d ago
OP mentions in another comment that English isn’t their native tongue, maybe they meant “takes/needs painkillers” (perhaps implying the burden of scheduling, administrating and renewals). Some languages just use “eat” across for food, medicine, even liquid (water).
I’m also thinking giving up is the best. Where I’m based, I see FB/local pages that do “free rehoming” for desperate owners, and I wonder if OP can do that.
I hope OP knows letting the dog go isn’t at all comparable to “failing” their mother or anything like that; the dog was loved and you cared for a living being when you yourself were / are grieving, OP. I hope there’ll be a good outcome for you.
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u/chapstickgrrrl 1d ago
“Free rehoming” often ends up in pets being used as bait in dog fights by psychopaths, or other nefarious inhumane treatment. That should never be an option, no matter how desperate. Euthanasia would be kinder in almost every “free rehoming” scenario, and possibly for this sadly declining beloved doggie. 😭
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u/Fit-Confusion-1080 1d ago
There are no slip stockings that are inexpensive that you can put on their feet.
Is it barking when it thinks its alone even though you are there? Is it blind or deaf? Is it having trouble at night or is it just during the day? Why is is so hard to get it out? Does it have dementia?
Sometimes there are things you can do to help them be more comfortable but also there is no shame in having an uncomfortable, unhappy dog be PTS - they say better a week to early than a day to late and if the dog is unhappy and uncomfortable then you are doing the best thing for them.
By the way, it it a he or she?
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u/Due_Structure_3707 1h ago
Tu perrito está envejeciendo y está cansado tenle mucha paciencia por favor
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u/Unanswered-Inquiries 3d ago
First of all, I'm so terribly sorry for the loss of your Mum. That is certainly a kind of grief that can stay with us an awfully long time. I can speak from some experience working in rescue, particularly with senior dogs. Some of the saddest cases we see, in my opinion, are the ones where a senior dog is surrendered because it's person died, and nobody in that person's family steps up to take care of it.
Having said that, I know that there are nuances and circumstances to every situation, and I'm in no way judging you. I can also speak to the other side of it, in that I suffer from severe depression and prolonged grief, so I totally understand that side of it, too. Having no will to get out of bed for yourself, let alone another living creature. But you have to put yourself in the shoes of this little dog, too. It's aging and it's going through changes. Things aren't as easy as they once were, and the family situation has changed and that has no doubt caused the little guy/gal confusion and stress.
There are some circumstances in which the best thing for the dog is to be either surrendered to a rescue, or euthanized IF it is suffering and beyond reasonable help. But I always, always try to look at it from as many angles as possible. From my own personal experience...yes, caring for a senior dog can be a lot, especially if you're struggling just to care for yourself. But that little dog could also very well be what helps get you through this, and it sounds to me like you need eachother now more than ever. You're in this together, and I think it would be very sad for you both to lose out on helping eachother through this tough time.