r/hinduism • u/kajukishmish2701 • 21h ago
Morality/Ethics/Daily Living Wishing bad upon a certain person
Hi guys, this is my first time posting on this sub. I am currently in a moral dilemma.
I wanted to know what our religion says about wishing evil/bad for someone who wronged you.
The other person (in my life) committed an unforgivable sin, and inflicted so much trauma and hurt on me and I've suffered for nearly a decade mentally and physically, somehow surviving, while that person is living an amazing life, now married and all.
Now I cannot help but wish bad for that person. Am I wrong in doing so ? Are there any sources which can guide me through this ethical conundrum ?
I really don't want to wish evil upon someone, I feel like a pos, but my mind can't help but do it. I'd really appreciate some guidance on this. Thanks.
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u/JayaNarayana 18h ago
Well, some people say that even thoughts create karma. Iām kind of iffy about it so I just simply rather not do it.
At any rate there was a person that I started wishing bad things on. She was a former landlord who tried to do something very illegal with my residence. We went to court, she lost, lost, got even nastier then by selling the property. She turned neighbors against me with lies.
I wished things on her that I should not have. Granted they were wacky, fantasies such as. shooting a flaming arrow through her window, shooting her in the back )or in front so she saw it coming) with an arrow.
I thought about doing all kinds of other things like putting a venomous snake in her mailbox.
Then I realized even these thoughts could probably cause me bad karma, if they havenāt already. So Iāve decided to just let it go, consider what a nasty and stupid person she is and get on with my life.
I also found this that I think is the right thing:
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u/kajukishmish2701 17h ago
Yes I've read and heard the same from many regarding forgiveness, and I feel I would too feel at peace in doing the same, but idts one can hold hold forgiveness on the same level, in legal terms as we say, for compoundable and non-compoundable offences.
In my case the offence was very serious, you can never forgive it (no one would)
But I hear you out on bad karma, we may end self inflicting these thots and cause more harm to ourselves thereby.
For now my plan is to just ignore and move on, I have a long way to go when it comes to thinking about forgiveness.
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u/JayaNarayana 17h ago
Make no mistake, itās not easy. Especially when the offense is particularly egregious. I do fight this, my little inspirational notwithstanding. I hope you find a way to come to grips, even bit by bit.
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u/kajukishmish2701 16h ago
Thanks šš½ I will definitely try to move on be indifferent to it to the best of my abilities
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u/JayaNarayana 16h ago
Best of luck. You can always ask Sri Ganesha to help remove this obstacle. After all, itās an obstacle to your peace of mind. Also Lord Vishnu ā¦ he is shantÄkara, the peaceful one.
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u/reddit-BlueSky 21h ago
Sorry to hear that assuming you've faced big amount of trauma for the person you addressed here.
\\ Shanti Parva, Mahabharatam:
lobhÄt krodhaįø„ prabhavati paradoį¹£air udÄ«ryate |
kį¹£amÄyÄ tu praÅÄmyati kį¹£amayÄ ca vinaÅyati ||
Anger arises from greed (despairing of oneself) It is inflamed/influenced by the faults (of others). Through forgiveness it fades away, and through forgiveness it is destroyed.
Bhishma Parva, Bhagavad Gita, Mahabharatam:
tejaįø„ kį¹£amÄ dhį¹tiįø„ Åaucam adroho nÄtimÄnitÄ |
bhavanti sampadaį¹ daivÄ«m abhijÄtasya bhÄrata ||
Radiance, forgiveness, fortitude, purity, free of malice (adroha), absence of egotismāthese belong to one born for the divine estate, O Bharata. \\
To bear malice regardless of the reason is to breed dangers within oneself. Imho, our samskruti always emphasized on forgiveness not because it's good or righteous or any moral obligations, but specifically for preventing self-harm which is adharma. The volition of malice or revenge does more harm to the maker than to whom it is directed to. Our creation is based on the principles of į¹ta through the process of karma - every action is followed by its consequences; for actions rooted in dharma, it's followed by the dissolution of suffering & empowerment of the individual; for actions rooted in adharma, it's followed by the accumulation of suffering & stagnation. You might not witness the downfall of the said person but repercussions of his actions will follow him. Atp it's better to focus on yourself and then if it's necessary, looking out for legal actions (if you wish to and if there are strong evidences for it). Focus on recovering, developing & empowering yourself.
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u/kajukishmish2701 21h ago
Thank you for the sources šš½ although I may not be able to forgive, I will have learn to move on with my life (I already am but these thots just keep coming in once in a while) and leave the rest to divine forces.
Maybe one day I'll forgive, but I need a lot of strength to do that, it's not very easy as they say.
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u/reddit-BlueSky 20h ago
Your forgiving is not forgetting his misdeeds, rather it's dropping the cycle of malice that's carried by him and passed to you. But, I hope you'll decide what is necessary for you. All the best.
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u/kajukishmish2701 17h ago
Is it possible to move on with life without forgiving, but with discarding these thoughts ?
I don't think so I have the heart to forgive that person for what he did.
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u/reddit-BlueSky 17h ago
As I said, to forgive is to let go of the malice he instilled in you. Forgiving someone does not mean forsaking misdeeds or forgetting the perp. It's just like Buddhist sayings, holding on to anger(not forgiving) is told hold a burning coal & expect other to get punished by it. You're just forgiving for your sake - either way he is unaffected by it... but at least you won't harm yourself more.
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u/TemplarTV 17h ago
It is You holding onto these negative emotions while wishing to hurt the other.
Jealousy is the Poison that grows into Hate, Anger and Wrath.
Forgive Yourself, Forgive them and Release the Poison.
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u/Vignaraja Åaiva 16h ago
It's adharmic to wish bad on a person. Let karma lay its just role.
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u/kajukishmish2701 16h ago
Well so far Karma has given that person a jollly good time and life so I'm not so sure if karma is doing its job, it is precisely why I got so disillusioned with life and beliefs, leading me down to this path.
Although I will try my best to dispose these thoughts and move on, because as much as I wish bad, it still made me guilty asf.
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u/Vignaraja Åaiva 16h ago
Karma works over many lifetimes. To expect karmic repercussion in a single lifetime means you don't understand karma. The partial Abrahamisation of Hindu thought has influenced this. It has also influenced your sense of getting revenge. The Christians and Muslims often seek revenge. If you cat out, then it's your karma. Abrahamic thought is like a cancer on our society, operating in subtle ways ... but over time has changed us for the worst. Listen to your spiritual conscience, and ask yourself what good it will do to injure this person.
Best wishes.
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u/ZaLarry 21h ago
Well, it's hard to understand what you mean by "wishing bad". Is that simply a thought you get here and there and maybe fantasize about a bit? Or is that a constant progressively sustained burning desire? The former is absolutely fine, because thoughts only come to us. The latter is bad, not because it does something to that person (coz it doesn't do anything), but because it creates negative vasanas (latent psychological impressions) which will continue even after death.
You can think about it, think about karma getting them, maybe imagine the "ifs" and hypothetical scenarios, and it's fine, if it's not like you're obsessed with it all the time. Evaluate whether it is controlling you or whether you are controlling it. And remember what the Veda says: He who perceives all beings in the Self, and the Self in all beings, does not entertain any hatred on account of that perception. (Isha upanishad 6)