The photo shown is the last time I ever got to cuddle him. He was on the older side, and I noticed when I first moved into my new apartment a couple months ago, his gut was starting to get really strange. He had a lot of flatulence, and he was slowly losing muscle tone despite eating. I took him to the vet multiple times, and they gave him probiotics and gut motility medications. However, once each course was run, he would bounce back for a couple days, then decline again.
Last night, when I came home from work, I saw Cookie puffed up, and he was trying to walk around, but couldn’t balance. I immediately reached to take him out of the cage. Another red flag was that he usually runs away from me the first time I try. He didn’t even fight it. He just let me scoop him. The emergency vets in my area had no guinea pig expert. It was already 9 PM. I tried to force feed him critical care. I DoorDash gas drops, hoping maybe it was blue and I could at least keep him stable until I can get him to my primary in the morning. About an hour and a half into me attempting to keep him stable, he began to roll on his side. He had such a bad seizure he almost launched out of my bed and I had to catch him. It was at this moment that I knew the end was near, and there was nothing that could be done, except to keep him comfortable.
I feel so terrible. I was unable to keep calm. I’ve always been so afraid of losing him. And I was all alone, crying as my sweet man reached out for my hand and I held his paw as he took his last breath. The mobile pet cremation service I have on standby had to basically pry me off of him.
I have been inconsolable and non-functioning since. I haven’t changed my clothes since he died. I haven’t showered. It’s been 3 days. I spent the last 48 hours unable to stop vomiting, and I can’t sleep at all. I have still made sure to spend lots of time with his bereaved cage mate, and I’ve been ensuring he eats enough and remains stable. But I feel sick. I still can’t get the feeling of slowly feeling his body get colder and colder out of my head. I’ve been all alone, with all of the thoughts just going through my head. Every time I look at the cage, I break down. It’s so quiet without him rumbling all the time. I can’t bear to me in my room because now when I’m in there, I see the blanket he took his last breath in. I’ve been unable to go to work.
Cookie was my emotional support pig. Whenever I was sad, he’s the pig I would lay with. Knowing he’s gone has shattered my heart to pieces. I am not okay. How long does this process of grief take? I’m in agony.