r/gadgets • u/dapperlemon • 5d ago

Home Anker's Latest Portable Home Backup Battery Won't Suck Itself Dry So Fast

https://gizmodo.com/anker-solix-s5000-portable-home-backup-battery-2000820896
1.1k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

136 comments sorted by

632

u/semperknight 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/13PR67zViZjXi

49

u/_amosburton 4d ago

Question: are we not saying phrasing anymore? That's fine - whatever - but if we're doing a new thing and nobody told me, that I'd have a problem with!

8

u/Sirefly 4d ago

You had me at "suck itself dry".

215

u/astirac 4d ago

It should try thinking about baseball. I hear that helps.

40

u/mmmmmarty 4d ago

My husband says tractor parts are his go-to

17

u/NoEmu5969 4d ago

Getting a finger slammed in a car door and old people falling down are foolproof.

18

u/CosmoKrammer 4d ago

Finger slammed in a car? Oh, “door”. Carry on.

1

u/Ryuko_the_red 2d ago

Baseball huh?

-1

u/SupposablyAtTheZoo 3d ago

Sandwiches work for me

197

u/Oshawa74 4d ago

I salute whoever titled this article.

-33

u/ImNot6Four 4d ago

Won't suck itself dry so fast

34

u/Voidfaller 4d ago

I have the Anker solid c1000 and it’s a pain in the ass, has constant problems.
I’m also in Florida and hurricane just hit, guess what isn’t working? :(

18

u/mentive 4d ago

What issues have you had? I picked up a c2000. Brought it to a festival and worked great for several days. Been using it as a UPS since.

9

u/Voidfaller 3d ago

Says it’s constantly overheating and won’t charge or turn on. It’s stayed inside the entire time and has definitely never been overloaded. I also don’t use the quick charge feature either to preserve battery life, but so much for that lol

9

u/Esguelha 3d ago

Maybe it has a bad temperature sensor. Talk to Anker support.

9

u/mentive 3d ago

Weird. I had it out in 90 degree weather and it worked fine. Charged devices during the day, and ran tube lights at night for our large camp site. I've had my PC / Monitors / Router connected since and its been flawless.

You should contact Anker to see what they say.

5

u/Shadow647 2d ago

Have you considered a warranty claim? Might be just a manufacturing defect (e.g. misplaced temp sensor)

46

u/Gambit6x 4d ago

Come again?

16

u/Chemical-Year8096 4d ago

Just reread the headline.

8

u/colantor 4d ago

Giggity

3

u/BurninCoco 4d ago

Squeeze me?

1

u/Hecker_Man 3d ago

Oh I will ;)

31

u/KangarooDowntown4640 5d ago

That's a choice of words

0

u/Alienhaslanded 4d ago

It achieved that by removing a couple of wires. Millenials will understand this reference.

9

u/conniefrancis 4d ago

anker removing a rib

4

u/Neo_Techni 4d ago

Anker won't suck itself!

15

u/springsilver 4d ago

The Ron Jeremy of batteries

5

u/kingofbling15 4d ago

Wait, what's wrong with Anker? Seriously out of the loop on this

1

u/Alienhaslanded 4d ago

You mean Marilyn Manson

7

u/springsilver 4d ago

I certainly don’t

4

u/Alienhaslanded 4d ago

Well Ron Jeremy doesn't have a massive rumor about him sucking his own dick. Marilyn Manson does.

-6

u/GasTrickLeVahzh 4d ago

Yeah. He had his floating ribs surgically removed so he can get all the way down on it. I know someone who used to be his personal flexibility trainer and he said the guy was like triple-jointed after the surgery.

5

u/SirJefferE 4d ago

I always thought that rumour was funny. Rib removal wouldn't provide a single bit of extra flexibility. Who has ever tried to suck their own dick and gone "God damn it, these bottom ribs are in the way again!"

0

u/GasTrickLeVahzh 4d ago

From what I heard, he was in a local auto-fellatio club right around the time his career was starting to take off. One of the other members was a bone surgeon and he offered to do the surgery at cost and the record company picked up the tab because they felt it would enhance the kind of image he was going for. Once he had healed, they had a club meeting and he did a demonstration. Everyone seemed to agree that he was able to bend much more, and more importantly, for longer periods of time without cramping or adverse bile duct compression. (Which is apparently a serious risk with this hobby.)

4

u/SirJefferE 4d ago

I can't tell if you're continuing the joke, or if you're the one person on Earth that actually believes this rumour.

1

u/punched_drunk_medic 4d ago

No, the guy from The Wonder Years.

6

u/HideyoshiJP 4d ago

Suck it dry! I rule you!

3

u/misticspear 4d ago

Me lawyer!!!!

2

u/kennedye2112 4d ago

Hello Cleveland!

10

u/CanadianGenealogy 5d ago

That's one way to get clicks.

1

u/sgrams04 4d ago

You know what they say….uh… Dicks get clicks?

1

u/Synth_Ham 4d ago

Not from me.

3

u/farbtoner 4d ago

I’m not flexible enough for that to be a problem.

6

u/Malefectra 4d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/13PR67zViZjXi

Well, that’s certainly an entertaining title…

4

u/armaedes 3d ago

I should call her.

2

u/Operation_Neither 4d ago

Is there a hidden port in my battery I don’t know about?

2

u/BayBreezy17 4d ago

Quite the title there, especially on Reddit

2

u/USDXBS 4d ago

Now if only someone could fix my problem

2

u/mikezer0 4d ago

It won't what now?

4

u/lookamazed 5d ago

[r/shesstillsucking](r/shesstillsucking)

Edit: used to be a meme board full of reactions mirroring the face of pleasurable bittersweet discomfort, but alas, no moderators… RIP

2

u/WholeDangPreeza 4d ago

diabolical title

4

u/kingofwale 4d ago

I’m more surprised gizmodo is still in business…

4

u/Salty_Paroxysm 4d ago

The Marilyn Manson Edition?

4

u/Mother_Airline_6276 4d ago

Man, I’ve seen the term “tranche” in like half the articles I’ve read in the last month. Do the newsies get handed a “buzzword” for the month? I see it a lot. I know in live news they are given at least an outline of what they are required to say. It’s gross. Stupid News.

21

u/ObviouslyTriggered 4d ago

That’s a nice story but that word doesn’t appear in this one even once….

3

u/Spectrum1523 4d ago

Is this entire comment chain ai? It's a person commenting about a word and a dozen people engaging with that and none of it has to do with the article at all

4

u/RadVarken 4d ago

Words follow the trend pattern. You hear a word that you have t thought about in years and suddenly you find yourself using it.

1

u/Smartnership 4d ago

Like how I keep seeing references to the

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon

2

u/NoConflict3231 4d ago

This happens every couple of years, it's incredibly annoying as an English teacher. Oh great, the new term of the month is "disconcerting".

1

u/BevansDesign 4d ago

At least that's a real word.

People who come up with new slang should be thrown in a sack and tossed in a ditch. Along with all the people who go "you're so clever, I'm going to use that new slang until I'm dead".

5

u/ZestyChinchilla 4d ago

I mean, “tranche” is a real word too.

3

u/PartyDad69 4d ago

It’s been a common word in finance for some time, but it’s literally just the French word for slice, so it’s a shorthand way to describe a portion of a larger whole of something, issued on a staggered time basis. So a fancier sounding replacement for batch/portion

1

u/sumelar 4d ago

I've noted a word a bunch recently, clearly there's a conspiracy I should be throwing a tantrum about

1

u/Nice_Marmot_7 4d ago

It’s a very common word in finance and business.

0

u/DontRememberOldPass 4d ago

It’s engagement optimization, all the major newspapers and online outlets do it.

An automated system is constantly swapping out words and rewriting headlines and measuring at what rate people click on them. It then seeds with “high-performing” terms on new articles. Eventually people get tired of a word, stop clicking on it, and it falls out of the algorithm.

2

u/ScrillaMcDoogle 4d ago

It bothers me that veritasium does this exact thing. They upload the video with one title and then repeatedly change it to farm engagement. On one hand it totally makes sense for them to play the algorithm but on the other hand it seems beneath them. 

1

u/shotsallover 4d ago

Funny, Veritasium made a video about it and why they do it.

1

u/Esguelha 3d ago

The video is likely uploaded with different titles, up to 3. Also different thumbnails. It’s a YouTube feature and it works automatically.

1

u/MathematicianIcy3430 4d ago

I remember around 2016 when media articles really loved the term "clap-back" and "slams".

0

u/NegativeHerons 4d ago

Yeah I've seen it a tranche of times recently, and no one seems to know how to use it correctly.

0

u/MisterIceGuy 4d ago

A couple of years ago it was “coffers”, then we had to live through “gaslighting”.

1

u/PalmCheesy 4d ago

As in battery drain??

1

u/MaterialDetective197 4d ago

That's one hell of a title.

1

u/the_one_accountant 20h ago

God, so many unoriginal jokes all saying the same thing about the article title and no real discussion about the product. Is anyone else helping me downvote??

1

u/AzureBinkie 12h ago

So they are EXTENDING their lead over the Jackery and EcoFlow guys even more?

I was already impressed with them when that YouTuber proved a smaller capacity bank from Anker, with a smaller (more optimized) inverter, and better electronics (that leach less) out lasted the more expensive guys.

https://youtu.be/rDXXWiLGl-4?is=WFkehjaQrLYDMjUh

0

u/lowtoiletsitter 5d ago

Are we still doing phrasing?

1

u/CaseyAnthonysMouth 4d ago

Why are they removing features??

1

u/ArchonTheta 4d ago

That’s what she said

-2

u/Baud_Olofsson 4d ago

Anker has announced a new battery, the $3,600 Solix S5000, that should minimize this by only pulling as few as 8.8W to drive its own components while not under load.

Only 8.8 W? That's insanely high.

8

u/Dalemunroe 4d ago

Name some competing products in the same category with lower idle draw then if you think this is “insanely high”. 8.8W isn’t nothing, but it’s significantly lower than pretty much all other current generation devices in this class by a lot.

5

u/tronstarr 4d ago

What power station do you have that you are comparing the numbers to? Or are you just blindly stating things?

5

u/Cimexus 4d ago

That’s extremely low. Most batteries like this are in the 15+ watt range at idle. Running the inverter, BMS and wifi/bluetooth connections etc. takes power.

5

u/juggarjew 4d ago

Thats REALLY good for a battery with an active 120/240 inverter turned on and ready to provide power.

1

u/aworldofviolets 2d ago

You're insanely high if you think that's insanely high.

-1

u/ttttttaa 5d ago

I would if I could

0

u/Alienhaslanded 4d ago

I think everyone agrees Ecoflow won this war.

0

u/thelordmallard 4d ago

That website sucks though. Applling experience on mobile, how tf did we come to this?

0

u/machwulf 1d ago

Phrasing straight outta selfelatio forums

-1

u/Capt_Murphy_ 5d ago

Gizmodo with the horny posting

-2

u/AtariAtari 5d ago

It simply sucks

-2

u/Fulham-Enjoyer 4d ago

Phrasing

-2

u/M4CH1N4T3 4d ago

Suck itself dry eh?

-2

u/ultranightstorm 4d ago

Idk all I heard was suck