In a romance fantasy, how would you write a character arc about a person choosing public service over personal freedom and gain?

[u/ProserpinaFC]

I'm writing a political romance story where a young prince is taking back a kingdom that has been in stewardship for a few years. Prince George proposes to Mireya, his childhood friend who works in a famous mercenary company the prince fought together with back in the day. Mireya has been very supportive of his claim and has been helping him find a wife - so she's pretty surprised when he asks her!

Instead of an enthusiastic yes, she asks if she can give her answer after a fortnight of her accountants and lawyers looking over how such a decision would change her life.

My five reasons why they don't get together in chapter 1 are:

1) How marrying him will affect her business and family estate, as she is an owning family member in a powerful mercenary company. What will her family be restricted from doing? How will this change everything for them all? She is accustomed to doing work in three different countries across a typical year. And her family serves as security for several organizations, as well as performs expeditions and charts dangerous dungeons.

2) Does she want to make her life about being humanitarian and hostess? They challenge each other's expectations on what public service means. Does HE think he'll get to do whatever he wants or that he'll be as free to move about the country? If the rest of his life is just spent moving from county to county being a guest at abbeys, what does he hope to accomplish besides hearing everyone complain about small matters?

3) The judiciary who supports Prince George's claim to the throne approves of Lady So-and-So as a better match. The entire last story before this one was him trying to choose between some very spectacular women who are amazing supporters for the kingdom... And then this story starts with him springing a proposal on his childhood friend. XD

4) Insert here a family scandal that affects the public's perception of Mireya's family and company. My stories are all murder mysteries, so I imagine this is where that will come into play.

5) Insert here a lapse in judgement they will have to make up to each other later. "Mr Darcy keeping Bingley and Jane apart" level issue.

Any feedback would be appreciated. It's entirely from her perspective, since she'll be investigating the murder mystery. I have researched some of my favorite stories about commoners becoming public servants: first ladies, presidents, and princesses.

[u/jamalzia]

I would make sure to introduce some profound motivating factor behind why she is so invested in her public duty that she would forgo a life of pleasure and love for it. Compared to love, business is superficial. You should make the decision between the two on more equal footing by showing why the business is just as profound as a life of love.

This isn't too difficult, easily just showing how many people she is able to help through her work, maybe some experience in her early life where she did choose the more pleasurable act above duty and it resulted in an innocent person being hurt due to her choice, something like that.

Beyond that, I'm not sure why advice you're looking for. This is a romance fantasy, so I assume you intend for her and the prince to end up together. Are you saying she'll ultimately pick a life with him over her business? She won't? Or she'll marry him but also still get to do her business stuff?

I'd be careful how you go down the third route, as you can easily end up in "she gets her cake and eats it too" territory. Which, if you're going for low-stakes, feel good romantasy that's fine. If you're going for a deeper story, you should have her grappling with conflicting desires, and whichever she picks there are some downsides. It should be more about which downsides are worth taking on. And considering this is a romance, usually the ending would be something like she chooses love and marriage, sacrificing the way she used to conduct her business. Not entirely sacrifice it necessarily, she just needs to adjust how she conducts it as now the love is the priority.

[u/ProserpinaFC → u/jamalzia]

I would say that's why I separated it into several different issues. Thanks for the response!

Where on one hand, she does not actually believe that living a life as a humanitarian and a hostess does more good for people than her simply doing workout in the field that she can see impacting people's lives. And she wants to challenge him on how he'll be off better use holding court than being in the field. So, that's one ongoing conflict and conversation between them. You're saying that you would want to see scenes and subplots where that is being developed and she can see the good of humanitarian and political work. I definitely want to write that, but I also want to write about if she simply feels if that work isn't for her. You can help people by being a doctor, but if you personally don't want to be a doctor, does knowing you'd save lives motivate you to do it?

And then on the other hand, there is about the fact that she already has a private life with her business family business, which means that her becoming a queen will affect the rest of her family and she does have to discuss that with them... But also her independence and her freedom as a private citizen. Like I'm not writing a Cinderella story. (I just got finished telling that to my mom when she was giving me feedback on my story idea and she assumed that this was just some poor girl that would be happy to become a queen because she wasn't doing anything with her life.) Nah.... This woman is bouncing from country to country doing work, having multiple investments, and already having a full life before she got this proposal. "It's shallow / superficial to care about business more than love" sounds like a person just doesn't have a business they enjoy.

[u/jamalzia → u/ProserpinaFC]

Based on your replies, I think you should contemplate on the actual romance aspect of your story a bit more, because I'm hearing a lot about the issues surrounding the potential relationship, but not much on the actual relationship itself.

And, no disrespect, but "sounds like a person just doesn't have a business they enjoy," sounds like a person who doesn't understand the immense gravity and profound nature of love lol. Yes, a business, a system in which one exchanges their goods/services for monetary value, is absolutely superficial compared to love. You can absolutely have a business that is meaningful, such as helping others who are in desperate need of it. It can be immensely fulfilling. But there is nothing more fulfilling than love, be it platonic, familial, or romantic.

[u/ProserpinaFC → u/jamalzia]

This is the fantasy writer's subreddit so I did not consider it to be substantially important to write about the emotional backbone of the relationship itself on a subreddit that is more about worldbuilding fantasy countries and discussing them.

In an romantic story, every character - by definition - has reasons for why they are not getting together with the other character on page one. Saving the world and finding true love are both incredibly important, but that does not mean that the main character on chapter 1 has the heroic resolve to fight for either of those things.

Besides that, you ended your comments saying that you DO recognize that these would be substantial sacrifices she's making. It's not superficial, then. 🤣 You know they are substantial sacrifices where she's giving up everything her life has been about to change the trajectory of her life completely. Its a regular human emotion to mourn losing what you had, even if you feel you're gaining something better.

My friend, I'm the one writing the story. I want them to get together. But in between Chapter 1 and Chapter 26, is conflict, misconceptions, disagreements, and character growth.

[u/Brathirn]

I would see a problem with 1 & 2. For a mercenary aka military commander there is a clear and desirable career path as a spouse of a (wannabe-) ruler. In both aspects of being a mercenary, if you are into money, state coffers will be tempting, if you are into military exploits, the army will provide.

The drawback would be being pinned with one faction, which will then be yours. So you cannot enjoy freedom to switch allegiances as you like. But the question is if you want to go all out "highest bidder" with her in the first place, those could be nasty people. Would be realistic, pre-modern mercenaries intensely engaged in plunder, murder, burning and rape. But to roll that out on a supposed protagonist. But would make a long distance arc.

A political rival (with land & ressources) would be a good choice and then you can have a conspiracy to smear your protagonist.

I do not understand 5, within noble circle's a mercenary captain would not score well, but at least she would have ressources (soldiers) to back up a claim to the throne. But that would not be a conspiracy. Darcy sabotaged Bingley x Jane, by separation and distraction. Be cautious to not overdo it. If you have a smear conspiracy and a distraction conspiracy, may start to entangle.

[u/ProserpinaFC → u/Brathirn]

I deeply appreciate you treating my premise seriously. 😍

So, let's see. You're saying:

1) You definitely recognize that becoming a public figure would put a lot of attention and expectation on her that limits her freedom as she enjoyed it as a privateer. I'm glad you notice that! (I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but the other guy was talking like the worldbuilding of this conflict was completely inconsequential compared to "finding true love.") It would be fascinating to have a "highest bidder" rival who wasn't making this a love triangle, but a choice between freedom and restriction.... But I'm also wondering if there's something the rival can offer that's neither love nor money? 🤔

2) She should be asking if she can run her own campaigns using state funds and royal armies? She can ask, and I don't have any particular hurdle that could stop her family's business from being nationalized, besides just the discussion with her family if they'd let that happen.

3 and 4) Yes, it's I'd much prefer a story that recognizes that according to a country and it's patriotism/fealty, the issue with privateers, mercenaries, and private armies isn't what they do, but if they are loyal to who they are chartered to. I don't know how into anime you are, but in the anime Naruto, there is a general named Orochimaru who performed hundreds of illegal experiments on children all over the continent in order to develop new techniques, and I laughed at the idea that he would be considered evil for doing this when the "real" issue was that he started experimenting on children within his country. "Don't tell me they didn't know what he was doing in their version of Afghanistan. They FOUGHT in that country, putting all the collateral damage of their wars far from home."

5) As far as this, I'm referring to a misunderstanding and disagreement between Miss Mercenary and Prince Charming where they don't see eye-to-eye on a personal issue and then reconcile about it. Just normal couple stuff.

[u/Brathirn → u/ProserpinaFC]

the issue with privateers, mercenaries, and private armies isn't what they do, but if they are loyal to who they are chartered to

That is in the eye of the beholder.

With the most "loyal" mercenaries, you rent (!) their loyalty for a certain time. If you contracted them for 100 gold to burn a certain province for 6 months, they would do that. Afterwards they would burn your province for 100 gold for someone else. If no one hires them, they have a tendency to burn random provinces for free, so that you have to buy them just to go elsewhere.

Illoyal mercenaries, will change sides mid-mission if paid more.

[u/ProserpinaFC → u/Brathirn]

Yep. That's the point I'm making. That's the source of the conflict.

[u/Peregrinebullet]

Why does she have to be a humanitarian and hostess?  The king of the Netherlands is an airline pilot.  The queen of Thailand is a pilot as well.   A couple other royals are fostering their own careers adjacent to their monarchy.  And if George is not making space for her to govern as a partner, why does she have to accept the hostess role?  

It's traditional but it doesn't have to be the only answer.   

Does she have a trusted operations manager for the mercenary company?  Learning how to give up control to a subordinate can be a big growth arc too. 

[u/ProserpinaFC → u/Peregrinebullet]

I can understand and appreciate you saying that the solution to the problem could be simply not being traditional. I hear you. Her constitutional responsibilities wouldn't really be able to be negotiated away, however.

Now, as to the family business, should I make her not knowing how to give up control being part of her character arc? I hadn't considered that. I think I was just imagining her feeling guilty that making this decision would impact all six other people in the family business and that's not how things are usually done between them.

[u/Peregrinebullet → u/ProserpinaFC]

Part of becoming a leader is learning how and when to delegate. It is a process and can absolutely cause a lot of juicy conflict. And we don't see a lot of narratives about it, especially involving a woman's narrative.  So I think it would be a really unique thing to explore. Especially if the person being handed the control might have different ideas or was a protégé. 

[u/ProserpinaFC → u/Peregrinebullet]

I hear you... It's just that this is an employee/family-owned company and I wasn't thinking of it as something she alone controlled enough of for that to be an issue.

As to how often we see this in stories... I would say that female protagonist business owners are often either Girl Bosses over companies with assistants or owner-operators and I agree with you that BOTH of those archetypes are the kinds of control freaks you are thinking of.... But I just don't see that as an issue for this character because she comes from a guild

I'll keep that in mind for another character, though! I DO have Girl Bosses™ and Iron Ladies™, just not her. She's a "pirate" there's just not enough hierarchy in the group she belongs to for this to be a character arc for her.

I DO have a powerful High Priestess with a murder mystery plot that occurs RIGHT when she passes down her powers to her protege! So, it's actually a big character arc for her that she has to let go of control because she doesn't have her powers anymore.