I'm a German guy in my 20s, and I've been struggling with a pretty big life decision lately. I'd appreciate some outside perspectives, especially from people who have moved abroad or faced a similar dilemma.
I have a bachelor's degree in Computer Science from a well-regarded university in Germany. However, my bachelor's years were honestly some of the worst years of my life. I struggled a lot during that period, and looking back, I really wasn't happy.
Right now, I have some promising career opportunities in Germany, including internships in private equity and investment banking. These are competitive industries with the potential for very good salaries and long-term career growth. Financially and professionally, I know I could build a comfortable and stable life here.
The problem is that I genuinely don't like Germany.
I know Germany offers a lot of benefits, including job security, healthcare, and financial stability. My family is also here, which makes leaving even harder. But despite all these advantages, I simply don't enjoy living here, and I struggle to imagine spending the rest of my life in this country.
My girlfriend is American and lives in Hawaii. We're in a serious relationship and have been discussing our future together, including marriage and eventually starting a family.
I've spent time in Hawaii, and I genuinely love it there. The culture, the people, the beaches, the mountains, the weather, and the overall lifestyle really appeal to me. I can actually imagine myself being happy there. And it's not just because my girlfriend lives there. I genuinely love the place itself.
But here's where things get complicated.
Moving to Hawaii would mean potentially sacrificing a very promising career in Germany.
The job market in Hawaii is much smaller, especially for someone with my background in computer science and interests in finance. There aren't nearly as many opportunities in investment banking, private equity, or tech compared to Germany or major financial centers.
Even if I found a job, I might earn significantly less relative to the cost of living. Hawaii is extremely expensive, and there's no guarantee I'd be able to achieve the same level of financial security or career progression.
Another major concern is my financial independence.
My girlfriend's family lives in Hawaii and would be supportive of us, but I really don't like the idea of potentially depending on them financially while I try to establish myself.
I want to be able to provide for my girlfriend and our future family. I want us to have a comfortable life without having to rely on her parents. The thought of moving somewhere and potentially struggling to find a good job, especially when I know I could have a well-paying career in Germany, makes me question whether I'm making a rational decision.
My girlfriend has reassured me that we're a team and can build our future together. But I still feel a responsibility to be financially independent and contribute to our future.
So essentially, I'm choosing between two very different futures.
Option 1: Stay in Germany.
I could pursue opportunities in private equity or investment banking, potentially earn a very good salary, build a successful career, and remain close to my family. I'd have financial stability and a clear professional path.
But I'd be building that future in a country where I genuinely don't want to live.
Option 2: Move to Hawaii.
I'd get to live somewhere I genuinely love, be with my girlfriend, enjoy the lifestyle, and hopefully build a happy family together.
However, I'd be leaving behind my family, my professional network, and potentially lucrative career opportunities. I'd have to start over in a much smaller job market, with a high cost of living and the possibility of relying on my girlfriend's family until I become financially stable.
I know Hawaii isn't paradise. Visiting somewhere and actually living there are completely different experiences. I understand that financial stress can affect relationships and that loving where you live doesn't automatically solve everything.
But I keep coming back to the same question:
What's the point of having a successful career, earning a lot of money, and being financially secure if you're unhappy with the life you're living?
At the same time, would I eventually regret giving up career opportunities that other people work incredibly hard to get?
I don't want to look back in 20 years and regret staying somewhere I was unhappy just because it was the financially safer option. But I also don't want to regret moving and realizing that I've limited my career potential and made it harder to provide for my future family.
I feel like I'm choosing between financial security and personal happiness, and I don't know how to weigh the two.
I'd really appreciate some advice:
- Has anyone left a stable or potentially high-paying career to move somewhere with a better quality of life? Did you regret it?
- For those who moved from Germany or Europe to Hawaii or the US, how difficult was it to rebuild your career?
- Would you prioritize a promising career and financial security over living somewhere you genuinely love?
- How would you handle the possibility of temporarily depending on your partner or their family financially?
- If you were in my position, would you take the risk or stay where the opportunities are?
I'm especially interested in hearing from people who made a similar decision and can share how things turned out several years later.
One important thing is that if I decide to leave Germany, I don't plan on coming back. I want to fully commit to building a life, career, and family in Hawaii. This wouldn't be a temporary adventure, but a permanent decision about where I want to spend the rest of my life.