I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I try to stay happy, I’m a mostly calm person with a lot of patience, I’m always there for everybody, have a lot of empathy, Don’t like confrontation or arguing so I do keep a lot bottled up until it gets where I cannot take it any longer. It takes a lot for me to get into an argument, but when I do, everything comes out. I don’t yell, I first try to explain why I’m upset. Example, I had a fight with my daughter and her fiancé that blew up. They have lived with my husband, son, and myself for about 12 years now, also my grandchild who is 11 years old. We have a total of six people living in the house.

My husband and I are separated, but live in the same house. He treats me horrible, and all I do is try to keep the peace, but lately I let him know when he’s hurting me. I don’t fight with him, we exchange words Thats about it with him having to always be right and I’m always wrong. He washed his hands of our daughter, who is in her thirties,for many years now. They hardly talk. I’ve always been there for her. Whatever she needed or wanted she got it, but she is so disrespectful to her father and myself. I have a son who is thirty, and just diagnosed with bipolar, and he’s been having episodes of psychosis. I’m always there for him, and giving him a lot of attention. It’s an awful mental disorder, and needs family support which his father and I give him. Our daughter is acting very jealous instead of trying to support her brother. She doesn’t work, very lazy, and does not help me with cleaning the house.

So with all of this going on, during the fight, I told her and her fiancé that I think it’s time for them to move on, needless to say, we are not talking, and ever since I have been feeling sick, stressed with exhaustion. I have no motivation. There are a lot of other stressors in my life as well. I’m going through a lot. I just can’t take being disrespected any more, and her yelling at the top of her lungs to me.

I told my daughter that I believe she needs to get help, because there could be something wrong with her. She can be nice one minute and the next she’s yelling at me. I guess I hurt her, which was not my intention. I’m not sure if it was the right thing to do to say that I believe it’s time for you to move out, mind you they never have paid rent or help out with anything. I never complained about picking up after them or my granddaughter, but like I said, I can only take so much, and now I’m paying for it with my health. Here it is almost 3:00 am and should be sleeping, but my mind is racing. Any advice would be so appreciated.

My beautiful 1996 Lincoln was rear ended by a drunk driver and now she's in a shop until god knows how long. I love that car so so much I named her Penny (get it?). She was my safe space since I got her, a place thats just mine. I'm so scared she's damaged beyond repair especially because she's an old model. My roommates will have to drive me around for school now and we aren't on the best of terms. I feel sick thinking about losing her, she's my favorite thing in the whole world

I’m not looking for advice, just encouragement.

My spouse is an incredible partner and soulmate… until he isn’t.

There’s more good here than I can possibly describe in detail. He’s been supportive, loving, and caring since 1998…

Until he gets angry (his word is “frustrated “ 🙄), then it’s unrelenting emotional abuse and lack of empathy. The longer the soulmate phase lasts, the more the inevitable conflict hurts.

Two years ago, I told him that I wanted to be done (I see it as a soul divorce), but since I’m not financially independent yet, he could keep trying to prove that he can change the abusive pattern until our 25th anniversary. Well, that anniversary is Dec. 29, and he just broke months of peace, intimacy, and relatively uneventful conflict. It’s been days, and every conversation has proved that nothing has changed.

I have letters to myself going back at least a decade that affirm my reality and my worth. Some have detailed lists of the abusive behaviors. (He’s seen these and temporarily seemed remorseful.)

Even though it might be years before I’m independent, I am having to remind myself how necessary it is. I also have to remind myself of the promises I made when I decided on the “soul divorce.” (I know it sounds weird. I promise it makes sense, I just don’t have the energy to explain it right now.)

During tonight’s date to talk things through, he continued the same patterns even though he started in a calm place. I had my planner out from our prior schedule conversation, and that’s when I realized:

If this is what he’s showing me again, then there is no way he can rebuild trust and hope in the next two months.

So that’s it. 25 years of second chances, and now I have to let go. I don’t know how long it will take to actually separate, I just know that it’s inevitable now…

And it hurts like hell. I’m not ready to talk to my real-life best friend and family yet, so I’m reaching out here. I don’t even know what I’d say, since it’s only an internal separation for now.

The past few months were so good. We were so close in every way, and I had started to feel safe again. I know logically, though, I will never truly feel safe in this relationship.

So I am having to mourn the greatest connection of my life while I’m still in it.

Please don’t give advice right now. Please don’t judge me. I just need to know that I’m not completely alone. Thank you.

Today I had my table tennis CAMPRISA(I'm Filipino), and I was the only one who didn't get a medal. I was so close; I just needed to win one game, and then I would have actually won. Everyone else either got 1st or 2nd place, and I just feel alone and left out. Being the only boy on my team, even while losing every game, feels like a disappointment. But after that, with no family by my side, I felt left out, like a disappointment to my fellow team members who tried to comfort me. Even though I didn't listen, I was disappointed in myself, no name to remember, no family with me, I just wish I had some kind of importance. Is this even the right subreddit?

TW: SA, parental illness

There’s this person that I can’t forgive, and honestly, I don’t want to. I think about him from time to time, and I can’t get rid of how much I hate him for what he did to me. Buckle up, because this one is going to be long. Two years ago, I cut off my entire friend group because of how they responded to what he did to me and how they treated me while it was happening, back when I was at my absolute worst. At that time, I was going through what I call the worst week of my life. At the beginning of the week, I was having a really rough time because I had just opened up to my psychologist about the SA I experienced as a child and teenager at the hands of the older brother of someone in this group. I talked about how it affected me, how it felt like it ruined my relationship with physical intimacy, and how it caused physical complications like incontinence. Then, later that week, I had to walk away from my dream career in aviation because my parents gave me devastating news: my dad had cancer. I was devastated. I felt like my whole life was just falling apart—my past, my present, and my future were all gone and broken. Of course, I mostly talked about this with my psychologist, but I also had this one friend who had been my friend for six years. He was the person I could talk to about anything, and he was always there for me. I trusted him so much, and he knew everything that was happening. One day, I was talking to him mostly about intimacy, explaining that my relationship with it felt broken since I had never experienced it in a consensual way. He told me about his own feelings and how he felt bad and insecure because he was 20 years old and still a virgin. I listened to him and offered sympathy. As we kept talking, he asked if I would be interested in being intimate with him as a one-time thing. After all, he trusted me, we had been friends for a long time, and he said he found me attractive. I saw this as a chance to try having something consensual, safe, non-traumatic, and as an adult for once. So, I agreed, but under three strict conditions:

1. We needed to talk beforehand about do's, don'ts, safety, triggers, and expectations. (Since it was his first time, I wanted to make sure he knew it probably wouldn't be like what he expected)
2. He needed to treat me with kindness and tenderness because I've never had that.
3. He would remain just my friend. If he wanted, maybe we could be friends with benefits later, but I really needed him to just be my friend.

He agreed and for once, I felt hopeful that I would be able to have a good experience on record. He gave me something to look forward to when I was completely devastated.

When the time came, he didn't even want to talk to me anymore. I reminded him that he agreed to talk beforehand, but he brushed it off and just pulled my arm so I would follow him to his room. I thought to myself, "Well, it's his first time, I'll just let him lead." Then he did the deed, and that was it. There was no tenderness, no affection, and no care. He didn't even look at me afterward, he just looked at his phone and started texting his ex. I asked him to at least give me a hug, and he gave me a half-hearted hug while continuing to text her. I told myself maybe he was in shock. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and either way, I tried to feel happy that at least it wasn't forced on me, even if it was disappointing on both ends.

Later, I wanted to reach out to thank him because, in the end, it wasn't traumatic, and it had helped distract me from thinking about my dad's cancer for a little bit. But every time I tried to reach out, he brushed me off and ignored me. I thought maybe he needed space, so I gave it to him.

A week later, he reached out to me for advice because he had gotten into a romantic relationship and was already having troubles. I found it questionable, but I listened and gave him my most honest advice, wishing him the best. I took the chance to thank him again, telling him how much I appreciated him as a human being for being there for me, listening to my story, and giving me something to look forward to.

He responded by saying he felt like there were romantic tones in what I said. I told him, "I can see why you might interpret it that way, but I just appreciate you as a person. Caring about you doesn't mean I'm in love with you." I could tell he didn't really buy it, but he let it go. After that, he barely talked to me for the next four months, until September 21st.

September 21st was the day my dad’s cancer surgery was scheduled. It also happened to be the birthday party of this guy's best friend, who was part of our group. I told my dad I wanted to stay with him at the hospital, but he insisted I go to the party instead. He said I wouldn't be allowed in the operating room anyway, that I'd just be sitting there worrying, and that he would feel better knowing I was with friends having fun. I reluctantly agreed. It was a pool party, and it was actually the first time I had ever been brave enough to wear a bikini. I just wanted to relax and wait for news that my dad's surgery went well.

At the beginning of the party, this guy started treating me like a friend again, which made me happy. Eventually, he noticed I was constantly checking my phone and scolded me, saying I was at a party and shouldn't be on my phone, but rather talking to the real people in front of me. I reminded him that my dad was in surgery and I was waiting for updates. A few other people at the party got worried and asked if he was okay. I explained that he had cancer and was in surgery, but that I'd rather not talk about it right then. They were sympathetic and dropped the topic.

Minutes later, I saw this guy looking thoughtful, so I asked if he was okay and told him he could count on me if he needed anything. Later on, I saw him crying in a corner surrounded by people. When I tried to approach, people stopped me. I asked if he was okay, and they said, "Oh, it's just his cat." His cat had passed away, and apparently, he had told everyone at the party except me. I felt bad, but I let him be.

I got in the pool and was chatting with some girls. I could see he was getting really drunk. At some point, he got into the pool, kept staring at me, and eventually approached me. He pulled me into a corner and started touching me.

I froze. It happened so fast. Then he swam away, only to come back and repeat it three or four times. At one point, he took me to the shallow end of the pool and tried to lay me down to be even more inappropriate. That time, I pushed him off and asked what was wrong with him. He said that looking at me made him aroused, that he didn't want me, but wanted me at the same time, and that he felt guilty and sorry. I told him he could have at least asked, reminding him that I was open to be friends with benefits, but that we never agreed to it and he couldn't just grab me like that in public. He said he maybe wanted to do it again, but wasn't sure.

I told him I needed to go. I cried in the bathroom for a bit, and then I went straight to the hospital. Luckily, my dad was doing great—his surgery went smoothly. I stayed in the hospital with him every single day and night during his recovery; I didn't leave his side.

A day or two later, the guy started texting me saying he thought things through and did want to do things with me. He even started listing explicit things he wanted to do, but said he didn't know when or where. I told him to figure it out and talk to me later because I was busy caring for my dad.

He never reached out again. He didn't even text to check if my dad was okay.

Later, I told our friend group about his behavior because I was so upset by how he betrayed six years of friendship, used me at my most vulnerable, and abandoned me when I needed support. Their response was to tell me I was "imagining things," that he "just wasn't into me," and that I needed to get over it.

I was so confused and offended. Their answers didn't make any sense based on what I had actually said, which leads me to believe that he went to them first and spun a story about how I was obsessed with him and that he didn't know how to turn me down. It was ridiculous, especially considering my main condition from the start was that we would stay strictly friends. It hurt seeing how quickly they took his side without even listening to me, so I cut them all off.

I'm in a much better place now. My dad recovered fully and beat cancer (I'm so proud of my old man!). But from time to time, I still remember that guy's existence and feel this overwhelming anger, frustration, and sadness. I genuinely cared for him. I was there for him, and he was there for me for six years, and then in an instant, it all vanished.

I know that back then I kept making excuses for his behavior because I didn't want to lose my closest friend or admit what he was doing to me. I didn't want to be alone. But two years later, I still can't get over how much I hate him and how deeply he hurt me. I feel like screaming and crying when I think about how much I cared for someone like him.

He always had this image of being a saint, the safe, kind guy who wouldn't hurt a fly. Everyone thought so highly of him, including me. But after everything he did, I just want to scream in his face what a horrible person he is. And I can't. No matter how many times I talk about this or how many hate letters I write, I am still hurt.

He knew everything. He knew my past trauma, my SA, and my physical issues because of it. He knew my dreams were crushed, and he knew my dad had cancer and was under the knife that exact night. He was aware of all of it, and he simply didn't care. For years, he fooled me and everyone else into thinking he was a good person. And he was so cruel.

I can't forgive him, and I don't want to, he doesn't deserve it. But I just want the pain and hatred to stop haunting me.

I'm a failure. I can't even drive myself to uni. Scared of traffic. I think I'm the most pathetic parasite.

Edit: still here

Edit 2: still alive and I drove alone again

Edit 3: still alive tired worrying tired of worrying

Heyy I'm in 11th rn. I go to school in different city everyday. I don't even have any friends there and I'm in A division so everyone is so smart while i didn't even started studying. I cry everytime i think about going to school and i skip school all the time. My class teacher even called my mother. Istg ts is so depressing and idk what to do.

I feel lonely even if people say "I'm here for you" "I can help you" and so on. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, because she really put pressure on me, she also manipulated me, she made me doubt every single choice I made and in my opinion one of the worst things, she took away the time I spent with my friends, Gaming, hanging out, you know.

Well I was sad after this happened but in a different, I didn't cry like most people probably would, I had fun, I enjoyed being single again, Until few weeks after the breakup the sadness hit me like a fucking truck, I didn't feel any form of happiness or joy, I felt empty, broken and lonely, so I used the best medicine for sadness, Gym, I went there alone or with friends, until it died down too, I stopped going to the gym because I felt so burned out. Another week goes by and I started to talk to this girl, she was really nice and easy to talk to, we talked and talked and talked, even about it when we should meet, but right now as I'm writing this, I'm feeling even more sad and broken, because she blocked me on every platform I followed her on without a word. Now that added fuel to the fire. And well now I've been thinking about just giving up on everything, cut contacts with everyone and just isolate myself in the middle of nowhere, my friend tried to give me motivation but I ignored him (I think I should've listened to him). I believe also it's normal whenever I see a couple I feel disgust and anger towards, even if it's a random couple I've never seen anywhere. So that's my "Sad story"

Feel free to ask anything or give advice.

⚠️ABUSE TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

Okay this is going to be long so just bare with me! 29/ Female

I'm not sure if anyone will read, but I don't have any support system so I thought if I just made this maybe one person would and maybe help me see the brightside or have some advice to give I wouldn't feel so alone!

I'm going to give a little bit of a backstory so you can know a little bit of what has led up to now. I was with my husband for 12 years. We had met when I was 14. We have one amazing 3yearold daughter together. We split up 2 years ago. The entire time we were together the relationship was abusive. I couldn't bring myself to ever leave until I had my daughter. Then I couldn't imagine anyone doing what he had been doing to me to her. I had grown up in a very absuive household. So I wanted to break the cycle for her! While we were together after we had our daughter he had became very aggressive. She was NICU for 2 months and when we brought her home the first month she was on a cycle of every 4 hours on the dot she wanted to eat, because thats what they did in the hospital. I would ask for his help getting up with her and then it would end in a physical altercation. Which kept getting more intense. Several times he had either strangled me or pulled a gun on me and made me beg to not hurt me. There was a time once where I had just gotten up and started to change her because he wasn't and he came into her room with a loaded gun in his mouth threatening to end it. Then when I asked him to stop he then turned it onto me. I could go on with the horror stories, but I don't want to get too deep in that rabbit hole. I just kinda want to touch the surface. Anyway, I decided that we needed to split up. We had bought a house, and after a very extreme altercation that involved him punching me while holding our daughter, I kicked him out. About a month of him trying to rekindle the relationship (which he kept hurting me during) he decided to move back in. So I moved in my parents home with my daughter and us girls shared a bedroom. We had just our clothes

After we had officaly realized that we weren't getting back together he went around town and told everyone a bunch of crazy lies about me (we are in a very small community 4k people, so everyone knows everyone). He told everyone I was cheating on him which was why we split up, that I maxed out all his credit cards and took out a bunch of loans in his name, that I went to the house and stole from him, that I was on drugs and thats how I lost so much weight (I lost stress weight), that I was keeping our daughter from him (he didn't want to take her or have her overnights), and that I didn't pay any of the bills or the mortgage so he was getting his house foreclosed on because of me. This made everyone completely abandon me. Which none of those things happened. I left for our daughters sake, we were not right for each other and I didn't want this to impact her. So every friendship I thought I had I also lost when we split up.

Its been 2 years coming up in January, so this doesn't bother me quite so much now. It is hard when I get to feeling like I am now and I don't really have anyone to turn to, to just vent to.

Next my parents... My parents were very abusive in my upbringing. Since adulthood I have rekindled this relationship. My dad has apologized and owned up to what he had done to me. My mom on the other hand, has still never. I decided to forgive because I want my daughter to know her grandparent's, and they treat her very well, which is almost healing in a way.

Well my mom she has developed a drinking problem over the last 5 years. Which has caused a huge drift between the relationship I had tried very hard to make happen. When she drinks she will at some point hit a spot to where she becomes a very different person. She becomes very mean and will go on a rant of all the reasons she hates me. She will dig deep and hit all the spots that hurt the most. Then the next day if I try and talk about it, she will claim she blacked out. She drinks basically everyday now, but she drinks like this at least 3-4 times a week. My mom also has almost taken in my cousin and brothers fiancé as her daughters. She treats them so well, buys them big ticket items. (She bought both of them 2 cars at this point) If I were to ask her if I could borrow $10 she would tell me what a scumbag loser I am. Or she will take them out shopping or to get their nails done or things like this. Which I always wanted her to just act like she loves me at least. Its as if she has made replacement daughters because I am not good enough for her. I honestly have always felt like I was trying to prove to her that I was worth loving. It sucks... A LOT! I am not even asking for her to pay for my things, but like want to do things with me. She had asked me if I wanted to do lazer hair removal for my birthday and I told her I would love to. Well she makes the appointment, doesn't tell me the day and took my brothers fiancé instead. She does stuff like this all the time. Which is just hurtful.

My parents are still together and I want my daughter to have a relationship with mostly my dad at this point. So taking her away from my mom almost takes her from my dad. Which I don't want to do, because my daughter adores him. He is great with her, they are practically best friends. I love it so much.

Okay now to where I am today.

I am in a very loving relationship now. Which took a lot of work in the beginning, because the only relationship I really had was with my husband. So getting into a normal relationship took a lot of getting used to. My current boyfriend I have known since highschool. We are best friends, he helped me so much getting through a lot of my trauma and rebuilding myself. Realizing that he was not going to hurt me. What love really looks like. We live together and have my daughter full time.

I have not yet filed for divorce due to financial reasons on my end. We have done our own thing with custody, there is no official agreement, but she only sees her dad every other weekend. This was her dads idea. He also does not really help with money at all either. In the time we have been split up, I have mostly had my daughter at least 80% of the time, and he has averaged giving me about $200 a month for her. Which he makes about $1,200 a week. He is in a relationship with a girl who has a kid of her own and he told me he has another child he has to take care of and he isn't the one that decided to split up so he shouldn't have to give me anything. His girlfriend he has now, I actually was friends with before they got together. She told me she hates dating guys with kids because she wants their attention to be only on her and her daughter. So I fear my daughter doesn't get treated the best over there. I don't know for fact about this, but my daughter doesn't like going to their house. So I can only assume that she is not.

For the right now stress I am feeling!

Recently I lost my state insurance when I got the job I have currently. This made it to where I can't get any of my psych medications. I was on Lithium, Limictal, Prozac, Xannax, and Adderall. To treat my Bipolar, PTSD, ADHD, and Anxiety. I didn't find out until I was out of my meds and I couldn't afford to get them. This has led me to completely cold turkey all these medications, which has been a living hell. I am having flashbacks from my marriage, and being SAed in my teens. I am so on edge. My body is in so much pain. I was reading about some of the side affects of getting off each of these medications individually, and someone had spoken about how getting off of Limictal alone felt the same as withdrawaling off of hard drugs. I can't apply for insurance with my work until February. So this has been a nightmare.

I am very hurt by my mother, she has been so mean to me. I just want her to love me. I know it sounds like such a silly thing. I just want her to want me. Ya know? It has been feeling worse her actions since I have been of my medications.

Money is tight right now. Which I keep telling myself when taxes roll around I will get it all taken care of and caught up. It just feels like it keeps stacking up and I will never see the end of the tunnel. It also feels like I am failing my daughter because I can't afford for us to do anything extra. I can barley scrape by to get us essentials.

Since being off my medications I have been having a hard time being focused at work. I am a property manager for low income housing. So it is a must for me to stay on top of things! I recently gotten a verbal warning for not turning things in on time and 30 days to correct it before I get a written write up.

I am feeling just like I am being unraveled and my nerves are completely shot. I can't pay attention, I can't stay on track. I feel like a failure of a mother because I can't give my daughter the best version of me. I try so hard to hold it together while she is around or awake. I definitely lose it after she is in bed. I have cried myself to sleep so many times since I lost my medications. Probably 3 times a week at least I do this. I am an emotional wreck right now. My hopes for anything

I also feel like I am being a horrible significant other to my boyfriend because I am such a wreck. I feel like I'm bombarding him with so much stress that is hold up in my brain. I know I can lean on him, but I feel like all he does now is deal with my emotional disaster that is myself. That its not fair for him to have to do all that all of the time. He also tries to but doesn't understand a lot of what I am dealing with because he has never experienced any of that himself. So he doesn't know what to say sometimes. Hes also my only friend, so thats a lot of pressure for him.

Anyway if you have gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read all of this!! If you have any insight or uplifting words, I would so much appreciate it! I feel so damn alone right now.

I am 36M, turning 37 soon. My birthday is on the Saturday exactly 2 weeks from now. I am dreading my 37th birthday and feel like I do not want this birthday at all.

I feel awful and hopeless. Just wanting to talk, as I have no friends and thus no support system whatsoever.

She doesnt want to leave me as she feels financially responsible for me, I’m well educated and I do have a job but its a very low paying one since my profession is very underpaid. And if she leaves me, her relative wont let me stay alone here

​

I always thought I had many friends in my life. But as time passed, people became busy with their own lives. We drifted apart, and the people I once considered close slowly became distant until the friendships eventually faded away.

I wish I had someone with whom I could share all my thoughts, emotions, fears, and worries without having to think twice. Someone who would listen with patience, understand me without making a big deal out of my feelings, and make me feel safe enough to be my most vulnerable self.

I miss having that deep emotional bond with someone, the comfort of knowing there is a person I can turn to when life gets overwhelming, someone who will genuinely try to understand what I'm going through rather than judge me, dismiss my feelings, or rush to give me advice.

What hurts the most is that when I'm going through a crisis, I often find myself with nobody I can truly reach out to for the emotional support and understanding I desperately need. It breaks my heart to realise that, despite having known so many people throughout my life, I don't have someone who is wholeheartedly present and emotionally available for me.

I'm not asking for someone to fix all my problems or be there for me every second of the day. I just long for a genuine connection, a friendship where care, understanding, emotional availability, and vulnerability exists. A bond where I feel heard, accepted, and cared for without having to constantly explain or justify my feelings.

Sometimes, the absence of that connection leaves me feeling deeply lonely and empty inside. I miss having my person, someone who feels like a safe place in this overwhelming world. Someone with whom I can share the little things, the difficult days, the random thoughts, the happiest moments, and the parts of myself that I don't show everyone.

what I miss the most isn't just having friends. It's the feeling of being emotionally connected to someone, the thought that I matter to them, that my feelings have a place in their life and that I don't have to navigate every difficult moment on my own.

I was messaging a girl I met on here earlier and we got to talking. The conversation became deep and she was super kind and warm and genuinely seemed interested in supporting me. The things she was saying to me felt so validating and I could tell she was a very emotionally intelligent person, although she was love bombing me. There ended up being a slight miscommunication between us about something and she quickly became cold and distant. Affter pointing out the confusion I felt about her shift in tone she blocked me without saying anything else, and I feel devastated. I struggle a lot with loneliness and I deeply desire true connections like I thought I had just made with her. Feeling like I finally found someone genuine and kindhearted and then having all of that joy crushed in an instant is such a painful feeling. Is it my fault for letting my guard down and trusting someone I just met to be my emotional support lifeline? Am I a fool for believing this girl who is basically a stranger already genuinely cared deeply about me? I feel like these kind of connections are so rare and so difficult to find and idk I just feel so hurt and full of regret right now. I guess I was destined to just feel lonely and empty inside.

My mom thinks mental illness is sitting in a chair being catatonic for decades. I have no one to talk to about my problems except for my therapist. My mom and I were just watching a movie for Halloween (Haunting on Hill House) and when we were done I switched it over to another horror movie (Hush) and when she realized it was a horror movie, I sighed because we literally just watched a horror movie. She blew up at this. She yelled that she has said to me thousands of times that she doesn't like modern horror movies, only the old ones and that she doesn't like movies with gore which I respect (I try to pick the mostly clean ones). And even though the 2020's Scream sequels are fine, she says it still doesn't justify me "pushing horror movies on her" even though 75% of our movies are horror. She just came into my room while I'm crying and tried to establish what she doesn't like.

She thinks I'm mad at her for not liking the same things as me but I'm actually mad at myself for not remembering and getting my mom so mad she yelled at me. I told her this and she said "fine be mad at yourself" in a sarcastic way. I told her to get out after she said that and am continuing to sob writing this. I have no friends to talk to about this, no family, just me and my therapist but that's not until next Thursday. I just need some support right now. No one in my house understands how much I suppress everything, mask everything and keep it to myself so they think I'm 100% problem free. I'm just so alone.

Harrassing bullying toxic neighbour

Hello

I live in Adelaide in a very small housing trust complex. For 8 and half years my mentally challenged bully toxic neighbour who is 63 and lives with his father across from me has been everyday constantly bullying and trying to intimate me. He's father abused the mother when alive, if she was in the toilet for more than 10 seconds he would bang on door to hurry up. So a family that's very unhinged. The bully has the mental capacity of a 2 year old. But plays games with me and try's to scare me with other mental health drug neighbours who are very unhinged. He thinks we are in some delusional marriage from day one. I do everything to ignore him. He smashes everything up violently if I go out my front door and god help me if I clean my bird bath or my own driveway. He will stalk, follow me if I try to go to letterbox. He thinks he's the caretaker, cause he sucks up and brings other neighbours bins in so he think he has the power. He will walk past my place and try for any attention. My friend has to come and do my bins and check my mail as I'm terrified of this bully. He is skinny but his mannerisms are toxic. He hangs all his clothing on the gutter of the roof and thinks it's normal. He uses it as a excuse to keep an eye on my bedroom and who comes and goes. Any noise from my place he smashes everything in his back yard to try and intimate me. If I click open my front door he will voilent come flying out his front door or roller door and start smashing up the bins he has put in his driveway on purpose as an excuse. This is all the tip of the iceberg. I have to put on a hat to cover my face and walk around outside with music blaring in my ears to stop the harrassing. He does it to no other neighbour but me. I am his victim. He has past episodes of other victims. Police are useless. Housing trust are completely useless. I've made over 500 complaints and they ignore me, lie and do everything in their power to shut me down. My local MP have said they are not going to help me. The ombudsman are useless and so is the minister of housing. I've done the complaints process in all (twice) and gotten no where. I can't get cameras as he told his drug jail bird idiot out the front who came and threaten for me to take them down, they were fake and not facing complex, but my stalker and the drug dealer have them up, go figure. He will either scream his head off if u try to talk to him or lay on the ground and stamp his legs and feet and say..your a cry baby. If I come back to here, the hell hole and pull in my back yard he will get in his back yard and yell...over and over..ohhhh, there you are. Very creepy. His father is dying of dementia so unfortunately that's his excuse to be there. I am so stressed and depressed every single day. I can't move out due to housing crisis. No friends are suitable to stay with or family. Can't afford private rent. I'm on stupid category 1 with housing trust 4 5 years now. They don't care AT ALL. I can't go live in my car or on the street as my beautiful light..my cat will not understand and I wouldn't do that to my cat. I can't commit suicide. Try to get him mental assessed but that was useless. So after 8 and half terrifying toxic years I've decided to try for a restraining order. But there's people saying, be careful you could get repercussions but I can't keep living life this way as this is not a life. I'm trying to do chemotherapy and I so stressed. I just feel like dying and there doesn't seem to be a way out. I've tried everything and made millions of calls for 8 and half years crying out for help. I've had suicidal thoughts for years, no wonder. Don't have family except my toxic mother. It's effecting everyday of my life. I have many counsellors. Support letters galore. I want to be brave and get my power back by getting a restraining order, I have a few key witnesses throughout this time but also this one friend is throwing me off by saying there will be big trouble. He's a very sick boy this stalker. He used to harrass the local coles staff and threaten them etc (surprise surprise) and he told me about 8 years ago he wrote to the CEO of coles telling them how to bend him over and do sexual acts on him. He was going to organise a home invasion on a past tenant as had autism and made noise. He's a theif, a snitch ( she said this and he said that etc) he put 12 inches on his bin and faced it towards my place. He's dislussional, paranoid, mental health, autism, asberg, you name it but he knows EXACTLY what he's doing when he comes flying out that front door or roller door to trauma me. He spits everywhere and in my driveway. He's a utter pig. I've told him forever to leave me alone. He'll spray a can of deodorant on himself to try and impress me. It's endless over the years. I have nightmares about him most nights. I have to drive past his father's going out and coming back in, I cover my face side on to stop him looking at me. We are now unfortunately in daylight savings so he runs around with just shorts on. He is 20kg and disgusting. I've blocked off all my front area to stop him being nosey. He tries to be nosey with me and steals my mail and pamphlets. The one neighbour who supported me who lived across from me passes away 4 weeks ago so I'm feeling even more vulnerable as stalker prays on me even more. Please help with advice. I'm a vulnerable female with many health conditions. The one male that comes here gets harrassed by him and has many health problems now so he can't protect me now. Thank you. Sorry for so long of a rant.

I have tried everything I could. I cut my hair, changed my style, socialized more, and took a break from social media for a while. I tried both traditional and AI therapy. I tried crying it out, exercise, changing my eating habits, skincare, getting pets, joining social group chats, focusing heavily on school, and therapeutic arts like poetry. I tried resting more, giving myself time, telling myself I am good enough, and going to even more therapy. I even sought out specialized social groups for people who feel almost exactly like me.

I tried talking it out, crying, yelling, but I just can't. I can't believe in myself. In the past, I unfortunately turned to unhealthy physical coping mechanisms due to extreme stress. I am trying my hardest to stay away from that completely now, or rather, I barely even have the time or energy for it anymore.

Everything I have been working so hard for feels like it's slipping away. I don't even have the motivation to eat right now—either I completely lose my appetite or I end up overeating. I can't draw or write my poetry anymore, and it has become increasingly difficult to keep up appearances with my "friends." It's not like I have ever had a great relationship with my family, but things have been noticeably worse lately.

I've also struggled with persistent, deeply overwhelming dark thoughts about not wanting to exist anymore for years. Even though I have never acted on them, the thoughts can feel incredibly heavy at times. I am trying my absolute best to fight them off because they make managing school much harder than it already is.

My grades are technically fine, but I don't have the self-confidence to believe it's because I'm capable. Sometimes I just tell myself that the teachers don't really care and just give everyone similar grades.

I used to write a lot about how beautiful life was, even when I didn't believe it myself. I also really liked helping others overcome awful feelings of loneliness and sadness... so why can't I seem to help myself?

Edit: This feeling has been present since my childhood. I really don't think it's just a phase or a "teen thing."

Im 17, and everything just feels so heavy sometimes. I just feel so neglected and let down, not only that, im also just dissapointed. I am the only form of support that I have, and its always been that way. The way i see it, I cant keep lifting myself up forever, and i wish I had someone to lean on sometimes. Everything just hurts. Can someone give me some kind words please? I just keep struggling.

I honestly don’t know what would come of this post, but why not try something at least.

My stepmom, (35) has been around in our family since 2013 I would say. At first she was amazing. Supporting me and my brother when our mom wasn’t around and genuinely caring for us. We got along with her son and she had 2 kids with my dad during the years. So there were 4 of us 3 boys and 1 girl. Everything was great until she gradually started to get very mean. She always favored her boys over me and my brother that weren’t her blood related children. We always had to do chores while they did nothing and it seemed like we were always in trouble. When we were in trouble we weren’t allowed to do anything but sit and stare at the wall for hours only getting up to eat and go to the bathroom. She wouldn’t even let us sleep. The boys are also very addicted to their electronics and she lets them skip school whenever they have meltdowns about it. Mind you they are 8 and 12 years old.

My dad (40) got pretty bad with alcohol and would be gone a lot so we would always be stuck with her. As we got older it got worse and she would find every excuse to have me and my brother be in trouble. Even when my dad got better with alcohol and finally left her she came back and it started over again. It left all of us with very bad mental health problems that could have been life threatening. She also cheated on my dad probably multiple times. The most memorable one was when my dad was taking me to college and she lied about going to see her family in a different state to go cheat instead of seeing me go to college.

But anyways! There’s probably a lot more that she has done but I would have to write a book tbh. However the reason I am writing this is because of what she has decided to do recently. She has been living with her mom with her boys. My dad wanted to keep the peace and set up joint custody since he can’t really afford a lawyer to get full custody. However, she decided to run off with her boys out of the state without telling my dad. She took a car that’s in her and my dad’s name so she basically stole it but the police won’t do anything because they are married. So my dad is trying to get as much help as he can to get a lawyer so he can get a divorce and get full custody of the boys. I was very upset and decided to text the oldest out of the 2 brothers and she pretended to be him and basically said that I shouldn’t talk about his mom like that. I knew it was her so I called her out and she said I should mind my own business and not message my brother about the situation when all I was saying is that I want him to come back home. I sent the messages to my dad and he told me that she said she wants to put a no contact order on me and my dad for the boys.

Any advice I guess?

I was born to a woman who abused drugs, smoke and drank alcohol during her pregnancy. I was very lucky not to develop any severe mental disorders, developmental disorders or become an IV baby. I was adopted at birth by loving parents. I had a surgery at a couple months old that set me back some physically and was born a few weeks to a month early(who knows what consequences that had)

I always struggled with ADHD(diagnosed 2009ish), depression(diagnosed 2021ish), GAD(diagnosed 2021ish) and socializing. It started to become an issue where, by high school, I would socialize with people and make friends, but isolate immediately after. Throughout my life, my parents tried to get me to do things, but I’d always spend a lot of energy on going out that I’d just become even more depressed and irritable.

I graduated in January 2020 and moved the week lockdown started

My gpa in HS was 3.5 and dropped to 1 something during my time doing online classes after I had graduated. I failed all but one class in college and that class turned out to be one outside the curriculum that my counselor accidentally signed me up for.

When I was almost 19 in the summer of 2021, I had already spent about 19 months alone failing at all of the classes I took. I was miserable, couldn’t focus, and when I tried to do what the other students did and find the answers on those kahoot like websites, I didn’t even fully cheat because I was so ashamed from not trying enough and still failed my classes despite having the answers. I then was taking a American history course and impulsively almost cut myself but I stopped. After that I dropped the class and went searching for a job. It’s also worth mentioning that I struggled heavily with staying on medications at this time.

In October 2021 I got a job as a Loader at Lowes. It was stressful but it kept me busy. I was the only loader for the whole parking lot for most of the time I was there. I loaded people up, pushed the carts, found items for people, did the trash, swept up front, blew off the front of the store, ran registers, stood at self checkout, did internet orders, helped out other departments and at one point the store manager even had me replacing the ceiling tiles above the entrance to our bathrooms.

I literally went from underweight to overweight in three months. I had such a hard time taking care of myself that I got so dehydrated and gave myself a kidney stone in January 2023.

My cats passed away in June 2023. I had them both since 2009 and have had cats in general since the Spring of 2006.

I left in July 2023 and got a job as an electrician. It sucked, but I was alright at it. I picked up on the techniques fast, but was slower than everyone else. People kept telling how slow I was and this just kept getting to me. In addition, my sleep schedule was fucked up. I my melatonin was not helping. Either I take it and am drowsy in the morning, or I don’t take it and am super tired from not sleeping. The hour drive at first thing in the morning didn’t help. I kept almost running into ditches or semi trucks. In November 2023 I ran over a construction barrel and said to hell with this. I told my boss that I quit because I couldn’t endanger anyone’s lives anymore.

By this time I was on medications for ADHD, Depression and anxiety.

It took a decent amount of time to find another job, but I got a job as a digital shopper at Walmart in June 2024. I was too slow of a shopper for a couple reasons. I was too in my head, my medications weren’t making it easier, and I was overweight by this time. They made me a dispenser. I still managed to get employee of the month in the summer of 2025 to my coworkers chagrin. I was ALWAYS working and, by that time, could count on one hand how many breaks I took as well as how many times I called out.

I took a vacation in July 2025 and when I came back I was getting very tired of my job. That was the second time in the year I had worked that I took some time off, the first being a day to spend with my father in October 2024. Some of the managers there seemed like they were attempting to make it harder for everyone. Within the next two months I had spent all my time saved up and built up 4 attendance points(I previously had 0 and you get fired at 5). One of them wasn’t fully my fault because my foot hurt so bad that I couldn’t even walk, but even then I had still used up my time from before so it was still my fault.

My supervisor(the good one) quit about a month after, and we had the assistant store manager(an overly confrontational woman who was so bad as store manager, she got demoted and she was forced to stay at our store and not move around like other managers) took over. She was a combative piece of work that didn’t know how to run anything unless it was into the ground. She was around for about month and until a new supervisor could take over. That new supervisor came and made it seem like she was understanding and was gonna fix everything. But she was a classic 23 year old(my age at the time) chaos demon.

She came in, fired a whole bunch of people, brought her own people in and would brag about who she was gonna fire next(she forced a middle aged associate with bad knees to pick so she could fire him for being too slow, but luckily it didn’t work)

She ended up leaving because she couldn’t take the heat she was getting. She was so bad, none of the store likes her.

The worst part is that she came in early-mid October and left in early January. Right through the holidays. After that things slugged on, but they did improve. I was just tired of it all.

I talked to my psychiatrist about coming off the meds around late may to early June 2026. I said I would wait another month. Then I got antsy and did the dumbest thing I could have done by just stopping all my meds cold turkey. My thoughts were that I would just be miserable for a week or so and get better after that.

They were 5MG of aripiprazole, 10MG of buspirone and 20mg of methylphenidate

The first week was probably the worst I had ever felt

For the entire month of June that’s what it seemed like. I went from averaging 25-30 orders a day to getting 30-35 on average but going over 40 several days. I was extremely motivated and had another vacation coming up in late July. One day, I only stayed over 40 minutes and managed to load 43 orders by the time I took a lunch and 62 orders by the time I went home. It felt good! Like I had proved everyone wrong when they said I was a lost cause and an average to slightly below average worker.

I didn’t drink as much and stopped taking breaks during that month and I just kept pushing myself. My coworkers were telling me to take a break or drink water or “stop taking all the orders”

My response to them:

“Make me!”

“LOCK TF IN YALL!”

“I will.”

Then my bosses pulled me aside and told me I had the most orders dispensed and the lowest wait time for June on top of me having the best customer service. Some of my coworkers weren’t happy about this and kept trying to disprove it. I got angry, not because I thought I was hot shit, but because I just simply wanted the respect no one ever game me.

July felt like a return to “normal” again. The high was gone and I felt just as bad as I did when I was on the medications with even less desire to work through the “pain” if you could even call it pain. My vacation came and went. Despite the fact that I had fun, I felt empty. 50% of my vacation time was spent trying to distract myself from the immense emptiness I feel, 30% was spent worrying about how much time I have left to enjoy myself and then the last 20% was spent actually trying to enjoy myself, but my brain was pretty much fried by that point.

Before my vacation, I called out/came in late twice. Once because I stayed up late with some friends who I only get to see at the very least twice a month, but usually it’s once a month if that. The other time I had a situation come up where I genuinely had to put time in. One of my bosses pulled me aside and asked if I was alright and if I needed to be put on a later shift. I said no, and that I would be better. Then a couple days later I guess I put in an hour, but neither me nor my parents have any recollection of this. I actually have NO earthly idea why that hour was put in, but I don’t want to call attention to it.

After my vacation, I had set my alarm clock for PM instead of AM on accident. I called out because I didn’t want them to see that I came in late and would move my shift later. I didn’t get a long with some of the other men on later shifts, one in particular really likes to push others around, disrespect people and threaten them if they have a response as well as badly run things, but the managers aren’t doing anything about it. The guys on mid-late shifts follow him around like puppies.

Anyways, months before, I had also put in for a few days off for my 24th birthday. I had overslept(again) the day before my vacation and called out. Anyways my vacation was over, I spent it alone and I’ve been back to work for a few days. The day after I struggled to get up again, but made it in on time. The next day I overslept, and just said fuck it. That’s gonna make 4 points and I was gonna turn in my 2 weeks notice then. But I kept pushing instead.

I kept pushing. On September 19, I crashed tf out on my boss. Here’s what I sent my friend about that:

So Sundays are the most stressful days. Our morning manager was a lazy marine. The young guys were useless as always. Our supervisor had pulled like 8-10 people out to help in other departments because it wasn’t busy. Then it got busy.

Things just kept adding up and up. Then the final straw came when I had taken out an order and scanned it out. I began putting it in the delivery driver’s car when one of the guys came out and asked me to dispense the order. I looked on the screen and for some reason I had only reprepped the order.

I then began frantically looking through the stuff I put in the car because I couldn’t find one sticker and then I just had enough. I literally just lost my shit out in the parking lot. I can’t even remember what I was screaming.

Then I went inside and said, “WILL SOMEONE PRINT ME A STICKER?” And even one of the standoffish introverted girls was trying to calm me down.

I loaded up the order and went and told my boss in a firm manner, “Hey Donny(fake name), I’m putting an hour in and leaving at three!”

He asked why and then I kinda lost it.

I screamed, “CAUSE I FUCKING SAY SO THATS WHY!”

Then I took a fifteen minute break and came back.

He pulled me aside and asked what was wrong

I, again, lost it and screamed, “NOBODY HERE KNOWS HOW TO RUN THIS SHIT RIGHT!”

And it’s important to understand that I only lost my temper on someone to that degree on one other occasion and that was because he was pushing my buttons and degrading my work in a completely stressful situation during the april-may months. I am a physically calm person and like to keep it together, but I was just stressed out and lost control.

I put in an hour of time and left at 3. But after that? It was back to business lol. On the 24th of September, I had taken out an order and because of the way our set up is built, it completely came crashing down. Egg juice everywhere, yogurt spilled, everything.

Even the guys who usually talk shit about stuff like that were telling me “You’re good man.”

I was mentally checked out.

I kept going. On Saturday, the 26th I got so frustrated with everything that I was just frozen with all the negative emotions you could think of: stress, anger, sadness, boredom, anxiety, and a hundred thoughts swirling in my head.

My manager and coworker were asking if I was alright and what’s wrong, I just shook my head because I knew it could get ugly if I opened my mouth.

My coworker told me to go outside and just relax. I did and he came out and we just chilled for 40 minutes.

I asked my supervisor if he could take me off the schedule for a few weeks instead of me having to go through the bureaucracy of Sedgwick. He said I gotta go talk to the HR lady and go through Sedgwick. He seemed kinda annoyed that I was even talking to him.

I went to the HR lady and told her everything. She told me all about Sedgwick but also said that I should put my mental and physical health first. And that I shouldn’t worry about the points going over 5, because I need to take care of myself. She said that because I didn’t know if I could handle Sunday. Two of the three 7 AM guys I come in with don’t work on Sunday and the other guy might’ve been getting his hours cut.

I called out on Sunday, September 27. Later that night when I had to come in on Monday, I realized that both those Coworkers that don’t work on Sundays were on vacation. I had already realized I was out of steam, but that was the first time I finally accepted it. I called out Monday too.

On Tuesday the 29th of September, I came in on my off day. Walked into the HR room where the HR lady and one of my managers were, I politely explained what was happening internally and externally while letting them know I wasn’t being disrespectful or spiteful, handed the HR lady my Vests, Hat, Key and Work Phone, the I shook both their hands and told them to terminate me.

The HR lady said I didn’t burn any bridges and she would even act as a reference if I needed another job. Hell that manager I yelled at even called me afterwards to check and see if I was okay and said he’d be a reference.

When I had got the job, I had $800 in my bank account and probably $200 in cash. Now I got around $9k in my bank and $500-$600 in cash. Luckily, I live with my parents and they aren’t charging me.

It was only a week ago that I handed them my stuff and yet it feels like forever ago. I fear that I’ll grow lazy without a job, but I really want to rest. At least take it easy for the holidays from Halloween to New Year. People are already acting as if I have been out of a job for a month.

I've been pretty isolated my entire life. Friendships that didnt work out, parents that didnt care, teachers that didnt care. I just sometimes feel like im slowly dying and every one notices and doesn't care. I also just feel like no one believes in me, so its hard to believe in myself and my dreams when people always find ways to just make me feel stupid about them. I just feel so neglected and invalidated over, like everything that I am. I want someone else to pick me up. Im tired of picking myself up over and over again.

In January of this year I was flying back home from a study abroad trip in Europe. On one of my last flights home, a man sitting next to me starting asking me if I had access to the planes wifi and eventually just started making conversation. Usually I don’t talk to strangers like this but during my trip I was meeting so many ppl and having so many interesting conversations I guess I was just still on this high and had my guard down.

Also I just want to quickly note that this was a overnight flight so it was dark and most ppl were asleep which I feel influenced his actions and my reaction.

At some point he pointed out how cold it was in the plane and I agreed. He then grabbed and held my hands to “warm up his”. I immediately took my hands out of his and crossed my arms tucking my hands under my pits as if I was trying to warm them up and used this as a way to get him to stop touching me and even told him I don’t like ppl touching my hands. That didn’t work and he reached under my tucked arms to grab my hands but in the process and ended up grabbing my chest repeatedly. I didn’t know what to do and tried to move away but no matter how much I moved he continued to scoot so close to me, I couldn’t even turn to him with out being right in his face. I also didn’t want to make a scene in such a quiet flight so I felt stuck.

At one point he started talking about how he started to work out again and physically grabbed my hand hand to touch his arm and chest “muscles”. I again pulled back and tried to keep the conversation to a minimum. He asked if I worked out and just gave a quick response and said “I walk sometimes”. He then bent down and I felt my stomach knot because I knew he was gonna touch me again. He ended up grabbing my ankle and then running his hand up my leg and up my inner thigh. I froze and I think I eventually zoned out because I have barely began to remember these details but he kept touching my legs and thighs and saying he could tell I worked on them. He then grabbed my hand and made me touch his thighs and moved my hand up to where I could feel his erection and just kept touching me everywhere. I don’t know how much time has passed but eventually he got up and went to use the restroom. It makes me sick to even think why he needed to use the restroom after that interaction. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself.

While he was up I managed to grab my headphones from my luggage and put them and pretend to be asleep so he wouldn’t talk to me when he got back. It worked but eventually I felt myself actually start to fall asleep( I was on my 3rd flight of the day and had already been flying for 12 hours on little to no sleep) but I was so scared to fall sleep knowing that he could potentially touch me again. I ended up passing out for maybe 30minutes and woke up so so afraid that he did something to me while I was asleep and I hate that I’ll never know.

When I finally got home I tried to ignore and forget about what happened. Im a first gen student and me going on this trip meant everything to me and my parents who never got the privilege to attend college let alone travel so I couldn’t bring myself to say anything when everyone was so supportive and excited for me.

I started my last semester of college 2 wks later and really struggled. I had such bad panic attacks, depression, and was constantly getting sick from the stress. This lasted all summer as well. But it wasn’t until I had a couple incidents at work were a coworker touched me in a certain way that it brought back memories from the from the incident and made my symptoms 10x worse

I am now in my first semester of grad school and I’m still struggling and I hate that I’m letting this effect me so bad. Iv been telling myself that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that others have gone thru so so much worse and I’m being dramatic. But my anxiety has been so much worse since then and it’s affected my grades and performance in school. I am also involved in multiple (paid) research projects and feel myself not giving it my full because of this and I feel so guilty because I know I’m letting down professors that I look up to. And I hate that this happened at such a important time in my life.

I’m hoping that this is something that time will heal. But for now I don’t know how to work thru this and I guess I just needed to get it of my chest

I’m sorry that this was such a long post

I am an autistic 36M who is turning 37 in 3 weeks. I have been struggling since June and have never had friends, so I lack a support system.

I feel so misunderstood, and my SI is spiking.