hey everyone, finally posting here after lurking for a while. need some perspective from people who actually understand what deprogramming feels like.
i spent years trapped in the conspirituality rabbit hole and extreme new age magical thinking. it wasnt a traditional compound, but the psychological trap was 100% cult dynamics: echo chambers, thinking the matrix was against us, esoteric delusions, trusting online gurus, and honestly using it as a cozy bunker to avoid growing up and facing real life. i was terrified of death, wanted to believe my loved ones were in some astral plane, and needed a cosmic grand narrative to feel special.
waking up was brutal. it started when the inconsistencies got too loud to ignore, and ironically arguing intensely with an ai helped me map out my own cognitive distortions. i ended up swinging hard into philosophical materialism and reading camus, basically accepting the universe doesnt care about us and there is no grand script.
heres what im struggling with now: the aftermath. leaving that bubble left me completely disoriented and isolated. i cringe at anything spiritual or esoteric now, but i also feel completely alienated from normal society. normal daily routines, working, studying, just living like a regular adult feels painfully grey and heavy after years of living in a hyper-stimulating magical reality where everything meant something.
for those who got out of conspirituality or high-control belief systems: how did you deal with the existential grief? how do you rebuild a normal, grounded life from scratch without falling into pure apathy or running back to another toxic fantasy when reality gets tough? appreciate any honest thoughts.
Hello I was in a destructive cult for 8 years where I was being control and I did not have freedom to make my life whatever i wanted I studied by myself art for years something I didn't like it but thanks to the cult I did I was not able to go to school and also i did an horrible decision because of the cult loosing contact with someone that was important to me at that moment I feel a lot of regret, I am seeking to make friends with people who has been inside cults
What will Bruce Hales say when Parliament asks about alleged payments to neo-Nazis?
Bruce Hales, global leader of the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church, formerly known as the Exclusive Brethren, is appearing before Australia's Joint Standing Committee on Electoral Matters over allegations surrounding the 2025 federal election.
The allegations are serious: members of the organisation are accused of paying neo-Nazi associates and far-right agitators to track, heckle and harass Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and other political figures. The committee wants answers about who was involved, who coordinated the activity and where the money came from.
Hales denies directing or coordinating election activity and says he did not participate or ask anyone else to participate. The church denies involvement in the alleged payments.
But if the alleged activity was coordinated, who was behind it? What did the leadership know? And will Bruce Hales answer those questions directly?
This is a rare public appearance by the leader of an organisation that has faced longstanding allegations of coercive control, shunning and family separation, and which former members have described as a cult.
The world leader of the Exclusive Brethren is appearing in public on Friday for the first time in decades to face questions about his members’ secretive campaign at the last federal election, but has recently preached that he does not reveal “everything we know”.
Sydney-based church leader Bruce Hales, known by his flock as the Man of God or the Minister of the Lord in the Recovery, has been called to give evidence before a parliamentary committee inquiry. He has denied in a written submission any personal knowledge or involvement in the election campaign, saying he learned about it in the media.
His denials appear to have been thrown into doubt by his own ministry, preached to his flock several weeks ago, in which he said, “men in the world … haven’t got the full story”, and that, “we’re going to keep it to ourselves – we’ve got our secrets”.
Internal Brethren documents also obtained by this masthead reveal members of the closed religious sect are required to sign confidentiality agreements before being allowed to attend church services when Hales is preaching. Those who do not sign the legally binding agreement are barred from hearing the words of their leader.
The church, now known as the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church, has come under heavy scrutiny by the joint standing committee on electoral matters after thousands of the sect’s members teamed up with the Liberal Party and secretly campaigned for Peter Dutton at the last election. They deliberately disguised their religious affiliation, and the church itself denies involvement.
This masthead revealed a covert operation paying far-right figures, including neo-Nazi associates, to stalk and heckle politicians such as Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, who has called the church a “cult”.
In August, church spokesman Lloyd Grimshaw appeared before the inquiry and denied the church’s secretariat was involved in the campaign. His evidence was later described by committee chair, Labor MP Jerome Laxale, as “shallow, inconsistent, and, at points, laughable”.
Two days after Grimshaw’s evidence, on August 23, Hales preached to a Sunday church service that: “It’s not that we despise men in the world, capable men, but they haven’t got the full story.
“If they want you at any time ... to help them to fill the story out ... we don’t do it, we didn’t do it. We said, ‘No, no; we’re going to keep it, keep it to ourselves. We’ve got our secrets’,” Hales said.
“Why should we, why should we tell the world everything we know? ... Why should you tell the world all about it? Keep it to yourself.”
Another church elder spoke up in the meeting, which was recorded, transcribed and circulated to the 56,000-strong global flock, saying, “Don’t cast your pearls before swine, is a proverb, isn’t it?”
Hales replied to him: “Yes. Well, we’ve probably said more than we could say.”
Hales’ preaching was noted in a letter from ex-members of the church to the committee.
The former members claim their interpretation of his ministry was that it was a justification for hiding information to protect the church.
Asked by this masthead if he had kept “secrets”, Grimshaw said this week: “I fully answered all questions asked of me for over three hours.”
After Grimshaw’s evidence, committee chair Laxale announced it was calling Hales, the church’s global leader, to testify, telling parliament, “The jig is up. There is a pattern of evidence here and it stinks.”
Hales’ son Gareth, who appeared in person during the campaign, and who this masthead has confirmed was personally involved in the far-right stunt campaign, has also been called and is scheduled to appear on Friday immediately after his father.
Hales has regularly preached that his church is superior to “worldly” authorities. He describes it as the “highest court”, which has “really got the right to pronounce on any matter”. He also preaches that his members “must hate the world, every feature of the world, at every point you hate it”.
Asked if Hales would tell the truth to the committee, on its last scheduled hearing day, Grimshaw said: “Mr Bruce Hales has already put on record that the ‘truth will prevail’ during his hearing.” As for the leader’s preaching about keeping secrets, Grimshaw said: “The ministry you refer to has again been wilfully taken out of its context.”
As the election inquiry has put pressure on Hales, disloyalty and leaking from within his church have increased. It now forces its members to sign a “Participation Agreement” before attending fellowship meetings where Hales is preaching.
The agreement, circulated to Brethren globally hoping to attend meetings, claims to be legally enforceable and to protect “strictly private and confidential” information. It prevents the dissemination of any information about the meeting “of whatever nature and form”, including anything “kept in the recipient’s memory”.
The existence of the agreement is also confidential, and the contract “shall last in perpetuity, and has worldwide effect”.
Grimshaw said it was required “out of respect for the privacy of those attending church meetings and to ensure that ministry and expressions rooted in Scripture are not taken out of context, just as The Age has been doing for years”.
Lester Sharples, a Brethren elder who confirmed his involvement in the stunts to this masthead, was also called to give evidence but has since declined to attend, as have two other senior Brethren figures called.
Labor has slammed the Brethren’s “intimidation” campaign against Labor and other Coalition opponents, while extremism experts have called for an investigation, and teal donor Climate 200 has referred the church to the charity regulator for investigation.
But the Coalition and some faith groups, along with American far-right lobby group Turning Point USA, have lashed the parliamentary inquiry’s focus on the Brethren as an attack on the church’s religious freedom. Former and current members say the Brethren is a controlling sect, not a religion.
Explore our investigation
God, Christ, man, woman: The ‘divine order’ that defines life for Brethren women
Hi everyone! My name is Luca Locatelli, and I’m a Master’s student in Forensic Psychology at the University of Padua, Italy.
I’m currently conducting a research project aimed at improving prevention efforts related to involvement in groups characterized by psychological coercion and abuse.
There are still many misconceptions and prejudices surrounding people who have been involved in these groups, particularly regarding the reasons why they joined. However, involvement in such groups can be associated with periods of personal difficulty or vulnerability that anyone may experience at some point in their life. This does not mean that everyone who joins such a group is necessarily vulnerable, nor that responsibility for psychological abuse lies with those who experience it.
My research aims to better understand these potential vulnerabilities and identify possible early warning signs, with the ultimate goal of improving prevention and helping people receive appropriate support when they need it.
To carry out this study, I’m looking for Italian participants who were previously members of groups characterized by psychological coercion and abuse in Italy. Participation involves completing a questionnaire that takes approximately 30 minutes.
Around 30 former members have already contributed to the study, but every additional response can help build a more comprehensive understanding of this complex phenomenon.
This is a project I genuinely care about, as I believe that a better understanding of these experiences can make a meaningful contribution to prevention and support.
Participation is entirely voluntary, and the questionnaire is completely anonymous. No identifying information will be collected through the survey, provided by the form's settings. Your privacy is important, and your responses will be used exclusively for research purposes, in accordance with the study's privacy information.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me here on Reddit or via the email address provided in the questionnaire.
Thank you very much to everyone who takes the time to participate or share this post. Your contribution is greatly appreciated!
