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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire Apr 30 '26
why do we do this again
I've been wondering that for a long long time. Luckily once you find your person(or get older and stop caring) this can go away. Not gonna lie feels pretty good to be comfortable with my base self. And the wife agrees
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u/cyankitten Apr 30 '26
At what age DO we stop caring?
And aw nice reply.
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u/canigetayadude Apr 30 '26
I think the key is not to stop caring, but realizing that doing it for others is pointless. Care for yourself. Care enough to like who you see in the mirror. When you feel you look good, you exude confidence and its the confidence itself that is attractive.
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u/Twitxx Apr 30 '26
Yup that's it. Literally BoJack horseman top advice. Do it every day and it's much easier, but you gotta do it every day. Make loving and taking care of yourself a lifestyle choice.
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u/GildedAgeV2 Apr 30 '26
The thing that you stop caring about is what other people think. Usually happens in your 40s.
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire Apr 30 '26
Well. That's kinda up to you and where you are in life. Mine was around age 28-30. I was solidified in my my relationship and my job so at that stage I didn't need to get all dolled up anymore. It was a very freeing feeling
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/IceCreamSocialism Apr 30 '26
Maybe it’s still good to care to some degree. Obviously looksmaxers take it too far, but if you didn’t care at all about your appearance, you would be limiting your opportunities in life. Looking like you take care of your appearance will improve others’ opinion of you, but when it gets to the point of damaging your mental health like looksmaxers do, then it gets too far.
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u/FleetStreetsDarkHole Apr 30 '26
Honestly a lot of this stuff feels more like a war on makeup than an honest critique on making people feel like they have to to this stuff.
As a dude I would totally put more effort into buying nice clothes and wearing makeup is I had the stamina to do so. There's lots of kool kinds I would do, at least once in a while, and other pieces I would do more frequently, if I didn't have other struggles in life.
As a taller dude I also struggle to find a lot of variety in clothing choices.
One thing I'm trying to work on is growing out and taming my beard. But because other people care but because I want to do neat things with it. It's a lot of effort and I don't know half of what I'm doing but I'm willing to spend time and effort on it because I want to look like that.
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u/IceCreamSocialism Apr 30 '26
On its own, maxing culture is just an evolution of self help culture of the 2000s and 2010s. Like in the 2010s there was stuff like pick up culture and Dale Carnegie “how to make friends and influence people” culture (everyone was talking about that book on Reddit), focused on tricks and things you could do to get other people to like you.
It’s just now it is taken to the extreme and 100% inward focused, like what can I do to myself to make people like me.
Which is not a bad thing necessarily in moderation, but it creates horrible mental health for people who believe they have to max everything to be the person they want to be, and when it doesn’t have the dramatic effects that these influencers promote (like mewing is not going to give you Brad Pitt’s jawline), then these people go down a bad mental health spiral.
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u/cyankitten Apr 30 '26
True.
And the weird thing is people are STILL talking about THAT book when I do wonder if there are better ones on that subject!
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u/Frequent-Meal6550 Apr 30 '26
Mine was at 27-28 when I realized that no one cares, they think about you for 10 maybe 15 seconds before their brain goes right back to focusing on themselves because that's how we stay alive, its designed that way. Now my brain is like so what they think my outfit is loud in 10 seconds their brain goes back to their own worries.
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u/BeardyAndGingerish Apr 30 '26
First time shaving my head cured me of like 80% of my bad hair/hair loss fears. First time losing a good amount of weight cured me of like 80% of my thinking that being skinny would fix me.
You never stop caring because you never should stop caring. But you should care for you/your happiness/the people you love, not because society says you gotta have a certain sized foot/be painted the right shade of white or orange/have a good enough wig/any other fashion fad or temporary way of thinking.
Do the things that keep you healthy, be connected to people around you, take time to enjoy yourself, youll be fine. Barring accidents/rando diseases... but even then, that shit doesn't mean you can't keep reasonably healthy/connect with people. Chasing happiness sucks because happiness is transitory. Contentment builds, so build that instead.
Source: spent too much on rogaine/gained and lost weight/etc.
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u/CanadianODST2 Apr 30 '26
Everyone is different. It was like high school or middle school for me.
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u/cyankitten Apr 30 '26
Lucky!
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u/Mogura-De-Gifdu Apr 30 '26
Depends heavily.
My mother is obsessed with appearances (deep insecurities will do that combined with growing up in a rigid society telling her what she had to do or not appearance-wise, else she'd be a failure).
You have to be thin but not too much. You have to wear clothes fitting the occasion, and no occasion is adequate to be sloppy, even if it's not comfortable (I side-eye you, you high heels!), you have to coordinate your accessories without it bring too much, but it should look like you didn't put any effort.
Anyway, thanks to that I do have the codes, but I just can't be assed to follow them. Too much effort for a result I fail to see the value of.
But my sisters, same upbringing, took her habit of always stressing about how they present. Now in our thirties, they still care quite a lot.
And I won't talk about my great-grandmother, in her nineties, almost blind now, who still put on makeup every morning. In case the neighbours saw her when she took the trash outside, you know.
So yeah, only you can influence hoe long it'll take.
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u/cyankitten Apr 30 '26
I'm kinda impressed how your grandma manges to put ON that makeup!
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u/Titariia May 01 '26
I stopped when my ex told me I looked ugly in my dresses and when I had to get ready myself and also help him getting ready and still getting complains that I'm not ready when he was. From then on it was only oversized shirts, jeans and minimum effort.
I never forget the look of my now bfs face when he saw me in a nice dress for my grandmas funeral though. Don't stop completely caring, just care enough that it makes you happy and not to please someone else. Those who love you will appreciate it when you do and they'll still appreciate you when you don't.
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u/cyankitten May 01 '26
I'm so glad the other one is an EX now!
And I can see why the mininum effort then!
Glad to hear that you now have someone who appreciates you! And also, thank you!
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u/meteorpuppy May 01 '26
I don't think we have to stop caring all together. It's all about moderation. You can look good by appreciating and elevating yourself with minimal care: good hygiene and diet, some exercise, wearing clean and fitting clothes. Caring for yourself and, at most, your closest ones. There is no need to fit exactly society's beauty standards, which are changing every X years anyway.
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u/MagicalShoes Apr 30 '26
We're scared little humans desperate for the solace of a solution we can latch on to.
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Twitxx Apr 30 '26
Yeah right? Wtf is he doing in that time??? I spend time taking care of myself no matter if I go on a date or not so I don't have to do EVERYTHING before I go out. Take a shower, pick a shirt, spray a little cologne and put some styling wax in my hair and I'm good to go, and that's gonna take maybe 5 mins longer than my daily routine.
Another 5 if it was 10 years ago and I wanted to do some push-ups before heading out lol
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OramaBuffin May 01 '26
Assuming you have some amount of muscle mass giving yourself a pump can make a pretty noticeable difference for a couple hours. Though 5 push ups probably won't do it lol
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u/Twitxx May 01 '26
I meant 5 minutes of push-ups, but yeah, being young and silly, wanting to puff up my chest before a date.
Had to get the routines done in my early 20s but now that I know what works it takes me 5 minutes to get ready before going out. No push-ups needed anymore haha.
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u/NinjaN-SWE Apr 30 '26
Probably nitpicking here, but the change between effort - no effort is clear as day for the man character. But the woman? She used slightly less, sure, but that doesn't mean it took less effort or even time?
I really just want to know if that was intended social commentary, bias on your side, or just an oversight?
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u/beefpelicanporkstork Apr 30 '26
I was thinking the same. Also twelve metric tons of hair is going to be work even on a sit on the couch day.
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u/ScreamingLabia Apr 30 '26
Social conditioning, men looks maxxing is new women having to look perfect has been a thing for generations. She probably draws her character that way because thats how ingrained "women whould be pretty" is, that its not even noticable anymore.
Thats not a dig at the creator btw
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u/UrsusRex01 Apr 30 '26
Not just looks, though, but also behaviour.
Dating can makes one feel like it's absolute necessary for them to always be funny and interesting. It's okay to show yourself at your best but sometimes it can feel like you're not even yourself anymore.
Speaking of which, I once stumbled a great piece of advice on Reddit regarding conversation while dating : just be with them as if you were talking with your best friend. That's the best way to be yourself.
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u/mothercloud May 01 '26
Love the artwork, wish some of the dialogue felt a bit less forced. Kinda feels like you're smacking the reader in the face with the point imo
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u/Nepskrellet Apr 30 '26
My now bf saw me after a 5 day demonstration followed by a 10hour bus ride, and said I looked tired but pretty perfect. That's when I convinced myself to ask him on a date.
People don't need to be so MUCHmaxxing to find love
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u/A1d0taku Apr 30 '26
As Deion Sanders once said, "If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good. If you play good, they pay good, you eat good, you die good".
That being said looksmaxxing is stupid. just practice good hygiene, stay fit, develop your own sense of style and you will be fine.
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u/fuckthesysten Apr 30 '26
is no one gonna talk about the glow of the tv on the couch? really nice detail!!
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u/Loqol Apr 30 '26
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u/PolloMagnifico Apr 30 '26
Look man, it took no time at all for my girlfriend and I to reach the "trail of clothes leading from the front door to the couch" phase of our relationship. If we're wearing pants, we're outside.
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u/thecourageofstars May 01 '26
I'm all for showing up to dates comfortably. But it's important to keep in mind that the reason why a lot of women don't respond to the "let's just chill on my couch/just come over and we'll chill and put on Netflix" kind of prompts isn't because of attachment to looks or high maintenance dates necessarily, but for safety. If they don't know each other well enough to know what kind of dates they both enjoy, a more "chill" version of a date that's still in public spaces could include a walk in the park, getting McDonalds or pizza, etc.
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u/draakje27 May 01 '26
When me and my partner went to a festival together for the first time, the weather turned shit and my cute clothes and make up would be ruined and too cold for the rain and i got upset over it. My partner told me a 100 times that day that "a comfy girlfriend is the best girlfriend". He still tells me that and i am relaxed, no longer worrying that my clothes make me look appealing. My looks still appeal to him, and now i am always comfy
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u/Majestic-Iron7046 May 01 '26
I like to say I am just a rebel and that's why I don't spend a lot of time fixing my look.
It kind of works, many people stopped noticing I am just very lazy and socially inept.
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u/SumoNinja92 Apr 30 '26
Yeah, dating after 30 has just been jeans and t shirts on both sides unless the place we're going requires different.
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u/SoupmanBob Apr 30 '26
That dialogue in the last panel is some of the cringiest stuff I've seen in a while. This is "mostly out of touch adults trying to act like they're still cool" way of speaking. The way I absolutely swore I'd never stoop to when I was a kid. Then I became an uncle and folded within years.
I love it.
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u/ScreamingLabia Apr 30 '26
I feel so conflictedm one one hand men are now subjected to the same beautystandarts women have been and thats bad. But on the other hand it always pissed me off that men just got to look like shit but still wanted dolled up women.
sigh
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u/VoiceOfRealson Apr 30 '26
The guys who likes the "doll look" are often not really into women anyway.
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u/BiggimusSmallicus Apr 30 '26
I miss couch snuggles maxing. My current couches arent deep enough and dont have removable back pillows for more depth. I would like to karate chop whoever thinks those cushions need to be attached
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u/Makkaroni_100 Apr 30 '26
If you dont lookmax or are pretty/handsome from the start, you get not many dates. Thats the reality and that's one of the reasons (next to self esteem) it is so popular.
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u/SgathTriallair Apr 30 '26
This is absolutely untrue.
Maybe it's just the tindr swipe left/right that causes this false impression. In the real world you are swipe left/right on every person you see and it is obvious that you wouldn't stop and hit up every person you pass for a date.
The gamification of dating has not been helpful.
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u/ProfessionalRandom21 Apr 30 '26
People want to be attractive then complain about the "society" making then do it. Like come on, its just for you own ego.
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u/Doodles_n_Scribbles Apr 30 '26
Lady reminds me of Roxanne from Goofy movie. My beloved