r/college • u/Objective-Tone7801 • Aug 14 '26
Social Life college experience without drinking?
I’m not terribly big on parties but really want to have fun & get myself out there in college. one of the biggest hurdles in HS was honestly not having the right connections to get invited to all of the parties, but also the fact that I refuse to drink.
even with my friends in small groups at night, I would laugh along & hang out with them & make mocktails for myself & make sure they are safe & responsible, but it just gets to the point where it feels as though everyone else is on a different world & I feel moreso like a babysitter (though I avoid doing so). I’ll dress cute, maybe have an energy drink & try to relax, but it just gets so frustrating how much partying seems to be surrounded by alcohol.
I know obviously one of the main strategies is to befriend people with similar lifestyles like that, but its not as though I want to avoid any party with alcohol, I just want ti minimize the feeling of not belonging.
edit: just to clarify, when I say I feel like a babysitter its not so much as taking care of them as it is just watching them do stupid shit they wouldn’t typically do sober, & the occasional friend who asks me pre-drinking to take her phone away if she tries texting guys again (which is honestly pretty entertaining, so its more-so the former)
edit2: also for the few comments mentioning other things, I don’t smoke anything either, & the drinking is just a hard no for personal reasons (not even champagne which ik has very lil alch). went to two frats & didn’t vibe with it, skipped my third night out & while I loved relaxing, the fomo was creeping in my head, still happy I went tho & will probs try again at some point. AND just to also clarify, I’m not a prude 😭 just personal reasons & experiences.
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u/OkSecretary1231 Aug 14 '26
Yeah, drunk people can be annoying when you're sober. I had what I think of as a good college experience for about a year and a half before I started to drink. What you need are caffeine friends lol. I had a group of people who stayed up till all hours but drinking coffee rather than alcohol.
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u/Objective-Tone7801 Aug 14 '26
lmfao I love that. I tend to be the caffeine friend lol, will definitely be on the lookout
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u/Ok-Nefariousness-609 Aug 14 '26
As long as you don't have a weird superiority complex about not drinking, you will be fine. Don't forget your boundaries and don't forget that there are always other things and crowds to surround yourself with!
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u/yobaby123 Aug 15 '26
Yep. Plus, with younger generations slowly turning away/not buying as much booze, you're likely not going to be the only non-drinker.
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u/Amateratsu_God Aug 14 '26
Refusing to drink is a good habit to keep. Your health and mind will thank you in the future even if you feel outcasted now.
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u/yobaby123 Aug 15 '26
Agreed. Not to mention getting shit-faced everyday is a good way to miss deadlines, fail exams, etc.
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u/the_dr_roomba Aug 14 '26
With you on this. I'll have a beer or whiskey on occasion, but really don't care for being drunk. What eventually wound up keeping me connected to my drink-happy friends is organizing much smaller hangouts to a club event, dinner, or watch party - giving the side benefit of developing much closer friendships with people I got along with than would have otherwise happened at large drinking parties. Those closer relationships are what helped me get through my own feelings of alienation from groups that didn't care for me.
Ignore the folks in this thread minimizing your complaints. Drinking culture can be a real problem, and you have choices other than participating or being a hermit. Good luck, friend - my PMs are open if you ever want to chat.
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u/Crystalhowls Aug 14 '26
I’d say find a balance (if you want to) Find some fitness, or reading or crafting friends (whatever it is your into) and then your party friends.
If people are drunk they’re going to act drunk. So if everyone around you is drinking they’re all gunna be acting like that. Also the later the party the sloppier people get. So maybe hang out at the start of the party and when they start getting too rowdy head out?
You can also go dancing/clubbing instead of just house party, people drink there plenty too but dancing is dancing drunk or not. It was still fun going to when I didn’t drink.
You also don’t have to go to big parties to have a social life. You can still hang out with friends late into the night doing other things. Sometimes we’d drink, sometimes we wouldn’t.
Colleges have clubs and there’s usually seasonal events activities around campus to go to. If your college has a rec center that was one of my favorite things to go to group classes. We’d go weekly and so all the “regulars” would be around and get to know each other
I was also in a pretty nerdy major so I could easily find people who didn’t drink if I didn’t feel like that scene.
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u/The_Bookkeeper1984 VTech Aug 14 '26
I feel you😭 I’m able to go out and drink this semester… but I hate alcohol (and don’t plan on getting drunk)
I’ll probably just order pop or sparkling water… but yeah it’s definitely not going to be a regular outing
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u/Cott_killz Aug 15 '26
Alcohol isn't great, however making peace with it and learning to live in its presence will open you up to so many people you would've never chosen to hang around. I wish I would've been able to do that in college instead of hating it so deeply. College was wickedly fun sober. It would've been even better if I could've let go of my fear and hate.
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u/EfficientOperation22 Aug 15 '26
Good on you for having a mind of your own and not drinking because you don’t want to. You feeling like you don’t belong in the group is all in your head. I hangout with friends who drink and I don’t and we all still just have a chill good time.
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u/otoko_no_quinn Aug 16 '26
Honestly, the stereotypical "frat party" culture has mostly been dead in colleges for a very, very long time. You will have plenty of opportunities to socialize outside of the stereotypical party scene.
If you're offered a drink at an event, then it's totally fine to simply say "no thank you, I don't drink". Most people will be completely okay with that, and the small number of people who won't respect that are not people who are worth your time anyway.
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u/Amazing-Phone8732 Aug 15 '26
a year into with a thriving social life and not once have i even been near a drunk person
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u/Rencon_The_Gaymer Aug 16 '26
You can have a perfectly fine college experience not drinking. I’ve been in college for like a decade and I’m fully sober.
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u/badger_pride_ College! Aug 16 '26
One of my friends does this a lot actually. You will not be alone, there are many people that don't like drinking in college but still want to go to parties. But also here are some tips that I think will help.
Try and go to the pre's. Most of the time a pre-game involves a lot of the drinking, so people aren't drunk yet. You still get to hang out with people and be apart of the night and even take photos, but don't have to go out and deal with the rest of the drunken world at a party.
If you are going to a party, try and go somewhere with good music. There is one specific frat me and my friends like to go to because the music is good. I have been sober a few times and it is still fun because you are singing/dancing with friends.
You can find friends that are "responsible drunks". Now, don't make this the sole determining factor in your friendships. But, it sounds like you are used to people who are reckless and frequently get blackout drunk. You may be able to find people who drink and have a good time, but can still make smart decisions and even walk themselves home. Again, not the only thing you should consider, but I have a "going out group" for a reason, lol.
Try and find at least one other sober buddy. If there are two of you in a larger group of drinkers, babysitting becomes a little more fun. You can laugh at the drunken rants with someone and you also have help if you need. This may still feel isolating from the party atmosphere, but it will still help.
You might hate this one, but join some clubs. I have two clubs I am in that do "after hours" events that are essentially dorm parties. These are always WAY more chill and usually there are several people who can't drink for x-event tomorrow morning. If you find a club you like but they don't do anything like this, you can offer to host a team/freshman bonding event! (but say BOYB or something)
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u/Objective-Tone7801 Aug 17 '26
I love this, thank you for being the first person to give me some advice lol I’ll definitely consider going to the pres, I really just want to expand my social life as nerdy as that sounds lmfao. I’m a big music person so that’s also a great idea. I wouldn’t say my friends back home are necessarily blackout drunks, but they’re definitely lightweight so finding a few people that drink a little less or at least handle it better would definitely be a solid idea as well. Also didn’t consider the sober buddy part, having at least one other person there would genuinely make it 1 million times easier. And I won’t hate the club idea lol. Thank you so much.!
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u/diyandmc240 Aug 14 '26
My go-to is just having 1 drink that I sip as slowly as possible. My go-to is a Heineken and if there isn’t one or I didn’t bring one, I usually just resort to not drinking as I don’t like most other beers and am particular about the alcohol content.
It makes people feel more comfortable that I am drinking with them, it’s enough alcohol to put me slightly in the shared mindset of drinking, while minimizing negative effects.
But you’re totally right, drinking culture is pretty intense and people act and do things while drunk that they would never consider ok while sober. It’s pretty jarring to be sober in what are normally spaces maintained for being drunk(it’s not exactly cute when you see a mainstay bar in the middle of daylight during the week, usually pretty sticky). So if you feel you don’t want to drink at all, then that is very commendable. Just keep in mind that the barrier to being included that you feel will persist. Although people tend to settle down after college, the social lubrication that alcohol provides persists far past our 20s. It’s very common for friends in their 50s/60s or older to wind down and chat over a glass of wine or a beer etc.
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u/Other-Squirrel-8705 Aug 14 '26
You may not want to drink an energy drink to relax. Your alcohol friends are drinking depressants and you’re drinking stimulant- see the prob here?
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u/Substantial-Spare501 Aug 14 '26
My daughter is about to be a senior in college and she goes to parties and doesn’t drink. Most of her friends drink moderately and her they/them friend drinks as well. People are starting to wake up to alcohol being a poison and a carcinogen.
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u/catzing Aug 15 '26
refuse to drink. i havent drank once. very prone to addiction so figured to leave that can of worms alone. still had a great time
if you can, maybe something like CBD for the "relaxation" feel? i have a friend who also doesnt drink, but takes like 5 chd gummies and is more relaxed and loose lipped than any of my drunk friends lol
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Aug 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/catzing Aug 20 '26
nah, she just does nothing else lol. not drunk loose lipped, shes just shy. cbd makes her more social
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u/LakeW2 Aug 15 '26
I was the same in high school and then started drinking in college, I had a bunch of friends who drank a bunch and some who didn’t its all up to what you want to do, I myself go out sober sometimes when I still want to pop out but have things early in the morning, obv more fun w drinking
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u/Roxo16 Aug 17 '26
The older you are the more you give a fuck and that sentiment starts to be stronger at 20. You will worry more about other things.
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u/No_Celery_533 Aug 17 '26
You definitely don’t need to drink to have fun or enjoy college. I’d just focus on finding people who like going out but don’t make alcohol the whole point. You can dress up, dance, meet new people, have your mocktails, and enjoy yourself without feeling like you have to babysit everyone. Eventually, you’ll find your people, ones you can have fun with without feeling like you have to change who you are.
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u/SweetCosmicPope Aug 18 '26
My son is going into his second year of college. He made tons of friends and had lots of experiences his first year of school and he doesn't drink at all.
Look at what your school's student entertainment board is putting on. He spent a lot of time going to events like halloween parties, casino night, game nights, etc;
I'll add that drinking is way, way down amongst gen z, so it's completely normal right now to go through school without drinking. Neither my son, nor any of his three roommates drink or smoke. My son goes to a "party school" and even it's tamed way down since it earned that reputation. Most of the frat parties won't even let you in if you aren't a member of their frat or sister sorority.
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u/Interesting-Gap8672 Aug 19 '26
If you go to frats expect a lot of drinking. I personally drink when I go out but there are ppl in my group who don’t drink and we all respect that and don’t think twice about it. I don’t understand ppl who peer pressure others. Find the right group of ppl, they won’t gaf if u drink or not, smoke or not etc
Also it’s ok to not be babysitter. When someone gets WASTED and also doesn’t comply, I get them home that night and talk about it or don’t go out with them again. I’m NOT babysitting bc an adult doesn’t know their limit. Only person I’m carrying home is my best friend
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u/Objective-Tone7801 Aug 20 '26
I really appreciate that last part, boundaries is something I’m definitely working on and I really enjoy helping people, sometimes to the point where it makes things unenjoyable ie going out. A lot of it stems from my experience with people drinking leading to my reason as to not drink. “I’m not babysitting because an adult doesn’t know their limit” is something I’m definitely learning to accept as other people r not my responsibility, but I really appreciate seeing that in writing and I’ll to set that boundary, so genuinely thank you so much for that!
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u/AnxiousJudgment7373 Aug 19 '26
Your skin will look amazing 20-30 years from now compared to your friends who drink. Maybe find one or two other people who don't drink and invite them to come along. Way to honor your liver, brain, and skin.
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u/skyellies Aug 21 '26
I’ve never drank in my life. Now, I’m going into my junior year of college, and I’ve never had an issue making friends or having fun because of that. As cliche as it is, joining clubs and utilizing the opportunities around you, did in fact get me a lot of friends. For example, I joined my college’s dance team, and I’ve had so much fun there dancing and making friends. There’s a lot of people out there in the same boat as us, and it is less hard than you think to find us. Enjoy your college experience, OP, rooting for you!
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u/OldCream4073 Aug 21 '26
I just try not to hang out with the type of people who party and drink, unless it’s guaranteed that they will be sober. Not that they are bad people, many really kind and good people can still have a habit of drinking. It’s just not my style, and I don’t want to get roped in to being a DD. Agreed that it’s also super uncomfortable to be around someone drunk while you’re sober.
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u/Worldly-Mousse3130 Aug 23 '26
Drinking adds massive calories to the body. If you want to take care of yourself and not look like a potato when you are 26 then dont drink
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u/KnownMix6623 Aug 23 '26
I don’t drink and there are more ways to hangout with people than just going to bars. You can just go to a restaurant, study together, join school clubs or even find an event in your school.
Also the first three years of college almost everyone is underage so yall really shouldn’t drink in the first place 😂
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Aug 24 '26
you definitely dont need to drink to have a good college social life. try going to parties but also join clubs, intramurals, events, and smaller hangouts where alcohol isn't the whole point. once you find your people, you'll probably feel less like the babysitter and more like you're actually part of the group
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u/tfc_prisma Sep 02 '26
As your classes start getting serious and you start maturing throughout ur time in school, you'll realize that you're better off when you look around and see how much drinking every weekend can consume people
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u/AceyAceyAcey Aug 14 '26
I went to parties with friends and was their designated walker. I also went to lots of campus-sponsored events, from folk dancing to small techno raves, lots of fun without drinking.
A roommate who didn’t drink wanted a big 21st birthday party, so we threw her a sugar and caffeine party in our campus apartment. You don’t know how fucked up those can get you until you’re washing down Pixie Sticks with double-caffeine Jolt with a bunch of similarly hyped up friends.
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u/Objective-Tone7801 Aug 15 '26
omg so ik what I’m doing for my bday now, bren wanting to recreate those Shark Attack drinks with like a white monster & some grenadine
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u/bybiumaisasble Aug 16 '26
Fuck drinking - become an academic weapon. I am convinced that if you love your major drinking wont be that interesting (at least in my experience)
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u/platinum_toilet Sep 03 '26
Less youger people drink. I didn't drink and had a great college experience.
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u/Striking_Media_550 Sep 13 '26
girl i feel you cuz i don't drink either bc of addiction in my family
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u/Outrageous_Handle771 29d ago
I didn't (don't) drink or smoke; I had an amazing experience with so many people, and so many girls!
AND I always denied a girl entry into my house (once I moved off campus) if they came over drunk (whether we had intercourse before or not). Made sure they got home/back to the dorm, and linked the next day.
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u/Intelligent_Box_8247 23d ago
Having something in your hand helps more than people admit, and if energy drinks are already your thing, F3 Pure gives you another 120mg option without turning the night into a drinking thing. You can absolutely still be part of the night without matching what everyone else is drinking. The bigger win is finding people who are still fun to be around when you're the sober one.
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u/Wolfedits14 12d ago
I've gone through school without drinking and I turned out fine ha! It's unhealthy for you anyways so don't even start it.
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u/Hot-Fail2563 Aug 14 '26
If you choose to go out sober while you know everyone else is drinking you can’t complain about being a babysitter or being of a different mind status. This sounds whiny and like you are making a choice to have a victim complex. People drink. Either get with it or get over it and don’t go out. I have plenty of friends who choose not to drink and still have fun with us who do.
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u/-GreyRaven Aug 14 '26
"Making a choice to have a victim complex" is a WILD extrapolation to make when OP just said they feel kind of left out for not drinking alcohol
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u/kilroy-was-here-2543 Aug 14 '26
Not wanting to drink shouldn’t automatically make someone the babysitter
I don’t drink, but I still go out to parties with friends to have fun. I’m not there to babysit them
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u/Objective-Tone7801 Aug 14 '26
I’m not trying to complain or sound whiney, I can kind of see where your clocking a victim mindset so I’ll work on adjusting that if I feel I find thats the case. I’m justing looking for a lack of a better word, tactics?, to minimize the alienation? I hang with my friends that drink, I have fun with my friends that drink, but theres always that separation which I understand will always be there to the extent.
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u/abidriskell Aug 14 '26
then do more things that don’t require drinking with your friends, or find a friend group that you can do those things with
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u/listeningunderurbed Aug 14 '26
Exactly this.
I don’t drink myself especially if I go out, but I go out with the mindset that I am gonna be the babysitter of the group because I’m sober.
Find people who don’t drink or find better friends who can involve you.
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u/Exciting-Fish680 Aug 14 '26
why do you refuse to drink? not interrogating u cuz i dont drink either but whats your rationale for it
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u/the_dr_roomba Aug 14 '26
Does OP need one?
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u/Exciting-Fish680 Aug 14 '26
yes because theres a reason for everything. if OP doesnt want to answer that is absolutely fine. im not sure what ur getting at
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u/Violyre Aug 14 '26
In my experience, feeling different minimizes with age and experience. It's a normal psychodevelopmental stage since we are social creatures. Just be confident in your choice to not drink and don't seem insecure about it, and people will learn to respect you (although this may take some waiting for the others around you to mature as well), which in turn will help you respect yourself and your own choices.
Not drinking is becoming more and more common these days. Plenty of celebrities don't drink and are open about it. You're in good company.