Just celebrated 15 years with my husband yesterday. 15 long, monogamous years.

The sex is... fine. I'm perimenopausal, so sometimes it takes me a minute to get into it, but he still gets me there. But the truth is, I'm a little bored. So my mind wanders back...

Back to when I was in my twenties. A total babe in NYC. Friends who ran record labels and clubs. SO MANY opportunities to bang the hottest men and women. WHY DIDN'T I DO IT!?

Right now, I could have so many memories of hot hookups... my spank bank cup overfloweth... instead, my memories are nights at raves and bars that ended with me getting cold feet, feeling awkward, and finding a way to get out of sex with the person I just spent hours flirting with.

I know intellectually that it would have been a nightmare if I went through with it. I go back to the shitty apartment that he shares with three roommates. I hear them gaming through his thin walls. His room is a mess. The linens have never been washed and smell like dirty, sweaty man. There's an open can of peaches on the bedside table, mold forming on the rim, the gelatinous goo inside shaking with every thrust.

Also, even though it was pretty standard to have one-night stands in my circle... To me, it always just seemed weird to have sex with a stranger.

Oh but now, how I wish I had done it. WITH ALL OF THEM. I had no idea that one day I would regret being NOT a being ho, but the ho FOMO is real!!!

Sorry, this is an asshole thing to post right after an anniversary. Life is good, I love my man, and everything turned out how it should be. I just should have fucked more people.

EDIT: LOL DMS ARE BLOWING UP WITH "NEVER TOO LATE" TYPE DUDES

I separated from my husband and he's been trying to figure out how to save the marriage. I told him that I'd read about a book called Fair Play, and maybe it would be helpful. He ordered it and read it then gave it to me to read.

Before reading it I asked him "what's it about? What did you learn?"

He told me he learned that our time is of equal value. That our problems are very common. And there's a card game that goes with the book.

That's it.

I asked if there was anything else?

Well, the authors husband also had problems keeping up with the trash.

I'm almost done with the book and I believe it's been a valuable read. Not because we will play the game, have marriage equality and save the day. Not because he'll fall to his knees and apologize for the years of unequal labor. But because I can see how much of this takes collaboration and communication. Two things he utterly refuses to do.

I really like some of the ideas behind the game. I think it will be helpful in teaching my kids life skills. It also shows me how much I really do and how little he does. I think he has actually held 3 cards in the past year. The rest were mine or not relevant. And that doesn't really matter because I've moved out, and my life hasn't really changed. No partner is the equivalent amount of work to living with him.

So the book is probably a bust as far as saving the marriage. I'll wait to see if he actually orders the cards or even prints off the ones from the website. But it has been validating to see my labor named, quantified and called valuable. Even if just by me.

And I’m not really sure how to go about it. Our marriage for the most part has been good. However our daughter has special needs and severe behavioral issues. Last year was really fucking hard. I felt like he abandoned me to be a drunk, and I navigated the hardest year of my life by myself while he drank himself to oblivion. Our daughter had to be hospitalized multiple times, was having violent episodes, was in trouble at school every day, bringing highly experienced special education teachers to tears on a regular basis, and I had to call the sheriff to our house multiple times to help us safely de-escalate. I’ve been punched, cussed out, had my property destroyed and thrown at me, and I’ve faced most of it alone. My husband contributed little to nothing. Meanwhile, the times he did try to help, he was often drunk and just made things worse. The times he was sober, he spent escaping to be busy somewhere else doing something else. I took a step down from my career and started working from home so I could be there for our daughter and get her the help she needed while he pretty much disappeared. I have so much resentment built up, and it’s poisoning our marriage. It doesn’t help that he quit drinking for a few months but is now back at it and insisting it isn’t a problem.

Our daughter is on the right meds and is doing well now, but I’m still resentful. Every time I see him with a beer in his hands, it makes me feel hurt and abandoned all over again. It doesn’t help that he only ever wants sex when he’s been drinking, and I’ve told him repeatedly that I do not want to have sex with him when he’s been drinking. He’s clumsy and annoying, and it’s not a fun experience for me. He tried again last night and I refused to entertain it, and now he’s butthurt about it. I know I need to address it, but I’m dreading it because I know he’ll just get defensive and deny it’s a problem. How do I tell him all of this without blowing up my marriage and actually find a way to repair things? Any advice, bromos?

I texted an old friend “hey girl how’s it going?” Because I wanted to ask her if she’s down to go to a haunted house for Halloween, but she just left me on read. She’s childless and single as far as I know. I’ve always struggle to make friends since I can remember. I just feel like shit. Idk; maybe I’m overthinking it, but it still hurts me that I’m not someone people seek out,
I guess. Just letting out steam here. Thank you listening. I’ll just cry these feeling out 😭

I have a two year old and a four year old. I’ve never felt like I was smart, but I could grasp concepts and explain them and I had confidence in my ability to learn.

I feel like since getting pregnant I’m just a giant cloud of mush of thoughts jumbled up in a disaster.

I have a job interview next week and had to use AI to help me prep. Is this who I am now?

I got infected by a virus in first trimester that destroyed me. I became bedbound, unable to function from extreme fatigue, neurological and cognitive symptoms.

At 9 months pregnant things haven't improved very much. I can't care for my children, I can't even care for myself. Husband takes care of us all. I am not able to stand for longer than 5min and I have not gone outside since April, not once. I'm depressed, I never wanted this to happen, the plan was a happy family.

Doctors have failed me. There's nothing they can do. I know people say it's possible to recover from post viral fatigue but it's been 6 months and I'm starting to lose hope. I don't know if I'll be able to stay alive if I don't improve after birth. For what, just to be a burden on my family? I was the most functional wife and mother, house was always clean, food always served, now I contribute nothing. I can't bear to interact with my children as it drains my soul, I'm so fatigued from this illness. I feel like my family would eventually be better off without me. It makes me so sad because I love them and all I ever wanted was them...

Oh Bromos,

It’s been a wonderful four months while Bob has had a job, brings in a nice wage and is out of the fucking house for 8+ hours a day.

And then this last week it’s begun….

He’s come home complaining about how much work he has and how much pressure he’s under. (He’s an accountant, not a neurosurgeon).

So soon he’s going to start complaining about not having enough people on his team.

Then he’s going to complain about how his bosses are not as professional as him.

Then he’s going to start complaining about how people are bullying him.

Then he’ll start complaining that all the women in roles above him only got there by sleeping their way to the top 🙄

THEN he’ll start coming home and sit in the couch and stare off into space because of all the ‘stress’.

Then he’ll make up an incident at work that means he needs to leave this job ASAP.

Then he’ll talk constantly about how he hates his job and needs to leave.

BUT he won’t look for a new one.

He’ll just constantly talk about how he “can’t hold on” in this job much longer.

And on and on.

We’ve been through this cycle so many times. I am so sick of it.

I give it another eight weeks before ‘something’ (completely made up) happens at work that ‘pushes’ him to leave.

Send wine!

It's been a hell of a year. My car broke down. I bought a new car in cash and I was so proud of myself for this purchase. I've only had this car for 4 months and it's now making a weird sound. Everyone told me that this car was a piece of crap and I'm afraid that they were all right. I cried all of mother's day because of everyone's comments about the car. I have not been the best mentally this year either. I've had suicidal thoughts. I've self harmed for the first time in my life this year. I purged after I went a year and half without doing so. I'm so scared that if my car is truly fucked up, this will push me over the edge.

I have a very low sex drive, like a 0 or 1/10. Husband has very high sex drive, like 8/10. Its a major point of contention in our marriage - he is constantly wanting sex, and I feel constantly harassed/pressured/nagged to have sex which makes me want to have sex even less. Ive told him ad nauseum if he stopped nagging me for it so much it would probably happen more, but I dont think he really understands the logic. When we do have sex, its with me grudgingly agreeing and wanting to get it over with as fast as possible. Even though it feels good and I can have multiple orgasms each time, some how I still never want to do it. I wasnt like this with other partners or before we had kids (kids are age 9 and 6). I am going to book us in to see a sex therapist, but thought Id ask on here too because Im always interested in other moms opinions.

I’m so beyond burnt out, overwhelmed, worried, and sad right now. I want things to go back to how they were a few months ago and it’s starting to feel like they won’t.

My 10 yr old daughter has been having strange issues for almost a month now. She had a cold early September that ran it’s usual course of a couple of weeks. And then the other things started. Mainly dizziness, increase in headaches, and sometimes a sore stomach that may or may not be nausea. She’s missed so much school because she gets dizzy and has to come home. She’s been to the emergency room and to her paediatrician and all tests they’ve done so far (blood and urine) have come back normal. We’re at a loss. And when I asked the paediatrician for a referral to a specialist for the headaches, she told me there’s nothing to be done for headaches, which is complete nonsense.

We have a follow-up with the paediatrician next week but right now, tonight, I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. My husband is feeling the same way. It’s almost every single night. And the dizzy feeling is scary enough for her that she doesn’t want me to leave the room until she’s asleep. I feel like I’ve gone backwards to when she was 2 and wouldn’t go to sleep on her own. Maybe if we at least knew what was wrong and how to treat it, it would be a bit helpful but not knowing is just adding to the stress.

For a multitude of reasons my husband has been my biggest hurdle during motherhood. Instead of being my rock, he’s become a boulder of deception, abuse and just overall created so much work for me.

We have the first year where he was abusive AF emotionally, monetarily and even started lowkey pinching me to control me and shoved me in one instance. The cycle of abuse became very glaring and he was really unable to hide his true colors after we had our child.

Now he’s still abusive (emotionally) but I got a full time job and TFG I am planning my exit.

In the meantime I am getting by because I have to get heart surgery and hopefully I survive that. I digress.

My husband travels all the time for work. So it’s me doing everything for our child whilst working full time and meals and cleaning and laundry and dog and coordinating Christmas photo shoots and all the mental load shit.

My husband doesn’t have to do anything. My child has the strongest preference and always has their little life so I’m constantly needed. I’m constantly being screamed for. I’m the one who has handled all night wakeups and I haven’t slept through the night or longer than a 6 hour stretch in two years. No jokes here.

You know what my husband does? He takes UNISOM every night. He sleeps through the night. He attempted to help me last night but he put the toddlers diaper on wrong so they had a puddle of pee surrounding them. They were up for three hours. I’m tired. I’m beyond tired. My body is like giving up due to all this shit.

My husband has to travel most weeks. I have insomnia due to the constant wakeups and I take hours off while our child is at daycare but I still can’t sleep.

I now have high blood pressure and I never did before. My heart rate is sky high. My heart is enlarged (on one side and the surgery is to repair that).

Luckily my parents will be here to help with my recovery.

But the main issue is that my husband gets to parent from a very LIMITED time space and while doing so he’s the calm cool and collected version of himself. He’s well rested. He can be fun. He can handle tantrums with relative ease (because it’s maybe a few a week). He barely changes diapers. He doesn’t know what size clothes or diapers he is. Husband always wants to do fun stuff on the weekends but I always plan it.

I’m sick of fucking planning everything. And his birthday is soon so now I have to plan that. He wants me to plan him a trip somewhere FFS as his present.

Im sick of not being a good mother (in my eyes) because I don’t get enough mental space to be one. I am sick of picking up the slack. I am sick of doing all the wakeups and being annoyed with a literal toddler. I feel so bad for being annoyed with my toddler but idk I’m just fried.

I’m looking forward to my surgery so I’ll feel better, have more capacity and have an excuse to rest.

Good luck with our kid then husband!!

I have the misfortune of having thursday and Fridays off.

Usually I can deal with it, make it work some how but not having Saturday off has proven to be a massive draw back over and over again.

Well now its fucking me out of family traditions and important shit with my family.

Halloween falls on a Saturday. I work 12 noon to 830pm. I miss EVERYTHING.

Her daycare is having a trick or truck the week before, you guessed it, on fucking saturday.

Every single year we, as a family, dress up and get together with all the aunts/uncles/nieces and nephews and go trick or treating a group. Every year.

I am beyond livid. I put in to take half the day off, no chance in hell its going to get approved. If I call out I get shit on for scheduling and shit.

I hate this fucking job on a good day. Fuck.

My husband and I got a cat several years before having kids. We got her as an adult cat. She was a very low maintenance cat, more than happy to be the only cat in the household and to spend her time either doing her own thing or lounging with us. When we had our first child, she tolerated him easily. Unfortunately, she developed cancer while I was pregnant with our second. She had to be put to sleep when the baby was three weeks old. 

After a grieving period, my husband and I decided it was time to get another cat for the family. My husband wanted a kitten. I told him we had a toddler and a young baby and two full-time jobs, kittens are a lot needier than adult cats, and we should get an adult cat with an established temperament the shelter could tell us about, so we'd be more likely to find a good fit. He said he wanted a kitten. I was unwilling to put my foot down, as it would mean no kitten for him for the duration of the new cat's lifetime (we are a single-cat household), so I acceded, with misgivings, to the kitten.

We got the kitten, and the initial adjustment period went well. Then, as the cat matured into a young adult cat, he - surprise - developed an insatiable need for play and stimulation. When feeling understimulated or bored, he would stalk us or even the kids, pounce on us, attack our feet as we walked down the hall, and play-bite (as in, not motivated by aggression or hostility, but still painful) our hands. We became almost unable to touch him without it devolving into having our hands bitten. This went on for several months.

At one point, he stalked my infant son as he crawled down the hallway and bit or scratched him near his eye. It was predatory play and he is generally really good with the kids, but none of that changes the fact that the cat injured my baby near his eye. When this happened, I set up an appointment with a cat behaviorist from the local humane society to see what we could do, with the understanding that the cat would have to be rehomed to protect our kids if we couldn't improve the behavior. I took pains to keep the cat and the kids separate. The behaviorist honestly didn't have much to offer and said we had already taken a lot of the measures she would recommend. 

I implemented the following, religiously:
- interactive play sessions with the cat morning and evening, every day - ideally I get him actually panting, but he doesn't always take to play even after making clear he needs it
- treats or food in a puzzle at least once a day (the cat is a genius and solves all the puzzles quickly - I got a variety of the hardest ones I could find)
- fully charged automatic or motion-activated toys available to him daily
- bird feeders outside our windows so he can watch the birds
- curtains, and some windows, open during the daytime so he can watch the outside from his various perches around the house
- actual cat TV (i.e., mice and birds on YouTube) several times a week
- radio on for a little extra stimulation whenever we left the house

For several weeks, things were great, his behavior really improved and he was obviously content, zero aggression toward the kids, and my husband and I thought we would be able to keep him. Such relief. If this level of work were enough to keep the cat happy in our home, I would do it. But it stopped working. The cat became unsatisfied again. Now, even with this routine, throughout the day he is yowling at me for play when I am trying to manage my two very young kids, and he is still attacking our fingers and feet for stimulation after a few seconds of petting or at random. My husband and I are both hypervigilant of this cat, because my husband is afraid of being pounced upon and bitten and I am always just waiting for the moment the cat will remind me that he needs more, more, more from us. I have considered allowing him to go outdoors, but it is not an option at our house. We live on the busiest street in town. I'd be releasing him to become roadkill. There are also tons of predators out here.

At this point, I have, literally sobbing due to guilt and shame, scheduled an appointment to surrender the cat to the local humane society. I feel that the cat is not happy here. He needs more than we can give him, and I don't blame him, he's only a year old! He deserves a home that can meet his needs better, and I deserve to not have another creature demanding more from me when I'm already doing everything I can for him in light of my human children's and human husband's needs. I dread surrendering this cat, and yet I am longing to find some relative peace in my own home in what is a really taxing and overstimulating time (my kids are 3.5 and 16 months). I also understand that this means we cannot have a pet until this stage of our life is through, which is going to be many years. That's very hard for me, as I grew up with animals and loving having a pet. 

I am wracked with guilt at putting him in a shelter environment (it is no-kill, to be clear), but have opted for this over a private rehoming because (1) we don't have the capacity to thoroughly vet a new owner for him right now, and (2) I think there needs to be an attempt to socialize him with other adult cats in the hopes that he can go to a multi-cat home for the extra stimulation, and the cat behavior specialists at our local humane society will be equipped to do that. 

I am so sad about betraying this cat's trust. I know he loves us and it brings tears to my eyes. I keep wondering if there's something else I could have done, if I could have tried harder.

I'm the mother of a 14-month-old baby boy. I also have anorexia. And I feel so, so guilty that I have brought a kid into the world when I can't get my own shit together. I'm currently involuntarily in hospital, in a general psych ward. I've already been here for three weeks and they want to transfer me directly into an inpatient eating disorder program, which is itself four months long and is in a different city. I was hospitalised for 6 weeks when my baby was 5 months old because of the eating disorder; this is not my (or his) first rodeo, and I fear it will be yet another one of a string of absences in his life. Or that I'll just suddenly collapse and die and leave my child motherless. The medical and childcare-related expenses are astronomical and have put us in debt. My husband effectively has to be a single father and my caregiver while also balancing a 60hr a week job. What have I gotten us into? I love my son so much but I feel like I'm incapable of being a good mum. I didn't go into parenthood totally naive. I've had mental health problems since childhood but kept myself well in the year leading up to pregnancy, and then through pregnancy. Postpartum broke me. Lots of stuff happened - a crash c-section where we both almost died, protracted conflict with my husband related to breastfeeding, significant cognitive decline in my own mother... frankly too much to get into. I was weighed today and told that my BMI is 14, which puts me in the extreme category of anorexia. I've not been this poorly before. How can I have let this happen when I have a child to look after? I'm terrified that I'm too crazy to deserve a child. Sure, I didn’t choose to be mentally ill, but I did choose to have a kid despite being unwell, and I have made choices that keep me unwell. Inevitably I am going to ruin his life by being his mother, either by being so severely ill throughout his childhood, or by dying. I feel so much guilt and I am so scared for us.

Like a lot of women, I went through ups and downs in middle school with friends. I was dropped by friends, gained friends, lost friends again, and felt alone a lot. I never, ever confided in my mom or dad because I thought they’d think I was some sort of disappointing loser who couldn’t keep friends. So I held in every emotion and let me tell you, this has never once served me well. I have tried therapy quite a few times but never managed to put it behind me.

My oldest is in middle school and has had a few of these experiences and is going through a shift in friends. She is feeling a little confused and hurt and she still has good friends around her, but she feels like her best friends have left her behind and she doesn’t know “if she did or said something wrong”. My heart is broken for her, and no matter how I try to assure her that friendships ebb and flow and sometimes people change so their friends change, she’s of course still hurt. And it’s bringing up large feelings for me and I truly think I can’t be helpful or supportive enough to her because I’m dealing with my own decades old shit. I’ve just been feeling sick over it but it’s more like I’m putting my hurt onto her. Help me out sweet baby jebus.

For almost the last two years I've been in constant crisis mode with my daughter. Starting with a suicide attempt (thankfully it was something that wouldn't have hurt her, but she didn't understand that but she was serious in the attempt.) And began cutting. She truly has issues with depression and anxiety and we have seen several therapists, we now have consistently seen one for over a year which is animal assisted, she spent a summer going through an IOP program, and is about to start a teen group therapy group.

She had been doing virtual school because of the anxiety and expressed being horribly lonely and wanted to go back in person. We 100% supported her decision and helped her through the process. (She's very bright and creative, and got into a great local private school where she had a friend also attending.) After three weeks she began school refusal. Along with the refusal, she's grown violent, attacking me multiple times, including giving me a black eye. These incidents resulted in an ER visit for mental health pediatric care and the police being called. (She isn't violent with anyone else but primarily me and sometimes to her dad. And I think anyone who meets her would be very surprised she has done these things.)

She has now agreed to try medication, she had previously refused (hid the pills). The ER did not feel she should be admitted and it was suggested her school refusal was due to not having enough consequences from her parents. They did not let me explain the attacks came when consequences were done--such as taking away phone and in lieu of school (due to refusal) reading books on mental health topics and encouraging discussion.

She enjoys learning in her classes, likes or is just neutral on her teachers (no problematic teachers), and has met several other kids that she hangs out with at lunch and has a group chat with. She is convinced no one likes her and she doesn't have any friends and doesn't seem to understand it takes time for friendships to develop. She's definitely feeling overwhelmed by the workload but refuses help from tutors or assistance with organizing (she struggles with executive functioning because of ADHD).

Her and I used to be close and now she oscillates from talking to me, then treating me with contempt. She's told me she doesn't see the point of living--as having to work for a living isn't what she wants to do and she'd rather be dead than have to continue to have responsibilities. She said she doesn't care about hurting her family. She's told me that I am selfish for keeping her alive. When prompted to do chores and meet her home responsibilities, no matter how minor, she usually reacts with irritation, refuses to do it, or says she'll do it later (of course that never happens), or is outright angry that we would require anything, and will usually begin talking about suicide.

Here's the complication that I never want to tell her. I grew up physically abused (which she knows about) and her attacks have retriggered CPTSD (the part she doesn't know about). I am not well. Between being horribly worried, constantly trying to help and find help for her, and now the old nightmares are back every night, overwhelming fear, as well as the crushing depression. (I am in therapy and on medication.) I feel like I'm about to fall apart and have been close to suicide. What holds me back and not wanting to leave that kind of pain for my family and especially my kids.

We are not a wealthy family and have put a lot into paying for this school because she believed it would help her. All the medical and therapy programs are also draining us. I also don't want people to know she's the reason for the black eye because I don't want them to think badly of her. I'm also, honestly, very embarrassed. I feel like I must have done something wrong as a parent for these things to happen.

Thank you for listening. If anything, I think I needed to at least get all this off my chest.

They just suck so much. I'm so angry right now. My kids missed so much school in September because they had ear infections, coughs, congestion, fevers, etc. We finished their antibiotics and now they are sick again. My husband is deathly ill. I'm pregnant and trying SO HARD not to also get sick, but I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat. I've been sleeping in our guest room whwre it's uncomfortable af, but away from everyone. But my kids keep barging in here when they wake up. My daughter is puking all over the place. They won't stop getting directly in my face and coughing into my mouth. I'm so fucked. Being sick while pregnant is pure hell. I need to clean and sanitize my entire home, but I have no energy. The puke smell and stench of it all is pissing me off. It's so overstimulating when you count in the sound of coughing, having a sick toddler in your face and climbing all over you, and dealing with all of the snot and shit. I hate when this happens.

50% asking for advice, 50% vent.

My 4 year old's newest thing to yell at me when I ask her to do something is "I am not a servant!" (I'm sure she's picked it up from a Disney movie or something of that nature). The things I'm asking? Put your dirty clothes in the hamper, pick up some toys, clear *her* things off the table and help set the table for dinner.

Out of the all the "mean" things (because most of them are not actually super mean) she says, this is the only thing that really gets under my skin, because out of the 4 people in this home. I am the servant. I cook, clean, do 99% of the tidying, etc. I am the primary parent, so I *am* the unpaid servant in our home and it just makes all my resentment bubble up.

Tell her that's not nice isn't enough for me because it's a near daily thing and she doesn't actually care that it's not nice or that it hurts my feelings.

If it's an overwhelm response, I offer to help which turns into her staring at me while I do everything. You cannot even ask this girl to get dressed or put on shoes, because suddenly, she cannot and you are a wicked stepmother. She sits with my husband and tells him stories, talks to him about school, etc. With me? "Can I watch something?" "Will you buy me this toy that exists or maybe doesn't?" "When is my xyz coming?" Had a complete come apart yesterday because I wouldn't stop making dinner to brush her doll's hair for her. I I am literally just a vessel to serve her (and tbqh, my husband treats me similarly in addition to spending a lot of time "asking" questions which is a whole different vent). I'll forgive the 1 year old for now.

Slowly working my way through How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, but I'll be honest, most days I'm more focused on completing requirements to keep my part time jobs and my own hobbies in my spare time because there is not one aspect of my life that is straightforward right now.

How do I handle this before this servant quits without a 2 week notice?

My kids are 3 & 5. My 5 yo has always been SO HARD. It doesn’t get better with age either. 3 was AWFUL but now that he’s 5 it’s just as hard. I feel like I’m reaping the rewards from being such a sucky mom. He says he’s “bad” that he’s going to “jump in front of a car” “I’ll cut myself in half & die so you never see me again. that he’s “the worst brother” and “always makes mistakes”. He also says such hurtful things to me for just simply not giving him what he wants. The things he says to himself are the worst though. And when he gets in one of his tantrums he won’t let me comfort him. He’ll just go back in forth with “don’t leave” and then says “I don’t love you go away”. I can’t win.

I’ve been in therapy for 10 years. I’ve seen several different ones just hoping I could find one that I could get the most progress. This one I thought I was getting somewhere but not really. I’ve been on SSRI’s (which don’t help) so now I’m on a mood stabilizer. I went to get testing done for any neurodivergence or psych disorders. I’m doing EVERYTHING I can but I still am the worst parent.

I lose my temper, I’ve torn my son down (like “you’re so ungrateful, why do you always do this, etc), I’m exasperated, I’ve punished (time out- no spanking), I’ve done aggressive handling. Even if I do gentle parenting I CONSTANTLY need to correct him. I just can’t seem to get control my anger. I’ve done all the CBT, EMDR, and all the tips people give but about 1x/month I lose it. And it’s not necessarily because of my period.

I try everyday to be the gentle parent- I guess I’m just not made from the same stuff as other people. I always apologize- but what good is it if I just repeat my mistakes? My kids are going to grow up to hate me.

Today we (my kids are 4.5 and 7.5) had just gotten back from a trip to the museum and it was hot af out and I was exhausted so I got the kids a show on and told them mom and dad are gonna lay down by themselves for like 30 minutes until it’s time to cook dinner, and then they start coming in separately one after another multiple times, like I would send a kid out nicely and then another one would come in to hug me and try to hang out and play in my room.

Eventually they’re both on my bed trying to cuddle me and literally rolling on me and I had had it and told them they both need to get OUT and go watch their show for a bit so I can relax without anyone freaking ROLLING on me. They both cried their way to the living room. I explained after I chilled out for awhile that I love them and I just couldn’t handle literally being rolled on and cuddled up to at that time. Idk I felt like crap about this bc they only wanted to cuddle me but also it was crazy frustrating.

Honestly I’ve been thinking about separating from my husband. This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about it either, and today I sort of decided I’m just going to. But I wanted to see some other opinions from people who aren’t close to me, so strangers on Reddit just seemed right ig. So here is why I want to separate, we argue so much and 9 time out of 10 it’s over our son. We don’t agree on how to parent him whatsoever. This has been going on for so many years and I’ve just reached a limit where the stress from it is actually effecting my health. The straw that broke the camel’s back today was him taking away his phone for opening a drink. Well that’s how it started anyway. So last night around bed time our son asked his dad if he could have some Apfelschorle. He said no it was bed time he could have some water. I did not know this, so later when I was almost asleep son came in and asked for some and I said sure, but he needed to go to bed after. This morning my husband told me what had happened, how he asked him first and he said no so later he went to me. Then said if I could help him talk to him about this when he woke up. This immediately stressed me out and this was after I had told my husband I’ve been feeling so much stress that my health is being affected. (Late period, stomach issues, headaches) I also have high cholesterol and learned that stress can negatively affect it. I told him this in hopes he’d help me relax a bit and destress. So him hitting me with that after was like.. really? First of all why do you need my help with that?
So our son wakes up and I say good morning and I get ready to ask him his morning check in. A little bit of background information is our son was recently in a mental health clinic and in the hospital. He has depression, anxiety and ADHD and was expressing he didn’t want to live anymore. And I’ve been talking to my husband about not harping on every little thing he does for years! It’s stressful for me and our son feels like he can’t freely speak and is often misunderstood. So I’ve been trying to be real sensitive to that lately and change my parenting strategies. My husband not so much.. so we go over the situation and he tells him to go get his phone. I’m thrown off by this because, you’re really taking his phone away for that? Our son rightfully gets upset by this, he walks back to his room and then a few minutes pass and he doesn’t come out. So I call for him he comes out and I ask him where’s his phone and what is he doing? He said watching tv.. so I tell him no he was told to do something and he needs to do that. He starts going off again about how it’s so stupid! So he goes to get his phone and my husband turns to me and I tell him I don’t know why he’s taking his phone over a drink.. and he gets upset and says it was going to be just for the morning and that he’s making things worse for himself by not listening and giving attitude. Well to try and shorten the story they get into it over the whole thing. Our son gets upset and walks away to go cool off in his room. My husband then yells at him to get back out here NOW! That he doesn’t get to walk away when he’s speaking. Son replies, “IM UPSET MOM SAID I CAN GO TO MY ROOM AND CALM DOWN WHEN IM UPSET!” My husband then yells back, “get out here NOW or you’re getting your phone taken tomorrow too and you’re not going out either!” I’ve dissociated at this point and I’m just thinking to myself all this over a drink?!? So our son comes back out and my husband turns to me and says he can’t just walk away when a parent is speaking right? And I couldn’t even get words out of my mouth. It took several tries before I was just like, “idk why you can’t just give him a minute.” He then gets up and says, “okay let him do whatever he wants then!” And goes to get ready for work. I just sit there because he always does this.. when I disagree with him all the sudden he’s going off about how what he says obviously doesn’t matter and I can make all the parenting decisions and let him do whatever he wants! I wasn’t going to feed into it today. He comes back by and says I have to go to work. I said okay love you have a good day! He says yeah you too! And leaves. Let me just say again, this has been going on for years.. and I just cannot believe he is acting like this over a fucking drink.. yeah I get the attitude and the straight up not listening is not okay. But none of that would have happened if he just simply said, “hey bud we don’t get to ask one parent and then ask the other if we didn’t like the first answer we were given.” Let it go and move on. And I especially CANNOT believe this is the shit he is choosing to harp on him about after the fact he had to be pulled away from traffic from his friends because he’s sick of life.. like at what point do you give a kid a break!?! Needless to say my whole day was ruined. Am I being crazy? Or is choosing to separate the right move here?
Thank you if you read this far.

My newborn suddenly won’t stop crying, my toddler needs attention, my husband and i’s relationship is very tense for a multitude of reasons, I’m lashing out, I can’t stand my MIL and she’s over 2x a week (she also tests boundaries nonstop and it’s like all boundaries went away after the baby was born), breastfeeding sucks, my period came back already after 3 weeks, and my vagina has a bunch of small lacerations so it fucking itches.

My husband can’t do more than one thing at a time apparently. He just asked me if I was getting our toddler something to eat as I type this. He’s not even fucking doing anything right now. He doesn’t let the baby cry for more than a minute. Do you know how many times I’ve had to make food while holding the baby? It’s not that hard. I made a post recently about how he doesn’t follow safe sleep guidelines or listen to me about it and it stresses me out. He stayed up until 5am to let me sleep which is great except he’s acting like he’s the most exhausted person on the planet right now, and he refuses to take a nap like I offered. I can acknowledge that he’s tired, but i really dont care considering he won’t accept the help. Welcome to my nap-less world.

I’m not having self harmful thoughts, but I am starting to hate everyone and everything. My self worth is on the floor and my mom guilt is through the roof. I just wanted to rant.

My kids’ dad and I have been separated/divorced for 7.5 years. It was very contentious, we parallel parent, I don’t trust him, I have good reasons. We share two kids, 9 and 12. I just found out that my ex has a secret baby he’s been hiding from everyone, including the kids. He doesn’t plan to be involved with the child at all. Like to the extreme of telling no one, not being at the birth, having a new live-in gf (not baby’s mom) who doesn’t know about the baby. I don’t know how to navigate this. There’s literally no reason right now that I should tell my kids. And I don’t want to. But I also feel sick over this. Now that I know, at what point does it become a betrayal of my kids’ trust to continue to keep this secret? Is there a magic age at which if he hasn’t told them, I should? I have literally no faith that my ex will do the right thing here, based on both history and what the baby’s mother described. That said, I work very hard to keep the peace for my kids’ sake and I, as a rule, stay out of their dad’s business unless I need to intervene on their behalf and I always tell them first (hey I need to say something about this to your dad). So I guess my question is what do I do? Right now my master plan is to sit on this knowledge and hope for a revelation