The day has come and gone. I did get a few happy birthday wishes from people who normally wouldn't reach out. My mom gave me things I've wanted, wrapped in birthday wrapping paper. The day will be over soon, but it still feels so weird. When I was a kid, I used to count down to my birthday and be sad when it ended. Now I'm left sitting in the dark with my birthday ice cream in the freezer untouched, my gifts still wrapped, and watching a show I don't actually care about.
I'm 17 now; this is the age I used to dream about, and I'm choosing to spend it sitting alone in front of my laptop. I think it's worse because of the fact that I've graduated; I graduated 2 years early, and I'm doing nothing. Though I'm not even sad about it, I feel nothing.
idk if this will ever get better. Whenever I look ahead, I think about how happy I will be in the future, but I'm the future of my past, and I'm still not happy. I know I will wake tomorrow and nothing will change, because I'm not going to change it, and I know that. I will scroll on my phone when I wake up, then switch to my laptop to watch a show. I know I will do this when I'm 18, then 19, and so on.
Maybe I'll open my gifts or eat my ice cream, or maybe I'll keep sitting here and keep sulking in my faults. idk if anyone will see this, and I know how minor this all is. This is just some kid saying, "I hate my life but won't change it, my birthday suck, and I'm spoilt enough to hate it." So I don't expect people to comfort me. Sorry for being such a downer on this subreddit. I guess I just wanted someone to know.