Hello everyone! To start off, I don’t have Aspergers, and have limited knowledge of it. So if I say anything that comes across as ignorant or offensive I apologize in advance (and encourage you to correct me!)

Also, I want to highlight that I know that everyone is different, and that the things I discuss in this post might be specific for him (and not the Aspergers itself).

My little brother recently got diagnosed with Aspergers. He is 28, so a rather late diagnosis. He’s one of the kindest, smartest, funniest persons I know. But recently, he’s started to change.

Some background:

This pretty bad period started almost three years ago now:

He lived abroad for studies (25 years old at the time). Music production and songwriting (incredibly talented). He was doing great in school, but had trouble organizing life outside of school. But he was getting by.

Then after a year school ended.

My brother then decided to stay in the same country as the school was in to continue with his music. But now, without his student apartment and the safety net in the form of the school - life was getting even harder.

He didn’t have any steady income, so our parents helped pay everything for him (which was hard for them, as they aren't rich in any way).

He moved in with a friend. But after not paying his rent in time a couple of months, he got kicked out.

We (family) didn’t know this at the time, but eventually became aware of the situation from a friend of his:

Turns out he sometimes was crashing at friends. Other times he slept on benches/train stations. Or jumped on a bus and tried to spend the night just riding the bus back and forth.

He was doing his laundry in washbasins in public toilets. So he was essentially homeless, in another country.

This was of course very sad news for us (family) at home. So we told him that he needs to move home. After some back and forth, he finally did move home.

And ever since, he’s been so sad and angry with us.

He’s said that he “finally felt like he was SOMEONE” in the context he was in during school. And that we ripped that away from him.

In his head, we (family) destroyed his life by “forcing” him to come home. He’s been crashing out on us because we’ve told him that he needs to earn his own money. And he tells us that he believes we did this because we wanted to destroy his life.

But then sometimes, in very short periods, he tells us that he does understand that we didn’t do it to destroy his life. And he seems completely fine.

But then, three hours later, he’s back in the darkness. The rumination is constant.

He’s now started to tell us that he’s going to k*ll himself, and that it is all our fault (for asking him to come home). I want to highlight here that he does talk to a psychologist as well.

We are so devastated. And confused. And don’t know what to do - or how to handle it.

So, I guess what I'm trying to understand is whether anyone here recognizes this kind of experience, either personally or from someone close to them.

Have you ever experienced something similar, where a major life change left you feeling stuck in resentment, anger, or negative thought patterns that you couldn't escape?

And if so, what actually helped?

As his family, we're struggling to understand how to support him. When he blames us, should we try to reason with him? Validate his feelings? Give him space? We're terrified of making things worse.

More than anything, I'd love to hear from people who've been in a similar position about what they wished their families had understood or done differently.

We love him enormously. We don't want to change who he is. We just want him to feel better and find his way forward again.

Thank you all.

I feel therapy can actually make one more autistic. A lot of what they said about strategies can make one seem Anxious and fake enthusiastic. Plus going to therapy makes one feel they are different. Being non chalant and quiet when u don’t care for the conversation is actually better imho.

The layman essentially sees an anxious, people pleasing personality as autistic.

It essentially preaches people pleasing and performative enthusiasm which don’t get one respected in the long run.

Or be more copes

Does anyone feel this?

early 20s girl here. i lost all of my friends this year. i pushed them away, my mental health was low, i stopped reaching out, got upset over little things and months went by and i lost everyone who i thought was my friend. people i used to talk with stopped answering my messeges too. my phone is dry 24/7, i lost my last friend a month ago beacuse they were done with me.

i have no one, only my parents. i don't go out, just sit at home and watch all my assignments pile up beacuse i just feel too sad to get them done. i have rich inner world, imagination, but that's not the same. i guess i'm just unlikable.

any tips how to make my life feel less miserable?? i love october, i'm usually excited for this time of the year, but now it just feels empty 💔

It’s basically like Reddit but with more Boomers and Gen Xers and more ableism. I remember on one page some idiots were going off about food stamps and said how they gotta pay for lazy bums that are unemployed. I commented I have autism and that I actually work long hours and still need food stamps cause I don’t make enough. I got a lot of laugh reacts and people saying “get a better job, kid”. I then told them how the workplace is very difficult for some autistic people and one dude said “life is hard, get over it” and I told them how I just want to have a normal life and own a house and they said “if you don’t like it you can always go to Canada, rain man”. Basically any comment I made, they didn’t wanna understand where I was coming from and just used insults or slurs. Inb4 someone tells me who cares and to get over it. Nah, I’m not gonna get over these old heads who are out of touch with how shit things are for younger people. Even more so for those of us with autism.

The second that story came out, legions of ignorant morons instantly invented the bullshit narrative that he was "autistic", that "autism" was the cause of his insane actions. Even now that his family have personally come out and refuted it, and said he was struggling with mental illness, there are STILL shitloads of dumbasses in every comment section on ig and fb trying to perpetuate this fully debunked BS about him being autistic. Some of these clowns seem literally disappointed that he isn't, or they're questioning his own family's claims or even accusing them of lying about it.

I see it on every news article about someone doing something stupid and senseless, there are ALWAYS comments that say something along the lines of "I bet they were autistic", "sounds like something someone with autism would do" etc.

I know a lot of autistic people, of various severity, and not a single autistic adult I have ever met would have climbed into a tiger enclosure and heckled a tiger. Do those autists exist? Of course they do, just like the myriad non-autistic people who would climb into a tiger enclosure and heckle a tiger. Drunks and drug abusers do wack shit like that all the time.

These people are acting like allistics NEVER have psychotic breaks or do unhinged shit, when in reality, it happens CONSTANTLY.

But I'll tell you one thing, I haven't seen a single one of these idiots say "he must have had Aspergers". And I don't have the patience or energy after just trying to survive in this world to explain to these myriad uneducated idiots that I don't have unhinged tiger-heckling autism (nor does pretty much anyone else), I have "talks, drives, and works 80 hrs a week to pay his bills" autism. I just want them to know what to expect from me without a fucking dissertation, an argument, or a bunch of exhausting, stupid ass questions.

I don't care what they call it. It doesn't have to be called Aspergers, it can be called something else. But until society at large figures out what "autism" actually is, I do not want to carry that label.

Anybody feel me on this??

Edit: It has been officially confirmed that he had schizophrenia and was, according to the statement, highly competent and independent in spite of his mental health struggles.

I was doing some research on early intervention and even late treatment of pragmatic language deficits and possible medications for social ability treatment, and in all studies it was a slight improvement in actual performance but negligible in terms of social acceptance and cohesion.

TLDR; they will always be able to suss out and reject the inherent differences in the treated patient.

So what’s the point? They will always think “you’re wrong” no matter how good you are at it or subclinical your symptoms are.

PS it’s not the content either. It’s the physical presentation and feeling of presence. So it’s not “you” it’s what you are.

So I (31F) was recently diagnosed on Monday with Asperger’s (Autism Level 1), alongside with my prior diagnosis’s of BPD, MDD, and Anxiety. My ADHD diagnosis I receive tomorrow morning, but statically there’s like a 50-70% chance so there goes that. Anyways, any tips on how to cope with the late diagnosis? Readings? Podcasts? Shows/documentaries? Currently I’ve been on this emotional rollercoaster of grief all week on how much differently my life could’ve been if the little girl me had support.. shit even the adult me.. could’ve probably avoided the BPD if I had it. Granted, I always knew something was off, that I was different and misunderstood, guess now it’s officially on paper. I do see a therapist however I would like to just hear some tips from the community I guess and hear other perspectives. Also, by no means am I shamed of the diagnosis either. It’s a part of me and will always be.

It varies from person to person, but I'm curious if the whole 'theory of mind' effect might be a factor in this.

Let's say I have a friend with Asperger's who I converse about multiple topics on (to illustrate that the things I share aren't completely out of the blue), and this reaction happens regularly. In this example, I shared I hit a pretty high advanced weight on a particular gym lift, and he automatically resorts to saying things like "you take rest days (whereas he does not)" or "you've been doing that lift for a really long time (whereas he hadn't)".

This is a consistent pattern, and trying not to tunnel vision on this one example, the underlying point is that the instinct rather than to celebrate with me, is to justify how X happened and somewhat imply why he himself can't accomplish Y. To me it comes off in a way where he feels like he's being flexed on, when I share things neutrally, and I also celebrate his accomplishments with enthusiasm when the roles switch.

Is this normal for someone with Asperger's, or is this one of those things that have no root in Asperger's whatsoever, in your opinion?

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For context, I have no ND friends or family in waking life around that I deal with, so I am a bit alienated and being constantly invalidated (which I am used to and prepared for), but I know what is appropriate, healthy, and not. My girlfriend has been relentlessly getting angry with me because of my lack of ability to use proper tone, body language, ect. Basically the classic always saying the wrong thing at wrong time inevitability. I have explained that this is because of my autism, about mirror neurons, masking, ect. I have explained this nearly daily for a year, and she is assured that I "need help" because my lack of managing that is affecting her.

I have explained that I do not have an illness, and will not be treated as such. I have explained that is a neurological level wiring that causes this, and she still tells me that "I'm choosing my actions". She has revealed that she has a cluster B personality disorder which somewhat explains (but does not make this okay), so I have put legal and financial boundaries in place, and understand all that as a separate issue.

Has anyone else dealth with a relationship, where the other was so persistent that you were broken?

I work at Walmart and live at home with my mom and my niece. I’m struggling a lot financially because of my bills. I only have car insurance, phone bill, and putting gas in my car as my normal bills but I am also in crushing medical debt from psych holds and previous surgeries. I’m struggling a lot with mental and physical health issues currently. Asked about getting assistance through my job and they said medical bills don’t qualify for their financial assistance program. I have to wonder if there is a way to get a financial adviser to help me with my money? Or maybe a social worker? I’m a 29 year old on the autism spectrum so idk what to do at this point. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. Do I ask them for help? Idk if they would have resources I could look into or not.

I'm single now at 40. I've been married and through two other long term relationships. Looking back it seems like with each one they didn't see me as... equal. They never stated this of course, but I could almost sense it.

They all tell me I'm one of the smartest people they've ever met, but at the same time they act shocked or surprised that I don't know how to do X, or Y.

Then the relationship almost turns into them trying to teach, or reframe, me into something else. Something more normal? I go along with it each time because I'm just so happy to have someone wanting to spend time with me. I'll bend whatever way they want.

So I do that but they eventually get bored of me as a project and ghost me or dump me.

I'm really missing having someone again. It's been 3 years since I've dated and I put myself back on the apps today. I'm hoping this pattern doesn't repeat but we'll see.

To anyone who says I need to hold my ground and be how I AM, my rebuttal to that is that in my 40 years on this planet I have only ever had 3 women interested in me. It is not like I have a plethora to choose from. When one does show interest I hold on as tight as I can.

Everybody only speaks French, and you don’t know a word. You get the stink eye everytime you mispronounce a word or make a joke that doesn’t translate. You’ll never feel like you fit in, no matter how much you try to dress or act like everyone else. There’s no room to be yourself, only to pretend.

Then you go back to your hotel room and lock the door. Why bother trying to integrate when you know you’ll never be able to? Honestly, you’re not even sure you want to, considering how stuck up and superficial everyone is.

“I know,” you say. “I’ll make friends with other tourists instead. They’ll understand.”

Turns out, there are other tourists, but they speak Spanish, or German, or something else. No one speaks your specific language, and you struggle connecting with them just as much. You start noticing the language barriers are sometimes annoying you too, to the point where you end up acting like the Parisians.

It seems like there’s not a single kindred soul in the entire city. After so many hurt feelings, you don’t feel like opening your door. So you just wait in your hotel room, waiting for your flight.

And you’re scared that one day, you’ll get so fed up that you take an early flight home.

(This is just an anecdote, no offense to any French people. A lot of people DO speak your language in Paris - and there’s a lot of friendly French people outside the city. But with autism, no one speaks your language and the whole world is Paris)

(venting post)

I know there's alot of bleak posts here, and i do apologize for being one of them but i havent had anyone that understands even parts of my difficulties to say this to, so might as well yell at the void

I have been "different" since birth, a gene fault caused me to be heavilly visually impaired, i knew this, i knew what i could and couldnt do, and that was most everything if i put my mind to it, i luckilly was able to function as a human being, sure my vision was going a bit down but id survive, id just work harder, that had worked befoer, if i just strived and tried and hoped, i knew i would succeed because i had done so before. it wouuld all work itself out! right?

Then, came the aspergers diagnosis, now i was a late teen at that point and was getting frustrated by my anomalous lack of social skills and want to socialize, but id believed that was a me-problem, something i should try to better. Apparently it wasnt, i... honestly did not even know what autism was at the point of getting my diagnosis, i vividly remember someone trying to insult me by insinuating i was, and them failing miserably as i just stared confuzedly at them, so i really did not care to research aspergers, however one day, i did, and i found this sub, it was amazing! i wasnt actually doing something wrong it was my brain being stupid! that was okay then... After all i could work around it!

As you might have guessed, im an optimist, i hope for good because nothing good from only seeing the bad, this is however blinding in many ways and after doing my research i found my naiveté slipping away, i noticed more and more differences between what i was doing, what others were doing and what my brain made me do, i... didnt like what i saw but it was fiiine, it was fixable after all, all my unobservant experiences had shown me that after all, it was workable, surely

I got the news yesterday that i might not even be able to fully finish my schooling because of the sheer amount of social, mental and physical pressure being both legally blind and affected by aspergers put on me, i might have to live off goverment funding even because im either to socially weak, mentally frail or visually impaired for most actual jobs. now this isnt bad itself, but, i put myself so high, i shot so far that seeing where i will land hurts, so so much, had it been one or the other i might have been fine, sure hampered but id fight for the life i had.

However now, now i am just so broken. i cant be normal, i cant do things that other people do, i cant talk to people, i cant even be me because i sought so long to be normal that me and me are fighting. ive been through it, ive been bruised, scraped and cut, but there is no comparison. im not even myself anymore, i used to be someone who loved living, actively living with friends and being positive that if i just did a few more things, i would get some result. now, i just think and think and think about everything because theres noone to talk to, and if i found someone they probably wouldnt be able to completely understand what im talking about, i dont care what others need or want, i used to, oh i definetly used to, i loved helping people, talking to people because it showed that beliefs were correct, atleast correct enough to be viable, now i just... survive, until i possibly can better somethng or be proven wrong or something. but i wont, because i dont talk to anyone and i have noone to talk to, nothing changes, exept for the fact that i started reliving my childhood because what else am i supposed to do?

I am so tired, why did i have to have this personality, why did my body decide to be host to all this- oh yeah i forgot to mention, i also have several other problems like constant, draining migranes, sleep and weight problems and so on but those are unimportant in comparison, so why did my body just decide on this.

Guess ill never know.

my dreams are denied, not even gone but denied and i am so tired of that bullshit.

Cheers, and i hope you have a good day, or atleast had one and will continue to have them if this post got you down.

Here's last week's thread

Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.

So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far? :)

Had a meltdown over something and it started with name calling. Like she called me a bitch. And stupid. Then she told me how she doesn’t care about me for the second time this week. Then she said that it’s really hard to want to help me. Basically telling me how much of an inconvenience it is to be around me. I asked her what her problem was and she said it’s me. She said it’s always me. Then she said sometimes I make her want to shoot me in the face. I told her to do it and she got mad. Started hitting me in the face. Not like, hard, it was open handed slaps and I blocked most of them. At one point in this interaction I asked if she was threatening me and she said she might be. I’m scared. I can’t tell anyone because I don’t want her to get reported. I would lose the place I live in. Plus I would more than likely be told I deserve by my family. I will admit I struggle with more than I would like at my age but I don’t feel like this is deserved? I don’t know what to do. Can’t afford to move out and all the friends I asked who also still live with their parents aren’t looking to move out.

Would it be a smart move to put on applications that you are autistic or have a learning disability? Do you think that would make the job not want to hire you ?

I'm so incapable of anything. I'm 26, I've never had a job, I never even got a high school diploma.

I feel like I can't learn, everything is too complicated and I can't even begin to do or understand anything because I'm constantly overthinking, and everything and everyone is too loud, especially during the daytime.

I took a scalding hot shower to try to help my head, it seemed to at least kind of help for now, and at least it'll be dusk soon so it won't be so bright.

I have nowhere to go and life and I don't really have any friends. I mean I kind of do, but the idea of reaching out or interacting with people even if it's just online sounds exhausting. My favorite person friend hasn't interacted with me in months, I miss them.

I need to vent because I'm struggling badly it has hit me harder than almost anything I can remember.

I'm a 29 year old, For the last decade I was a NEET with no job experience and no formal studies beyond high school, spending most of my time in my room on the internet, and constantly immersed in gaming. The only upside is that during that time through years of playing video games, reading books, watching Youtube videos and livestreams, browsing forums, and talking to people online The downside is that I spent years barely talking to other people in real life, my real-world social muscles atrophied badly and my social life basically never developed.

For the past two weeks, I've been waking up every day with intense regret, anxiety, dread, and constant "what if" thoughts. What if I had handled that conversation differently? What if I had been warmer? What if I had communicated better? What if I hadn't let my anxiety get in the way? The hardest part is not just losing the business but also losing an unique friendship and opportunity. My mind keeps replaying memories and imagining alternate timelines where things worked out differently. I know its quite common for people who have ADHD and Autism to feel completely separated from the world. Like you're a monster or that you don't fit in.

I most likely have Autism, ADHD and social anxiety. I've felt out of place my entire life and I feel alone constantly.

The friends I used to have back when I was in school have mostly left. I had reunited with them at least two of those friends back in 2022, but after a falling out things, just felt kind of bleak, and nothing ever reconnected ever since, and I've tried coming on here to get friends. But most of them have really since fallen back, or just never really lasted more than 1 or 2 days, and it sucks, because I want to build longer friendships, but they just don't happen as much.

So I want to try to find some genuine friends (preferably female ones) who are out there and see if they're open-minded to wanting to talk about certain fun hobbies like video games, they play or maybe even an inside hobby that they like to do while they're in their room or something like that and hopefully we could be able to build some type of connection.

It’s ok if all but one of your dates / romantic experiences are total failures. It only takes one person that you truly connect with. I really relate to all the young people on here worried that they will never find someone. I went on so many bad or mediocre dates before I found my husband. Been married 11 years now. It’s not always easy but it’s fulfilling. Sending this sub good positive thoughts since I know things can feel dark / bleak out there ❤️

Hello,

So, yesterday i almost got to jail lol, because an officer came and told me that doing x stuff in that environment is forbidden, i just repplied "where is it written such information?", then the officer got very mad, telling me that I was disrespectful and i could say almost anything, except this, I was puzzled because i want to know where to find such information, to see if any other behavior is forbidden at this place.

Long story short, the officer brought me to police department, threatening me to put me in jail for a long time, that i was acting "dumb" and sarcastic, not taking anything serious, she gave me a fine, a strong/heavy one, and then after appealing to the court and showing my diagnosis, the fine was canceled and the officer had to pay $ to me for misconduct.

Do u guys have any stories to share?

30m feeling completely defeated and hopeless in life. Ive never had a gf nor have I ever had a girl tell me she liked me. Im a short unatractive dude with nothing special about him. I work an average job in an insanely hcol area and my career prospects seem hopeless. I have no friends and barely have any family besides my mom. The possibility of being completely alone in the next few years seem very real.

I was never smart or talented and struggled in everything from academics and anything I wanted to be good in.

In the past i never had much besides the hope the the future will get better. Now im in my 30s and nothing about life now indicates that things will be better in the future.

I just wish I didnt have to go on anymore. I wish I could be someone else.

I have autism and selective mutism, and I have tried so hard for so long to get a job. It has been years of applications and interviews. The bar is so high for me to reach.

I don't even know if it would actually be worth it by this point. I don't know if my life would actually improve if I finally got one. It's been so unimaginably hard for me to get one; I'm scared about what it's going to be like for me if I actually get a job and how hard it will be to maintain.

There's barely any real support for me while trying to get a job. I feel like there will be even less if I ever manage to finally get one. The process of getting a job is so dehumanising. I'm scared of how they'll treat me as an autistic person once I actually get the job.

Does anyone out there maybe at times feel like the fictional Star Trek race The Borg seem an apt analogy to neurotypicals? I realize it’s a dark view of course but it’s what I thought

I feel like any other form of discrimination is rightfully called out on here, but seem like it’s always a slippery slope when you call out ableism. Especially if it’s about autism. I see all kinds of jokes about autistic people and sometimes I even see people straight up saying autistic people annoy them. But if you call it out, you will normally get met with downvotes and people commenting “ThAt iSNt AbLeIsm Go OuTsIde”. Why is there a weird empathy gap/selective empty when it comes to us? And I don’t wanna hear that it’s just “a few Redditors”. It’s not, it’s a big portion of Redditors who act this way. Why?