Three Weeks

[u/colourmekatie]

I (37F) ended things with my AP three weeks ago. We’ve gone no contact and I’ve been doing pretty well, however when I think about the fact that we’ll never see or talk to each other again, I start feeling anxious and like I need to reach out. The relationship itself was over a long time ago and I’ve tried to end it several times but kept going back for this reason. He was such a big part of my life, someone I loved more than all my other partners, but it just wasn’t working. Like most people on here, I don’t have anyone to chat with about this.

It’s been hard but I truly was miserable at the end. All we did was fight. There was so much miscommunication and misunderstanding. I’m someone who always needed to justify the affair. At the time I started the affair, my husband and I had zero emotional connection. We were roommates, who fought a lot. I have an extremely high sex drive, so we were having sex, but that was as far as our connection went - basically hate fucking 🙃.

He (27M) told me he was in a dead bedroom situation. Or at least he did initially. It was her who never wanted sex. And then it was him who didn’t want it, “because you can only do the same position so many times.” He said it was boring, but also that she never turned him down if he wanted it, but then that story changed as well. At the end he told me he was initiating and enjoying sex with her. He also stopped anything sexual with me. We were exclusively online. I basically felt like a cam girl thrusting myself on him. We used to ‘play’ via video call every day. He just stopped. He made some kind of joke at the one year mark about how ‘this is when the sex stops’ and it broke my heart because I knew, from him, it was true.

Things with my husband have improved. We’ve started therapy. He’s genuinely trying for the first time in our entire relationship. We have three kids.

So he was having sex with his girl more than he was doing anything with me and I was fighting with him more than I was with my husband. It was draining and exhausting and I try my best to remember that on days like today.

I just miss talking with him. I miss seeing his face. It feels like so much has happened in these few short weeks that I haven’t been able to share with him and I really want to, but I know I can’t and it really sucks.

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[u/phreak_like_me_2600]

not to be rude... but like this guy lied to you and treated you like a free onlyfans model, while constantly arguing with you.. what is there to miss?

[u/Dry-Judge-2444 → u/phreak_like_me_2600]

People really need to stop messing with others in their 20s expecting mature outcomes 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/colourmekatie → u/phreak_like_me_2600]

This is exactly why I posted…This is the advice I need rn!

[u/Dry-Judge-2444 → u/colourmekatie]

Maam. You have 10 years and a whole marriage on this man in his 20s. It was never going to work and maybe you find comfort in that nd maybe you learn the lesson of staying away from that age range.

[u/colourmekatie → u/Dry-Judge-2444]

I know, I know 🙈

[u/Capecodyearround]

So he was having sex with his girlfriend more than anything with you. I hate to tell you but you got used. Dump him, no contact. If things work out with your husband great!

[u/NewMasterpiece1159]

This sounds like a horrible AP. You deserve better.

[u/shallowed_heart]

In the end someone always gets hurt. Everything you are feeling and experiencing is normal. Hang in there, time will heal. Delete his number and any trace of the AP, make it hard for you to get in touch.

[u/mystery_me8]

Honestly reading your post, things sound like they're only getting better for you. That's great! It's natural to miss people; things ending is never fun and it's easy to remember the good stuff. Clearly, you had good reasons for ending things and you've been wanting/trying to for a while now. I'm new to all of this so maybe I'm not the best person for input, but I think you're probably just missing it because it's gone and there's an empty space where you used to talk to him. You just need to fill it with anything else and you'll be over it before you know it!

[u/digitaldingo75]

Dude you are a woman and she is a child. Walk away and never look back. Either work on your marriage or find someone who treats you better. Some people will feed that side of you but in a healthy way.