r/addiction • u/BreadApprehensive588 • 11h ago

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This is what society calls a behavior to give it a name. To be dependent on something, to give & do everything for it.

I always had a hard time with this definition.

I'm writing these words while smoking a smoke to wind down from the snow.

I'm currently visiting someone who is very important to me. This person is disappointed in me for constantly going out and coming back at night. This is repeated 2-3 times. Then the person gets angry.

When it snows, you can't behave the way the person actually knows you to because you're different.

Different? I can only speak for myself, but I am more proactive, have radical ideas for spontaneously changing my life and am suddenly full of energy.

So you assume that it's different because of the addiction/dependence - that I can't access it otherwise, such as productivity.

I would like to know why I need these highs to suddenly text people euphorically or meet up or go hiking to meet up.

I always hide my consumption and get very caught up in lies.

Not because consumption is changing me - but because I've been missing this desire and willingness for a long time.

I do sports, work, and have a normal environment now. But I experienced a lot early on and now everything feels so boring sober.

I usually only use alone - I was once on a date and secretly did coke in the toilet (as an example) because I haven't been partying or anything like that for a long time.

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u/livid_interact 11h ago

the need to hide it says more than the reason you use it. if the high just unlocked your real self you wouldn't be sneaking off to toilets alone

sober life feeling boring after heavy early experiences is a real thing though. your baseline got calibrated to chaos and now normal just doesn't register the same