r/actual_detrans • u/Blue__Jellyfish • 4h ago
Advice needed Im usually okay with being ftm until I see a pretty woman
I've been transitioning for a decade now, on and off T a lot (back on as of a month ago) but always presenting as male regardless. I've briefly experimented with detransitioning in the past but that was mostly just online, I never did much irl besides some makeup and longer hair (while still presenting as male)
But I've noticed recently that any time I see a woman I think is pretty, I get so envious. And I know its envy and not attraction. I want her hair, or her hips, or her breasts, or her cheekbones, sometimes just all of it together if I think she's really beautiful. I want to be her and look like her, not be with her.
I don't really know where this leaves me. Right now I want to be a beautiful woman so bad. I want my long hair back and my breasts back. I want to be a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. But most days I really like my facial hair, my muscles, my more masc physique, and I still want an even deeper voice (despite it always being read as male now). But then there are those days where I wonder if I regret top surgery, if I'd love to be seen as a woman again.
I'm just not sure what to do or where to go from here. This question has been rattling around in my head for 3 years now