My(f27) fiancé(m26) have been engaged since December of 2025. We’ve decided to have our wedding in October 2028 to have lots of time to plan and not feel rushed. This past weekend we went and turned a venue and fell in love with it and booked it on the spot. My fiancé and I have always loved the idea of a Friday wedding and love all things spooky, there happens to be a Friday the 13th in October of ‘28 so we set that as our date since it’s fitting for us. Just yesterday I texted a group chat that is myself, my fiancé, his sister(f30) and her fiancé(m31) that our wedding was exactly two years from that day and that we were excited to celebrate with them. My future SIL (we’ll call her Ember) responded back with “wow this is a very important day for all of us since her fiancé (we’ll call him Justin) hung out for the very first time on October 13th of 2023”

This sadly isn’t the first time she’s done this. My fiancé I have been looking at that October 13th date since we got engaged in December and they’ve known this, and every time we bring up the date she ignores it and says how that day is very important to them. It’s small and petty, I know. But it’s beginning to get under my skin. After her comment on the GC last night my fiancé decided to call Ember and explain how it can look from our side and that she is unceremoniously making our special day about herself so far. She then blew up and said that we should’ve consulted with them about what dates we were looking at since October 13th means so much to them because they hung out for the very first time on that day. She then started to scream and said “fuck you, drama queen”, he then hung up on her.

Justin then was texting my fiance and trying to deescalate the situation but my fiancé stood his ground because this sadly isn’t the first time she’s acted like this and we actually just made up from a fight she caused back in July (long story short back in July my future FIL went into my garden unannounced and pruned all my plants and I was upset since it caused two of my plants to die, Ember called my fiance and told him i was being dramatic and that I’m a hateful person). Justin was saying how Ember is a crying mess and that she loves my fiancé and I and he wants to resolve this.

UPDATE: just some more backstory since I was HEATED while typing this out yesterday.Fiancé and I got engaged December of 2025, we waited until after the holiday season to enjoy the holidays and live in the moment of being engaged before the stress of planning kicked in. We decided in the very beginning of January this year our date would be October 13th if 2028, Ember had no problem with it then and was so happy. Fast forward to end of March/beginning of April, Justin proposes to Ember and that is when she started making this huge stink about the wedding date. I’m definitely taking all of your advice to put passwords on venders/venue. Fiancé and I have decided she will no longer be in the wedding, because if she’s acting this way about a date how will she act on the actual day?

She did text fiancé last night and said “I’m sorry I screamed at you my baby (fiancé’s name). I love you” (running joke to call him that in the family).

That’s what she does. She will flip out and scream her head off and say the nastiest things and then be all sweet. And it breaks my heart that his family just says “oh that’s just Ember, we’ve learnt to deal with it”, and it makes me feel like I’m the crazy one or I’m the one starting drama because I refuse to deal with that or be treated that way. She has serious anger issues and everyone just sweeps it under the rug. I have a feeling you guys will be hearing more from me about her. Fiancé and I have also agreed to grey rock her and take a huge step back

Me and my fiancé have been engaged for about 2 months now and we're getting married in less than 8 months. We're both 24, we've been together for almost 9 years, we're both unproblematic people and have a great relationship with my family, which is why what has been going on has been so strange and hurtful.

Initially, some of my female family members (3 of my aunts, my grandma, my cousin and my mom) had agreed to help plan and pay for the ENTIRE wedding, which was surprising and extremely relieving as neither me or my fiancé make a lot of money.

Well, it's been about a month and we really need to start securing the important stuff like venues, an officiant etc. as we're getting married in June (which is an extremely popular month for weddings) and we live in a small town with limited options for everything wedding-related, and 8 months isn't a lot of time.

Every person with the exception of my aunt Jessica (fake name) has been completely ignoring all of my texts, calls and flaking out of any plans that are made to plan my wedding. I'm getting so stressed out because they offered to help and now we're left figuring out everything on our own, with the exception of Jessica.

Jessica drove us around to look at venues for the ceremony, booked and paid for the one we chose, bought all of our table decorations and has been going above and beyond. She even offered to have our reception in our back yard for free and I couldn't be more grateful.

We had just put together a rough schedule for my wedding, which Jessica shared with my mom who has been ignoring me for weeks. I had even sent her pictures of me in my wedding dress after she ignored my attempts to try it on in front of her. I thought the pictures would be meaningful but she completely ignored those too.

Anyways, I get one of the longest texts.I have ever gotten from anyone, from my mother I'm not going to copy the whole text here but the highlights are:

"You can not have your wedding in your aunt's backyard because then it'll be her event. She needs to back off and quit stealing my place, she's ruining my experience. This isn't just your day, but it's mine too she's trying to steal all of the attention from MY day!" Those are all direct quotes from her text, among a bunch of crazy, lavish ideas for my wedding that no one will be able to afford.

At first, I was seething because what is wrong with her? She's been ignoring my every attempt to include her in this for a month, and then getting upset that she's not included? We have less than 8 months and it's to the point where we need to plan this with or without her. She should be grateful that Jessica is stepping up.

I calmed myself and basically responded "I'm sorry, I would love to include you but you're making it hard to" but in many more words. This was about a week ago and she ignored that text too. She's now fighting with my aunt and basically dissociating herself from her, my uncle and cousins over this. Not only am I hurt, I'm extremely confused. I do not need this stress right now. I would love to have her involved in my wedding but at this point, it's getting kind of unlikely.

Anyways, I'm so grateful to have Jessica and my wonderful fiance who have both been getting me through this. It's such a messy situation and I don't really understand what's going on or what I'm supposed to do.

My best friend is getting married next year in June. She’s 20f and her fiancée is 21m. They have been together for 4 years now and I’m so happy for her.

When they got together 4 years ago, I was dating the best man. I’m no longer dating the best man, we broke up and I’ve moved on since it’s been 4 YEARS.

My friend has come to me and said “OP, I love you so much but I need to ask the best man’s permission for you to be in the bridal party.” I told her that it’s her wedding and he shouldn’t get a say but all of our other friends have been telling her that she is being so mature about it. (Did I mention he’s married now)

Anyway, last week she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I said yes and asked if she got his permission. She said no because she didn’t care. The groom has told him and he is extremely angry that I’m a bridesmaid. He said his opinion should matter more because he’s known the groom for 9 years while I’ve only known the bride for 8 years. Such a big difference I know.

The engagement party is next month and the wedding is still 9 months away and I’m expecting there will be so much more drama

For a bit of context I really hate my friends new husband, he’s always freaked me out a bit and struck me as a little creepy, but in trying to be a good friend I
decided to go to her wedding and support her.

I was at her wedding this last weekend and her and her husband are super into dogs among other things. They own a rescue and have multiple dogs so a lot of the wedding was dog themed and a lot of it was very cute and family friendly. Later after the cake cutting and the speeches the groom comes out and says he has a very special gift for the bride, he gives her this velvet box and when she opened it there was a bedazzled collar inside with daddy’s little princess written on a heart, he then tells her IN FRONT OF EVERYONE that he’s so happy that now everyone can know who daddy’s favorite little puppy is all the time. Needless to say the rest of the evening was toast, no one knew what to say after that and people started to leave pretty quickly, however I did get a kick of having to watch the brides dad try to explain to the brides 96 year old great grandpa what the word daddy meant. Anyways just thought I’d share!

My best friend since middle school invited me to her wedding. I received my invitation in the mail months ago, dated for 6:30pm.

I RSVP’d thinking I’m going to the actual wedding.. only to walk into a room full of 80+ people sitting at tables watching the first dances. Talk about turned heads.. how awkward. I drove 4 hours to come watch my childhood best friend walk down the aisle & marry her high-school sweetheart. I moved away after graduation 6 years ago, but we’ve kept in contact since. I literally just had lunch with the both of them last month, & I told her how excited I was to watch her walk down the aisle!!

Nothing was mentioned at all about a private ceremony. No one else was arriving at the same time as me. It seriously felt like I was the only one who wasn’t invited to the ceremony, only the after party. I’m not even a big drinker, had to drive hours back home same night so I wasn’t drinking even if I wanted to… & she knew this too.

So my feelings are definitely hurt, & I’m very confused why there was a lack of communication about this. I subtly asked several people at the party who are less close to her, & even they were at the ceremony! I almost wonder if my invitation had a typo??? But then again it’s not like it was specifically addressed to me outside of my name being written on the envelope so I’m sure she mass printed them…

On top of all of this, I already felt a way about not being asked to be one of her bridesmaids.. upset, but not that upset. I get it, I moved.. we see each-other maybe a couple times a year. Fine. But I definitely planned on asking her to be one of mine in my wedding next summer. I thought the feeling was mutual. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I wasn’t able to go on her bachelorette trip with her? I turned it down bc it was a weekend stay in another state, & I just gave birth to my first baby that I had anxiety about leaving.. idk. Probably not the case but I just wonder. Why invite me to the bachelorette trip but not the ceremony.. You know?

Soooo 8 hour round trip to end up leaving feeling like our friendship isn’t worthy enough of a proper wedding invite. I’m trying to be grateful that I was invited in any sense, because another very close friend of ours (so we thought) was not invited at all.

Regardless, I’m very happy for her. She looked incredibly beautiful, so happy & radiating with love. She deserves the absolute best & a lifetime of happiness with her amazing husband. I’m glad to of been a part of the celebration.

My aunt felt like my best friend growing up. I was 11 when she got engaged and was so happy for her. I really felt crushed when she decided to make her wedding adults only because for sure if I was getting married she would be invited. Instead of acting like a brat and lashing out, I just emotionally distanced myself from her over time and remained respectful. Now I'm 26 and planning my own wedding. I don't plan on doing to my cousins what she did to me, but I don't want to invite someone who really hurt me. I know the reasons why people do childfree weddings, but the choice still hurts.

And the annoying part is that she's expecting an invite 🙄

Like, I'm not entitled to an invite to your wedding, but neither do you.

I (27F) got engaged last November to my partner of 7 years (30M) in Maldives. We got together young, so it felt like the right timing.

Now, everyone is just being such a btich about it. We have families all over the world. I live abroad and every time I call my mom to try to talk about some wedding planning, she bitches about her not having money for the dress, not having money to travel, not having money to be there. Today she told me she won’t attend (she complained about all of this before, to which I told her I’ll be paying for her dress, her flight, her accommodation everything - I love her and want her there). (She doesn’t work, is doing some cult-like church thing where the only money she has is from people who donate to her). Like what? I haven’t decided a date, location or anything. I’m literally trying to figure out the best location, aesthetics and etc. why are you trying to make everything about you? Saying to me “ah, he is fucking you for 6 years, and now wants to marry? He is already your husband, pointless thing” HELLOOO?????? It’s important for me. Shut up about yourself and think about MY BIG DAY. Help me plan this.

Then his mom (55F) also said she won’t attend the wedding. Like bitch? She just doesn’t like to travel. His sister (27F) (this is another level drama, she ignores my presence when we hangout, and it’s in love with her brother) had a full blow out screaming throwing me out from her apartment in the middle of the night (we were visiting and slept there for one night). Like, saying to him “don’t marry her, don’t have kids with her, I would rather die than seeing you doing this to yourself - slipt the money, go your separate ways, it’s not that hard” she literally was screaming at me.

All of these women, neither of them had a happy marriage nor are they married right now.

His grandma couldn’t give less of a shit about our wedding. She is too catch up crying about her daughter and son-in-law divorce, which happened 27 years ago. Yes. The grandma can’t stop thinking about that. When we show her my ring, she didn’t express shit.

His dad and his wife seems the only “family” to want to participate.

Like… what is wrong with everyone? It was only us getting engaged, everything got flipped upside down. I swear to God, I wish this was a lie, made up story. I cry in the bathroom thinking can’t everyone just fucking shut up and be there for the fucking wedding? I stupidly want a big white dress and a huge fucking party - so does my fiancé!!!!

Where is him on this? This has really made our relationship pass through some pretty thought phase, his mom was not speaking with him, his sister only called to ask him to break up. I saw him cry for this, for losing his family.

We really assessed ourselves, are we THIS wrong for each other? And honestly, we have our flaws, like everyone else, but we genuinely found each other, love each other, and even with all of this bullshit that EVERYONE ELSE is pulling, we still want to get married to each other.

I just needed to vent.

My brother (32), Caleb and his girlfriend(30) Bea want to host his wedding the day before my wedding.

Let’s start at the top.
My husband (M34) and I(F27) eloped earlier this year. And we are hosting our reception/ celebration in December.

This Tuesday a close friend sends us a screenshot of Bea posting in a community group looking for a venue available the day before or after our date. Call me surprised as they never told us they are engaged.

Cue today, my mom calls me to ask if it is okay for them to host their wedding before us. I was very upset that she even asked that. I, very upset and firm, told her no. And continued by saying anyone who supports this crazy idea, will not be welcome at my wedding. (A bit harsh, but wait for background)
Later, my father called and asks me to be the bigger person. Because now it is my vault that they are stuck in the middle of this. And that I am the asshole for not supporting this.

Some background: my brother and I was close when we eloped, had a disagreement and now not on speaking terms. AND they haven’t even RSVP to our wedding!! My brother has a lot of resentment towards me from our childhood.

I mean, we are doing all the ground work to get the family here and now they just want to high-jack it?

Edit: not real names

UPDATE:

Received a very sassy message from my brother informing me that they have moved the wedding to day after - to keep me happy.

I was flabbergasted with the attitude. Now they pretend to care how I feel?

I have apologised to my parents to my comment of being not welcome at my event. I realised what I tried to communicate in the heat of the moment sounded salty.

I don’t know that they plan to do or where it is going to be. I just want to protect my peace. I want so badly to retract their invite but I am afraid for more drama. What was meant to be an olive branch ended up biting me in the ass.

And then some (more) background:

The fight that happened? O, I called them out on their BS. I was tired that my brother and ‘bride to be’ always made our parent out to be the villain in their story. My brother was busy with some ‘stuff’ (vague- I am sorry) and my father was getting suspicious. So I warned my brother. ‘Brb’ blew my head-off because “why are we discussing them” and then went on and on about how terrible our parents are. I replied by defending my parents. After that, never heard from them again.
I don’t care for an apology for what she said to me. But if they reached out to us before all this drama, we would have been looking at a different picture.

The resentment from childhood? My brother believes that I got a lot more opportunities than he did. And he makes sure I know it. I take it even though I feel he received more opportunities and things. I worked my butt off to get where I am - without assistance from my parents. Where my mom arrange two jobs for my brother. I worked to get a bursary to study and worked a tutor job to cover some expenses when money got tight. Where he had to drop-out after many years of not getting anywhere. I don’t through it in his face. I don’t resent him for it. I wish he saw how I worked, studied and earned my opportunities. I can proudly say that everything I own, I worked hard for.

Our elopement? We wanted it to be about us. The reception is not for gifts or anything like that. We want something small, intimate and us. We want to celebrate us with the people we love. So yes, even though we are legally married - we are celebrating it 5 months after with our people.

My friend's sister, we'll call her Molly, invited my husband and I to her wedding. We all grew up together and used to hang out. My friend, Sam, has a small child like almost 1? She's still nursing.

Molly sends out invites, the wedding is on a Tuesday afternoon at a local park, cool. Sam and I plan to drive together with our spouses and the baby (so more of us can party hard on a Tuesday). A month before the wedding, Molly and her fiancé send everyone invited to the wedding a note saying they updated details on the wedding website and to check it out. I didn't immediately go read the website. But Sam tells me she thinks they added a paragraph about no kids under 8 being allowed at the wedding. I tell Sam not to worry about it because the baby is their neice and she's still nursing.

Sure enough two days later Molly texts Sam and asks if they saw that kids aren't allowed at the wedding and that they hope Sam and spouse will understand and leave the baby at home. At this point I go read the wedding website and see that yep it does say to please not bring kids under 8 and says something like "we don't want any screaming kids to interrupt the ceremony." Sam sends me the messages and says she doesn't know Molly's fiance's family very well, but is pretty sure her baby would be the only child under 8 who could possibly attend.

The day of the wedding Sam gets a babysitter and we all drive together as planned. Sam had gotten a text the day before asking if she and her husband could arrive at 2 p.m. for family pictures. So we all arrive early and start greeting Molly and Sam's family and the fiance's family. There are two kids there we don't know from the fiance's side of the family. One a young teenager and the other a younger kid. I glance at kid and glance at Sam who raises her eyebrows. I go over and tell him I like his bow tie and eventually ask how old he his. He says he is 8. We find out from chatting with family there are not other children in either family under the age of 8.

The bride and groom do not show up until 4 p.m. Sam has to pump in the car in the parking lot. But here's the kicker. When they do arrive, they walk us (and all of the guests who have arrived for the wedding) over to where the ceremony will be. The chairs and beautifully flowered wedding arch are set up directly in front of a public playground. At 4 p.m. On a Tuesday. Full of random people's screaming children.

I (28f) got engaged this past May and am planning a wedding for next spring. So far, it has been a mostly joyful process. I am so excited to marry my future husband and very grateful for all of it. I am running into issues with my older sister (29f) that are weighing on me heavy, though.

Initially, I had no intentions of having a wedding party. It seemed like a lot to deal with when I didn’t really care all that much. My older sister came to me and said she had always dreamed about being my bridesmaid and didn’t know if she would have another opportunity to be in someone’s wedding. She has been having a rough few years and I wanted to give her this experience so I pivoted. I asked her, my younger sister (23f) and two of my very close friends to be my bridesmaids. I have 2 sisters and I am in the middle. My younger sister and I have spent a lot more time together over the past few years and have a lot more in common. I still love and cherish my older sister and the friendship we had throughout our childhood so deeply. We are very close in age, but as we have gotten older have become different people. She has also been distant for a few years now.

Despite the fact, I was not about to choose between my two sisters to be my maid of honor. In addition, my best friend is a planner and on top of her stuff. My older sister literally lives in her own world and is not what I would consider reliable. I asked my best friend to be MOH. It felt like the neutral choice and what would end up being the most helpful.

My older sister texted me a novel the other day about how much it has been hurting her that she is not my MOH and how excluded she feels. I’m not really sure what she feels excluded from because I haven’t done anything with my bridesmaids so far and they really have not been a part of wedding planning much at all. However, I have asked my older sister for a few minor things (specifically to include her). She has not come through on any of them and mostly would just stop responding. Now, I have made a bridesmaid group chat. Idek if she is reading it. I am trying to plan a group activity that involves making a keepsake as my gift to them all and I am trying to get feelers for what everyone will be comfortable with for the bachelorette. I do actually need them to agree on a date for the gift. I also sent my wedding website and invitation draft for feedback. It’s crickets from her.

I don’t wanna let her down or make her feel sad, but it just feels like she is trying to make things about herself. I want to care for her, but I am so stressed out already. I have a full time job and am a graduate student while planning this wedding. I have purposefully tried to be empathetic and inclusive with her, but she does not accept any of my efforts. It is just stressing me out and I wish I could just go back to my original plan of no wedding party but it is too late.

My MIL decided that after sobbing into her son during the mother, son dance, that that was the perfect time to make an impromptu speech. Who else spoke or gave toasts during our wedding? My father gave a welcome (he paid for the entire thing). Groom’s grandmother was a First Lady for most of her life and is very religious and gave a beautiful blessing over dinner. Our best man and MoH gave toasts after dinner. Before the toasts though we had the father/daughter and mother/son dances. So again, after being so fucking weird and clinging to my husband while sobbing. She said something like “I know I wasn’t allowed to speak like everyone else” (again at this time, my dad gave a welcome before dinner and his grandmother gave a sweet dinner blessing).

The speech also consisted of something like “(me), I love you even more now. I really mean it.” Random sobbing, etc. kinda blacked out in that moment.

Honestly in the grand scheme of things.. I had the most beautiful, best night of my life!! I love my husband, my friends, and our families. But let me tell you that she gets nothing from me ever again.

Extra details: they were so late to rehearsal that they missed the actual walkthru at the venue. They showed up after dinner at the next spot and stayed way too late with the younger crowd of friends. Also she farted in front of them LMAO I keep getting flashbacks of weird things that happened. Also they didn’t give us a gift?? Not even a card??

Again. She will get nothing from me ever, ever again. Not even a reaction from me about this weekend. Byeee girl.

Recently engaged (F29), and although we only got engaged recently, my partner and I had already been planning our wedding and putting down deposits about a month beforehand. I’m excited, but I’m already frustrated with my family. There are too many moving parts, and I feel like I’m losing control of a wedding that my partner and I have been planning together.

First, my younger cousin -I told my parents and siblings about the engagement, and everyone was excited. I also told my younger cousin, who is seven years younger than me and someone I talk to regularly. I planned to announce the engagement to my extended family this Sunday at my grandparents’ house, where my aunts, uncles, and grandparents would be gathered. Some have met my partner, while others haven’t. My cousin sent me a voice note saying it was crazy to announce the engagement when some relatives didn’t know my partner. She suggested I personally invite everyone instead of having my mom tell them to come over and said the announcement would be awkward.

Honestly, I thought this was unnecessary. It’s an engagement announcement, not a formal introduction ceremony. Am I missing something, or is this really not that serious?

Next, my lovely mother- Of course, she’s excited and wants to be involved. I gave her a detailed wedding workbook with SEVERAL tabs, our vision, and a proposed $12,000 budget.

Things went downhill when I explained that we wanted a Wednesday wedding with approximately 50 guests. That number already includes immediate family from both sides, my partner’s family, and some friends. His side consists of 10 people, and I’m not even inviting some of my friends, coworkers, or my mentor because we’re trying to stay within budget.

My mother was furious about the guest count and said my father was furious, too. She wants to invite additional relatives, including my great-aunts, her brother (my uncle, who had had fallen out with the family for 14 years before returning last year), and other people.

I explained that the guest count was based on financial limitations, not personal feelings.

My mother kept saying she had been saving for this moment and would take care of everything financially. However, she wouldn’t tell me exactly how much she planned to contribute or which expenses she would cover. When I pressed her for a number, she asked why it mattered if she was paying. Eventually, she said my partner and I could contribute $6,000, and she would cover the rest.

That still makes me uneasy. What does “the rest” actually mean? Which expenses is she covering, and does contributing financially mean she expects to make the decisions? ( I should also mentioned my family is not in a particularly well financial spot)

My partner is practically a human calculator. He likes having a clear line item and price point for everything, which is honestly one of his best qualities. We want to know what we’re spending and what we can afford.

I gave my mother a detailed workbook with our budget, expenses, and wedding vision, yet she’s sending us links to different venues, dresses, and wedding dates. She’s even downplaying our chosen ceremony and reception venues, despite the deposits we’ve already been putting down. (its less than 4k)

She also bragged about how my grandmother and her aunt took control of her own wedding, as though that were a funny thing. Meanwhile, I’m wondering why anyone thinks taking control of another person’s wedding is acceptable.

And then there’s the money- Out of curiosity, my partner and I ran the numbers for the venues she suggested. The projected cost came out to approximately $27,000, compared with our original $12,000 budget.

I don’t understand how I can provide a detailed budget and explain our financial limitations, only for the response to be suggestions that would more than double our spending.

I’m exhausted and frustrated. I'm willing to make the wedding on the weekend. Part of me is considering having a courthouse wedding before the actual celebration because I want something intimate that belongs entirely to my partner and me, without feeling like I have to negotiate every decision with my family.

I appreciate that my mother wants to help financially, but I’m starting to feel like her contribution is becoming a way to influence decisions that should belong to us.

I want to celebrate with my family, but I also want to recognize my own wedding when I look back on it.

I get married in a few weeks time. Last week I mentioned to a best friend I had asked another close friend if she could do a speech at the wedding. This friend I mentioned it to, felt upset that I didnt ask her even though I knew she would say no. As she bought it up, I then asked if she would like to say anything where she replied no cause she hates public speaking. I asked her if she would like to help with anything else? Like bake cakes or desserts, or help make my flower bouquet.. still no. Then she said 'Oh i know what I would have done / made' In which i replied 'Oh what?' she then replied 'Its too late now, i wont say'.

I feel guilty about not asking her about the speech but at the same time, im feeling annoyed about her response...
All three of us are spending the night before the wedding together and we're all getting ready together the morning of the wedding but Im feeling a little meh about it..

So this was at the very end of a wedding. Pretty much everyone had already left except for the high school group.
The bride’s father was absolutely hammered. I mean stumbling, yelling, and barely able to stand drunk.
At some point, he announced that he was going to drive himself home.
Everyone, including the bride, immediately started telling him no. He could barely stand, let alone safely drive.
Then things somehow got even worse.
He started hitting on the best man’s girlfriend right in front of everyone and asked if he could go home with her.
That obviously caused even more drama.
He started yelling:
“I was in the Navy before any of y’all were fucking born! I can take care of myself!”
Then he started walking toward his car.
The bride completely lost it and started screaming at her dad, calling him a stupid drunk and telling him that his Navy experience “doesn’t mean shit.”
Then she told him:
“Go kill yourself.”
And yes, sadly, that was said word for word. The full nine yards of verbal insults.
At that point, the wedding party, the groom, and some of the groom’s friends took his keys away and tried to calm him down. They were basically doing everything they could to keep him from getting behind the wheel while he was that drunk.
Eventually, one of the groom’s friends was able to drive him home, with another friend following behind in case anything happened on the highway.
Well, we get a call that they had pulled over because the father of the bride started yelling at the driver, once again going on about his Navy skills and how he could take care of himself.
Then he actually got out of the car and tried to get into the driver's seat.
At this point, things were getting seriously scary.
Eventually, the father got back into the car, this time on the passenger side, and actually calmed down.
Meanwhile, the bride was yelling at her dad over the phone, and the groom was debating whether they should call 911.
But since the father eventually got back into the car, calmed down, and was no longer trying to drive, they decided there was no need to call 911 at that point.
But holy shit, it was intense to watch.
What made the whole thing especially scary was watching these two people—both heavy smokers, both drinkers, and both apparently having serious anger issues—go absolutely nuclear on each other.
Father like daughter, I guess.
The difference was that the bride at least had a clearer head in this situation. She understood that her dad was way too drunk to drive and was trying to stop him from getting himself or someone else killed.
Still, watching a bride scream “go kill yourself” at her own father at the end of her wedding was something I definitely wasn't expecting to witness.

I once attended a wedding where the bride asked her bridesmaids to pay more than double the cost of her own dress. Her dress was bought from a mall and cost around $31, while she required her bridesmaids to get custom-made gowns that cost more than twice that amount.
The groom’s father asked if they could have the gowns made by a family friend for a cheaper price, but the couple insisted that everyone buy from a specific boutique. Since two of the groom’s little sisters were junior bridesmaids, of course, their father would have to pay for their gowns.
And during the reception, the couple’s grand prize (from a game played during the reception, which is usually included in the program) was a small old Nokia phone with a keypad, but they put it inside an iPhone box. Everyone thought the winner had actually won an iPhone. Honestly, it was so awkward to watch..

Also here, when you are a bridesmaid and are asked to pay for your own dress, the normal or acceptable rate would be $15 USD. This is because you do not pay only for a dress, you will also pay for your own accommodation, makeup, and such.

I had a very close relationship growing up with my aunt. She is like a second mother to me, but I uninvited her from my wedding last month, and it was the best decision I could have made. I'm writing to anyone else lurking like I was and agonising over the decision to tell them to just do it; you will not miss them.

For context, my aunt is a wonderful, smart and caring person. But my observation is that whenever someone sets a boundary with her or expresses disappointment, she escalates, tells other people her version of events, and then expects the other person to apologise. Our relationship works well as long as there isn't any conflict.

The problems began when I got engaged about a year and a half ago. She immediately started telling me that it would be a great experience for her daughters to be my bridesmaids. I'm 10 and 15 years older than them, and I already had several close friends I wanted to ask. I explained that I wanted my friends as bridesmaids and that the main role would involve organising my bachelorette, which would be difficult for teenagers. She wouldn't accept this. She told me it wouldn't be an issue, said she'd take care of the bachelorette herself, and got my mum involved to try to convince me to change my mind.

My mum (her sister) raised me on her own. When my aunt wants someone to do something, she tries to force my mum into making it happen for her (this is its own unhealthy older/younger sister dynamic my mum acknowledges and is working on) mum trying to put boundaries in place said it is my choice.

Then my aunt started pushing for her "partner" to be invited. I put partner in quotation marks because she has repeatedly told both me and my husband that she doesn't consider him her boyfriend. She has also asked us for help finding someone more successful. They don't live together.

My husband and I were paying for the wedding ourselves, and the venue had a strict capacity. Inviting him meant one of our friends would have to be removed from the guest list. I accepted that I would have to invite him because I knew my aunt wasn't going to let it go.

Then she started complaining about the bachelorette. She emailed my bridesmaids asking about the itinerary, saying it was too expensive, asking whether they could change things around, and saying that for the price she expected cake to be included.

We live in an expensive city, and every year I'm expected to attend her birthday dinner, which always costs more than the amount being asked for the bachelorette. I'd also already put money into the bachelorette specifically to make it affordable for everyone. I sent her a text saying that her partner could come to the wedding, but given how expensive the wedding was for my husband and me, I would stop making a fuss about the bachelorette cost if I were her.

It wasn't my finest text. I was angry and felt betrayed and used. At this point, the wedding was starting to feel like it was about her getting a good deal rather than my experience.

Her response was disproportionate; I spent the entire day receiving texts saying I was entitled, selfish and not family-oriented. She told me I didn't understand how difficult it was for a single mother to afford things, despite the fact that I was raised by a single mother and knew very well what her financial circumstances were. She also told me that my text had caused her to have a breakdown at work which could have cost her her job.

Eventually I called her and apologised. I basically told her I was horrible and that I regretted what I'd said because I just wanted the situation to stop escalating. She then told me she didn't want to come to the bachelorette anyway because it would be boring for someone her age and wasn't worth the money. She also demanded that the bridesmaid who had told me she was complaining write her a letter of apology. At this point, I just said sure so we could move on.

Thirty minutes later she called me again. She had found out that I had invited my uncle's partner to the wedding. My uncle is her ex-husband. He came into my life when I was three, and I actually have a very close relationship with him. She started screaming that my uncle didn't love me, that she had been there for me when my dad had left my mum with gambling debts (I was a toddler). She then said that neither she nor her three children would be coming to the wedding.

Truly, it was a bummer to hear about her kids, but I felt quite relieved to hear that I'd be getting a break from this and went on holiday to meet my husband who was working overseas. 

A week later, she texted asking me to buy her some things while I was away that she couldn't get where she lived. I agreed because I assumed this meant the relationship was on the mend.

We meet when I’m back in town and had a nice night out with my mum, who lives overseas but is staying with her for the bachelorette weekend. I give my aunt some of the items she asked for. She tells me how excited she is for the wedding she’s gotten a full face of botox, hair and a designer dress ordered. This is her way of telling me she is coming to the wedding. 

Then she pointed out what was missing from the things I'd bought her and told me that when my husband returned from the trip, he needed to bring her the cigarettes I hadn't bought. I said okay and went home.

That night, at about 11pm, my mum texted me. My aunt had started asking whether she was still invited to the bachelorette. My mum said she didn't know and that my aunt would have to ask me directly because she didn't want to get involved. My aunt started screaming at her.

She told my mum that she shouldn't be staying at her house without sorting out the dispute first, told her to get out, and said that my mum had raised an awful person. My mum shouted back, shoved her, and left.

I ended up booking a hotel for my mum in the middle of the night.

The next day my mum was devastated. She felt awful about shoving her sister but was also genuinely hurt that she'd been kicked out of her own sister's house over a dispute that wasn't hers. This was the day before my bachelorette.

Then my aunt's eldest daughter, who I'm very close to, texted me saying she was coming up from another city for the bachelorette. The last thing I'd been told was that neither my aunt nor her daughters were coming.

I suspected my aunt had told her daughter they were going because she knew I wouldn't say no to my cousin. I told my cousin she couldn't come to the lunch because her seat had already been given away, but she could meet us at the pub afterwards.

I had the best day ever with my girls, mum, MIL and SIL at lunch. Aunt arrives with my cousin to the pub, and things seem to be going well. Except I later found out that my aunt had been walking around telling my friends she wanted to punch one of my bridesmaids in the face and that if they were really my friends, they'd help me realise that this bridesmaid shouldn't be at my wedding. This bridesmaid is my best friend.

Then my aunt cornered me, and there are things she is saying that most brides wouldn't want to spend their bachelorette party discussing: 

1. She brought up the fact that we had both experienced SA as children and told me that she would never tell anyone what I'd confided in her because she loved me (I hadn't considered that this was something I needed to worry about).
2. She told me that my bridesmaid choices were terrible and that her daughters were extremely upset and angry with me because I'd chosen these "awful girls" over them.
3. She told me that all her friends had heard what happened and thought I was a horrible person, while also thinking she was incredibly brave for still wanting to attend my wedding.
4. She also told me that if I wanted her boyfriend to attend the wedding, I needed to email him personally and apologise for wanting my uncle's partner there instead.
5. Then she criticised my mum for thinking she could to stay at her house.
6. Then she told me that I needed to understand how my bridesmaid had "destroyed her family." According to her, after I apologised to her, she was still so distraught that she collapsed on the floor screaming in emotional pain. Her son apparently found her like this and was so affected that he cheated in his final school exams by bringing his phone into the test. He was caught and there was going to be an expulsion hearing and he might not receive his high school diploma. She said it had also caused a rift between her and her ex-husband, who was no longer speaking to her. All this was apparently the fault of me and my bridesmaid.
7. Then I showed her the seating chart. She looked at it and said I'd put her in the worst seats in the room to punish her. For context, she and her "partner" were sitting at the parents' table in seats of honour. At this point we were two weeks from the wedding. I'd printed the seating chart. I'd given her pretty much everything she'd asked for and she was still saying things like "if we even come."

I just wanted to get back to my own party. So I did what I'd been doing throughout this entire situation and apologised. I told her she was right. I said it was all my fault and that I'd been immature. I even apologised on behalf of my mum and agreed that my mum was terrible too. I asked for her partner's email so I could send him an apology.

I was basically doing everything I could think of to end the conversation and get back to the night.

Then my bridesmaid, who had been drinking, found out what my aunt had been saying. She came over and said to my aunt, "I heard you're walking around telling everyone you want to punch me in the face, and I don't appreciate it."

My aunt actually stayed relatively calm and basically said that this proved how awful my bridesmaid was and that she needed to be kept away from her. I told my bridesmaid to go away.

My bridesmaid was upset with me for not defending her, particularly because my aunt had apparently also been saying she was going to set her children on her at the wedding. I told my bridesmaid she had drunk girl judgement and to just apologise because it's not worth the drama.

Bridesmaid agreed and said she was sorry she shouldn't have brought it up; she was having a reaction to what she'd heard.

My aunt then completely lost it. She started shouting about her son's expulsion. She told me she felt sorry for me because I had such horrible people in my life who were turning me against her.

Other friends tried to intervene, and she responded with something along the lines of "Who are you? I'm the bride's aunt. I'm blood. She will pick me over you."

We ended up going home - after all the work I did with my aunt and many of my friends being screamed at the night was done. By no means did she ruin the event, it was a really great day for the 5 hours she wasn't there, it just ended quite stressfully.

I received a few texts from attendees the next day to the effect of hey had a great time but gently mentioning that they think my aunt probably not safe to have at the wedding. Specifically, a friend described that they were told by my aunt that she was going to punch my bridesmaid, then later in the night my aunts story had changed to my bridesmaid approached her and said she was going to kill her.

At this point, I regret even trying to have a wedding because of all the pain it's caused to my family. My husband is pretty frustrated with me for being so upset and anxious over this period when I should have uninvited my aunt earlier.

I agree and ask him to handle things, given my track record on this, I was worried I'd just cave and apologise, letting her ruin my wedding because she felt she was owed that.

I blocked my aunt on everything and asked my husband to take responsibility for uninviting her. I also didn't want to be blamed for whatever happened next, so we contacted her ex-husband to check on the expulsion hearing involving their son so we could time things conscientiously.

Her ex-husband had absolutely no idea what my husband was talking about. He hadn't heard of any expulsion hearing. As far as he knew, his son's academic future was completely fine.

My husband then uninvited my aunt. She told him that she wouldn't accept being uninvited by someone who wasn't family.

My aunt's teenage children then started texting my husband and me. I had blocked my aunt, and I genuinely tried not to read what was being sent.

The basic messages were that they were disappointed in me, upset that my friends had threatened to attack their mother at my bachelorette party while I did nothing, and upset that my mum had strangled their mother with both hands and threatened to kill her because my mum hates single mothers. None of that happened.

My mum is upset and thinks my aunt is having a mental health episode and wants to get her help. I disagree and think she is just someone who has a bad way of managing conflict. 

It all calms down after that. I begin to enjoy the lead-up and end up having the perfect wedding filled with so much love I forget all about this.

I've tried to be honest with myself about the role I had in it all. Neither my mum, my bridesmaid, or I had perfect conduct. But what I really did wrong was not enforce boundaries earlier and allow someone to cause this much upset and hurt to me during a time that was supposed to be joyful. I am an adult, and it's within my control who I allow into my life and to my wedding. Me trying to manage my aunt's emotions was ridiculous.

On the other side now I can say I am so happy with my decision. For other brides having problems with loved ones, you do not get a do-over with your wedding day. If someone is causing you stress it is your wedding day, you get to choose who can be there.

This happened all the way back in 2008-2009, so some details are a bit hazy to me. Still, the content of the day is so absurd upon retrospect, and my husband suggested I should post it here (he explicitly stated that he wanted credits for this), so here I am. Facts have been reconstructed from memory and from conversations with my mother.

This story starts on the morning of the wedding. Enter my family: my stepfather (M47), our mother (F41), my half-sister (F2), and me (F11), were invited to the wedding of one of my step-father’s nieces. Our mother usually spent a long time getting ready, and while it was not surprising, it got irritating eventually, especially for an anxious 11-year-old with undiagnosed ADHD. So after multiple times of her asking me if she looked nice (to which I said yes), I snapped back at her with: “Fine, you look prettier than the bride, alright?! Can we go now, please?” And while this answer resulted in her chastising me for being inappropriate, it also managed to get us out of the house. 

My mother truly did look very pretty in her flowy, floor-length, beaded sheath dress in *white*.

Both the ceremony and reception lunch were at the same venue, a house with a yard jointly owned by my stepfather’s family. The small scale and intimacy of the event was not only odd for a family our size, but also for wedding traditions in general in our country (we are Vietnamese). Contrary to my anxieties about being late, the groom was even later. In fact, they did not even seem to be done with setting everything up by the time we arrived. Apparently the aunts and uncles on our side of the family had chipped in to throw this thing together in a rush because the bride was pregnant. This was still quite early in my mother’s marriage to my stepfather, so I have no recollection of ever meeting this cousin or her betrothed before. It was only later that I realised, that as I ran off to play with the other kids, the dishevelled-looking woman in her yoga pants glaring daggers at our mother and her white dress had been the bride herself. Oh yeah, the wearing-white-to-someone’s-wedding part is hardly relevant, I just wanted to lead with that.

One hour later. The groom still hasn’t shown. The bride has also disappeared, presumably to her suite to get ready. There were rumours of traffic and/or lovers’ quarrel among the adults. That was of no concern for us, the children, who were quite content with our children’ things, such as throwing ice water into the neighbour’s yard, or nicking food off plates when we thought nobody was looking. It was good to know where the kitchen was and have access to it. There might have been some puppies as well, which would buy the adults 15 extra minutes of relative peace and quiet from us.

Minutes, not hours. 2 hours later, the groom was still nowhere to be seen, and we children could only repress our gremlin nature for so long. We managed to swindle a few 2-liter bottles of Coke from the adults and found some Mentos. We took these to the sidewalk, by the flowerarch, for we were considerate enough to not cause a disturbance indoors. We were such angels.

Our plans did not pan out the way we hoped, because we were little shits who did not know how things worked. But being outside did divert our attention to the flower arch, and someone came up with the idea of making rose-flavoured Coke, which was followed up with other flower-related vandalisms. And as we were hacking at the flower arch, branch by branch, bud by bud, the bride-to-be came storming out in our direction, red-faced. It was clear she had been crying. She was screaming that we were stupid and destructive, that we ruined everything. I don’t remember how the other kids reacted, but I was frozen in fear and confusion. 

My mother came out a few minutes later, having changed into her backup dress, a loose, semi-formal brown number. She said it was “inappropriate for her to wear a white dress now that it was not a wedding anymore” (?!) We stayed for an extremely awkward family lunch afterward.

I eventually learned the following things. At the time I was too young to grasp most of this, but I remember peoples’ reactions, and now, many years later, they sure do make a lot of sense:

1. The bride was not pregnant.

2. Sources differed if she had a miscarriage before the wedding, or if she was ever pregnant in the first place.

3. But she wanted the guy to believe she was, and once he found out, he was understandably pissed off about being lied to.

4. He had a girlfriend at the time.

5. My cousin’s hypothetical child may have been conceived in a drunk one-night-stand, which is what caused the wedding rush. They had barely known each other.

So that was the worst wedding I’ve ever been to. My cousin eventually got married to someone else and had kids of her own. She’s doing fine now. Fast forward, I got married to the love of my life earlier this year. Our wedding was small, intimate, and thrown in a rush by our family since the Registry Office took forever to approve our license. I was not pregnant. Our friends have no kids so there were none at the wedding. It was perfect. 

This was a few months ago and I think my frustrations/anger/stress is finally leveling out so I can share this without trashing anyone. I haven't been able to talk to any of my friends about how stressful this whole ordeal has been because I don't want to mar someone's precious wedding memories with my own frustrated experience/rants.

With that being said, I ended up having to handhold my friend through wedding planning, do her hair/make up, be the day of coordinator, and essentially execute the entire wedding weekend. I knew I was going to have some type of responsibility because it was a small (~40 people) wedding and everything was DIY. But I had no idea how much would fall on my shoulders. We had just informally joked that I was in charge but I didn't realize what that would entail...so part of all this is on me for not setting better boundaries/expectations too.

Let me bullet point list this because else this post is going to be too long. It's already going to be long. I just need to get this off my chest.

• This was a destination wedding in a remote area of buttfuck nowhere. Everyone had to fly multiple hours and then get a rental car and drive 3 hours into a remote area. I was in charge of coordinating to make sure everyone arrived to the right place. I didn't even know the exact location of the places we were staying, who was staying where, or even the name of the venue until we left to roadtrip over there. I just knew the general zipcode/city it was happening in.
• There was no day of coordinator or wedding planner. I somehow became the unofficial person for that. At the rehearsal, the officiant was asking me about timing of events and the schedule and I had no fucking clue what he was talking about. My friend told him that I'm good at planning events so I would handle it and I had no idea. I literally ChatGPT'd a wedding schedule together and modified it the night before the wedding. During the wedding, the person running the venue kept pulling me aside to ask me questions about when things were happening or where something should be. Girl I don't know?? My friend had a loose idea of what order she wanted things to happen in but had no idea of a time table or agenda for anything. It wasn't even written down. It was just thoughts in her brain.
• When we arrived at the wedding venue to get ready, there was NOTHING set up. She didn't read the venue contract like at all and didn't realize that it was a full DIY situation and we had to arrange tables/chairs/etc ourselves. She assumed the venue would do it. My boyfriend and another friend literally hustled to set everything up. Every time I looked outside, they were moving around giant pieces of wood and furniture to mcguyver a bar together or who knows what.
• They didn't have any music planned besides the father/daughter dance and the first dance. There's also no DJ. I was relying on Spotify playlists and just YOLO'd it all. They walked into the reception to Thunderstruck because that's all I could think of. Thankfully everyone loved it but WTF. For the reception, I searched Spotify for "fun wedding reception dance songs" and just asked random people what song I should queue up next.
• There was no MC so I asked my boyfriend to MC the wedding when he arrived at the ceremony. He is such a good sport and just went with it. Thank god he's charismatic and great at public speaking. What he did not tell me until the day after though was that he had taken a ~special chocolate~ before arriving (because he didn't realize he was going to have a job). No one noticed and I'm so glad he didn't tell me until the next day else I would have had a cow.
• The wedding couple left first to go back to the house for an after party, and I was in charge of wrangling some guests together to help clean up. Thankfully all the friends and family pitched in so it wasn't the worst but I have never done set up and break down for a wedding. Mind you I'm in a corseted gown this whole time. Literally sprinting across a field to clean up and dump all the decor and stuff in the cars and take the trash out. The venue was essentially like "sorry you signed the contract, it's DIY, best of luck! If there's trash left, we'll charge you!" which fair but also I wish I had gotten a chance to read the contract?? I didn't realize I would need to because this wasn't my wedding but I definitely should have asked for it!
  • On top of no one reading the contract, the reception was cut an hour short (aka there was only about 25 minutes of dancing after dinner/formal dances with parents) because the venue person mistold us the time verbally during the rehearsal and morning of the wedding. Turns out it was written clearly in the contract but evidently no one read the damn thing. It was a weird miscommunication that could have easily been prevented. I do not understand how you sign a contract and don't even check for basic things like how long you have the venue for. SMH.

This isn't even all of it. There was so much more. I love love love love this friend so much but this was not what I had expected at all. I wanted a relaxing and fun experience of celebrating my best friends getting married but instead I ended up puking from the stress all weekend long.

She had a lovely wedding and was happy with everything and ultimately that's all that matters. She did acknowledge that I did so much more than she expected/asked of me and she's very appreciative of mine and everyone's efforts. She's still a wonderful friend and I love her so much so everything will even out with time - I'm not worried about that. This wasn't like a ruin-the-friendship-situation. Actually, I can probably darkly chuckle about what an experience it all was. But I needed to vent this out because how was any of this a real wedding experience...like as a type A person that often hosts large-scale events, this was nightmare fuel for me. Anyways hope this was an enjoying read. Thanks for letting me finally vent it out. <3

My fiancé and I are having a small wedding abroad next year, with only immediate family and a handful of friends. Rather than invite my adult-made friends (who I see more often and am arguably closer with) I decided to invite three childhood friends. Friend #1 "J" lives locally, and we see each other maybe every other month. Friends #2 "L" and #3 "A" live together in another city. Fiancé and I visited them about a year and a half ago but we have otherwise not seen each other in a few years. I thought it would be a great opportunity to get together and see one another, and it felt like the thing I was supposed to do. I admit I didn't think very hard about it before sending them an invite, and part of me expected them to say no due to the international nature of it.

J (they/them) has told me (unprompted) that they don't want to hear about the wedding. I was purposefully not going to talk about it much with them because they're going through a lot, but it still hurt my feelings to hear (especially when it was pretty much out of the blue and not in response to anything I had said).

J mentioned to me yesterday that L was in town very recently but she did not reach out to me. When it became clear that I was unhappy to hear it, J tried to backpedal and say that L was only in town for a very short time and was really busy with family stuff, but in my mind if she had time to text J she could have texted me too, even if it was just a "hey, I'm in town but overwhelmed with family obligations, but I miss you and I'm so excited for the wedding." I know I'm annoyed on principle, which may not be a good reason, but I can't help it. L apparently also told J that she doesn't really know why she's invited to the wedding, but is excited to go in this international trip.

None of these three people have expressed any excitement or interest in the wedding. When I told them I was engaged via text they congratulated me, but beyond that it's like they don't care. I'm not looking to be the center of attention all the time, but when I know a friend has gotten engaged I call to congratulate them, ask about the engagement, and I follow up to check in and see how things are. I won't lie- not getting that from them has been disappointing.

The max capacity of our venue is pretty small, so I can't really invite any more friends. I don't want to uninvite these three, because I know that would be burning the bridge, but I wish there was a nice way to say "if you don't care about the wedding you are under no obligation to come."

I don't really know what I'm looking for here. Maybe just to vent. I'm sad, and disappointed, and angry. I feel dumb to have been impulsive and made these invitations, when I think if I had slowed down and really considered it I would have decided to invite two adult-made friends who have been really enthusiastic. I know the wedding day will still be amazing, and I'm trying not to stew over this whole thing, but it's definitely impacting how much I'm enjoying the planning process.

Update: I talked to L on the phone not long after I made this post. We talked for about an hour and a half and it was a very positive conversation. She told me that she had been feeling insecure and guilty that she might be taking up a spot I might prefer to give to someone else. L acknowledged that we haven’t kept in close contact but she’s really excited to be there for the wedding and to share that moment. Yesterday she was back in town for her sister’s wedding and set aside a few hours for us to have lunch. We talked for four hours and it felt so natural and easy, and I feel like this was honestly a good reminder for both of us that we’re still friends and want to stay in more regular contact.

I also talked to J, and while I did not uninvite them (I’m of the school of thought that rescinding a wedding invite is reserved for people who sleep with the groom or other high-intensity shenanigans), I did let them know that they had hurt my feelings and I was concerned about whether they can handle this event. They did acknowledge that they’ve been struggling a bit with being excited for me, but said they do want to attend the wedding and are going to try to not let their struggles interfere too much. They planted the seeds that they may have to back out (they’re in a PhD program, and their schedule may be such that going on a week-long international trip will throw them too far off-course), so we’ll see what happens I guess. I don’t have to give a final headcount until spring, so if they need to take some time to really reflect on what they can handle/work our their program schedule it’s no skin off my back. If nothing else, having now had this conversation I think if something else were to happen I can more easily tell them essentially “this is what I’m talking about and I need to hold this boundary. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay, but I can’t be hearing this stuff right now.”

So I suppose we’ll see! I’m feeling a lot better about L, and at least somewhat better about J. Thank you to everyone who gave their input, even the people who wanted me to go full scorched earth. Having people so mad on my behalf gave me a lot more confidence to have a firm conversation with J. Fingers crossed everyone behaves at the wedding!

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to attend a college friend’s wedding less than a year after we graduated. It was fun returning to my college town for a fun wedding with friends. But, most of the wedding guests were Appalachian family members of the bride and groom that I didn’t know. So, I stuck with my friends most of the time. For context, I’m currently a 26 year old woman and this happened when I was 22.

My favorite thing about attending weddings is dancing all night long. At the reception, however, it felt like not many people danced other than myself and a few friends for the most part. So, the dance floor felt pretty empty at times. Towards the end of the night, I noticed a couple middle-aged men just sitting watching me dance. The DJ was also older and either a family friend or someone’s random uncle, I don’t remember.

The night ended abruptly when “Hurts So Good” by John Mellencamp started playing with porn sounds mixed into the audio somehow. I have no idea where this remix would’ve been found and the DJ didn’t seem to be in any hurry to turn the music off or change it. It felt like it went on for way too long. My friend and I were immediately horrified and disgusted, covering our ears because what the hell? This is supposed to be a fun wedding celebration. Not a complete objectification and sexualization of guests.

The bride and groom were especially frustrated with the DJ and apologetic to us. Of course, they didn’t know that would happen and no one knows how or why that could’ve happened in the first place. I always hoped it was an accident and not completely deliberate. But, I’ll never forget how absolutely mortified and disgusted I felt when I was enjoying such a nice night.

I was never much of a fan of John Mellencamp before, but anytime I hear that song play on the radio, I always immediately have to change it because I never want to hear it again.

I just got married this past year I had two close family members pass in the months leading up to my wedding, planning the wedding was absolutely miserable for me. My parents offered to pay for the entire thing I wanted to cancel multiple times and just elope but I felt like I couldn’t because of the money they’d invested. Half of my remaining family didn’t show up. Half of my friends didn’t show up. My maid of honor bought her dress last minute off Amazon and complained the entire time about costs associated with my wedding (I paid for everything but her dress and shoes) Her dress also did not match my dress code at all. All while my now husband talked about how nice it was for him to have his entire family and friend group together again.

I feel so alone and absolutely sick and miserable every time I think about my wedding. I feel so disconnected from people I was super close with before. My entire wedding was completely about other people and I just went through the motions of what other people wanted me to do and I now just feel completely abandoned by everyone. I don’t know what the next steps are but I’m struggling to get over the deep resentment I feel for everyone around me.

We just had our rehearsal dinner tonight. We are getting married the next state over. Our wedding party is small with just a maid of honor and best man. We also have a day-of-coordinator who is a family friend that is not charging us so I booked a private room back in March that had a maximum of 12 people. We invited my parents, his father (also our officiant), his brother and SIL, my brother and SIL, my maid of honor, and day-of-coordinator which was a total of 12 people. My parents and brother moved to another state about 10 years ago. My brother never visits home and hasn’t met my fiancé’s family yet so I was really excited for everyone to be in one space and get to know each other since it would be unlikely to ever happen again after the wedding.

Last week, my FIL called my fiance and said that he would like to pay for rehearsal dinner. He then asked if he could invite a family friend and my fiance told him no that we only wanted immediate family there and he seemed okay with it. He also told him it was a small room so there wasn’t any room either.

Then, we finish rehearsal and head to the restaurant after and there are two of his aunts and one uncle sitting at the table. There weren’t enough chairs for everyone who was at rehearsal so they had to bring more over which took a strangely long time and made a point of saying “this is the last chair that we have.” I feel so bad because I told my parents they couldn’t invite anyone so I’m hoping they aren’t upset that he “got to.”

We found out after the fact that his father told them they were invited. I’m just fired up that our wishes got disregarded. I don’t know if it was a matter of him not understanding what immediate family meant or if he just figured that it was fine because he was paying. If I didn’t make a point of inviting someone, why would you take it upon yourself to do it? If you did it, why would you not give me a heads up to at least make sure the reservation is for enough people then?

My fiance has been worried his father is having memory issues and maybe that’s the issue. I feel like a jerk for being upset considering he paid for it and I don’t want to be ungrateful but that doesn’t give you permission to do what you want. I worked so hard for this weekend and meticulously planning things. It took me so long to find a private room that was affordable and could fit our group so I just feel disrespected.

Update:

As we went to take “family” photos before the ceremony, his father was getting ready to call his aunts to join. My husband’s brother jumped in to say it was immediate family and he looked confused. Turns out he did not understand the difference between immediate and extended family. Annoying but we’re already over it after a beautiful day.

My wedding already happened and I just got the pictures back.

While we were planning our civil wedding and the party afterwards, my fiance said that his cousin, who used to be a wedding photographer in another country, would like to take our pictures. I immediately said yes, hoping that a family member would take warm and personal photos.

Now looking at the pictures, I realized that I have no bridal portraits, no captured moments of my family hugging me after the ceremony. Our couple pictures turned out great, but I can’t help feeling like I was handled as an afterthought. My husband has beautiful pictures and portraits, very emotional and perfectly captured. My sister in law as well. I am so happy they get those memories, but for me the moment has passed. I feel overseen and disrespected. I, as the bride, shouldn't have to run after and beg the photographer to take my pictures.

We are having another big wedding next year, but I am so angry at the fact that I can’t reproduce these moments anymore. Also, I feel like I can’t say anything because he took the pictures for free.

For the next wedding I am definitely hiring a photographer.