Let me start with this: I retired from the Navy after nearly 21 years. Been retired for about 2.5 years now. For the first year or so, I was determined not to be “that guy” who couldn’t let go, and the veteran in me would be all I ever was. I made a concerted effort to let go and move on. Other than the DV plate on my truck, if you don’t know me you might not guess I ever served.

But lately I have been noticing how “proud” people are of all of the various things they have done in their own lives, and it has made me question why I feel obligated to keep my service and vet status low-key, when a large number of people put their own accomplishments on display…

For example, colleges. You see people everywhere with alumni stickers on their cars, hoodies, hats, the list goes on and on…it’s not “taboo” in the slightest for someone’s identity to be totally resting on the college they went to as their foundation.

In fact, this very weekend, some of my in-laws all took a trip up to the college they attended, just for the homecoming. They haven’t attended that school in 20 years…but they again have it all over their cars, they wear alumni hoodies, and yep…go to homecoming. People I know were in fraternities in college, and they still wear the greeks on hoodies and tshirts, etc….

Okay, okay, you get the point…

Anyway, fast forward to today. I have started wearing a “Retired Navy” ballcap when I go to the VA for my appointments. Something about carrying on the “tradition” of pride that the old-timers have carried for so long hits my heart. So, I bought the ballcap from a retired vet at his kiosk stand at the VA hospital I go to, and started wearing it for my appointments.

After my appointment today, I decided I was going to stop for lunch. Not normally something I would do, but I did. Walked into the little sandwich place, and ran into a couple people I somewhat know. We ordered our food, and then decided to grab a table and eat there together.

Everything was fine for the most part…UNTIL…one of them looks at me dead in the eyes and said “you know, I didn’t take you for the type…”

Confused, I asked what he meant, and he continued with: “The type to flaunt the vet thing…I just thought you were going to have a life beyond that.”

I tried…I really tried to just let it roll off my shoulder.

At first I just mustered up a smile and said “I’m not defined by it, but I am proud of it.”

That should have been the end of that…but it wasn’t. He went a step further and said “you know in the real world, no one cares, right?”

THAT…is when I lost my ability to let it go. I set down my sandwich, looked him right in the eyes, gestured down at his Baylor University Alumni polo shirt and said “You know no one gives a damn that you went to Baylor over 20 years ago, right? How about your career? You know no one gives a damn that you work for some low-rate mortgage company, right? Are you proud of what you do? Does it define you? What have you done with your life that makes you hold your head up high, judging me for what I did with mine?”

He just looked at me…and I continued (paraphrasing because of heat of the moment): “You’re god damned right I am proud of every single F*CKING DAY of the 21 years I served. No, it doesn’t define me, but it sure as hell is what molded me Into who I am today, and I am tired of pretentious F*CKS like you pretending that ANYTHING you have done with your life matters, but what I did should be left behind like a story in the back of a book in some small-town library somewhere.

F*ck you and your judgement for what I did with my life. You, your Baylor shirt, and your judging f*cking face can kiss my ass when it comes to telling me who I am or who I can be, or what I can be proud of.

When you decide to do something with YOUR life beyond trying to impress your bosses by selling the highest rate mortgage to the lowest qualified buyer, then you can come talk to me. Until then, shut your mouth about me, the way I live my life, and what may or may not define who I am.”

With that, I turned to the other guy, shook his hand, stood up, and walked out.

I may have overreacted a bit…but honestly, I am tired of being judged for my license plate….judged for sea stories…judged the moment people find out I am a vet…judged for wearing vet related stuff (I literally have a hat, shoot me)…

No one is obligated to celebrate me or my service…but I will be damned if I ever again let them make me feel obligated to hide it.

F*ck ‘em

The bear proof trash can conundrum is that parks try to make a bear proof trash can, but there's a huge overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest humans. If they make the cans too bear proof, stupid people can't figure out how to use them. But if they make them too user friendly, smart bears get in them.

VA services sometimes are trying so hard to protect themselves from being utilized in situations and by people who don't deserve them, they become incredibly difficult to be utilized by the people who need them. For example, I need transportation to pick up my prosthetic device. My VA doesn't make these in house, they use a company that's 2 hours away. I have to go pick it up. I have struggled for weeks to get approved transportation. I keep getting denied because my appointment isn't for a VA facility, because I don't have a valid appointment scheduled in my record. Getting anyone to talk to me, and getting an opportunity to explain my situation has been almost impossible. Because you can only leave messages. I finally got frustrated and left a nasty voicemail saying someone better call me back. They did, only to tell me I need my doctor to submit a request for transportation. And I'm just so exasperated. They know prosthetic situations are different and will show up differently. I've had prosthetics leave notes on my record. Why do I have to do all this extra work just for a ride? I know this is disjointed, I'm just so frustrated

I got out this May, and realized I was depressed in August. I didn’t get a consultation until the middle of September, and my first appointment was finally today. But I fucked up and missed it by an hour and the thought of bottling it all up until next week is just a lot to bear. I’m back in college these days and there’s only like one other student veteran who’s around my age (24) and no one else will ever quite get it, or care just as much as we do.

My Grandfather was in the Airforce in the Korean war. His memorial is coming up and they will have a military honors portion. I have never gone to a funeral with them but i was in the Army and want to try to be as respectful as I can. I do not know how many Vets will actually be there and want some advice of I should salute or just hand over my heart. I know I'm allowed to salute in civilians and all of that. I am more trying to make sure I do not take away from the moment. I would hate to salute and be the only one where everything thinks I'm trying to take the spotlight if that makes sense. Again I'm mainly concerned if I am the only one will it be disrespectful. Whats your opinions.

Does anyone in California know where is an actually helpful place to go for help with different things?

Seriously I feel like all I end up doing is screaming into a void. Local office isnt much help, 211 doesnt help. Like im constantly now feeling like im on the verge of a nervous breakdown because no matter how much it feels like I ask for help or believe that I will find it, it always doesnt work out for whatever reason.

A lot of veterans filtering for fully online programs that take JST credit end up looking at American Military University, Homeland security and public administration both map well to where a lot of vets end up carrer wise, especially anyone targeting GS roles or fed contractor positions post ETS, for anyone who has gone through either of those programs at Amu, did finishing change career wise. Whether that was landing a federal role, getting a better look on usajobs, or just removing a question mark on application, also curious how the jst credit evaluation worked, whether Amu gave a clear picture upfront or whether it was something figured out after enrolling

Why am I hearing that BAH is different for a master's degree than for a bachelor's?

Dear Veteran,

I heard a saying in a documentary about the Iraq war that said “they left young and returned old”. I never really understood that.

The wars always seemed far away. In the military we knew they were there. We trained for them, we practiced for them for years.

I listened to stories of veterans from wars past and always thought they were entertaining and educational but never thought much else.

Then I was in one. I saw the missiles fall. I felt the explosions. I lived my own version of the impossible decisions that had to be made.

Then I got the wound of PTSD. The invisible wound. The one that makes people shake their head and pity you. The one that makes it difficult to do every day tasks. The one that always makes you second guess yourself. The one that makes you feel like a burden and a failure.

Some days are better. Some days are worse.

All that to say, I think I understand that saying now. “They left young, they returned old”.

Fellow Vets - I’m working to build a shadow box for a close friend who served as a green side Corpsman in Iraq in 2003-2004. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have any of his gear from his time in, but I’d like to include something along these lines in the box.

Hoping some of you may be able to help with suggestions of small-ish gear items and/or supplies he would most likely have been issued and used.

Thanks for any help on this.

I’m Air Force, been in for about 10 years . Logistics and vehicles are my background .

I’m really just not wanting to be a mechanic.

I’m a bit nervous of leaving the military leave benefits behind and not being able to find an employer that’ll give me at least something close .

Thank you !

Has anyone had success with this program finding a job in USA? I’d love to work in San Diego. I’m also considering MSSA. Anything helps, cheers :)!

I’ve been out for a year, and idk what to make of myself. I kinda isolated myself to my apartment with my dog. I have a wife I talk to daily but she goes to a college 100 miles away. All I do is walk the dog, study, then self-medicate till I sleep. I feel kinda lonely, how do yall deal with this sorta situation

Went to a sports event with friends and when the national antem came on I saluted (with hat on) and yet I couldn't help but feel that I should've taken the hat off then rendered a salute? I can't seem to find a good answer for this even though I know traditionally you would salute with a hat on. Thoughts?

Im going into my third anniversary of my separation from the Air Force. I finally admitted to myself that I just don't enjoy being in the defense industry. Joining the Air Force was a dream of mine and I got to travel and meet great people. I was also niave and had an idealistic view of hiw my contribution would help people. Since separating ive been lucky enough to actually find a job (this was a huge fear when I was separating). Ive had 3 different jobs in the past 2 years, all with great people that I still keep in touch with and all in the defense industry. I spent the past year in working for a big defense company. Ive felt lost and adrift since separating, so I promise myself to give this company a year. Well, it's been a year and im still feeling the same. I finally did some soul searching and realized ive had the same goal ever since I joined. To do something to help make people's live better, and no matter how downstream of it i might be; that is not what im doing right now. I've started looking into positions in public service and biomedical equipments (i have a bachelors in Applied Engineering and Management). So my question is, as anyone being in a similar situation? How did you go about successfully navigating the pivot? Also what positions/sector do you think would fit what im looking for? (There're some jobs out there that most people don't even know exists.) Ideally ill be able to keep my clearance, but im fine if not. (Still want to edge my bet.) Thanks for the advice and excuse and typos or misspellings.

Has anyone used Vet Tec? I’m trying to find a credible program, ideally in person in Chicago, but the search tool is horrendous and I’m not familiar enough with the tech space to know what’s good and what isn’t. Any advice or anecdotal experience would be appreciated.

I got out of the army in 2022 after serving as a 68w for the army for 4 years. Due to not really liking being a line medic I actively avoided pursuing an Emergency medicine all together in the civilian world. I felt like I was an infantry dude that would occasionally wrap ankles, give ivs, and hand out Tylenol with the occasional fun times I actually got to do my job and respond to a trauma patient. After I got out I kind of just did college just to do it and wasted my time trying to find myself. I started working as an EMT this year and am loving it and am going through paramedic school to become a fire medic. I can’t help but feel that the constant structure of the Army didn’t prepare me to build my own agency towards what I wanted to pursue or know what I wanted to do. I’m 26 now and feel like I’m a little behind in life because of it. I know it’s not the army’s responsibility to discover what you want in life but I just wanted to know if any veterans feel the same way and if anyone has a personal story on what they went through ?

Debating on getting out this contract or doing another 3/4 yrs. Just curious if any one here has any insight on the oil and gas industry in Texas, preferably Houston area. I’m looking into transitioning to that career after or fire service if anyone can help or give me advice.

I have a job that requires me to work 11 and sometimes 12 hour shifts. I decided to take a grad class and now I'm finding out that I'm biting more than I can chew. Tommorrow is the test but I know I'm not prepared and the second thing is there is no way for me to be excused from work.

If I decide to withdraw I'll owe the university 12k for that 1 class. But I don't even know what the point is in attending and turning in the homework late if I'll get an F.

And right now I’m standing in the middle of my house thinking what I can smash and destroy and hurt myself with. 2 days ago I was smashing my keyboard into my head.

At this point, I’m pretty sure I should just do it because I mean why not. The last six months have been a literal hell and I can’t even work now because of the crazy crap that I’m doing to myself.

And to top it off, I don’t even have the VA’s healthcare yet to actually use to get my meds because I fell fell fell fell fell, fell, fell through the cracks. Like holy crap I don’t have a single dime to my name anymore and everything’s about to get repossessed and as a pilot, can’t even work at Walmart ffs.

Came across this GAO report and the part that stood out to me is that veterans can actually qualify for help and still miss out because the rules or information aren’t clear. If people are getting confused about something as basic as whether VA income affects eligibility, it makes sense why so many benefits go unused. Having the program exist is one thing, knowing how it actually applies to you is another.

Hello everyone,

I am curious if any vets here went to SJSU or UCSC.
I was admitted to both:
- SJ for Computer Science
- SC for Applied Math.

I’m having a tough time deciding since they are decent universities.

I would appreciate any insight from current students or Alumni!

I lived in Japan and was obsessed with Coco's curry. Although there are a few in the US (Hawaii, cali, texas), i wish it was here on a national scale. Also Jollibee, which is from the Philippines!!! Best spaghetti ever. They exist in the US but aren't as widespread. Tried opening a franchise but the barrier to entry was too high!!

I’ve been out of the Army for over a year now. I have a wife and a daughter and moved to the suburbs and joined the whole little suburb community of worrying about how green everyone’s grass is and all the other nonsense that comes with it.

I have lots of neighbors around my age and I’ve met some of my wife’s friend’s husbands but I’ve recently realized I have a serious problem with making friends since my ETS. I really don’t know why but everyone I meet I think I’ll end up becoming friends with them but I always end up thinking they’re pussys. I know this isn’t the best thing to say about people but idk, in the infantry I feel like almost everyone I served with were some of the best guys I ever met in my life. Even the guys got us smoked and made life suck were better men than the people I meet since I’ve been out.

I have always thought that if you are in a situation where you think everyone else sucks you are probably the one that sucks so I am trying to keep an open mind here. When I say everyone I meet is a pusy what I mean is that they seem to live the most comfortable, feminine lives possible. I see guys playing computer games while their wives are doing yard work. I see guys putting on rubber gloves to pull a single weed from their landscaping and I immediately think “ yeah I’m definitely not hanging out with that guy “

Is it me? I can take the criticism I just genuinely need to know if it’s me or are guys outside of the military just like this? Has anyone else experienced this or am I just a negative piece of shit? I don’t want to live the rest of my life with no friends, maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places.