I used to focus on maximum intensity whenever I looked at the specifications.

Later I realized that what actually determines whether I use a toy is the lowest setting.

Some toys already feel very present the moment they turn on. That can be fine when I am in the mood, but sometimes I just want to start slowly and the first setting already feels like too much.

When that happens, having more and stronger settings means nothing to me.

Now when I see that a toy is very powerful, I do not automatically see it as an advantage. Starting from a very gentle place, with enough space between each setting, is much harder to get right.

When I use something by myself, I am actually pretty practical about it.

I know what intensity I like, when I want a little more, and when I have had enough.

But once the control is in someone else’s hands, my attention shifts completely.

You start noticing when they might change it, whether they are going to pause on purpose, or whether they can tell that you react more strongly to a certain rhythm.

The toy itself has not changed.

What changes is that you no longer know what is coming next.

So couple play is not always just two people using the same toy.

Sometimes the biggest difference is simply giving up control.