So I have had a struggle my entire life that i always feel like my self worth is very low. And Iāve been lsitentimg to subliminals for four years. Iāve been getting very vivid dreams and I always get a dream of my results before I get them, like I mean literally a day or something before I get them. For proof, I got results in my dream about being taller and I hit a growth spurt after 3 years of no growth. Surpsing cuz my doctor told me I wouldnāt cuz I was 14 and I had my period at 11. But now at 15 I think Iām hitting another cuz Iāve gotten closer to my friends height, I got a dream about me being a lot taller than my fridge and my legs have been getting some sore pain.
But what I wanted to talk about was that at school, I cried a lot cause my friends completely ignored me, my other friend when I came up to her, a girl said. āNot to be rude but who are you?ā (She knows who I am when she met me since 4th grade and we been in the same class everyday literally just last year, so she is being rude), I did cry but I cried silently and looked away from everyone else so no one can notice, it was in a library, the school adults (like idk what theyāre called, wearing green stuff) didnāt allow me to go get my Chromebook so I just had to sit there in silence feeling lonely cus I was kicked out by both of my school friend groups and then by my outer friend at the night when I vented to my friend, she told me that she only is friends with me cause she feels bad for me and that she finds me annoying (that made me cry so much cause I try to be kind to everyone and try to come up to people to be friends, I donāt just be quiet), so also I have a movie life (desired scenarios and outcomes) subliminal in my playlist Iāve been listneitmg to for like a month forgetting itās even in my playlist. Just last week, something very weird happened, I went to sleep again despite having school, I had a dream where I went into the backrooms that had creepy entities but I wasnāt scared, in it I landed at school expect it was far better, had friends, everything I wanted, even my dream guy (he was in the dream but not in my real school), I hugged him and was crying out of happiness..l then y mom woke me up screaming out of anger and immediately took my ass to school. The next day, everyone just became so artificially kind, when telling my cousin about my friend, she told me I didnāt deserve that and when I told her I donāt wanna tell her that i donāt wanna be friends with her cuz sheās like the only close friend I have, she told me that itāll hurt me in the long run. My ocd always has been difficult but it finally stopped being self harmful at least, but most strange thing was how nice my family became to me, my sister and brother who always ignore me and be rude to me suddenly are so nice to me now, my friends began stopped ignoring me, they became VERY nice like to the point itās getting me suspicious and a new girl in my school came, guys liking her, everyone being friends with her yet she chose me specifically as her closest friend, she always followed me, chatted with me and idk it was what I wanted for years- to have a close friend at school. And sheās like strongly against leaving people out, like before we went outside, she had to make sure that the girl sitting at the table didnāt feel lonely, and literally it feels like the universe just sent me a person that I desired. Yet idk how to explain it, everything feels fake. Iāve also been getting told I look pretty now, usually for years Iāve been told Iām either average or ugly, but now some people donāt even say it as a compliment, just as a fact Iām supposed to know. People tell me I changed a lot now, and my bullies last year are so nice to me this year which I donāt get cuz the only way they stopped bothering me last year was after I cursed them tf out. Also this is me now (I showed the pics of my face, sure with makeup but without filter). Like by fake, I mean everything been feeling fake to the point Iāve been getting brain fog and Iām seeing the world in 3rd person
