Hi! I haven't posted much in a while, things have been complicated since my dad left me to CPS(TUSLA) and I moved residential a little after my 17th birthday.

I love me residential, they are so kind to me and they are still so supportive even when they have to get the Garda involved or bring me to A&E for meltdowns or mental health episodes.

I was left in a mental hospital for 5/6 months while a residential was found for me. When my key social care worker from the residential came to the hospital to meet me for the first time back in June, she told me that the hospital told her about my interest in musicals and she said that we could see Matilda.

Well the day finally came! it was so absolutely special, It was so hard to not belt the lyrics of my favourite songs, I'd watched the musical movie the day before and been listening to the sound tracks for months since watching the slime tutorial on YouTube.

I was sad because my favourite song is in the first song of act 2 and because I couldn't stand the big crowds we waited to go to the bathroom during the intermittion until towards the end and we got back towards the end of the song I'd been most excited for.

The day before I had begged the staff who where on to get me ingredients so I could back a copycat of the chocolate cake from the iconic Matilda scene, the picture shows the result! I made it the night prior so I could surprise my key social worker! she was really surprised but recognised it immediately and appreciated it!

It was definitely overstimulating in the lobby but the musical was so worth it! I got 2 t-shirts which I'm so excited about because I only wear t-shirts relevant to my special interests with cam make it hard to find things I'll tolerate.

Altogether the experience was absolutely incredible and I'm so grateful I got to go! they said we can go to more since things went so well so I'm begging to see heather's and the Addams Family which are both on in November. It was so incredible seeing something I'm so passionate about in person!!!

[spoilers for Matilda and discussion of neglect] I love Matilda particularly the scene towards the end when miss honey asks to take her in and the dad, who until then was so neglectful and horrible to her, always calling her a boy, finally sees her, it's shown through calling her daughter finally, and he doesn't impulsively refused, he's just surprised and he genuinely asks Matilda what she wants. This didn't suddenly make him a good person or dad but it did show something so sincere about neglect. A parent can be awful to a child without fully understanding the implications, he was a dad too in his old world to see Matilda as more then a pain, he mistreated her but when given the opportunity to make a good choice he does, when she says she wants to go with miss honey he accepts it. I went through that with my dad, so this scene made me feel seen, when I talk about my dad people jump to the conclusion he must be all bad. That's not fair, He's flawed but sometimes can do the right thing, he, like Matilda's dad asked me if I wanted to go, when TUSLA started threatening that I'd be put in a residential and courts would be involved, my dad could have tried to take me back so he wouldn't feel he failed but the fact he bothered to ask means the world. Watching Matilda then defend her dad from the mafia further strikes a cord with me because she didn't have to defend him, she was going to get her way and go with miss honey, but she gets him out of trouble, I'm sure some would be annoyed that she'd do this but it made me feel so scene, revenge on a neglectful parent honestly isn't that satisfying. In that moment Matilda already got what she wanted, I believe she didn't want her family to suffer, she wanted others to recognise there mistakes and she wanted support. She got that from the mafia agree he was daft and she was bright. She got that when Ms honey volunteered to take her. During the court proceedings and CPS involvement people sometimes expect me to want the worst for my dad, I don't. He made mistakes but his life is his, my only issue was with his bad decisions heavily affecting my life, I didn't want him to crash and burn, I wanted distance and independence from his mistakes. I feel seen by how Matilda was satisfied with this conclusion, with an overall sparing attitude towards her dad.

I dont want other food i want pasta
Feel sick ehen other

i love being in intimate relationships and deeply miss having even the prospect of a partner. my physical and cognitive disabilities have become so bad i am fully bedbound rn. i think i am level 2 or even 3 autistic but i find it hard to land any particular categorical place. i’m in autistic burnout for 10 years. i am so tired. and i feel so hopeless that i will ever find a partner who wants to be with someone like me. i have such high needs. i always wonder why wasn’t i one of the lucky ones who find a supportive partner who cares and can truly support and accommodate them. i can’t live alone anymore. i need so much help and i am drown in trying to find enough help for myself. i am trying to save my life. but my heart also misses love and feeling loved. i’ve never had the love i crave or the love i give to others. i just want to be known in any long term stable relationship even a friendship. but my friends are long distance and also severely disabled and trying to save their own lives too or barely alive. i am so sad. and i’m tired of living in oblivion.

🫩 8 lessons at school were yesterday. Today I almost had a meltdown at school again and came back home. Now I'm in shutdown and stressed.

Okay, yesterday after school I got my new glasses and I had a meltdown and I almost threw them onto floor. Why? Because of this "doctor", who says an unscientific absurd that ortho-k lenses are harmful (my other doctor is orthokeratologist and he's good, but my mom went to this bad doc with me because the other one hadn't any time). So she prescribed glasses with undercorrection by 0,25D. She does so for all neurotypical patients and they're okay with it 🗿. But I had a meltdown because those glasses give me blurry vision. Mom says: "0,25D is a tiny undercorrection! Why are you reacting this way?!" For me it's not tiny. It's horrible. I have autism and every single small flaw becomes a catastrophe. I have myopia -2,0/-1,25 with small astigmatism. I got glasses -1,75/-1,0 and it's horrible! I'm gonna change them by guarantee. My meltdown almost led to broken glasses but I suppressed this impulse just because the glasses are expensive and I just cried in pain without breaking them. So, I'm exhausted. They are bad even for the flat, and more bad for the street. I can't use ortho-k lenses anymore because of medical sedation from my medicines. So glasses are the only way, but they made them not by real prescription but as they want. They think that I would get a headache if I get glasses with my real prescription so they made them with undercorrection. And now I can't use these glasses at all.

Now I'm in shutdown and stressed. I feel so much pain. 😓

i talk about abuse of various kinds, fears for my safety, bad stuff, dont know what to say, be warned

i moved states this year last year i was denied services 3 times for autism despite level 2 autism requiring substantial support because they said i had too many things wrong with me because im also schizoaffective have DID physically disabled etc

i waited 5 months this year in a new state for autism supports 5 months with no word then silently no letter no reason no notification at all they changed my status to not eligible

every doctor i see every case worker every psychologist every therapist my family all agree i need support i need services i should qualify for services they say they have people just like me who qualify they dont understand why i dont qualify then random people whove never meet me read one paper on me say i dont need any help and decide to take away my chance at functioning and a future

i have no future no life never leave my house my mom every day makes food for me she does all my appointments phone calls gets my meds and organises them my laundry shops for me i cant do it myself i wont eat i cant talk to strangers i cant talk if there are more than 2 people present i have no friends i dont go to school i dont have a job and cant work i was in special education and i lack a lot of knowledge life experience because of it. i cant do any iADLs and struggle with some bADLs.

i had autism services from the state as a teenager i dont know why now they decide i dont deserve them anymore now im an adult i need even more support than before i dont get it

if no one helps me when my mom dies i am not going to be able to survive i wont make food ill hurt myself trying to i wont eat i cant go outside on my own i cant do housework properly i cant talk to people when i need help i cant get medical attention or manage emergencies i cant manage finances or buy things online or go to the store i get taken advantage of and abused constantly because i dont understand social situations so people will beat me and abuse me and i think its okay because they tell me it is and i keep talking to them it took me until my late teens to realise being beat up was not ok i dont realise when im in danger at all

im so scared and miserable i just want help i want someone to help me and they just want me to suffer until i die i try so hard to be good get better but theres no point because theyre taking my future away from me i have no future no matter what i do

Hi! I am trying to grow a server for people with MSN and HSN autism and other disabilities. The server isnt active rn, thats why im trying to get more people to join and chat in it ^-^ if this post isnt allowed, im really sorry !! /gen /pos

For context I have MSN autism and other disabilities, so I built the server with other conditions in mind too :000

I am in the process of getting a referral into pallative care for my physical health issues. I'm very sick and physical therapy just isn't working for me. I'm feeling so nervous and terrified about the person coming to my house and seeing my room. Im scared they'll look at all my plushies and think about what a loser I must be. I'm worried about possible biases towards me. I have alot of plushies and they bring me joy. I only let my therapist see my plushies and even then, it took me months before I felt safe to do so.

It feels like my mask will slip by them seeing my room. Seeing how truly level 2 autistic I really am, things I can't hide. It scares me so badly. I want to hide and curl up. I can't seem to find any videos on YouTube as to how these appointments will be. I dont know what to expect. It's not like hospice but I dont know what they'll do. I want to hide very badly.

I really need help from pallative care but I am afraid.

A staff couple days ago told me she woudnt help me make a cake becase she’d be doing all the work but today diffrent staff was here and let me do it and I did the measure and mix and decorate with only a bit of help (they do the oven for me all the way thogh) and I feel so proud becase my cake timed out awesome it has TWO LAYERS!!

What do you think? It was a practise cake for next month when it will be my birthday! The birthday cake it’s going to be Funfetti!

I noticed this feeling and I don’t know how to handle it or feel about it. I’m not feeling sad or don’t think so at least, but this feeling is confusing and I hate the fact that idk what it is or how to calm myself down. A common reaction when I see my special interests (cats or my music, even writing this I’m getting very emotional ☹️) is to cry and sob and sometimes meltdown, but I’m not sad because my interests make me happy. I also feel this all over my body but I can’t name this feeling. I feel tingly and stim a lot, I’m very emotional and cry yet can’t name my feelings. It feels awful 😿😔

hi. I've lurked here for a while because I think this is a place I'll fit in, I've been too hesitant to post until now, and I want to know if this is something I can get better at.

I've been trying to find autism/generally ND-centred online groups on different platforms to talk about interests and make friends and just generally chat to people but it's hard. Most groups are generally nice but I don't always feel like I fit, sometimes I'm told my interests are boring or shouldn't be allowed if other people don't like it (I understand this), I experience misogyny and ableism, stuff like that. I'm sort of used to that on the internet and can mostly just brush it off but more recently I've been getting a lot of invalidation and (I think fakeclaiming is the word?) people telling me I must be faking my autism or that I must have paid for my diagnosis and so it's not real (I didn't it was free, I was diagnosed a long time ago).

I can't live independently and my partner is my carer and has to do a lot of things for me, but people tell me that because we live together and because we got married it's not possible for me to be MSN. it hurts a lot because I try so hard to not need support but that's not how it works, I will always need this level of support in a lot of areas and trying to push back on that just burns me out so fast. I've had to leave groups that do this and it makes me so hesitant to join new groups in case it's the same. it's also making me doubt my diagnosis and i worry they got it wrong because of what people say and maybe I don't need or deserve any support at all, but I have a lot of irrational thoughts and that might be one of them, I don't know, I can't always tell.

I think my question is has anyone experienced this, being told they're faking or that it's not possible to need their level of support, and is there a way to get better at dealing with it? I try to ignore it but it stays in my head and hurts a lot and sometimes it makes me melt down. I try to argue back but that makes it worse. is it just better to try to do nothing? I want to get better at stuff.

also please tell me if it's okay I post here, I know this place says it's for higher support needs and I have moderate support needs so if it's only okay for people with high support needs to post and be here I understand and will delete everything and I'm sorry for invading/speaking over

Bluey is the best show ever and it's one of my special interests. I was so excited that they're making a movie but they changed it to dumb 3D animation! I love the 2D animation of the show and the new one looks so bad!!!!

To all the Canadians on Spicy Autism, I hope you've had a great holiday long weekend!

So I'm (24NB) and level 2 support needs. My partner (28M) is level 1 support needs. He views and treats me as his equal partner (which is lovely!) but he seems to forget that I need more help with things and more patience sometimes.

How should I approach this topic and my needs with him w/o making it awkward and such?

He thinks I'm a level 1 and I have tried to say I'm a level 2 but it didn't seem to register? I don't think he meant anything by it

Me and my friend have friendly arguements all the time and they keep making fun of me or mocking me because I take a while to put my thoughts into words and stuff. They also just make rude jokes about autistic people with higher support needs in general. I'm not again jokes, sometimes its I find it funny to make jokes about things that really bother me like autism and ARFID stuff but mocking someone just crosses the line.

they also have autism but they are verbal while I'm semi-verbal but that doesn't mean they can just mock me like that right?

Idk, it pisses me off

Why does almost nobody else, even sometimes other autistic or disabled people, give me the same grace with respect to things like social gaffes, accidental personal offenses (that I couldn't have reasonably known to avoid ahead of time) or disabilities messing with plans that I would give them in a heartbeat were our positions swapped? It makes no sense, surely at least other people with the same sort of issues as me would be understanding, so why aren't they?

Yayayayay! Doctor say yes exercise again. Was allow wieght at gym 2x week no cardio. Allow light Rower now! Symptoms plus energy mean can do exercise before bed make autism less bad!!!! Happy cos miss row cos make feel less bad.

hello, i have autism and combined (very hyperactive) adhd. i am very very sensory seeking mostly. i really like loud music and lots of physical sensations ( i have hyposensitive pain tolerance so lots of small pain like bruises feels good to me). i like to go to concerts and raves. i protect my ears because i have very sensitive hearing but really i need the fast movement and the physical sensation and bright and most importantly i need to feel sharp and strong sensations on my body.

i am often sensory craving when i am at my den. i need suggestions for ways to meet this need. some folks can have stim toy or something small and that is enough, but i need something big. i need suggestions for big stimulus that will satiate my craving. i am worried if i do not find good things that are accessible from home maybe i will find dumb things and get hurt in bad ways. i do not want to do that i just want to meet my needs.

please put suggestions for stimulus / things to do that are big and extreme and adrenaline and sharp and would make me feel normal. thank you for reading thank you for suggestions.

mine kindness freimd who is like familey too me buyed order me a new helmet since mine old one gotted stoled out off mine backpack at library during week when we was getting picture books too reed and its new helmet is pink danmar audiocap

im am so gratefull she is mine familey freind and helps so mutch often

and the pink danmar audiocap has buld in headphones too so i can listen too sesame street and blues clues music an calm down or watch blues clues sesame street and other shows and stuff calm stay calm

do anyone else has a danmar helmet or the danmar audiocap helmet?

I have had bad experiences in multiple autism subs to the point peoples comments has made me suicidal multiple times. And what is really triggering is reading through those places and seeing no one else being treated how i was. Most people are understood there but when i would talk about my issues it would blow up into a huge thing with downvotes and comments rushing in invalidating me from every angle.

I feel broken and worthless.

My parents do not believe my issues. Internet does not. Government does not. No one does.

I feel so fundamentally broken and bad in every way.

When i would get comments upsetting me i would try to stand up for myself and instead ppl would get angry and downvotes me. Never do i ever see that happen to others, ive seen ppl in similar situations defend themselves and getting understood.

I feel like something must be off about me do u understand what i mean?

I have had similar experience in mental health internet groups where everyone despises me and people would get extremely angry at me talking about my problems even tho i didnt understand why.

It feels like everyone in every single spaces hates me and wants me dead. I guess there is something about me that must be so deeply deeply obviously wrong and bad that i don't notice that makes ppl want to drive me suicidal or something.

It dosent help that i dont have family except parent who dont care and dont understand at all and i dont have friends and internet hates me and im expected to survive.

So many times ive ended up hurting myself because of these things and it just keeps happening. Sometimes i would talk about how much those things affect me and it would just lead to people getting even more angry and hating me which just would make me so distressed i would feel psychotic. And i dont mean psychotic as an adjective i would genuinely get so distressed and isolated that i would get psychosis symptoms.

I stay away from any spaces now i only post here. Interesting that in here that has rarely ever happened and ppl here seem to all understand me.

my meltdowns get physical a lot, they're loud and physical and I've hurt people during them before. It caused me to lose lots of friends and got exposed on social media for physical abuse and lost everyone i cared about. But i can't promise anyone i get close to that it won't happen, i know it will at some point and there's a chance of people getting hurt. The only way is for people to keep distance when it gets bad, but rarely people do, only my parents know to distance it feels like, people don't listen.

It feels sometimes like only my parents understand and don't blame me for it, it feels like I'm a ticking timebomb where people stop seeing me as just disabled to a threat that needs exposing and danger signs.

what do i do

I'm recovering from being blown off for "making AI generated posts" when in actuality I spent 3-12 hours researching, compiling, formatting, and spell checking the post, in order to make it as high-quality and legible as possible. Often this is needed in highly technical discussions like software pull requests and bug reports, and I have to work extra hard as an autistic person to make my words sensible to neurotypicals. It feels so offensive, invalidating, painful, triggering, and miserable to have all that effort and the core idea itself blown off and then have people try and convince me that I'm lying when I say I wrote it myself without machine learning tools. Like it's heartbreaking. I'm so mad.

This is just the most recent example. I was just trying to help improve my favorite digital stim toy (I use ScummVM to play old Humongous Entertainment games from my childhood on my phone to divert meltdown energy.) Seriously, why did they even think it was made by an LLM? like what is it about how I write that makes people think it's LLM output?