I met this Korean guy on Slowly, a pen-pal app where you exchange letters instead of chatting in real time.
He's older than me by eight years, and at first, our conversations were genuinely interesting. We talked about our countries, culture, politics, books, technology, music, games, and just random things about life.
He's quite knowledgeable, and I enjoyed reading his thoughts. He also seemed to appreciate mine. We would exchange long letters, recommend things to each other, and discuss topics that you don't normally get to talk about with random people.
Honestly, I thought I had found the kind of pen pal I was hoping for.
Eventually, our conversations became more personal. We talked about relationships, what makes people feel connected, and how you gradually discover someone's personality through letters.
I also shared that I've never been in a relationship and that I'm bisexual, although I'm mostly closeted. I wasn't trying to flirt or anything. I was just being honest about myself and wanted to know whether he was homophobic.
Then came his next letter.
He told me that he was married and had a family.
Okay, fair enough. I wasn't looking for a relationship with him anyway.
But then he said that because he was married, perhaps we could feel more reassured and have fewer restrictions or barriers between us.
He also mentioned the possibility of our feelings growing stronger.
And then he talked about his sex drive, mentioned how short human life is, and asked if we could exchange photos when we became curious about each other's appearance.
I was caught off guard.
I genuinely enjoyed talking to him, but suddenly I was wondering what kind of connection he was trying to establish with me.
I mean, this wasn't a dating app. I thought we were building a friendship through letters.
I understand that married people can have friends of the opposite sex. I have no problem with that.
But why introduce the possibility of stronger feelings and sexual undertones while presenting your marriage as a reason for having fewer barriers?
It made me uncomfortable, especially because I didn't even know him that well yet.
I started thinking about his wife and children, too. Would they be comfortable reading those letters?
Would I be comfortable knowing that I was becoming someone a married man turned to for a deeper kind of connection?
I told him that I liked our conversations and appreciated the intellectual connection we had, but I didn't want to become a married man's unrestricted emotional companion.
I also made it clear that even if I could potentially be interested in an older man, I had no intention of getting involved with someone who was married.
I ended my letter by saying goodbye.
And that's where the our conversation ends.
I'm not sharing this because I think married people can't have close friendships, nor am I claiming to know exactly what he intended. Maybe he genuinely enjoyed our conversations and got carried away. Maybe he was curious about something more. I honestly can't know for sure.
What I do know is that I enjoyed the connection, but I wasn't comfortable with the direction it was taking.
Have you ever had a pen-pal friendship that started out genuinely interesting but eventually became something you weren't comfortable with? Or similar situation?
How would you have handled this situation?
