I feel truly strange; I have no energy for anything, and I’m constantly listless. I’m not anxious, worried, or panicked—rather, I feel completely empty, and it strikes me that this might be an intuition. Occasionally, I feel a weight in my chest, but aside from that, I just feel very odd, and I don’t know what to do. The one thing I am certain of is that I do not love my husband—but is this an intuition? How can I tell? Some people say that intuition feels calmer—that it doesn’t come with a sense of panic—and I am, in fact, quite calm; there’s no sense of urgency at all. I just don’t know how to figure this out.

Hello 👋

I have been struggling with ROCD and the worst thing for me - POCD, for about 8 years. I have great life, husband, house, baby, all i ever wanted is infront of me. But I don’t feel happy anymore, my OCD is making me think i am falling in love with one of our closest friend, the man of my BESTFRIEND and i am starting to lose the battle with it. the only feeling i have is anxiety, stress and deep depression . i have thoughts about suicide, i think the world, my great husband and my precious baby will be happier if I don’t exis . i am tired. idk what to do anymore. I visit my therapist once every week but that doesn’t help. For the first time, maybe because of pregnancy and birth or idk anymore, I feel completely hopeless. How to deal with this situation? I wanna be present and happy for my husband, especially for my baby. I wanna feel complete, CALM and i wanna be able to enjoy the life i wished and dreamed for, the life i have, I can’t enjoy it because of my OCD. I tried to stop communicate with my best friend and her boyfriend and it helped for a little time, then we started talking again and everything came back double.. Should i just stop the communication with them..

The complicated part about my OCD is that the person I’ve developed these false feelings for is someone I had a one-time sexual encounter with when we were both drunk teenagers, long before I met my husband. That’s what makes my ROCD even more distressing, because my mind keeps bringing up this person from my past and making me question whether I have genuine feelings for him, even though I don’t want to.

My husband and this guy have been friends since childhood. Both my husband and his girlfriend know about the history between us, and despite that, we are all still close. It has never been an issue for anyone because what happened between us was long before either of us met our current partners. My husband knows about my OCD, the entire story, and all the fears and intrusive thoughts I struggle with. He is incredibly supportive and understanding, and he has never made me feel judged or insecure about any of it. The problem is that, despite having his full support and knowing that there is no actual issue between us, I just don’t feel okay anymore. My ROCD has made this situation so distressing that I struggle to feel comfortable around someone who has always been a normal part of our lives. I hate that my mind has turned something from my distant past into such a source of anxiety and doubt, and I honestly don’t know how to cope with it anymore.

I know it’s a long post to read but please if you have any advice or you have been in the same situation just let me know, because im truly lost..

Hey allen, hier even een lange post, ik heb wat advies nodig.
Mijn partner van 4 jaar heeft me meer dan een jaar geleden ten huwelijk gevraagd. We zijn in de 30.
5 maanden geleden kwam hij paniekerig thuis met dat hij niet wist of we wel bij elkaar pasten. Hij wist niet of hij voor me kon blijven zorgen als ik ziek was (heb gegeneraliseerde angststoornis), ik had ook iemand anders kunnen zijn, ik ruimde niet genoeg op, misschien was het gehecht zijn ipv houden van, etc. Hij had verschillende redenen. Het kwam uit het niks. We hebben de bruiloft uitgesteld.
Ik ben een week weggegaan zonder contact te willen hebben. Na die week was hij weer ‘normaal’ en gaf aan van me te houden, had van alles opgeschreven. ik heb vervolgens eerst wel 2 maanden ergens gelogeerd om bij te komen van deze ‘shock’, en zag hem intussen af takelen. Hij raakte soort van overspannen en had allemaal gedachten over waarom het misschien niet zou werken( wat als we trouwen en het gaat over). Het kwetste mij, maar tegelijkertijd snapte ik er niks van. Zijn gedrag (verbinding aangaan, me opzoeken en bellen) en woorden kwamen niet overeen. De mensen waar ik logeerden kwamen met ROCD aan. Ze hadden het zelf ook meegemaakt. Bij mijn partner en mij vielen toen wat puzzelstukjes. Ook bij zijn eigen familie. Die zeiden allemaal dat het niks met mij te maken heeft en dat hij hulp nodig heeft. Ik ben na een tijdje weer thuis bij hem gaan wonen. Dit, omdat hij als ik weg ging helemaal paniek kreeg en angst had. Afgelopen maanden gaan op en neer. Soms is hij een paar weken ‘zichzelf’ en voel ik me ook happy, alsof er niks is. Ik merk dan met alles dat hij van me houdt (lichamelijk contact, iets voor me kopen, verbintenis aan gaan, proberen aan zichzelf te werken bij een therapeut, samen een huwelijkscursus volgen, hardlopen). Maar hij blijft malen. Hij heeft van zichzelf wel wat OCD. Hij kan ook ineens omslaan en dan wordt hij stiller en zit in zijn hoofd. Dan is het weer een tijdje ‘niet compatibel zijn’, dan ben ik niet doordacht genoeg, dan mist hij een gevoel, hij is soms ook erg obsessief met mij bezig, wat ik doe, hoe ik het doe, heeft een bepaalde verwachting in hoe ik iets moet doen. Hij is extreem met controleren, en verwacht dat ik dat ook meer doe. Soms gaat het dus een tijdje goed, soms slaat het weer helemaal om. Zijn therapeut behandelt hem voor OCD, maar hij is niet 100% zeker met dat hij rocd heeft. Er is nog niks gediagnosticeerd. Ik sta gelukkig stevig in mijn schoenen en heb een dikke huid, maar zijn gedag is niet oké en er klopt niks van.
Hij zei laatst (en ook tegen zijn therapeut) dat ‘als we elkaar 10 jaar eerder hadden ontmoet, hadden we het misschien al wel uit gemaakt omdat we jonger waren’. Dan denk ik , wat moet ik daar nou weer mee.

Ik heb even jullie advies nodig, is dit ROCD, en wat moet ik tegen zijn therapeut zeggen, en hoe moet ik met zijn gedrag omgaan? Alle tips zijn welkom!

hi so idk what to do. im completely spiraling and i just want to explode. ive been dating my bf since april of this year and hes been nothing but kind and supportive and loving. before we met i thought i was gonna be single for a long long time and also didnt want to get into a relationship with all my issues yet here we r and its genuinely breaking me slowly but surely. i just vented to him how i felt and i immediately regret everything and wish i could take it all back. im sorry scared im gonna push him away with my craziness like ive done in the past. im so scared he will leave me for someone better. im already gonna say for him to please not be mad bc when ive done this in the past the other person always got upset with me which is now why i feel like expressing any feelings is now bad/negative. i just dont know what to do. i love him so much almost unhealthily so idk what to do. i recently got in therapy but idk when we will start to actually work on things and i need this fixed NOW. i just dont want my craziness to push him away like it did with so many others /:

My husband has been struggling with ROCD and I’ve become aware the thoughts he’s having includes him have “almost zero attraction to my wife” (his written words). I can’t draw the line of understanding if he truly doesn’t want to be with me me/isnt attracted to me or it’s the OCD.

Also how to overcome the knowledge that my husband has felt that he has almost zero attraction to me, they seems like it should never be the case for a married couple.

Hi yall, this is my first post because I’ve been struggling lately. This is going to involve some long winded backstory.

Firstly:
I have been with my boyfriend for five years, I love him, trust him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. We’ve live together for the last two years. We were previously in a polyamorus relationship with another woman, whom I was engaged to. That relationship ended with her for various reasons, one of which being an inability to take accountability… anyways, ever since then my mental health has been on a downhill spiral.

Part of it had to do with the breakup, and caregiver burnout because she was chronically ill and I needed to pick up the slack. It was like once I stopped worrying about her, my brain latched onto new things. One of them being my health because I was having health issues (migraines and chest pain) then I got shingles and then ended up with a concussion because of a work accident.

Through this all, my boyfriend has been my rock. He’s patient, caring, understanding and supportive… which has translated into my brain as he’s the worst and I need to leave immediately.

Now, I’ve been on medical leave from this concussion for the last two months and I go back to work Monday. During this time, he got a new job as a supervisor. He was pretty much forced into working 12 hour days, 6 days a week because quotas weren’t being met and he ended up getting fired because they needed a fall guy and well… he was seemingly easy. During this time I’ve just been home, essentially functioning as a housewife and my brain has not let me have a moment’s peace. He would drive an hour to work, work 12 hours and drive an hour back. During the start of this I was panicking over how untimely death. “Is he going to get into a car accident? Will something happen at work?” Etc. he would come home, naturally be exhausted. I would get maybe 2 hours with him before he went to bed.

The whole situation made me really depressed, and I had a scary intrusive thought about hurting myself. I told my boyfriend because I was scared and couldn’t stop crying. That was a day he came home after a really long, difficult day and had to do some work on his side business late. I could tell in his face he was exhausted and didn’t have the bandwidth but I was TERRIFIED. He asked if I wanted to actual do the thing I was thinking about and if I had spoken to my therapist that day. I told him no I didn’t want to hurt myself and that yes I had talked to my therapist. He said to reach out to my therapist again and sort of left it at that with a hug and a kiss.

After that, the thoughts spiraled. “Does he not care about me? Is this going to last? Did I make a mistake being with him?”
And they’ve only gotten worse.
I’ve always tried to seek reassurance from him and I always feel the need to confess a bad or negative thought because of it stays bottled, I explode.
I will also say he’s struggling with his own mental health especially since being fired. I’m constantly on Google Gemini, trying to dissect whether or not o still love him, if I should leave, etc. I’ve also spoken to my therapist and my parents about these intrusive thoughts and the overwhelming answer about “should I leave?” Is NO. My nervous system has been in fight or flight for weeks and I’m exhausted. Also, these sort of intrusive thoughts happen on and around my period.

I’m exhausted. I feel like I can’t trust him (even though he’s given me no reason not to) and I feel like I can’t trust myself. I’m not sure what to do right now.

i love my boyfriend. i feel like my past bothers him. background: we talked for a long time but weren't exclusive and during that period i did speak to other men (never met, just texts, and i lost interest quickly). my bf and i are long distance, we met online, through instagram dms, so i didn't really take it seriously bc i thought he was just another guy trying to get into my pants / who wanted stuff from me, and i had gotten out of a really bad relationship which fundamentally changed my views on love and life in general, and just genuinely thought id be alone for the rest of my life. in that relationship i went through SA and after it i dealt with a lot of verbal abuse from my ex and his friends. so i never took a man seriously. but over time, we continued talking, calling, etc, and once i realized i had real feelings from him, i haven't talked to a guy/followed a guy, in real life and also on social media. i removed all the men from my following on all social medias after i realized that it might bother him. i just feel a lot of guilt and shame for my past. he brings it up sometimes and it hurts because i hate my past, i've never been in a good relationship before my boyfriend and i genuinely love him so much and want to give him the world, but i feel like i made him feel bad and it's making me feel horrible. the last thing i want is to hurt him because i love him so much. im terrified. he doesn't have much of a past either and i think this is also adding to it. idk what to do.

My bf and I recently broke up. Technically he did it but I was thinking I had to as well bc my anxiety was debilitating. I had severe chest pains, pelvic pain, knee pain. It's like my entire body was screaming at me. This was 2 months into our relationship after I saw some things that I was unsure of. I also struggled to feel "at home" with him or like myself. Many times I would have to explain things were just a joke. I went down this path that I had relationship anxiety/OCD - on paper we line up on values, he was a good man and trying desperately to please me. However something still felt off to me. We're broken up now and I'm in a deep depression and sadness. I don't feel the physical person or anxiety anymore. How do you ever know if it's intuition or anxiety?

Hey y’all, been struggling with this one for a while. I’ve been doing some digging and based on a past few relationships including this one and some online research, I think I have relationship OCD. I know everyone has their own flaws including myself but the ones that I’ve noticed in my significant others always starts haunting me down the road. I am a few months into current relationship and these feelings are starting to haunt me again like my other past relationships. What I can say confidently though is that this woman that I’m dating now is the first that I would actually marry.

Where everything goes wrong is that although who she is I love, a few of her flaws I’ll focus on when we hangout and it’ll send me into a spiral of, “is she not the one because I’m getting these feelings?” It’s a question that I can’t answer cause it could either be ROCD or an actual red flag that I should be listening to my gut with.

So my question is. For those of you that have had similar experiences to me, how do you go about this type of spiraling and thinking? If you have a successful relationship and still suffer from ROCD, how do you do it?

In a brand new relationship and starting to get really bad ROCD for the first time in forever. My therapist didn’t quite clarify how ERP works for people with OCD and I want to hear about real peoples experiences? Thoughts and feedback?

Title is self explanatory to be honest.

Edit: Also, if they're having a long flare-up, am I meant to avoid telling them I love them/telling them the things I love about them, even if they haven't asked?

I am dying. Its been SO long since I came back to Reddit.

I've been with my partner for 2 years and 2 months or so. We are LDR.

He was depressed for a couple of months and he's starting to get a lot better. He started working and goes to a theatre club once a week. Because of this, his energy is lower and we call once or twice a week (long calls).

I am a VERY anxiously attatched person on the top of having OCD. I get scared when he doesnt want to text the whole day. I'm aware that thats a me problem.

He's a very loving, kind and a great man, but when we call less I feel like he's turning into the people who have used me in the past.

I am aware that wanting to have time for your hobbies is normal (I have a lot), but I cant shake the feeling that he hates me just because he might want more space once week.

It's very hard to handle when this gets added to the intrusive thoughts which DONT stop even if im aware of how much of this damage has been caused by other people or social media.

I've also had been having A LOT of dreams that involve some of my most common obsessions and I've been experiencing a lot of retroactive jealousy, which i thought i had gotten over long ago.

I'm tired and scared.

For years, I haven’t been able to feel anything related to love; there’s a persistent, unsettling feeling inside me—it’s as if it’s an instinct, and it’s incredibly difficult to deal with. I truly wish I could show even the slightest sign of love, but I just can’t.

me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years, im 19F and hes 21M, Ive had feelings of breaking up with him for about a year (on and off of course, probably one every few months i really debate it). weve broken up twice, once for 1 month about 4 months ago, and for about 2 days we broke up this week. were talking again just like we did when we were together and i communicated to him why i felt the need to breakup.

I had concerns about his ambition, im in school for a job in the healthcare field, and hes been working in a restaurant and lives at home. I worry that i am working harder towards my future than he is and that is a concern if we do have a future together that he will continue to stay stangnant while i grow with education and my career. He tends to make excuses and says he wants to do something but does not take the steps to work towards it most of the time.

Also, I worry that i want somone more extroverted and “silly” like i am and not so serious and introverted. I almost want somone who brings me out of my shell? Weve also had slight problems with him being anxiously attached and me being more avoidant. he will get upset at times when i dont constantly text him (were long distance) and when i dont pay attention to him as much as he would like me to. Lastly he can be very negative at times for example when he calls me after work he tends to complain a lot and i tell him to look for new jobs and he will make an excuse for why he wont do this.

This all being said I love him so so much and weve literally been together and grown up together through more than half of my teenage years. I hate hurting him with this cycle and he is so kind to me and would literally do anything i asked of him. I can see a future with us living together and owning pets and all of that stuff but I worry that ill grow resentment and regret for not ever experiencing who I am when im not always considering my partner. I also worry that I have rose colored lenses on right now and will look back and think that we were much more incompatible than i worried about.

we also have very similar political views, stances on having kids, same religion(agnostic), similar goals etc.

Ive searched every subreddit of breakups and ROCD and anxiety and need some unbiased advice. Thank you (:

pls help lol

i find myself overthinking every element of my relationship when i know my partner is going through a particularly difficult time. he experiences flashbacks to his abusive childhood, usually triggered by feelings of inadequacy. so if he does something that bothers me and i bring it up, there is always a chance that it triggers that particular feeling. he and i both know it is not my fault and he has continually reaffirmed that i should feel comfortable coming to him about an issue, but i can't help but going into that spiral of "well, if i'm not allowed to bring up things that bug me, doesn't that mean i am in an abusive relationship?" my difficulty, i assume, is with the term "allowed." he is always affirming in positive, stable times that i am a good communicator and that his feelings of "not good enough" are his to handle, but in emotional moments that affirming is not there. i just want to feel more confident in my convictions and know that i am safe in my relationship even when the other party is experiencing severe emotional spiraling from a myriad of circumstances.

generally, i think a lot of my rocd stems from my mother's experience in her relationship with my father and telling me that i should not be in a relationship with someone who is mentally ill. i regret telling my mother about any of my partner's struggles because she is constantly questioning if he is dragging me behind or if i am happy, which is now a monologue that keeps repeating in my head. i love my mother and she has always been a huge inspiration and positive influence for me, so it is really hard that this particular lesson is not something that aligns with my own moral pillars.

Hello everyone,

As the title of this post says, my main problem is retroactive jealousy, now before I start writing about the problem I want to say that I know that ME (20M) and my partner (19F) both have past and I am fully aware of that.

I've been struggling with retroactive jealousy since me and her got into a relationship, I just feel like I am lagging behind her, and that I am not enough for her since she had more experience than me when she was younger. It also bothers me, before we got together, how she talked about how good her first guy was in bed and I feel like I will never be able to be as good as him in any aspect of that word. Even though she is always telling me how perfect I am and other positive stuff, I just cannot get that in my head.

I fear that this problem of mine will end our relationship, I really like and love her, she is such a sweet girl and caring but even a thought of how other guys were being intimate with her makes me sick, feeling like I want to throw up every time I think of that. It got so bad that I started to imagine it everywhere I go, I cannot even get distracted anymore, at university, at gym, listening to music, doing anything basically cannot distract me from thinking about her exes..

I've reached a level where I am often angry at myself for being so insecure and sometimes I want to harm myself just to let the anger out, to be honest I am afraid to tell her because I don't want her to think that I am insecure about her past, but I have to admit I became very insecure now.

If someone has any tip on how to overcome this I would appreciate it very much.

Thank you in advance.. :)

Hi everyone! I might be suffering from Relationship OCD. Let me start with some background.

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for over six months (we’re around 17 years old).

We love each other very much. I do everything for her, and sometimes I push myself beyond my comfort zone for her. I don’t regret doing that at all because it makes my girlfriend happier.

We have come close to breaking up several times. During those times, I blamed myself a lot. Thankfully, everything worked out.

I developed a problem where I couldn’t even allow myself to look at other girls, let alone talk to them. Even if I just accidentally glanced at a girl, I would start checking myself mentally: “Why did I do that?” “I’m so disloyal.” Things were really bad at times. That has passed now. I can already talk to other girls of the opposite sex more or less calmly and discuss things with them.

However, I’ve recently developed a new problem.

I have a female acquaintance (I’ll call her Lucy). It’s not like I’m particularly attracted to her. How can I explain it? Recently, I was standing with a friend, joking around, and I saw Lucy nearby. It was as if I started behaving a little differently, trying to “look better.”

I can’t really handle it when girls my age look at me. I start behaving a little differently because I don’t like looking “bad” in the eyes of other girls. (Before I got into a relationship, I constantly tried to make myself look better in front of girls.)

Now, when I notice that someone is looking at me, I feel uncomfortable. I either start making “constrained movements” (unnatural ones) or try to “make myself look better.”

How can I overcome this? How can I stop noticing other people’s gazes?

I’ve never flirted with anyone, tried to make advances toward anyone, or anything like that, let alone anything more! I love only my girlfriend, and I really dislike the fact that sometimes I have thoughts like, “What if she’s not the one for me?” or “What if she’d be better off with someone else?” and so on.

I really don’t want to lose her, honestly. I do almost everything for her, and I don’t cheat on her, either.

There have been times when I blamed myself so intensely that I possibly started having health problems because of it. Now, because of that situation with Lucy, I’m starting to feel bad again. (I feel like I wanted to attract her attention in that situation, but at the same time, I understand that I wouldn’t have even talked to her if she had started a conversation with me. I “wouldn’t have given her a single chance!”)

I’ve spent a tremendous amount of energy and nerves fighting with myself.

If anyone can offer any advice, I would be very grateful. Also, please evaluate the situation with Lucy. Was I faithful to my girlfriend in that situation or not?

My ChatGPT has already helped me analyze so many things about this.

Hi everyone! How are you? I could really use some advice. I haven't been diagnosed, but I suspect I might have ROCD or something similar, and honestly, it’s really taking a toll on me. It all started back in June when I joined one of those anonymous chat sites, you know? I ended up talking to a guy my age. He was nice, so the conversation flowed well, but at one point, he asked me—in a suggestive way—what I was doing there, and I felt a physical, sexual reaction. I told him I was just there to chat and things like that. Overall, I think our interaction was normal. I only felt that same arousal during another playful comment he made, but I don't recall responding flirtatiously or anything like that. I treated him like a friend. Later, he explicitly said he was hitting on me, and I didn't think twice before leaving the chat. The problem is, my mind keeps insisting that I was enjoying it and that, somehow, I was reciprocating his advances. This makes me feel terrible at the thought that I might have cheated on my girlfriend. I should add that, at first, I was worried about having been too friendly with him. Once I managed to accept that, my anxiety shifted to the fact that I kept the conversation going instead of leaving the moment he said something weird. Now, I’m questioning whether I was actually enjoying the interaction. Anyway, I’m afraid that if I simply ignore these thoughts, I might end up sweeping a potential act of cheating under the rug. I wouldn't think it’s fair for my girlfriend to be with someone who cheated on her. I’d really appreciate some advice. I don't know if I have real grounds to believe I did something wrong or if I'm just suffering from anxiety over an interaction that happened a few months ago. I’m tired of constantly questioning everything, and I’d like to be able to handle this in a healthier way.

I don’t know if any of you can relate to this, but whenever something really triggers me, I often find myself thinking about it again days later. Suddenly, I remember certain things my partner said that seem completely contradictory or don’t make sense to me.

This happens especially with jealousy-related triggers.

Whenever I notice these possible contradictions, I get an overwhelming urge to figure them out and ask my partner about them again. I feel like I desperately need an explanation because the uncertainty and anxiety become almost unbearable.

My therapist has generally advised me to stop seeking reassurance, but I find this incredibly difficult, especially when I notice these apparent contradictions days later. In those moments, they feel so real and important that I struggle to just let them go.

How can I actually get better at tolerating uncertainty when it feels almost unbearable? How do you resist the urge to seek reassurance or analyze everything when the anxiety is so intense?

I genuinely want to learn how to sit with uncertainty without constantly needing answers, but sometimes it feels almost impossible.

The problem for me is dealing with the intense discomfort I feel when something triggers me, without seeking reassurance to make that feeling go away. The anxiety and emotional pain can feel almost unbearable, and I struggle so much with sitting with those feelings instead of trying to get rid of them.
This is what I’ve been struggling with for months, and honestly, it’s really not easy at all. I feel like this is exactly where I get stuck, and it’s also why I haven’t been making any real progress in therapy. I know I need to learn to tolerate the uncertainty, but actually doing it when I’m triggered feels incredibly difficult.

Has anyone experienced something similar? What has actually helped you?

I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and I still find myself constantly checking his ex's social media accounts. I check her Instagram reposts and TikToks as if I'm watching out for a threat. I analyze her posts and give meaning to things that might not even have anything to do with my boyfriend. Even when I find nothing, I eventually go back and check again.

I know this isn't healthy. I know my past experiences shouldn't be an excuse for my behavior, but sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in an endless loop that I can't get out of.

For context, I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and my doctor is currently observing how severe my ROCD (relationship OCD) symptoms are. I'm starting to wonder how much of my behavior is connected to my mental health, my past experiences, and the things that have happened in my current relationship.

The worst part is that I sometimes catch myself hoping his ex is happy and doing well, but also secretly hoping she's happy enough with her own life that she won't feel the need to come back into my boyfriend's life. I feel guilty admitting that because I don't want to wish anything bad on her. I just want to feel safe in my relationship.

I've been single for a very long time before finally allowing myself to love someone again. I've had my heart broken before, and I think I'm terrified of going through that experience again. After spending so much time alone, I finally let someone into my life, and now I'm constantly afraid of losing him.

What makes this more complicated is that I learned my boyfriend was in another relationship before his ex, and there was an overlap between those relationships. Knowing this made me even more afraid that he could do the same thing to me. I find myself wondering whether he could develop feelings for someone else while still being with me, or whether his ex has a kind of influence over him that I could never compete with.

I know their relationship ended for a reason, but knowing that doesn't always help when my mind starts spiraling.

Another thing I struggle with is comparing myself to his ex. She's a flight attendant, travels a lot because of her job, and is financially stable. I'm a supervisor, and sometimes I feel like I can't compete with the lifestyle she had or provide the same kind of life for my boyfriend.

I feel envious when I think about how comfortable they seemed to be together. I wonder if he was happier with her, if their life was better, or if I will ever be enough. I know relationships aren't competitions, but emotionally, it feels like I'm constantly measuring myself against someone who isn't even in the relationship anymore.

Their past has also affected our present in ways I didn't expect.

My boyfriend isn't generally the type to post about his relationships on social media, so I understand that posting might not mean much to him. However, I knew he had posted his ex before, and that made it difficult for me not to wonder why she was different.

When we were around eight months into our relationship, I asked him if he could post me so people would know we were together. He refused and didn't really explain why, other than bringing up his ex. We almost broke up over it.

I couldn't help wondering why he had been comfortable posting her but not me. I know that being posted on social media doesn't determine how much someone loves you, but because he had done it for her and not for me, it became difficult not to compare myself to their past. I wondered if he was more comfortable acknowledging her or if there was something about their relationship that I couldn't give him.

There were other things, too, like the folder name on his laptop that reminded me of their past. I never asked him to delete all their old pictures. I only asked that I not have to see them because I wanted to respect what we were building together and protect my own feelings. But one time, while we were about to watch a movie, he plugged his hard drive into the TV, and pictures of him and his ex appeared on the screen.

Then, when we had already been together for a year, I saw a picture of his ex on his phone.

I know these things might seem insignificant to someone else, but they hurt me, especially because I was already struggling to feel secure in our relationship. I felt like my feelings and boundaries were being dismissed, and I didn't know what to do with that hurt.

I hate that I even had to ask him to delete her number or contact information just so I could feel a little more secure. I never wanted to be the kind of partner who had to ask for things like that to feel safe. I didn't want to monitor his phone or feel like I needed to remove traces of someone else to make room for myself. I wanted to feel like my place in his life was secure without having to ask for proof of it.

I think these experiences contributed to the insecurity I have now. I know my boyfriend has reassured me, but some of his past actions made it difficult for me to feel secure in the first place. Now, I find myself constantly asking for validation. I look for reassurance, feel better temporarily, and then something else triggers me. I start checking her accounts again, comparing myself to her, and questioning everything.

Eventually, I just get tired of myself.

I've talked to my boyfriend about my fears, including the feeling that I'm somehow the only thing keeping them apart. Sometimes I feel as though I'm standing in the way of something that could still happen between them. I secretly wonder whether, if she came back into his life, he would choose her over me.

I know these fears may not reflect reality, but they feel very real when I'm experiencing them.

I also know that my boyfriend's past is his past. His ex is allowed to live her life, and I don't want to keep monitoring her. I don't want to keep asking my boyfriend for reassurance until we're both exhausted. I don't want my mental health and our relationship to revolve around someone who isn't even part of our relationship.

At the same time, I struggle to distinguish between my anxiety and the things that genuinely hurt me in the past. I don't know when I'm responding to a real relationship concern and when I'm caught in an obsessive thought pattern. I don't want to dismiss every feeling as ROCD, but I also don't want to keep treating every fear as evidence that something is wrong.

I want to stop comparing myself to her. I want to stop feeling like I have to compete with her career, finances, experiences, or history with my boyfriend. I want to stop checking her social media and interpreting every post as a possible sign that she'll return.

Most of all, I want to feel secure without constantly needing someone else to convince me that I'm enough.

Has anyone experienced something similar, especially those diagnosed with ROCD or who struggle with relationship anxiety? How did you distinguish obsessive fears from legitimate relationship issues? How did you stop checking your partner's ex's social media and constantly seeking reassurance?

I'd also appreciate advice from people who have experienced this while being in a relationship where certain past actions genuinely affected their trust. How did you rebuild your sense of security without letting your anxiety take over?

I'm not looking for reasons to hate his ex or ways to monitor her better. I genuinely want to understand myself, work through these feelings, and learn how to stop living in fear of something that may never happen.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm competing with his past. I don't want to spend another three years monitoring someone else's life instead of enjoying my own relationship. I want to be present, to trust, and to feel like I am enough in the relationship I'm in.

I just don't know how to get there yet.

Our first months together I wanted what I have now from my relationship: time together, feeling needed, support and (sorry specific) video calls. My ROCD used to be about the lack of these things, things like, are we compatible? Is this normal or are my standards skewed? Will this last? Etc

Now I got most of these things I wanted. I should feel happy but I am plagued by thoughts of whether there is an incompatibility I haven't spotted yet, am I forcing her? Are we codependent? Why did she change? Do I want this change?

I should just be happy but instead I feel horrible.

Small addition to the post: the questions are not something I am asking reassurance about, thhose are just the obsessions popping into my head that I am venting

Hi everyone! I think I might be struggling with Relationship OCD (ROCD). Let me give you some background first.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over six months (we’re both around 17 years old).

We love each other very much. I do a lot for her, and sometimes I even push myself beyond my comfort zone to make her happy. I don’t regret doing that at all because seeing her happy means a lot to me.

We’ve almost broken up a few times in the past. During those periods, I blamed myself a lot, but thankfully, we worked things out.

At one point, I developed this issue where I felt like I wasn’t even allowed to look at other girls, let alone talk to them. Even if I accidentally glanced at another girl, I would start questioning myself: “Why did I do that?” “I’m so disloyal.” It got really bad at times. Thankfully, that particular issue has gotten better. I can now talk to other girls relatively comfortably, have conversations with them, and discuss things without feeling as guilty as I used to.

However, I’ve recently developed a new problem.

There’s a girl I know (I’ll call her Lucy). I’m not particularly attracted to her or anything. It’s hard to explain, but recently, I was standing with a friend, joking around, when I noticed Lucy nearby. It felt like I started acting a little differently, as if I wanted to look better in front of her.

I find it difficult to handle the feeling of being watched by girls my age. When I notice that a girl is looking at me, I start feeling uncomfortable. I either make awkward, unnatural movements because I’m self-conscious, or I start acting differently to make myself look better in her eyes.

Before I got into a relationship, I used to constantly try to impress girls. Now, when I notice a girl looking at me, I feel uncomfortable and start worrying about how I’m behaving.

How can I overcome this? How can I stop being so aware of other girls looking at me?

I’ve never flirted with anyone or tried to make advances toward another girl. Absolutely never!

I love only my girlfriend, and I really hate that I sometimes have thoughts like, “What if she’s not the one for me?” or “What if she’d be happier with someone else?” and things like that.

I genuinely don’t want to lose her. I do so much for her, and I’m faithful to her. I’ve never cheated on her.

There have been times when I’ve blamed myself so intensely that I think it may have even started affecting my physical health. Now, because of what happened with Lucy, I’m starting to feel bad again.

I keep thinking that maybe I wanted to get her attention or make myself look good in front of her. At the same time, I know that I wouldn’t have even started a conversation with her, and if she had approached me first, I wouldn’t have given her a chance romantically.

I’ve spent so much emotional energy fighting with myself over these thoughts and feelings. It’s exhausting.

If anyone has any advice, I’d be incredibly grateful.

I’d also really appreciate it if you could give me your honest opinion about the situation with Lucy. Was I being faithful to my girlfriend in that situation, or did I cross a line?

I’ve already discussed so many of these situations with ChatGPT, trying to understand what’s going on in my head. I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s perspectives, especially from anyone who has experienced something similar.

Thank you for reading.

Hi everyone! ❤️
I was wondering if there is a specific OCD theme related to the decision of whether or not to have children.
I struggle with OCD, particularly relationship OCD and existential anxiety, and lately, my mind has been obsessing over the question of having children.
I keep questioning whether I truly want children, whether I’m making the right decision, and what it would mean for my life if I decided not to have them. Sometimes, the thoughts become so distressing that I start questioning the meaning of life itself and feel like I need to figure everything out right now.
The hardest part is that I can’t seem to distinguish between what I genuinely want and what my OCD is telling me. I analyze my feelings, imagine different future scenarios, and try to reach a definitive conclusion, but I always end up feeling more confused and anxious.
It feels like I need 100% certainty about such a huge life decision, and the uncertainty is unbearable.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Is there a specific OCD theme associated with obsessing over whether to have children, regretting the decision, or questioning your future as a parent?
I’d especially love to hear from people who have experienced this alongside existential OCD or ROCD.
Thank you ❤️

My Gf and I Broke up a few days ago and im having extreme trouble to Deal with it. We have been together for 5 years and still means the World to me .

She already suffered from mental problems like obessive thoughts and behavior , aswell as panic attacks before we started to get closer to each other. We talked a lot about it from the beginning and i told her from the start that she can tell me everything thats on her mind but that she is never obligated . Since the beginning of pur relashionship we had those Phases from time to time . Times were she had obsessive thoughts about the relashionship and other things . Things like am i the right Partner for her , does she really love me , is this what she wants and so on . I have to State that i was her first Partner and it was my second relashionship. Everytime when we had those Phases i told her that we get through this and that i will be on her side no matter what . We had barely any intimacy since she suffered from a very low libido but we Managed to find a way for us, like we did with everything. Then there came a time about 1 year ago where those Phases started to get more and more intense , the doubts in her head got louder and louder and the things she said to me during those times really hurt me . I know to this day that she didnt hurt me on purpose , that she had no choice to control whats in her head . But i was starting to let those doubts to close to me and i hurt more and more . When we moved in together a few months ago i feel like something completely Switched and those Phases came every few days .

I asked her what was on her mind because i felt she was drifting away from me but she couldnt really give me an answer . She said there is no exact reason but everything in her head just gets worse. That situation went on for a few weeks with a lot of emotional break downs from both of us . We always came back to the point of discussing how to continue . I always told her that no matter the situation atm , i want to stay on here side and help her trough this . I cant leave her alone

She told me that she loves me so much and doesnt want to miss me in her life, but that she just cant take it anymore and that she is tired of fighting ...

Dont get me wrong i dont want to call her out or anything at all

Im just trying to understand what happened because it felt like a failed or that i didnt do enough

I asked her if she was open to go to therapy with me because i would need help to get along with all that too. I wanted to learn how i can Deal with it better and how to Support her better . She said she admires my Intentions but she just cant fight anymore

Her last words to me where

I think in order to find myself i need to let you go

I love you and want a future with you but i cant

She also said it might be her biggest mistake and she doesnt know if her situation will get better when Im gone

That absolutely broke me to peaces

I never thought of writing something like this here but im at the lowest point of my live and dont know what to do