Hi there, before I start my story, I just wanted to say that if you are in the thick of this it will get better, it's slow and gradual but it does get better. I remember constantly going through this page and plenty others like this, reading success stories, half wondering if I would ever get to place where I felt I could write one. Well here I am. It wasn't easy, but I'm here ❤️
So this postpartum period was my second one, I had my first baby 2 and a half years prior. I did not have any postpartum mental health struggles with my first baby, even though we had a rough start! (born at 34 weeks with Gastroschisis)
It was a very low risk pregnancy, and my mental health was pretty good whilst pregnant.
baby was born on the day that was booked via c section, and had no problems with baby or me during recovery. we came home the next day.
i did a little pumping in the first few days but decided for personal reasons to stop.
i'm not sure if that helped me out as i wasn't told that when you dry up your milk it can trigger a big hormone crash. on top of the hormone crash that follows given birth, probably triggered one of the worst mental health blips i have ever experienced. i also have diagnosed OCD and though i have managed to cope well with it without medication since i developed it, this postpartum experience rocked my boat.
it started slowly, i started feeling anxious, a bit sad, my appetite started going away, and i started to sleep less and less. this was all in the first week postpartum. my partner was doing all the night feedings and was sleeping in a different room with the baby so i could sleep, but i couldn't. i would toss and turn all night. then i started being sick because of the anxiety i was getting, especially in the morning. running on practically no sleep then being sick as soon as i did wake up from what little sleep i got was torture. i remember starting at the toilet after being sick wondering if this would ever end.
because it had been a few nights of no sleep and these depression blips, my midwife's were informed. i do have to say, they massively helped me out, as well as my health visitor and i don't think i would be as well off as i am now if it weren't for them. they instantly referred me to the perinatal mental health team.
my partner decided to take me to A&E after a few days of the no sleep, the sickness, etc. I got prescribed promethazine to sleep and propranolol for the anxiety.
i took a propranolol before i went to sleep that night and i managed to sleep 6 hours. which was great, but then the next night i couldn't sleep again. running on no sleep. so then we tried a promethazine, which got me to sleep again for 6 hours, then again we tried the next night and i got no sleep. i was losing it at this point, i thought my body was broken and was not accepting any type of medication to sleep.
the next night, i got no sleep so my partner took me to A&E again. they prescribed me diazepam (a benzodiazepine). i had a small mg tablet, maybe like 2mg?? it only got me 3 hours of sleep, so then i really thought i was broken. i remember my OCD got so bad at this point, i was spending hours, and i mean hours of searching of things related to my experience, on reddit, facebook, google.
my health visitor visited that day and heard all the medications i tried and said i really needed to try an antidepressant of some kind, so referred me to my GP for a same day appointment.
i went, with my partner, and the GP said mirtazapine would be the best medication for me to try. sertraline was the second, but since it can make things worse before it can make things better, it was best to try mirtazapine first.
i do have to say i was extremely lucky because mirtazapine was the perfect medication for me. i know some women have to navigate trying different medications until they find the one that fits them best, which is a lot of trial and error, and very hard.
but yes, i was lucky with mirtazapine. i got prescribed 15mg. and the first night i took it, i slept for 11 hours. i did wake up groggy but it wore off eventually during the day. and the next night, another 11 hours. i was so happy, though i was also dealing with mood blips still. the grogginess went away within the first week for me.
across those weeks i ate a lot better, slept very well, and i looked into supplements to support my body and mental health. i started reassurance seeking/symptom searching less and less. i was still dealing with anxiety in the morning with being sick, so i started taking magnesium glycinate in the evening and that got rid of the anxiety and morning sickness.
the perinatal mental health team saw me and referred me to health in mind for CBT.
the mirtazapine i'd say mood wise took around 8 weeks to fully kick in, and i was back to myself. i still take an occasional propranolol if i feel like i need it but its not often.
i'm now 16 weeks postpartum so 4 months, and it has gotten so much better. i sleep well, i eat well, my mind feels like me again. I am almost fully back to myself, though i'd definitely say this whole experience traumatised me and my ocd has definitely latched onto it, but i'm starting therapy & CBT soon.
i'm back to being the mum i want to be for both my children, and i don't think i'd be here without medication. i'm not sure how long i'll need to be on mirtazapine for, but im forever grateful for it.
thank you for listening, and i wish you the best :')