I’m not even sure what I’m looking for here. Maybe reassurance, maybe advice, or maybe just to hear that I’m not the only mom who feels this way.
I have a 20-month-old son who I love more than anything in the world. He’s my entire heart. But lately, I’ve been feeling like he genuinely prefers my husband over me, and it’s breaking my heart.
He constantly asks for Daddy. When he’s upset or gets hurt, he often runs to my husband instead of me. When we’re both around, he gravitates toward him. Meanwhile, when he wants food, milk, or something taken care of, he comes to me. I feel like I’m the person who meets his needs, but my husband is the person he actually wants to be with.
My husband is a wonderful, involved father, and I’m grateful for that. He’s also the fun parent. He roughhouses with our son, plays silly games, and gets to enjoy so many of the fun parts of parenting. I feel like I’m constantly managing everything else.
I work full-time in healthcare in a demanding role, and I also do additional work outside my primary job. I wake up early to exercise, work long days, and then come home and immediately switch into mom mode. I’m the one thinking about meals, groceries, clothes, schedules, appointments, packing, organizing, and all the million little things that keep our lives running.
Even when my husband is watching our son, I’m usually using that time to cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, or get something else done. So technically, my husband is “on” with our son, but I’m not actually getting a break. I’m just doing a different kind of work.
And I think that’s part of what hurts so much. My husband gets more opportunities to just enjoy our son, while I’m constantly thinking about what needs to happen next.
We have childcare during the workweek, and I carry an enormous amount of guilt about that too. I feel guilty that I’m not spending enough time with my son, but then when I am with him, I’m often so mentally and physically exhausted that I don’t feel like I’m being the mother I want to be.
I try so hard to do everything right. I prioritize my health, I exercise, I work hard, I try to be present, I plan activities, and I make sure my son has everything he needs. But I feel like I’m running on empty.
By the time my son goes to bed, I have absolutely nothing left. Sometimes I just lie in bed because I can’t imagine doing one more thing. And then I feel guilty for not being more productive, or for not enjoying motherhood more.
Weekends can actually feel harder than weekdays because there isn’t really a break. I’m either parenting, doing household tasks, or thinking about everything I should be doing. I feel like I have to ask for permission to get time to myself, while my husband’s free time seems to happen more naturally.
And the worst part is that despite all of this, I feel like my son still prefers him.
I know logically that toddlers go through phases and that this doesn’t necessarily mean my son loves me less. But emotionally, it’s really difficult not to take it personally. Especially when I already feel like I’m giving so much of myself and there’s so little left.
I sometimes wonder if I’ve become so focused on being the responsible parent that I’ve forgotten how to just have fun with my child. Or if my exhaustion is affecting our connection. Or if I’m simply expecting too much of myself.
I also feel terrible even admitting this because I don’t want to be jealous of my husband’s relationship with our son. I love that they’re close. I just desperately want to feel that same closeness myself.
I miss feeling like myself. I miss having mental space.
And I hate that something I’ve wanted so badly — being a mother — sometimes leaves me feeling so overwhelmed, inadequate, and lonely.
Has anyone else experienced this, especially with a toddler who strongly prefers the other parent?
Did the preference eventually shift? Did you do anything to improve your connection? And for moms who feel like they’re carrying the mental load of the entire household while also working, how did you stop feeling so depleted?
I don’t need my son to love me more than his dad. I just want to stop feeling like I’m giving everything I have and somehow still falling short.