r/nottheonion • u/PlayaSlayaX • 13h ago

After eight years building GTA 6, Rockstar promises its next games will come "more quickly"

pcgamesn.com

2.6k Upvotes

449 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Ok-Medium-6868 • 11h ago

Marx Campaign Touts Poll Showing a Tie With Weiser, Omits That It's Only in CO's Reddest District

coloradotimesrecorder.com

384 Upvotes

23 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AlwaysBlaze_ • 11h ago

Rick Tocchet says Flyers defensemen are ‘too horny’ on the ice

broadstreethockey.com

257 Upvotes

31 comments

r/nottheonion • u/mawcopolow • 1h ago

AI agents on Tencent's cloud read the investigation into them, then politely ask the investigators for help

maccus.fr

• Upvotes

2 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Perdix_Icarus • 1d ago

US Navy turns 251: American politicians use photos of Indian, Russian warships

indiatoday.in

3.5k Upvotes

116 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Mewsyk • 1d ago

Left-wing candidate Hitler Mussolini wins local vote in Peru

euronews.com

6.1k Upvotes

139 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Supersmashbrosfan • 14h ago

Louisiana Senator Declares At Barn Party: 'Mike Rogers Pisses Excellence'

home.mirs.news

208 Upvotes

45 comments

r/nottheonion • u/NicolasCageFan492 • 1d ago

Experts urge parents to prepare kids for possible livestreamed execution

apnews.com

10.9k Upvotes

1.7k comments

r/nottheonion • u/AdvancedInstruction • 1d ago

Idaho voters will choose an official state gun from 6 firearms on the November ballot

mynorthwest.com

4.1k Upvotes

735 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TitusTesla117 • 1d ago

‘It’s just a free for all’: LoDo neighbors want city to crack down on exploding hot dog carts

businessden.com

408 Upvotes

94 comments

r/nottheonion • u/MatriceJacobine • 1d ago

Female AI agents paid less than male agents for the same work

cybernews.com

1.7k Upvotes

150 comments

r/nottheonion • u/GenericKittyKat • 1d ago

Grand Prairie ISD cancels ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ after casting female student as male lead

wfaa.com

1.7k Upvotes

200 comments

r/nottheonion • u/PikachuWithHerpes • 1d ago

Woman allegedly Groped By Robot In Germany

ndtv.com

671 Upvotes

101 comments

r/nottheonion • u/QuantumQuicksilver • 1d ago

Robot Groped Teen in Cologne, Police Probe Two Owners

verity.news

287 Upvotes

42 comments

r/nottheonion • u/UGMadness • 1d ago

Salt Lake City florist pushes to remove bike route after close call

fox13now.com

957 Upvotes

154 comments

r/nottheonion • u/malcolm58 • 1d ago

Hacker claims ‘123456’ password let them breach the Danish national registry, accessing 8.8 million records — IT and data services company with weak passwords linked source of the hack

tomshardware.com

287 Upvotes

26 comments

r/nottheonion • u/jxj24 • 1d ago

Florida to execute a prisoner who killed his cellmate in hopes of getting a death sentence

nbcnews.com

733 Upvotes

100 comments

r/nottheonion • u/matthieuC • 1d ago

Florida to execute a prisoner who killed his cellmate in hopes of getting a death sentence

nbcnews.com

326 Upvotes

53 comments

r/nottheonion • u/MiyamotoUsagi1587 • 2d ago

Working from home? Sydney trader fired after laptop gives away his Singapore getaway

straitstimes.com

2.5k Upvotes

179 comments

r/nottheonion • u/PotentiallyNotSatan • 2d ago

'Large' pool of human blood in Wellington tunnel not suspicious

1news.co.nz

1.9k Upvotes

132 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TheCancerMan • 1d ago

`123456’ password used in massive Danish CPR data breach

cphpost.dk

573 Upvotes

88 comments

r/nottheonion • u/CircumspectCapybara • 2d ago

Palantir CTO Shyam Sankar says researchers have started smoking, believing AI will cure cancer

indiatoday.in

3.4k Upvotes

461 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AudibleNod • 2d ago

NZ bank in free speech row over ‘explicit’ sheep memes

ctvnews.ca

1.8k Upvotes

311 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ArgentineBeauty • 2d ago

US Professor Accused Of Urinating On Student's Backpack, Investigation Uncovers 6 Earlier Cases

ndtv.com

1.9k Upvotes

147 comments

r/nottheonion • u/aaa-play • 2d ago

'Unprecedented' Cyberattack cripples supermarket fridges across Europe as hackers activate automatic defrosting — delivery and store prices also impacted by incident

tomshardware.com

1.8k Upvotes

401 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
9. English articles only.	Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
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11. No blocked, redirected, or tracked links.	Please ensure you aren’t submitting a link that utilizes a paywall, survey wall, or pop-over of any kind in order read the complete article uninterrupted. Do not submit links that redirect you to another site to read the article and do not submit using link shorteners either. Additionally make sure you remove any Urchin Tracking Modules from your links as well.
12. No personal attacks, racism, sexism, or bigotry	Keep comments civil and avoid attacking other users directly. No racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.
13. Don’t break Reddit rules.	This should be self-explanatory. Don’t break site-wide rules. Violators will be permabanned. This does include deliberately spreading misinformation.
14. No Self Submissions and/or Official Accounts.	Submissions must come from readers, not from the journal itself. Submissions from official promotional accounts are not allowed here. (Commenting is fine though)

Click here to view a list of sites deemed unreliable by our moderator team.

See our FAQ page for more information on our rules.

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For more information, click here.