If you're nervous about miso, maybe don't read this. But if you had miso and also hated it (or maybe it wasn't bad for you!), commiserate with me.

Posted here the other day about how I thought my first round of miso had failed. Took a second dose, and a few hours after, I had the most intense pain I've ever felt in my life.

The cramps NEVER felt like "bad period pain". They were absolutely agonising. They eased off for a couple of hours, and I was able to eat some food (mistake!). They then picked up again for about three hours. Sitting on the toilet made it worse, lying in the foetal position made it worse, squatting made it worse. The only thing that didn't make it worse was lying in the shower with scalding water running over my stomach. I kept vomiting, which seemed to also offer some temporary relief from the pain.

You know when you see videos of cats, and they're hissing and running away from their own tail? That's exactly how I felt. I kept trying to frantically scramble away from my body, but I couldn't. I could feel I was panicking, and I know that will have made it worse, but I was completely unable to access any coping mechanisms to calm myself down.

Eventually the pain subsided enough for me to sleep, and the next day involved light bleeding and moderate cramps (manageable). Two days after my second dose, following a day of almost no bleeding and minimal pain (though some pressure - I thought I was constipated), I sat on the toilet and the gestational sac popped right out. I genuinely felt (and this sounds so weird) elated. I was SO relieved. I'd been convinced that this second dose wouldn't work, and I'd end up needing yet another D&C, because I just knew the sac hadn't passed. So knowing that it was out gave me such an overwhelming sense of relief, I genuinely felt giddy.

This was my third missed miscarriage in a row - the previous two MMCs I had D&Cs. While I'm glad I chose the medicated route for this one, I don't know that I could ever do it again. The pain was frightening, and utterly absorbing. I was on a cocktail of ibuprofen, codeine and paracetamol - none of it touched the sides of the pain.

But it's done! Thank fuck for that.

Things I thought I knew about myself prior to miso:

• I have a high pain tolerance (lol no I don't)
• I am calm and stoic in the face of pain (lol no I'm not)
• I'm not a cryer when in pain (lol yes I am)
• When (if?) the time comes, I can totally do an unmedicated labour and delivery (lol not a chance)

This is a very long read due to context.

Me (M) and my wife lost our baby to a miscarriage at eight weeks at the end of September. We both work together in an operating theatre but with different job roles. We met here, four years ago and love our little life together. Having owned a home together for a year, we decided it was time to start a family.

We were so happy, I’ll never forget that first text message saying she’s got something to tell me. I couldn’t wait to finish work and immediately rushed home where I practically fell into her arms right there in front of the door where she stood waiting. In that moment there was pure joy, warmth and love. I dived straight into what I felt was my responsibility of making sure I did everything I could so that she was comfortable, safe and happy. We spoke to our Manager and the team leads who were all responsible for the allocation to make sure she would be away from X-Rays, Harmful chemicals and heavy lifting.

Suspicions started to arise, and our work friends and colleagues started to push and prod, and to a select few the secret came out asking them to politely keep it to themselves. These select few are friends outside of work so it didn’t seem too far fetched to expect them to respect our decision to keep it quiet until our first scan. And so we carried on like that, for maybe three to four weeks until some symptoms started to develop.

Unfortunately what started as mild spotting we were advised to attend A&E where an emergency scan was performed and we got our most heartbreaking news that there was sadly no heartbeat. We both disclosed this information to our manager who broke down in tears with us and promised that outside of the team leads no one would be told. We were signed off work for two weeks together which obviously raises questions and suspicions about what has happened and I can’t deny I understand that part, the department was short staffed and people talk.

I came back first for one day and a friendly colleague who we had told told me he’s sorry for our news and offered his help if needed, I thanked him and told him we’re getting by. The following week the night before her first shift back another colleague messaged her to say “I’ve just heard your news and I am so sorry”. We did not tell this person that she was even pregnant. Then an hour later an old colleague who works somewhere else and we hardly see, messaged saying “tight hugs, I’m here whenever you need”. This upset us both, my wife more frustrated and I was fuming.

So not only have people been spreading the rumour of our miscarriage through the department but spreading it so far as to reaching people who don’t even fucking work here.

My partner says she doesn’t mind, saying “people talk, I’m angry too but we can’t stop it and it has happened” she also told me she doesn’t want to know exactly who it was as to not upset herself. Me however, am spending most days stewing at work and trying to stop myself from going ballistic. I spoke to my manager just casually and she is on my side in terms of support but also opinion. And she like me wants to be on the warpath.

Now. The interesting but complicated dynamics of working with your wife and having your own emotions.

As you can see, we are both handling this together but in our own way. But it’s my responsibility to look after her in life but also at work for us which means I have to take a step back and follow what’s best for her and in this case it’s letting it go, and when we get pregnant again we will just handle it differently. But I’m just so goddamn mad, I’m already giving the cold shoulder to the people who’ve revealed they knew when they shouldn’t and I’m overall just ignoring or staying quiet instead of confronting them and telling them that’s it’s outright fucking disgraceful to spread this as gossip. It’s none of their business, they’ve breached our privacy and disrespected the both of us, that is not a friend, that’s not even a friendly colleague. I don’t really know what to do, I’m hurt and we’ve both talked it though together and I’ll respect her needs always and she’s already apologised profusely to me that she knows it’s wrong for me to have to suppress my emotions just to keep the peace. We both have an understanding that this whole situation including the miscarriage is difficult and we’ll get through it together.

It’s probably not the best place to stop typing but I just really needed to say that to a group who hopefully can sympathise.

(I am looking for a new job)

I’m having a D&C done in the morning after a missed miscarriage. I found out last Monday and I was able to get it done the next day but not by my doctor so decided to wait for her availability and I am extremely nervous. I’m getting a “mild sedative” which I’m absolutely terrified of and also scared of complications. I am naturally a very anxious person and I think of the worst possible scenarios so I’m seeking advice with those who can share their positive experiences ❤️‍🩹

I should also say that a lot of my anxiety comes from a acquaintance of mine who unfortunately passed away from a hysteroscopy complication last year and though they are not the same, I know they are quite similar and I have just gone down a rabbit hole that I can’t get out of!!!!

I’m just having a hard time. One day I’ll talk about it like it’s fine. Other days I want to explode but I just can’t. Today I just cried. No one around me truly understands, and how could they? I didn’t even have the chance to tell everyone I was pregnant. I’m trying to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it constantly, but it feels unfair to my baby.

I still have the pregnancy line on my stomach. It’s a reminder that I lost him. I lost him. I still count the days and the weeks. Life just continues to go on, doesn’t it?

I lit a candle in remembrance of my miscarriage. October is infant/child loss awareness month, they say to light a candle on the 15th at 7pm.

It’s been so hard. I cry and think about my baby often. I lost them before I found out their gender. Their nickname was Goat (for the year of the Goat, they would’ve been born in). Their name was either going to be Vincent or Daphne. I miss you Goat, I’ll love you forever.

My heart goes out to all of us that are hurting and missing a loved one ❤️

Well my first day back to work didn’t go as planned. I’m 5 days post D&C for my 10 week Missed Miscarriage and was finally feeling good enough to go in. Barely bleeding, feeling enough like myself to take on the day. I got about half way through the day and started cramping like crazy and then began bleeding like a lot. Enough to soak 2 overnight pads, the toilet, my pants, the floor.

I started feeling very weak and lightheaded so I told my coworker and then it was a mad dash to the ER because I turned so pale I looked gray, sweating so much I soaked my clothes, so shakey I couldn’t stand, uncontrollably sick, and my HR was in the 170s, BP super low. ER took me right in. Turns out there’s some retained tissue but not a lot and they are confident it’s passing on its own so no need for another D&C. The OB on call said my labs were stable enough to not need blood and sent me home.

Now I’m just in limbo I guess. Still bleeding heavily and passing huge bits of tissue. My boss doesn’t want me to come back tomorrow (can’t blame him). Cramping like I’m in labor and bleeding so heavily I’m having to change pads every hour. I’m miserable and feeling super down because I finally felt like I was at a point to get back to my life.

I’ve had a previous D&C and never had this experience. I just bled lightly for about a week and was back to normal. Anybody else have an experience like this?

Had my D&C two days ago (was 8+2 but baby had stopped growing a few days after I saw the heartbeat at 6+1) and I am just gutted. I feel like a shell. I don’t want to see my best friends because I can’t stand the look of pity. Everything people are saying to comfort me is just pissing me off. I screamed in the shower for 30 minutes today that I want my baby back. I usually have such strong faith but we had a 5+2 loss in August and then immediately conceived this baby only to have this happen and i am just angry. I don’t want to go in public and see pregnant women or babies. I hate feeling so bitter 😭but how will I get through it? I got a facial yesterday, I bought myself new Birkenstocks I’d been eyeing for a while, my husband and I splurged on steak and sushi last night, but I just feel numb. We bought a Honda pilot for me last year in anticipation of needing the third throw and I even want the fucking car gone.

How do you guys move on from this? What if I never want to try again? I can barely eat. My sleep is shit. I got sober 8 years ago but good god I want to drink again 😭 I won’t but the thoughts are there.

Hi,

My wife is 40 years old, and we had been trying to conceive for a few months before she finally got pregnant. This is her first pregnancy, and everything seemed to be going well so far. She had the usual early pregnancy symptoms, including nausea.

However, at around 10 weeks, she noticed a small amount of brown spotting when wiping after using the bathroom. This continued into the second day.

Last night(the second day), she experienced abdominal pain that was significantly more severe than her usual period cramps and lasted throughout the night. When she went to the bathroom, she passed red blood, along with two pieces of tissue or clot-like material during two separate visits. She described them as looking like “lumps of meat.”

Does this sound like a miscarriage?

Sunday morning I found out I was pregnant. Very shortly beforehand, my husband and I discussed that now isn’t the time for us to be trying and we should hold off. Not even two days later, I did my routine monthly test and there was the positive. We were so shocked and so excited all in the same breath! A few days of bliss and excitement just giggling about the future.

Come Wednesday, I began to bleed pretty heavily and had some persistent cramping. We went to the ER where they did the standard: a vaginal ultrasound which showed a sac but no baby. Blood draw which said HCG showed at 69. Pelvic exam with heavy bleeding. They sent me home with instructions to come back on Friday for a repeat draw. They said it “could be a miscarriage or it could go on to be a healthy pregnancy, it’s just too early to tell” Today, I passed a large amount of firm tissue, I’ve continued to bleed like a period, and the most recent test I took is very faint. While I’ll still go in tomorrow for the repeat draw and the smallest amount of hope, I think I’m confident that we’ve lost it and I almost want to avoid it.

Feeling so emotionally exhausted, with it being 4 days after we found out it makes me wonder if it’s even real? If I wouldn’t have taken my routine test I probably would’ve chalked the whole thing up to a usual period and spared us the heartache. But I’m also grateful to know about this little life so we can celebrate it accordingly. From going to making our minds up to stop trying, to a day later getting the positive, to three days later most likely losing little baby. Just feeling so many different feelings and everything has happened so fast.

I was so excited about this pregnancy. Was due in May and couldn’t wait to give my older kiddo a brother or sister….. well all those dreams vanished when I went to my ultrasound at 8 weeks to see a gestational sac and yolk sac, no fetal pole. They said it’s possible I could have just been earlier, they said I was looking more like 5 weeks, if still viable. Rechecked again in 2 weeks and there was no growth, saw just the gestational sac, empty. It really broke me in pieces. I went to the hospital yesterday and took mifepristone, and I am about to take misoprostol (Cytotec) now. I’m so nervous and still kind of in denial. Please share some positive stories of conceiving after miscarriage… I want to try again soon but now I’m terrified of a recurrence…

I’m wondering if anyone else has been through something like this because I feel like I’m in the strangest limbo.

This is an IVF pregnancy from a day-5 PGT-A euploid embryo, so my dates are exact. My early betas initially looked great, then slowed dramatically and eventually essentially plateaued around 3,000 (only rose 5% in a 48 hour period) and then we stopped testing hcg a few weeks ago when we moved to ultrasound.

On my ultrasounds, we initially saw a gestational sac but nothing definitive inside it. There was maybe a structure that could have been a yolk sac, but no one could say for sure. Did a repeat ultrasound the next week and same thing. So my RE diagnosed it a blighted ovum and we scheduled the MVA procedure.

I went in for the MVA the other day fully expecting the pregnancy to be over. They put me under with anesthesia and when I woke up they told me that they found a yolk sac, fetal pole, and faint heartbeat. So I have to go in for repeat ultrasound now. The heart rate was only about 75 bpm. I can't remember how far behind I'm measuring but I want to say at least a week.

I’m pretty sure this is still going to end in miscarriage, but I feel like I’ve been through the wringer. I’m on week 3 of waiting.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I had a D&C a few months ago, and tampons still don’t sit the same in my cervix after my D&C. Has anyone else experienced this? I obviously waited the 2 weeks to use a tampon after a D&C, but I didn’t dream that simply having a D&C at 9 weeks pregnant would affect my pelvic floor that much. I feel like tampons just don’t stay in the way they used to.

Went in for first OB appointment in the public health system yesterday, should have been 7w4 but measured 6w4 with no heartbeat. Had a scan at 6w2 and the fertility clinic that measured 5w5 but with heartbeat. I was concerned about the size (Dr wasn't though) and I guess I just never felt....convinced?

I'm not sure if that's normal. But it's like on some level my body knew it wasn't the one? I'm quite supersticios and look for "signs" everywhere (probably anxiety ha) and I wasn't seeing "good" signs. I know it sounds really stupid, it probably is, but I really felt it.

Went today for the medication, and am going through the process. Then I found out an hour ago it was Baby Loss Awareness week and today is the final day. I find out just before 7pm local time, the first unlit candle I picked up off the shelf is called "unicorn dreams" and I'm just staring at it, thinking "wow this really does feel like a sign". Not sure what it means, but it's a sign of something....

Anyway I'm just feeling lonely I have nobody to talk to about this, and feeling a bit crazy taking about signs.... Did anybody else have this sort of feeling?

Sending hugs to anyone else going through this on this very pertinent day. Thanks for reading my ramble...

I’m really really struggling. Still waiting for my cycle to come back and I’m just so angry. It should be us too, we should be on mat leave together, it should never have gone this way. Now I’m just so resentful and envious and fucking angry.

I have only four blood relatives: my mother, grandfather, aunt, and cousin. I tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a year, and we got lucky on our first round of IUI. Scan at 7 weeks showed heartbeat. Last week, the ultrasound showed no heartbeat. They said it had happened that day because the size was spot on for 9 weeks. Miscarried last Thursday.

When my family knew I was pregnant, they were calling, they offered to have Thanksgiving at my place so I wouldn't have to drive, they were excited. They'd been nagging me all year about whether I was pregnant yet.

When I told them about the ultrasound, I got radio silence. My mother called once. They had Thanksgiving without me. Haven't heard from anyone in over a week. I've tried to build a chosen family, but I haven't heard anything from them either. Everyone is too uncomfortable to connect with me.

I feel like the resources need to include how your family and friends may react to your grief.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 9 months now. I have seen my first two lines this month and we were both so happy! I got to 5 weeks and 2 days.

Alas, I started to feel strange yesterday and this morning, but was trying to convince myself everything is normal as many people have these symptoms. However, my bleed has started now and the cramping got worse. I’m pretty sure that’s it for this pregnancy! Just sitting here all alone at home waiting for a callback from the doctors within the next two hours. So heartbreaking.

My coworker is excited because she has a scan later today to find out the gender of her baby. My “good news” of the day is that my nurse confirmed my miscarriage was complete and my HCG dropped 98% since it was last tested.

I’m absolutely gutted. I can’t stop crying. This feels so unfair.

Hi there,

Yesterday I found out I had a missed miscarriage with my first pregnancy at 28yo. I went in, and what should have been measuring at 9w+3d was measuring at 7w+3 days with no cardiac activity. My husband and I are devestated, but I also find myself so scared of what’s to come. I opted for the D&C, but yet to hear from schedulers when that will be. I guess my question is how long did it take you to naturally miscarry? Since it’s been 2 weeks of no baby, I guess I am wondering if it will start before my D&C.

My heart is with this group going through this. I had never expected this to hurt so much, and also feel so lonely. I am very grateful to find this.

Background: I had very light brown spotting around 6 weeks. Went in for ultrasound and baby measured a few days small, but had a strong heartbeat. Brown spotting never really stopped but since my OB told me it was probably due to cervix sensitivity, never thought twice about it again.

I'm 1 week post D&C and processing everything, allowing myself to feel all the feelings and taking time for myself where I can. My due date was supposed to be the month of my good friend's wedding. She lives out of state and so I was anticipating not being able to go. I hadn't told her this as I hadn't announced my pregnancy yet. Lo and behold, I can attend afterall... I'm trying to see this as a positive and something to look forward to but I just can't.

I don’t know if others have felt this way and if it’s normal, but when I was pregnant I had this feeling I wasn’t alone. I was looking forward to my partner and I being a family. There wasn’t just going to be two of us anymore, we were growing to a family of three. Every morning I would talk to my baby in my belly, letting it know there are so many people who are excited to meet them and there is so much love waiting for them. Now after the miscarriage, I feel a sense of emptiness and loneliness. It’s a little hard to describe but I guess it’s a changed mindset. While pregnant, I watched what I ate and was more aware of what I could and couldn’t do. Now, post pregnancy, it feels like it doesn’t matter cause now I’m looking out for just me again. Does anyone else feel that way?

Went to the ER with an incomplete miscarriage, and they said I have to follow up with OB to confirm that everything was passed and give the official diagnosis.

Such a bleak coincidence that this falls on the specific day of the year