i don’t know what to do. I am in the worst shape i have ever been in in my life and i barely have any energy to do anything. For the first time in months i did some gardening a few days ago (shoveling and raking the lawn) and i had a pinched nerve in my neck afterwards which still hurts.

getting out of bed raises my heart rate and i have developed really bad cellulite all over my body.

I am not overweight but i have 0 muscles.

I probably lay down about 18 hours a day. I leave the house maybe once a week when my mom forces me to get groceries with her.

My diet consists of one meal a day and an energy drink, or i over eat and indulge in sweets.

If it matters im 5‘4, 125 lbs and female

I have absolutely no strength or stamina and i haven’t even taken a walk since 2024 (and i dont think i will be able to due to where i live. it’s a long story)

The only physical movement i get is from doing the dishes or hanging up laundry. I can barely lift 20 kg and i feel like an absolute joke. I hate myself and building myself back up seems like an impossible task since i am so weak. Tried working out by doing 20 squats and i literally could not move my legs for a week straight. FUCKKK

hey 18f, i miss the baby i aborted that is 13wks, i regret it i wish i was able to keep my baby, i wish im capable, and i wish i chose the best dad for him i dont think ill recover from this i should've known better. I wish i processed the time he came out from me, i wish i had the time before to wash him and hold his tiny body and hug him and tell him i love him so much and i am sorry for what i did i miss him so much, i wish im still carrying him and nurturing him i love him so so much to the moon and back. I feel like this is gonna kill me i just want to buy some baby stuffs for him even tho hes not here anymore and carry a newborn baby from others for my peace of mind, im losing my mind i just want my baby back.

.

I genuinely believe I’ll die young.

I am eaten alive with guilt because I have a single fantasy that floods my every waking moment. I have a family that loves me, and my life has been turned around for the most part. I was a terrible heroin and speed addict. I used to shoot up and live in a tent. I’ve been to every rock bottom you can imagine. I’ve been off of hard drugs for a year and a month. I’ve gotten most of my life back. But I am so mentally unfuckingwell that I’m almost embarassed to even share about it. Someone in my shoes should be god damn ecstatic about every single second they stand on solid ground. The only issue is - I’ve gotten fucked up taking 7OH and I’m trying so hard to quit. All I can think about all day long is how fucking nice it would be to just be gone. It’s such a selfish thought but it dominates my thoughts. I don’t know how to be happy. I was a homeless drug addict for a decade. I fought so hard to get my life back and it doesn’t feel like my life. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve tried so unsuccessfully to quit the 7…. I’m probably going to have to go to detox to get off it and go right back into the fresh fucking hell I’ve claw r my way out of. This guilt is fucking killing me. I don’t want to kill my self so why the fuck am i romanticizing being dead so hard????

I recently found out that my 14-year-old son has been struggling with self-harm, and I honestly don’t know what to do.
I found out by accident when I noticed some concerning marks on his arm. When I asked him about them, he initially avoided the question, but eventually, I learned that he’d been hurting himself since he was around seven years old. Seven. He’s been dealing with this for nearly seven years, and I had absolutely no idea.
I can’t stop thinking about how young he was when this started. He was just a little boy. I keep asking myself how I could have missed something so serious for so long. Was he trying to tell me something without actually saying it? Were there signs I overlooked? Was he suffering right in front of me while I went about my life, completely unaware?
I feel like I’ve failed him as a father. I know I can’t change the past, but I can’t help feeling guilty that I didn’t notice sooner.
And then I found out he’s been smoking, too.
The worst part is that he learned it from me. I’m a smoker myself, and although I never encouraged him to start, I realize that my own habits may have influenced him. I feel like a hypocrite telling him that smoking is harmful when he’s seen me doing it for years. I can’t help wondering what else he’s picked up from watching me.
I’m worried about his physical health, but I’m even more worried about what’s going on inside his head. I don’t want him to feel like he’s in trouble or that he has to hide things from me. At the same time, I’m scared because I don’t fully understand what he’s going through or how long he’s been struggling alone.
I love my son more than anything, and the thought that he might have felt he couldn’t come to me hurts more than I can explain.
For parents who’ve experienced something similar, how did you approach your child without making them feel ashamed or pressured? How do you support your child while dealing with the guilt of not realizing what was happening sooner?
I don’t expect anyone to have all the answers. I just want to learn how to be a better father to him, because he deserves that much.

Nothing here for me in this world. Nothing could really make me 'happy' and even if something somehow did, its simply brain chemicals flourishing. But psychiatry has failed at that deeply too. I mean, nothing gives me joy, i'm miserable and repress it, so realistically i'm an asshole. I don't even live a real life, ocd has made me isolate myself for years, and I cannot make any social connections. Throughout the past 7 years, i really only met other people from the psych ward. And even there i'm an outcast. I feel bad for my parents because I have amounted to nothing, textbook loser NEET. Me being on disability doesn't change that, because disability is still deep poverty and money talks the most in this life. Its already set in stone that I will 0ff myself one day, and I don't want to be your friend, i just want this meaningless life to end.

I just saw a video where this woman streamer threw her cat and grabbed her dog roughly and threw him on the floor in two separate clips and joked about "killing the dog" and explained in a tiktok video she made how she gets her pets to "submit" to her she would punch and hit them and if they fought back she kicked and threw them

My blood boiled so much and I felt so distressed and distraught by this by how cruel and horrible these fucking humans can be to poor innocent animals

I wish she would die on a live stream and someone would go rescue those animals because she will end up killing them

It makes me hate humanity more and more

This worthless parasitic species that just loves violence and cruelty

I fucking hate them all

Why must I share a world with these pieces of shit??

I've had to fight the urges almost every single day of my life since I was a little kid. At times I've given in, but here I still am. I don't feel lucky in that. The thoughts are always there. I know there's someone out there that's been burdened by the same curse. I just need to hear that I'm not alone in that. That the weight I carry is not unique to me.

Who else has lived most of their life this way?

When did it start?

Has your life's history been defined by trauma?

Why are you still holding on?

-----

Before people jump in suggesting ways to help, please don't. I've tried.

I've taken so many different medications and tried so many different combinations in the last 15 years, and I've finally found something that helps with the urges and impulses. But the thoughts remain. The death wish remains.

I've been in intensive trauma therapy for years.

I was rejected for TMS and Spravato.

My life is filled with love, joy, passion, and purpose. It's not enough. I really wish it was.

I cant imagine starting a full time 7-3 job. I just can't imagine I'll want to even live after a month of non stop leaving the house to coming home to limited time and then going back to my other home. I keep just thinking to leap off a cliff or run into traffic or whatever I can to just get me away the impending hell of a job. Day after day after day

I (20M) feel like I've lost everything and that I make the worst decision every time I have to make one. I just want to express here how badly I feel I've lost everything. Maybe it will help me...

Two years ago, I had a girlfriend, a lovely mother, a pet, and a normal life. My girlfriend cheated on me by sending compromising pictures to other boys, so I became very sad, and I didn't dare leave her (I forgave her a LOT of times) because I'm a very kind person, and she was one of the only people to really know me and love me. But then I met a new girl and decided to leave my girlfriend for her because I could not handle the fact that she had cheated on me and lied to me so many times. So I started dating Sarah, my new girlfriend. We stayed together for six months. She left me because of something I did. I talked to my ex-girlfriend because she was so sad and regretted what she had done, so I felt very guilty, and we called each other on FaceTime. I told her not to talk to me anymore and to let go. Sarah found out I had called my ex on FaceTime. Sarah really hated her, even before that. So she dumped me, even though she was the only person who loved me at the time and someone I was very intimate with.

I'm currently in my third year studying computer science in another city. I really hate coding and algorithms. I met Sarah during my first year in this city. We stayed together until the summer break was over, and she left me on the first day back at school. I had to stay in the same city and watch her find new boyfriends at the gym while she looked at me, and I was powerless. I suffered so much. I made such bad decisions.

My first ex-girlfriend found a new boyfriend while I was grieving, and she has become a different person since moving to another city.

My mother is the only person in my family I can be close to and talk to about serious subjects. She divorced my dad and moved to another country, so I don't see her, and we don't keep in touch over the phone because she's busy.

I also had a cat for five years, but the same year my mom left and Sarah left, he disappeared from my life.

And now I'm still in this city, but I'm all alone, and I cry a lot. When Sarah left me, I tried to hang myself. I was about to die, but my body miraculously landed back on the chair so I could take a breath. Then I freed my head because I got scared and fell to the ground. It was one of the rare moments when I felt alive. It's been a year since she left me, and I haven't been able to leave this city. I don't even have friends who care about me.

Why the fuck do I always make the wrong decisions and have to suffer through grief?

So things have been difficult over the last four years, since I kinda had my first panic attack and was then afraid to leave the house for a long time. This has gotten a lot better since I finished university and gotten a job, as it required me to go to the office daily. However, I also moved out from my shared flat to a single apartment. I'm happy about that, and grateful that I can afford it. Living alone is something I wanted to try and having more freedom to use the space and design it according to my needs is nice.

However, I was always inclined to drink a lot when in the company of others. That is probably because I felt I couldn't relax when I was sober. There would always be something on my mind and if there wasn't, I'd still have a sort of natural tension and sadness that I wanted gone. So when I was meeting with friends, I would often get wasted, even if it was just meant to be a chill hangout.

I wouldnt have drank alone in my shared apartment, but since I moved out I've been making it a habit. Especially when work has been exhausting it feels like I need a drink to calm down. After moving out, it feels like there isn't any shame in it either because nobody is there to judge me. So far it's not gotten dramatically bad, but it feels quite good in the moment and that worries me. It has happened somewhat frequently in the past few weeks that I woke up on a workday morning with a small hangover, dehydrated, having slept badly. This would just make me crave a drink even more the next day.

And I know that this isnt healthy, but that doesn't change how I act. Partly because I'm young enough to where the consequences are far away, and partly because I don't care about my health regardless. Anyways, it's been good to tell someone, as I wouldn't be this open with people I actually know. Today I drank a bottle of wine. I feel relaxed now, but also kind of ashamed. Maybe someone can relate, has any advice, or a story to share.

Hi I’m 21F, I have some light daddy issues, otherwise kinda good childhood, nothing I would consider traumatizing. But for some reason I’m severely unwell mentally, probably just genetics I honestly think I got I form my dad (whom I love and I know he’s doing a lot to eliminate true trauma he experienced in his childhood).

I’m severely prone to addiction, played with some uppers, daily weed smoker for the past two years which really helped me calm my mind down but I keep having sui cidal thoughts. Nothing specific per se, I just keep thinking about it.

I hate to self diagnose but I can’t really afford a psychiatrist and I’m also scared that if I get my diagnosis it’s never gonna leave me and I might experience discrimination because of it. Simply bcs I feel like I relate to a mental disorder that has a lot of stigma around it.

Like I mentioned, I smoke weed every day to calm down my anxiety and also the reoccurring self-offing thoughts. Tried some xannies, didn’t help really I just blacked out. Uppers help my depressive moods but then it gets worse, obviously so that’s never the way out and I know.

I just feel like life in itself has no purpose whether it’s me or another person and the only thing people do is destroy this planet and lives of other animals and nature. I’ve been having some sort of existential crisis where I can’t seem to figure out what is the reason pro-life here.

All I can come up with are reasons to commit but I don’t plan on doing it for now bcs I guess things can change? I’m not saying I have hope, I don’t think I have. I just hear people saying it so I try to convince myself there is hope. I have a bf whom I love and my family as well and I know how hard grief is to deal with. However, the only reason I have to not commit is that it’s selfish to stop my suffering only to cause more of it in other people.

Does therapy change things? Or meds? I know that when I don’t have a diagnosis I can’t really get specific help but I will appreciate every opinion.

Does it go away ? I really relate to bojack horseman btw, I keep rewatching the show every time I reach the end it’s just playing on repeat.

Im on a tolerance break now from weed and It’s gotten to a point a few days ago where I was laying in my bad in the evening, nothing playing in the background and I was just blank. Completely out of my mind. Like there’s a deep void inside of me that can never be filled. I kept looking out the window imagining myself doing it. I never felt like I had the courage to do it really bcs I’m a coward, but I quietly hope every time I cross the street that it’s the last time. Or when I’m driving a car. Are those intrusive thoughts ??? Or just harmless idealism ??? A day doesn’t go by where I don’t think about it.

And I feel loved by my bf for like the first time ever and he knows a bit about this, family supports me but they don’t really lnow.

I’m so used to it rn I don’t really think about it and my bf is the only one to ever say in front of me that he sees me struggling.

Edit: I also change moods very rapidly throughout the day, have some anger issues def and impulsive behaviour (like the drugs or before I had a relationship I slept around a lot for dopamine or idk validation? Sorry I know it’s a lot and prolly complex but is there hope for me still ?

Over the past year I’ve just deteriorated and deteriorated, I’ve picked up the bad habit of self harming and it’s about the only thing that feels fulfilling to me, when I see the cuts it brings me more satisfaction and pride than anything I’ve previously done in life.
My life is in the shit and I have a date to follow through and even after my friends pleaded with me I just can’t find it in me to want to get better, I can imagine how nice it would be but it just feels wrong and undeserved.
I can link it back to my earlier strangeness, when I was 14 or 15 I had a weird obsession with getting bad and then better all at once, not in the mental health sense but I’d wear the same socks for days, I’d grow out my nails and facial hair, I’d skip a shower etc just for that relief when I finally clean myself and I could feel extra good for a day. I think it’s roughly the same except I’ve hinged my life on it.
I don’t feel I deserve to get better until I feel loved, once someone loves me I’ll study and I’ll stop cutting and I’ll get into hobbies etc and I don’t think I can unlink this because it’s been like this since I was like 14.

How do I get out of this cycle?

Looking for someone to chat with. Feeling like an absolute failure. No plan for my life. ​I've had multiple chances and I've still messed up everything.

My life has geninuely been getting worse. I just started 9th graded 2 months ago and I've been getting worse and worse. I've bee addicted to cutting my wrists for a while and i'm planning on committing on halloween. Can someone convince me not to do it

:/

I already posted this but for context:

16f right now i refused to take a medicine (homemade) and i said I'd take it right before leaving the house which was in like 10 minutes. Small thing right? Well. My dad locked me in the balcony, yelled infront of everyone and hit me with a belt. Everyone watched. Every. Single. Person. Standing outside their balcony. Watching me. I was trembling. You would say I could've just drank it but i just brushed my teeth which would make the medicine taste really bad.

I feel so humiliated. People outside were begging him to stop. My mom was too. He did not. I don't know what to feel. Im just crying. I want to call the police.. but i can't. I'm praying someone raises a complaint so that they come to our house and I can vent it all out. Because this abuse isint sudden. It happens frequently. My dad harasses my mom and me all the time.

So it's been a few hours and im still disturbed. I'm at my internship right now and all I can think about is jumping off. He will never stop. I can never win in a fight against him. Im getting wrong thoughts that I can't stop... Like i keep getting the image of me stabbing him.. i see myself poisoning his food.. and I want to. So badly. As i walk home today everyone will be watching me and i hate the idea of it.

The hard times you are going through? Believe me stay alive and you'll see it was all worth it.

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since mid school and survived a lot of crap, I don't know how good my life would be if I HADN'T went through all this hardships. I'm feeling like I'm surfing rather rn than drowning like when i was a kid..

But yeah, of course life inevitably punches you and takes you down, but I grew to like those punches and use them as motivators to get up and build an even more worthful life.

F#cking own your life ✊ you can do it

hi anyone there to talk here? 18f. Need someone to actually listen to me. no judgement please.

Sorry ahead of time if this gets a little ramble-y.

I've had depression for a while, but last year, I had the worst of the worst years. I lost my dream car to a hit and run, my uncle passed away from cancer, and I had a hell of a time finding work, spending most of my year barely scraping by. The one good thing that happened was that my boyfriend proposed on my birthday, and we got married in April this year. I've wanted to be married for so long, you'd think I'd be happier than ever now.

Instead, I went from being generally emotionally repressed and kind of wishing I wasn't here to now obsessing about ending things, and I spend most days feeling so overwhelmed and weighed down by life that it hurts to breathe. I haven't had a panic attack since high school, and now I've had two in a week because I can't stop feeling like I'm never doing enough. I've never called a mental health crisis line, and I talked to one about two months ago. I was out of work for six months because my last boss fired me two weeks before my wedding, and now I can't seem to find a job that wants to pay me enough or offer benefits. My husband has been (perhaps unknowingly) putting pressure on me because he doesn't think we can make it on just his paycheck, which I know isn't unique to our situation, but I feel like by marrying him, I've only become another burden on him because I can't get a good job to help pay the bills, and I barey have the energy to take care of our home. Dreams I had for the future now sound daunting; the idea of having kids used to make me excited, and now I'm terrified because I already don't feel like myself; what if starting a family completely erases my identity? I wanted to get a job in my dream field, and now I'm worried I either won't make it into the industry, or it will take a toll on my marriage.

Worst of all of this, a part of me wants to be able to at least tell my husband how bad it is, but another part of me is afraid that if I tell anyone, I won't have an excuse to "leave." I want someone to worry about me, but for some reason I also don't want to be saved... And I feel guilty for it.

Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm putting this all out here; maybe the anonymity gives me some confidence, but I don't know what to do. I want to get better, and I want to feel like I can open up, but I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm pinning my survival on them.

Hello I really need some advice. These past few weeks I’ve just felt so lost with my life. My life feels so boring and on my days off from work I don’t have anything to do and I haven’t had any motivation to do anything. I’m not really finding joy in things anymore and nothing really excites me like it used too. I feel a little dead inside. I honestly don’t wanna wake up in the mornings and wish I could just stay asleep and dream. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore and I’m so tired of feeling this way. I feel like my mental health is so up and down. I really struggle to be alone sometimes and I just get so sad and down on myself. I’m just looking for any piece of advice please. Anything will help thank you :)

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore or how to get motivated about anything. I feel like such a dysfunctional adult. This is far from my first rodeo with mental health issues - I’ve lived through some pretty rough times throughout my teens, 20s, and early 30s. Gone through countless hours of therapy, been on all kinds of meds, built myself back up again countless times…

The past year I just have been on a steady decline towards poor mental health that started nosediving during the summer. I know I’m not really doing anything right - I don’t really exercise anymore (aside from taking my dog out for a walk or two), my diet isn’t the greatest, and a couple nights out of the week I have a little too much to drink.

I know how bad all these things are but I just don’t care about improving them. The only thing that keeps me going and from completely derailing myself is my dog because she needs me. I’m able to take good care of her and provide for her, but when it comes to myself, I could honestly care less.

I’m one of those types of people where I can put on a good front and act like I’m fine, when inside I’m screaming at myself and wanting to disappear. I can’t stop beating myself up for all the stupid mistakes I’ve made and the trajectory my life has taken. I don’t feel any sort of motivation to improve my life anymore.

I feel like I am always at fault for something and I am constantly spiralling. I just want to lock myself home and not interact with anyone, so that I don’t hurt/annoy people.

I am constantly thinking of my mistakes and evaluating my actions. I am sick and tired of my brain.

Hi guys! I just got prescribed estradiol for my PMDD by my hormone doctor. It’s been a weird battle.

I’ve been on progesterone, which was a godsend for my cramps but not really for my mental health. I’ve dealt with severe PMDD and cramps since getting off Nexplanon four years ago. Progesterone finally gave me relief with the cramps, but not so much with the mental health side.

I was also given testosterone troches, but that didn’t seem to do much. I’ve been dealing with debilitating anxiety and depression around my period and honestly all around. I was put on sertraline, which has helped on the days before my PMDD hits, but not as much when the PMDD actually hits.

That brought my psychiatrist to suggest speaking with my specialist about estrogen. Did any of you notice that estradiol helped with your mental health, anxiety, depression, or panic attacks? What was your experience with it, good or bad?

I’m excited but nervous to try it. I’m really hoping this is part of the solution! I’ve also been in therapy for two years, so hopefully this whole combination does the trick. :)