43 M, been with my wife over 15 years. Have previously considered myself to be "straight" and have only had sexual experiences with women my whole life. However, there was always this sort of smoldering bi-curiosity present. But I usually either suppressed it, or would indulge in porn featuring trans women or crossdressers. Or on more rare occasions, gay porn featuring two men. But I would always feel guilty and conflicted afterwards.

My wife and I have always been very sexually open, and I confided in her years ago about my curiosity, and the fact that dick turns me on. Surprisingly, she took the news pretty well. She actually encouraged me to accept and get comfortable with the feelings. She went as far as encouraging me to accept being attracted to men fully, instead of trying to rationalize or explain it as "just being turned on by dick", which was usually my mindset.

I realize now that I have been suppressing it to a degree. Maybe it's a midlife crisis talking, but i'm at the age where I am worried about missing out on things in life due to fear or apprehension. I started to give myself permission to be turned on by MEN and not just dicks. And it feels good.

I am having very strong fantasies about performing oral on a guy. My issues are:

- I'm not sure the best (and safest) way to go about doing this. Does most people use the apps (Grindr, Sniffies, etc.) for this sort of thing? I feel like it might be perceived as weird just posting that I want to suck dick with no reciprocation or anything else? Do you think there are Bi/Gay guys out there that would find an offer of a (formerly) straight, inexperienced guy sucking them off for the first time to be endearing and/or arousing?

- Obviously I would need my wife's blessing for this. Like I mentioned, she has been supportive so far, but that was when this whole thing was within the realm of fantasy, and not IRL. I feel like telling her that I actually want to go through with it is a whole other ball game, and i'm pretty nervous to talk about it. She has expressed interest in women before so i'm wondering if I can encourage that as well...to see if bisexuality is something we can maybe explore together?

If anyone has any advice, thoughts, or tips, they are appreciated!

I'm male, 45, married to my highschool sweetheart after finding each other years later. I have been attracted to woman (romantically, emotionally and physically) and men (only physically) since I was about 12. Never done anything with a guy. I came out to my wife a few days ago and it went surprisingly well. To start I felt like I was going to be sick and shaking. It took me a bit to tell her, but got it out in the end. There was fear of rejection from her and loosing my marriage, my best mate/solemate. She is supporting me, we are closer now from it, the sex has really stepped up between us. But she has concerns, I have had years to think or deal with this, she has only had a few days. I don't want to cheat on my wife, I do want to explore a guys body, but not right now. She is concerned I may find I could have feelings for a guy and leave, I can't see that happening. I'm not going to rush things or put our marriage in jeopardy. But how does it work when you are married?

been married for 15 years. always been in a rural community. my wife is fully supportive of me and exploring my sexuality but living in a more rural area of the US, it seems hard to find other people to explore with that aren’t creeps. grindr and other apps just seem to bring out the creep in people. I am very much involved in my local community (vol fire dept) so a lot of old heads and narrow minded individuals. my wife is also bi and is in the same boat, but guys still find ways into her DMs on women only sites. is there a better app or way anyome has found to meet others in the same boat

Hi everyone! I'm 44M, married to my wife for 19 years, and lately my same-sex attraction and curiosity have been increasing like crazy.

A little backstory: I experimented with a friend more than 25 years ago, but at the time I repressed that part of myself out of shame. Over the years, those feelings slowly started coming back. About 15 years ago, I talked to my wife about my past. She was accepting, although I think she was understandably caught off guard. At the time, I didn't give much thought to what it might mean for me going forward.

Working with my therapist eventually helped me explore my dormant bisexuality and what it meant to me. A few years ago, I came out to my wife as probably bisexual. I knew my past was part of the picture, but I wasn't sure what that meant for me in the present or going forward. My curiosity was still pretty low, and I wasn't sure what, if anything, I wanted to do with it. I also shared this part of myself with a handful of close friends and family, and it felt really good to be more authentic with them.

Fast-forward to now, and my curiosity has grown considerably. It's something I genuinely want to explore, but navigating that while married has been difficult. My wife and I have previously discussed an open marriage/ENM, partly in the context of our differences in sexual interest, but she's not comfortable with opening our marriage. She's said she doesn't want to stand in the way of me exploring, but we haven't really clarified what that means or what it might look like within the boundaries of our marriage. Based on our previous conversations, I'm not sure that kind of exploration will be possible.

I'm also figuring out what being more open about my sexuality looks like. I recently joined a local queer Facebook group that overlaps with some people I know. That felt like another small, somewhat indirect step toward being more open about who I am.

I love my wife and the life/family we've buikt. Our sex life has its challenges, but I'm not looking to blow up nearly 20 years together. At the same time, I don't want to keep ignoring this part of myself.

I feel stuck between wanting to explore my sexuality and not knowing what that realistically looks like for me. I'm proud of who I am, but I also deal with a lot of imposter syndrome. Part of me wonders whether I'm bi enough, especially since I haven't acted on these feelings in so long. I feel stuck in how to express this part of myself, too.

I'd love to hear from other married or partnered bi folks, especially those who came to terms with their sexuality later in life. How have you navigated the curiosity, the uncertainty, and figuring out what being bi means to you?

Mostly, I'm hoping to connect with people who understand some of this firsthand. I'm feeling pretty uncertain about what comes next, and I'd really appreciate hearing your stories and experiences. Thanks. ❤️

Whether you're out or not, your identity is valid. You don't have to be out to love who you are.

National Coming Out Day was founded on October 11, 1988, by Dr. Robert Eichberg, a psychologist, and Jean O'Leary, a prominent LGBTQ+ activist.

The founders chose October 11 to mark the one-year anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, which drew over 500,000 people to demand equal rights and an end to the AIDS crisis.

My wife and I have a great marriage, and I’m not threatened by the possibility that she might be attracted to women. I’m mostly curious and want her to feel comfortable being herself.
A few years ago, I noticed her talking to a woman she thought was cute, although she was actually trying to set her up with one of my friends. Similar things had happened before, so I eventually asked my wife if she was into women. She got upset because she felt like I was accusing her of being gay, so I dropped it.
Later, she brought it up herself after talking with her counselor. She said sexuality isn’t necessarily black and white and estimated she might be around 20% attracted to women, although she wasn’t sure if it was actual attraction or more admiration or jealousy.
Eventually, she started seeing a woman for beauty appointments. This woman was in a lesbian relationship, and my wife seemed to genuinely enjoy their conversations. She’d come home glowing and excited to tell me about them. They discussed some pretty personal topics, including what sex with women was like, but from what I could tell, it wasn’t flirting.
One night, after drinking, my wife said she might actually be closer to 40% into women. The next day, she said she still wasn’t sure what it meant and joked that she’d probably giggle if she ever tried being with a woman. She also just kinda laughed the whole conversation off like she didn’t say it.
I told her I wasn’t threatened and would be open to discussing it if she ever genuinely wanted to explore that side of herself. I never pushed the subject.
Over time, her excitement about seeing this woman seemed to fade. I don’t know if that means anything or if their connection simply became more routine.
My wife is very Christian, grew up in a family where this would have been taboo, and has only ever been sexually involved with me. We’re happy, and I’m not looking for evidence of cheating or trying to convince her she’s bisexual.
I’m genuinely curious whether there’s a side of her sexuality she hasn’t explored or whether it’s simply admiration and curiosity.
For those who’ve experienced something similar, how did you distinguish genuine same-sex attraction from curiosity or admiration? Did it ever develop into wanting to explore it, or did it remain just a part of who you were?

I’m 46 and married to a beautiful woman for 9 years, everything in our relationship is great, we communicate with each other without issues, have great sex, it’s all perfect to be honest.

From a short time now something inside me began changing and I began fantasizing about dick, never in my life I felt bisexual before and it’s all so new that sometimes I can’t help feeling like I’m betraying my wife. I’m not looking for anything to happen outside my marriage and if it happens it will be in full complicity with my wife.

I’m struggling with that feeling because it makes me feel guilty of hiding something important to her but I’m too afraid to come out to her.

Has anybody gone through something similar to this?
How did you handle it?

I'm 33, married to a woman I love, together four years, married one. I've known I was bisexual since I was a kid. I had basic mutual experiences with a friend when I was 13 to 14 but never anything else after that, and spent the next two decades presenting as straight and being in hetero relationships with women, while quietly carrying this. I've come to accept this in the last 2 years, especially last year internally, where I fully emotionally metabolized that I am totally bisexual and yearn for male intimacy, despite being in a hetero monogamous marriage.

A few nights ago I finally told her, after the internal compression inside me reached boiling point. I had to confront this and be open with her.

I'd been building up to it for weeks. On the couch, more affectionate than usual, she could tell something was coming. She got nervous, because she's not used to me being the one to open something up. I stumbled through the setup, and then just said it. I've always had bisexual thoughts and feelings since I was young.

She was immediately warm. Referenced the Kinsey scale, joked that everyone's a little bi, told me it wasn't a big deal. She didn't flinch. She didn't ask a single question about my past, my fantasies, what I want. She just accepted it and moved on.

Which was the best possible response, and also strange.

Because I'd spent years preparing for this. I felt it in my chest for days. And she received it in about four minutes, then the conversation drifted into other things. Mostly her saying she's been less sexually attracted to me lately because of my unemployment and how much time I spend on my computer or phone or simply immersed in my own work. That was the part she actually wanted to talk about.

We had incredible sex afterward, twice, the kind we hadn't had in a long time. Something opened up.

But in the month now since, she hasn't brought it up once. Not a single question. And I'm sitting here with all this intensity and nowhere to put it. I want her to be curious. I want her to ask me things. I want to talk about it more, and I don't know how to bring it up again without making it feel like a bigger deal than she seems to think it is.

I should be honest about something else too. My own internal usage of porn as a relief is predominantly bi/gay porn, especially in the last year or so, simply because I have no other outlet for this.

I desire to ask her about her fantasies, or whether she would consider a threesome or a bisexual couple in the future. But that conversation feels like the next stage, and I know I already crossed the big bridge of just coming out.

And I know in my heart of hearts that my growing yearning for male intimacy, a bromance, a male outlet, is becoming more non-negotiable. I can't imagine not experiencing that one day. Within the context of a happy marriage, the ideal scenario is that she accepts that.

I also have no idea what to do with it going forward. Whether anything changes, or whether it just becomes a fact she knows and we never speak of again.

I know I'm early. I know she needs time. I'm not in a rush and I'm not looking to blow anything up. I just wanted to write this down somewhere, and hear from men who've been here.

We’re so excited to share that we had the great honor of being guests on the United Bi Swinging Podcast!

We had such a wonderful conversation about bisexuality, mixed-orientation relationships, our own story, and the importance of creating space for honest, open conversations about relationships and identity.

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We can’t wait for you to listen!

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Happy Bisexual Visibility Day to all the bi Kings, Queens, and Themperors out there! 🩷💜🩵

Originally established in 1999 as "International Celebrate Bisexuality Day," it was co-founded by three incredible activists: Wendy Curry, Michael Page (the designer behind the iconic pink, purple, and blue flag), and Gigi Raven Wilbur (who celebrates their birthday today, September 23rd!). This day caps off Bisexual Awareness Week (September 16th–23rd, est. 2014), wrapping up a week dedicated to honoring the community, challenging biphobia, and actively fighting bisexual erasure.

- Love always, a proud straight wife and fervent ally.

Wherever you are on the sexuality spectrum, and wherever you are in your journey, you matter!

Take Pride in who you are! Be fearless! Those who love you will always love you! We are there for each other!

A couple of days ago I finished watching DTF St. Louis with my wife. That series spoke to me in way more ways than I thought it would and got me seriously thinking about my life and life choices.

A bit over 10 years ago I moved to Los Angeles from Greece for my Master’s. A year later, I had a job, my (then) girlfriend moved to the States to be with me, we got married, started a family together. At the time it felt great. New country, new city, new everything. Made some friends in college (all of them female), and what I didn’t realize I would miss was all my friends from back home.

I’m a VERY introverted person. I would much rather spend time by myself than to go out and talk to random people. I wasn’t always like that, but the older I grow, the more I appreciate a quiet life at home.

I never had a “true friend” over here. Perhaps it’s the different culture? Perhaps I’m just weird? Or perhaps it’s a combination of things. I did make a friend, who was around my age, and also Greek. We had a true “bromance”. We’d go out for beers, go camping, do all sorts of things - until he and his family decided to move to a different city. Not gonna lie, that hit hard. I thought I finally had a buddy here, and then I lost him.

For the past year or so I’ve been feeling more and more alone. This is where DTF comes in. The way it portrayed adult (middle-age?) male loneliness… it was so unique. The feelings that the characters had for each other… the way their friendship was portrayed… everything felt too close to home.

And to add to this, having a bi side that I have never revealed (and don’t intend to reveal) to my wife. There was nothing sexual with the buddy that I had. But he felt like the person that I could speak to about it, and he would not judge.

Anyways… I’m sure there are other guys like me, in their early 40s, who feel the same way. I don’t feel trapped or anything. Perhaps this is just part of “growing up” in a foreign country. But man, do I wish it was not the case.

My wife and I sort of hashed out some rules for a potential bf for me. 1st, She had said in the past after I came out to her that she was fine if I found a bf.. but she didn't want there to be any sexual interactions between him and myself. So I never pursued that avenue, she doesnt recall saying that, but I do remember it clearly. 2nd. She does/doesn't want them to be in the household, not in a living situation but like date's and that sort of hangout interactions. Like she wants to know what is happening and be in control. But also said that she might just want me to be out of the house with them and give her a "break."

We have sort of joked more and more about my bisexuality over the last few months and sort of seem like she's slightly more comfortable with it, and this seems like a big jump from her. Should I be worried or excited to move forward. We have not had any other serious conversations about boundaries and what those look like for context. Does that potentially mean she has someone else she's been eyeing? I don't know exactly why, but these last 2 months, I've had numerous dreams of infidelity on my side and her side of our marriage. It almost seems to have been coincidentally timed for her to say these things. Do any married bi guys have any helpful suggestions on how to move forward?

Any advice or experience with a similar situation is appreciated. I do understand that bringing a 3rd/bf into the mix would probably strain a lot of stuff as we don't have the best communication skills yet. I will be starting therapy again because I do benefit from it. She is still not in favor of therapy. Even after she saw how much it helped us in the past.

I came out to my wife and few months ago and since then it has really spiced up our sex life. We have experienced swinging with another couple and really enjoyed our time with them.

My struggle seems to be getting overwhelmed with being with another man. I am really turned on by the idea of being with a Trans woman but there is just something I cant seem to let go of.

So, I’ve been struggling with some weird thoughts, and I’m just trying to 1) put a name to the thoughts I’m having other than “questioning” and 2) just kinda get my thoughts out there.

I have known I’m bisexual for a long time, ever since I was a teenager. I have dated both men and women, and have loved each one deeply! I’m currently dating a man (for reference, I’m NB AFAB) and I absolutely adore him and can’t imagine where I’d be without him. But sometimes, I just sit here and think about how much I “miss” being with a woman. Maybe “miss” isn’t the right word, but it’s almost this yearning to be with a woman?? I’ll just sit here and just start thinking about women, and how I just love women, and how my life may or may not be different if I were with one.

I also just feel weird bc, like I mentioned before, I adore my SO, so why am I feeling this way? It doesn’t feel fair to him, and I just start to get anxious about it. It almost feels like I’m cheating without actually cheating?? Idk, words are hard and overall I’m just confused. Idk if it’s just how I felt while in same sex relationships that I miss or if it’s the genuine desire to be in a same sex relationship again, but either way I just don’t know what to do.

My husband (45/M) and I (42/F) have been together nearly 20 years. I was openly bi when we met, and have been monogamous during our relationship. We have 2 crazy kids, and we are still super in love with each other, etc.

Recently, my husband came out to me as a queer man. It’s not the biggest surprise, he’s expressed same sex attraction before, we have kinky sex, etc. we have also recently opened our marriage and are enjoying a queer Hotwife dynamic (I go play with ladies, he enjoys the cucking).

While this is not the most surprising news, I am very supportive and positive about him coming out. After all, I’m Bi, I should be the most supportive partner on the planet, right?

Except ever since he came out to me I’ve been overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about him leaving me. Which he has assured me he never will, and he has no romantic attraction to men.

Still, it feels like the floor has fallen out beneath me. Intellectually I know we are solid, but my dumb lizard brain cannot stop panicking. What do I do? Has anyone else gone through this? I feel like an insecure hypocrite.

Any other bisexual wives have an open relationship where you only date women, and prefer dating other partnered or married women. I'm also a mom... idk why I find this dynamic super hot.. like we're doing something bad without our husbands hehe. Even though its all ethical. Just curious if anyone else is in/or has experience with this! Or if you're curious ask questions!!!

I’m a woman in my 30s, married to a straight man, and I’m looking for advice on feeling more connected to my bisexual identity.

I recently had my first experiences with women, with my husband present and fully supportive. It was life affirming to say the least. However, whilst I wouldn’t rule out something similar in the future, I’m at present considering the non-sexual ways people explore and embrace their bisexuality while in a happy marriage.

I’ve considered seeing if there is a bisexual or queer meet up near me but I’m unsure what they’re generally like. For those who have attended one, did it feel more like a community or discussion space, or was there an expectation that people were looking to date or hook up?

I’d especially appreciate hearing in the comments from bisexual women in long-term relationships with men, particularly those with children. How have you maintained a connection to your bisexual identity within that life?

This is my first Reddit post so I’d really appreciate any comments. Thanks so much 🤗

So I’ve been thinking about my sexuality a lot lately. I believe I’m suffering from a bad case of imposter syndrome and difficulty accepting my sexuality. For context, I’m in my 30s with a kid. Based on my childhood I’m definitely bisexual, had a same sex kiss when I was younger, had childhood crushes on both sexes (although at the time, I didn’t realize it), when I discovered the word bisexual and found out what it meant I was immediately drawn to it, like it resonated to me at my core. As I got older and became more aware of my surroundings, societies views on bisexuality, I increasingly understood that being bisexual would bring scrutiny/hostility that I didn’t want to face and frankly wasn’t equipped to handle. I observed repeatedly people say that bisexual people were greedy or secretly gay or lesbian and just wouldn’t admit it, even I participated in that, even though I knew deep down that wasn’t true. So I did what any teenager/young adult would have done at the time and suppressed everything, pretended none of the child hood experiences mattered that they were just phases or I was confused in the moment or whatever. I got so good at suppressing my feelings, thoughts and desires that I struggle to talk about anything sexual and denied myself any thoughts or desires that would even remotely be considered bisexual.

Like I said at the beginning, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my sexuality. For the past couple of years, the thoughts, fantasies and desires that I have suppressed have slowly but surely made their way to the surface. I almost feel like I’m being compelled or it’s a compulsion to spend time thinking about it. I told my SO when we were dating that I was bi and they admitted they were too and was supportive, I even wrote that I was bisexual in a medical form, but despite all of that, plus my childhood experiences, recently discovering that I have a same sex type, I still don’t consider myself bisexual. I certainly don’t feel there is a place for me, and I feel contradictory. I know what I like and feel but I’m also performing a role for society out of necessity/habit that is not who I am. I’m constantly looking for “receipts”, but again with the suppression and everything I feel like I don’t have any.

I see people that I work with, my SO, people in public, they’re all so comfortable with themselves and their sexuality like it’s no big deal, but hear I am struggling with imposter syndrome and suppression. I’ll be honest I’m jealous and envious of those people, I want what they have. Maybe not be full blown out and on display but at the very least comfortable with my self that I can see someone I think is attractive and admit that I think theyre attractive to myself if no one else and not get down on myself and constantly ask what the fuck is wrong with me. I want to be accepted, but I haven’t accepted myself.

I can’t be the only one who has ever dealt with this, in fact I’m sure I’m not. So how do I get past this? If anyone has been in a similar situation as me, what did you do to overcome this? Was it therapy? Time? Repeatedly telling yourself it’s ok and allowing yourself to feel, desire, etc without restraint? How did you accept your self and get past the imposter syndrome, the constant checking and trying to verify without adult receipts. Ultimately how did you get to the point where you didn’t care what others thought and you allowed yourself to be yourself?

I need advice. I’m a cis-male 47yo man, married to a cis-woman. We’ve been married for 7 years, together 11. On our first date, I told her I was bi. She was fine with it (actually, she was more upset that I was a smoker. I’ve since quit :-). 

I hooked up with some guys before we married, but it was very casual. Oral and jerking off. Some anal play, but no anal sex, if that makes sense. I never cheated or hooked up since we got together. 

Then Covid happened. She got sick, and hasn’t really recovered. That’s a separate story, but the point is that her libido is gone. We have sex maybe 1-2x a year. Maybe.

I’m struggling. I want to open up our marriage, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how to have that conversation. I don’t want her to feel like it’s her fault with her being sick. 

Suggestions? 

I’ve been married to my wife for 20 years as of July and we’ve been together for 27 years. I’m 49 and she’s 47. I’ve always known I was bi and had opportunities to hook up with guys in college but then we met and fell in love. I still love my wife a lot but she’s in perimenopause and our sex life has come to a screeching halt. My wife is still a smokeshow and people think she’s much younger. However, we are barely having sex once or twice a month and it’s pretty vanilla, no pegging, no BJs, no anal, only missionary. I’m a good husband and a good father and we are happy but hearing about all of these bi guys and gay dudes cruising and hooking up so easily keeps me questioning how much longer I can continue being monogamous. She knows I’m bi and she knows I’m highly sexual and we have deep conversations about how the lack of sex isn’t working for me and soon after we have these talks, the sex picks up for a bit. However, it often feels like she’s just not into it and is sorta spreading her legs not out of desire but because she sorta feels obligated. Anyway, I don’t want to cheat and I’ve never cheated but I also need sex. As the lack of sex has increased, my desire to be with men goes off the charts. Normally, I swing much more towards women and I still find women very attractive but for some reason, I have no desire to be with any woman other than my wife yet in terms of men, the thought of random hookups keeps getting more and more appealing. I’m sure there are a lot of guys on here in similar boats.