Feeling lost. Feeling like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. How do you push through not knowing the end result?

29 female - 2 failed FET. Currently doing lupron suppression for the next two months.

Stage 4 endo had two laparoscopic.

I feel like if this third transfer doesn’t work I won’t be able to take it

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

I’ve been getting annoyed with people that refer to me as “Mami”. I don’t have the balls to say please don’t call me that… just another added reminder. I know they don’t mean it anyway- their Spanish way of calling me ma’am I guess? I don’t speak Spanish. Just ughhh

The other day, I went to the dentist to have a tooth ripped out of my skull while simultaneously wondering whether I was pregnant, miscarrying, or having an ectopic pregnancy.

Spoiler alert: I’m miscarrying.

Because apparently my body and the universe have a joint loyalty program, and every fucking purchase comes with complimentary trauma.

Eight years of infertility. Four losses. No living children. Two failed embryo transfers. And now another pregnancy I desperately wanted but was too terrified to believe in.

Because I had to be treated as pregnant, I could only have lidocaine. What nobody mentioned was that infected tissue can be notoriously difficult to numb.

So I felt. Fucking. Everything.

I’m sobbing while they’re wrenching a piece of my skull out of my face, and the doctor says, “This is why I always recommend being put out for this kind of removal.”

Oh, fantastic. Would’ve been useful information BEFORE THE MEDIEVAL TORTURE BEGAN.

At this point, I’ve survived enough physical and psychological torment to qualify for a documentary. Here we observe the infertile woman in her natural habitat: exhausted, traumatized, and once again being hunted for sport by the universe.

Then I notice the assistant is pregnant. They literally have “FIRST TRIMESTER” written on the whiteboard. I guess for me. I was tempted to add a question mark to the end of it.

While I’m actively sobbing, she tries to distract me by telling me labor will be worse, asking when I’m due, if I’m doing a gender reveal, and what gender I want.

Ma’am.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THIS BABY IS GOING TO FUCKING LIVE.

And now I know.

I’m miscarrying.
Again.

There’s a special kind of hell reserved for people who spend years trying to become parents. You learn to fear hope, grieve pregnancies nobody knew existed, and keep functioning while your world quietly falls apart.

And apparently, you learn to have a tooth extracted while strangers discuss your imaginary baby shower.

I’m tired of being resilient. I never fucking auditioned for this role.

I left the dentist with one less tooth and another pregnancy to grieve.

The tooth had an exit strategy.
Apparently, I’m still waiting for mine from this fucking nightmare.

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

Hey, 34m here. I have been struggling with infertility for the better part of 7 years now. I began the journey with my ex-wife, who would go on to being diagnosed with PCOS. She, of course, is no longer in the picture.

I've wanted to be a dad ever since the passing of mine. He wasn't great to me and was a negative example at best. I guess it's part of my hope not to break the cycle by refusing to have kids. But I want to hold that piece of the rest of my family I've lost and cherish them. I just want my world to stop getting smaller.

Ever since my divorce, I felt as though I lost a baby after moving on from it, never happening with my former wife. I've dated, and I hold onto hope it may one day happen. I've thought a lot about it, and I've decided I still want that one of my own. I dont want to adopt or assume that im a position where someone wants me to only be a stepdad. I just want to not care for a child to not be in their life sometime later.

Recently, I have lost contact (for now) with a woman who understood how I feel about children. we dated for a short while, but it was fulfilling and healing, although the heartbreak is still fresh. But I feel as though maybe I am open to relationships because of the potential of children.

I have freinds with multiple abortions, exes that got pregnant after me, exes that would tell me how easy they got pregnant. And it makes me feel like im less than. I've been struggling with SI. And with an elderly dog, I feel so powerless against the world to keep turning faster than im ready to lose someone else.

Im finally trying to get tested, and I'm scared of the results. I have to know. My mom is 70 already, my siblings never had kids, and my twin and his wife have been trying with no success.

Any words of wisdom would help.

Went for my 5th scan in 2 weeks for my first frozen transfer today. Fully medicated cycle, my lining went from 6mm 3 days ago to 4.5mm today so....cool. I am still waiting to hear from my clinic but the writing is on the wall, its going to be canceled. I am going to push for a modified natural and I feel pretty confident my lining will respond better to that but today I am just pissed. At this point it will be almost 8 months from when we started prepping for IVF until our first transfer. This is just the longest, saddest, most frustrating season of my life.

Most of the time I feel like shit physically from the meds. We are either pumping me full of hormones or completely shutting them off. I hardly recognize my life anymore and just f-ing over my body not cooperating. We are coming up on our second wedding anniversary and while I love my husband deeply I just don't feel like celebrating. Everything feels so dark and heavy. Looking back on life before infertility, it seems so blissful (though I didnt appreciate it at the time). The burnout is real, but taking a break seems like a worse option. I am hoping once I am off all this estrogen I will feel better and have a better outlook, it almost makes me feel like I have the flu, and having to function and work and manage a million appointments is just too much. Mainly just venting, this is all straight up traumatic.

Waiting for my period to appear, waiting for more tests, waiting for referrals, waiting to find out someone else is pregnant, waiting to explain my situation again, waiting for people to ask if I had kids, waiting for a new stage of life that I desperately want to begin.

Tedious.

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a little more that a year and a half, and so far, all of our test results have been normal.

Here’s what we’ve done so far:

1. My vaginal/cervical swabs (Mycoplasma, Ureaplasma, Chlamydia) – negative
2. Semen analysis and sperm culture – normal
3. Pap smear and colposcopy – normal
4. Ovulation confirmed for the past 7–8+ months
5. HSG – normal, tubes are open
6. I also tried ovulation stimulation with Clomid
7. Hormone levels – normal
8. Regular 28-day cycles, no PCOS
9. AMH – normal
10. Antisperm antibodies – normal
11. I was also tested for both inherited and acquired thrombophilias. The only findings were PAI-1 5G/5G, Factor XIII, and MTHFR C677T.

The only thing that might be a minor issue is mild hyperinsulinemia. However, my endocrinologist didn’t consider it significant enough to require treatment, while my gynecologist prescribed Glucophage XR 1000 mg anyway, just to rule out insulin resistance as a contributing factor. I’ve been taking it for several months now.

At this point, we have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility.

We also recently had our first IUI (intrauterine insemination). I’m currently 14 DPO, and I’m supposed to have my beta hCG blood test in the next few days, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed.

However, regardless of the outcome of this cycle, I’m wondering what else we should investigate. I feel like we’ve already done so many tests, but I’m still not sure if there’s something important we might be missing.

For those of you who have been through something similar, what additional tests did you have done? Did you ever find a cause for your infertility?

I would really appreciate hearing about your experiences and what you would recommend looking into next.
Thank you in advance! ❤️

I get that people are trying to be positive but I keep hearing it, I've been hearing it for 4 years and in the beginning I believed it. Now I'm just like "Will it? How do you know? Are you psychic? Are you a medical professional? Unless you have secretly taken my blood and have 100% clear proof that I am unknowingly pregnant, don't keep saying this shit"

Last week I had to get a Mirena inserted to treat my endometrial hyperplasia, I have to keep it in for 6 months.

My specialist gave me this plan back in 2023 but didn't want to insert the Mirena then because I was about to move interstate. After the move I went to my GP and he didn't want to do the Mirena because it was the opposite of getting pregnant. He referred me to a new specialist. After a year of more invasive tests, she told me I needed the Mirena for 6 months, I had it inserted and 3 weeks later she told me that I didn't actually need it and removed it. She told me to go lose weight and come back to start ovulation induction. I went away for a year, came back 20kg lighter, more scans and tests and it came back to "You need the Mirena for 6 months"

If they had just gone ahead and done it the first time or left it in the second time then the 6 months would already be over and I might have had a baby by now. Instead, I'm sitting here counting down the days and if someone tries to interrupt this 6 months I may actually strange them with my IUD strings

Also my sister just announced she's pregnant again and I love her but I really fucking hate her

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

Has anyone not gotten a period 9wks after a d&c for an early pregnancy loss? I still haven’t gotten mine and I’m starting to stress. I’ve reached out to my doctor but just curious what others have experienced

I posted in here a handful of weeks ago about finding out that my best friend in the world is pregnant the same weekend where I found out that I was about to begin miscarrying following an unexpected pregnancy of unknown location the month I planned to start IVF. She’s known about the difficulty of infertility over the past 3 years, the 3 failed IUIs I completed earlier this year, that I was pregnant but it didn’t seem viable, and then I found out that she was pregnant (she wasn’t even trying seriously) at like the worst possible time. I posted in here looking for advice and asking if people in similar situations have had their friendships survive and everyone was really helpful.

After taking some space and having a serious conversation about boundaries and how we both felt, we agreed that neither of us wanted the other to feel like we had to censor ourselves and that we care about each other and didn’t want this to change things for us.

Unfortunately, that’s not really seemed to be the case. I’ve noticed a difference in how she reacts to things I say. Before, if I said, “this is so unfair that I have to do this (IVF),” I’d get “it is unfair, I’m so sorry, it sucks and you shouldn’t have to.” Now I get, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

The biggest thing, though, is that she complains about pregnancy symptoms CONSTANTLY and I feel like this is just highly insensitive. Historically I’ve been the person she complains to about her various health issues/pains/life, but this just feels like, read the room! I’d do anything to be pregnant. I can handle the good news - it’s hard but it doesn’t ruin my whole day because I am genuinely happy for her. But, when it’s endless “pregnancy sucks today” types of complaints, it makes me spiral. Like, she doesn’t even appreciate this, why did she get it and I didn’t? Or then I get angry at her and resent her, then I feel guilty for resenting her. Sometimes when I’m already having a hard day, I feel like, “is she just rubbing it in that she’s pregnant and I’m not?” and then I feel awful for feeling that way. It ends up with me spiraling about my body, my self-worth, sadness, anger, etc and puts a major downer on my day.

I don’t expect her to enjoy every second of pregnancy for my sake, and if she isn’t fully enjoying it, I am sorry. Obviously if something serious were going on, I’d want to know, but I just feel like it should be pretty obvious and requires only a very basic level of self-awareness to realize that I’m not the best person to complain about heartburn and bloating and headaches to.

I plan on speaking to my therapist today about to not spiral when she does this, and to maybe help me communicate this boundary in a way that doesn’t make her defensive or lead to more drama. I am also scheduling consultations with therapists that specialize in infertility. But I’m just curious if anyone else has had a friend do this as well and if you said anything or just sucked it up.

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

I’ve recently been restarting therapy to help get through this ongoing difficult season of life. My therapist is lovely and has a certification in infertility care. I’ve recently been struggling with triggers around my family (my sister got pregnant on her first try and I’m over 2 years TTC). She’s due very soon. Being around my family makes me anxious and upset lately. My therapist told me to color code family functions (green is easy to attend like a brief lunch, yellow is I can go but with boundaries, like my husband also needs to attend as support or I need an end time, and red is that I cannot emotionally ally handle going). I think this has really helped me set my own boundaries around my triggers. Something else she’s told me is to envision a bookshelves, and I decide who to put on each shelf, the higher someone is, the more I let them in. It’s helpful to think about this about weekly and rearrange people’s shelves in my head over time.

I feel like I’m in a sad but ok place personally when it comes to my journey, but when I think about my sister giving birth I lose all emotional control.

Has anyone received extra special advice or ways of thinking when it comes to infertility? TIA! ❤️

Just overwhelmed and wanted to rant to those I know understand. My older brother and his wife are due to deliver their first in about a month, they had some fertility issues and I felt solidarity and joy when they got pregnant. My younger brother just announced they are also having a baby, I just feel so sad. Everyone I am close to or know about who wants kids, is having them. We’ve struggled with unexplained infertility for almost 8 years at this point like wtf. We are starting back up with a fertility clinic soon so there is a path forward, I’m just so sad that my journey isn’t what I expected, and even if I do manage to get pregnant, I’ll be terrified. I don’t doubt there is fear for those who didn’t struggle, but just knowing what had to go into it,
My god I won’t be able to breathe. Idk there isn’t really any right answer. I’m SO thankful my little brother doesn’t have to struggle with it, I don’t wish infertility on anyone, but goddamn. Just all the feels in this moment and I know yall get it. Oh well

I need a place to complain … I cannot stand when sharing poor news and a friend saying “I can be your surrogate!” It feels so insulting. I know people just don’t know what to say but it doesn’t make it any less irritating.

I just need a place to vent. Today was a rough one. My husband and I have been TTC for 4 years with unexplained infertility. Every test you can think of, we’ve done it. No answers as to why. I’ve only seen a positive once and I had a miscarriage less than 36 hours after finding out.

Today I woke up to a text from my best friend from college telling me she had her baby. Her second child (both conceived during the time I’ve been TTC). Then around 1:30 this afternoon my childhood best friend came to visit to tell me that she is pregnant. They had just started trying. It’s now about 6pm and my cousin just texted me to tell me that she is pregnant. This will be her second. I remember having a long talk with her about my struggles with infertility before she was pregnant with her first child, and now she’s going to have a second.

All of that happened in 1 single day. 3 birth/pregnancy announcements by some of the closest people in my life. I’m exhausted and I’m emotionally wrecked. I just needed somewhere to get it out because no one in my personal life understands what this feels like

Im sitting here looking at yet ANOTHER bill from my fertility clinic. Im making plans with a friend that is almost 8 months pregnant and thought “she didn’t have to go through any of this.” I bet it must’ve been nice to get pregnant without having to spend thousands of dollars and dozens of hours in a clinic getting poked and prodded and taking meds that make you feel like shit. Like how did I get so unlucky as to be infertile AND going broke?! I could’ve went on a month-long vacation through Europe with all I’ve spent!

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.

Does anyone else go back and forth over whether they still want/have hope to have a child?

Long story short I was in a previous relationship for 11 years that never resulted in a pregnancy. At the start of the relationship I was against having children mostly out of fear. Half way through I decided I did want children. We never used protection the entire relationship but during that time we had the intention to get pregnant. Towards the end of the relationship I was all for having children and was going to start trying to figure what I could do/what exactly was causing my difficulties; while my ex had suddenly changed his tune. The ending of that relationship kind of caused me to go back to square one.

I spent the first year and a half following the end of that relationship really struggling with pregnancy. My chances of being a mother and other people's pregnancy. Everyone was announcing pregnancies that year and for the first time in my life I felt really broken and bitter about the topic. Maybe even a little jealous at times.

I took a pregnancy test today and found myself strangely stressing about getting a positive result. However, just as quick as I started to stress out I brought myself back to reality. My track record proves my chances of ever seeing a positive result are 0. Yet, for a brief moment, while I stood looking at the result, I felt an ache at seeing it was negative.

I don't know anymore how to feel. Somedays I'm fine with not having children and others it really gets to me. Sometimes I really want to be a mother and sometimes I think it's for the best that I'm not. I can't tell anymore what I want.

UPDATE:

I have sent her this in a letter.

I wasn’t sure if you were going to be in touch after the dinner, but since you have been, I need to let you know where I stand.

The last time we met made it clear to me that our friendship is no longer healthy or working for me. I’ve realised that my needs and boundaries around emotional safety are no longer being met.

You brought up the fact that my mum may be bored in her old age because I haven’t given her grandchildren. You continued to comment on the fact that with grandchildren people of that age light up.

I’ve known you for a long, long time. Over a decade I’ve trusted you implicitly. I’ve shared intimate details about infertility and the ways it impacts my life: The confusion, the sadness, the stress it causes, on top of the health implications which impact my life on a daily basis.  

Hearing comments like that coming from you was devastating, and I'm still hurt. Because of this, I have made a decision that we need to go our separate ways.

I wish you the best, but this explanation is to let you know where things stand. A line has been crossed and I won’t be debating the motivations or reasons underlying comments and actions that night.  

I know this is painful to hear - it is a painful decision for me too after over a decade of history. However, I need to put myself first. 

Thank you for all of your comments. They galvanised me.

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ORIGINAL POST:

I‘m stunned right now. Just came away from a dinner I organised for a ‘friend’ of 7 years.

She knows I’ve been infertile since I was 17 and the grief / sadness / confusion it’s caused me.

Tonight out of the blue she turned on me after asking how my mum was. I answered that she was happy doing a PhD.

She replied: “I bet she’d be happier if you could give her grandchildren. They come alive at her age with grandchildren”

I was and still am completely shocked. it’s been a few hours and since coming home I’ve cried, shouted into my pillow and done all I can not to tell her that I think she’s a monster.

Has anyone else had anything like this happen to them?

I never have and never thought I would. I’m absolutely devastated at the casual cruelty of it.