How do you find a life you are willing to live?

I went through therapy recently. My therapist told me in his 35 years I was easily top 10 best effort put into it.

I got most of my serious mental health issues in order. My life is in a good spot. The best its ever been.

I am doing well in university, I have solid career prospects. I will likely be a high earning individual, though it means little to me.

I have a lot of friends, including some very close ones. I always have events/plans whenever or someone to hang out with, someone to support me, or do whatever. My social life is solid and I'm well liked by those I care about.

My romantic life is complicated. My mental health issues cause me issues in forming healthy relationships. However, I am an attractive man, I have no issues finding partners. I will find the correct one in time. I am not worried here.

I am in great physical health. I used to be a very high level athlete and played the highest level of my sport beyond going professional before injuries took me out. I currently exercise regularly and would be described as jacked.

I feel happy when I'm with my friends and out and about. I can laugh, make jokes, go party. I even enjoy work typically while I'm doing it. My last job I would almost die on occasion and be able to laugh it off and continue.

But whenever im not busy. All I feel is pain. I've been the victim of a lot of abuse growing up and as an adult due to domestic abuse within prior relationships. I never was properly loved as a child, my family life was a mess. Ive lost multiple immediate family members, and in the past 5 years, 8 suicides have occurred in my circles.

Even years later, I still cry at least once a week as I miss my lost ones. I was diagnosed with CPTSD due to my abuse. When I sleep I still wake up in those situations. Sometimes in daily life something triggers me and im back there again.

I try to heal from these wounds. But I haven't gone longer than 6 months without someone dying, or something absolutely awful happening to me or my loved ones. The trauma just keeps in stacking up, and as I'm working on one and new one surfaces as I'm placed in crisis.

I just can't imagine a life where I'm actually happy and want to live it. Im not suicidal, I don't want that pain inflicted on others. My life is hardly terrible, on paper things are great.

I just can't find myself actually wanting anything. I have no ambitions. I don't find joy in doing anything for myself anymore. I don't enjoy any of my hobbies.

I know this sounds like depression. But I have depression and this feeling exists during and outside of episode. Its more existential. It just feels so meaningless. I can find extrinsic happiness through my friends, partying, drugs, women, that kinda stuff. But I cannot find it within myself to want to live my life.

Doed this make any sense to any of you? I just don't see a way forward. There's no room to self improve. I'm my own definition of success. Ive achieved all I wanted to. Beyond maybe some academic and career advancements, but they will come. Ive done everything I was supposed to. But I still can't love myself.

I use social media all day, Iay on bed and eat all my family finances and waste my career and opportunities. I don't want to do anything and deep down I know I am incapable to do anything, and I accept it. I don't even feel guilty and don't wanna try.

But I don't feel proud of this life too. How to move ahead of this, as some part of me does want to move but I don't cause it's too much of a hassle

I’m 19M, I feel like no matter what I do nothing ever happens. I’ve spent years trying to self improve and have failed at every turn.

I spent years playing sports, particularly wrestling, I was 100% bought in, I went to camps, offseason tournaments, more practices than any of my teammates. But yet I finished my senior year with a pathetically bad losing record after 4 years of grinding. I’ve never met someone else who wrestled that long and put in that much effort for so little result, my dad was one of the best wrestlers in the state in HS. Getting physically beaten everyday for 4 years really crushed any self confidence especially when it never changed as I got more experienced.

I’ve spent 5 years lifting and I don’t look like it, I’ve spent years in the gym just to look like the avg untrained guy

I’ve been playing guitar for years, I still suck

Every time I try to pick up a skill or hobby I can never be good at it and I’ve never felt naturally talented at anything

I’ve tried improving my appearance but I’m still very unattractive, khhv, and get mocked irl for my appearance

My parents pressured me into going to an academy after HS, I dropped out. I’m trying to go to a normal college later but for now I’m looking for a job, I’ve sent out so many applications and they’re not even being looked at.

I just feel like everything I put effort into fails, I can’t think of anytime where I felt like something paid off in the long term. I’m so depressed over this I’ve gotten bad anhedonia and can’t even be bothered to lift or play music anymore because I know it’s a waste of time, I’ll never be good at those things anyway. Everyone will tell me to just keep trying but I’ve been doing that for years, I don’t think people can comprehend how miserably bad I am at things

College was the first time I felt like I had figured life out. I was studying what I loved, playing sports, in a relationship, making friends, and discovering who I was.

But I made the mistake of putting people before myself, and when those relationships fell apart, I felt like I lost myself too.

2024 was the worst year of my life. I tried rebuilding in 2025, and I thought 2026 would finally bring a fresh start. Instead, I'm unemployed, isolated at home, struggling to enjoy anything, and watching myself retreat into the shell I worked so hard to come out of.

I've tried going out, going to the gym, and meeting people, but nothing feels fulfilling. I miss having meaningful friendships, ambitions, excitement, and a life that feels like mine.

For those who've experienced something similar, how did you rebuild your life, find your identity again, and learn to enjoy things after a long period of loneliness?

(This is not really a vent post but I feel like I don't see anyone else who deals with similar issues as mine).

I am still troubled by this but what do you do when your schema wants you to do things for others and enforces perfection but apparently, you can barely keep up with the bare minimum work?

I have autism and I am in first semester of college and I genuinely feel unsufferable because I can barely hold everything together and I am still likely going to fail (this is my second college, I had already underperformed once).

I also don't really get it even though I am in therapy, how does Asian upbringing can be devastating enough to give me CPTSD? It really makes me feel impostor whenever an average case is discussed which is usually centered around a lot of abuse or neglect but I can't really see that in my life. It's like everything was fine until I just crashed and somehow things have been really bad since.

Forget about job or career, I don't believe I can do anything worthy with my health currently. And I don't believe others will help me. It's not about asking help, it's that people just don't want to or can't. I have never had a relationship as I used to believe it's a myth or something but now I do still wonder, why would anyone want me if I can't even earn (as a man)?

As I said, I am in therapy. After a year, I have seen some progress but I am really afraid of letting the tag of "CPTSD" go away because it feels like it gives me an excuse to slack off otherwise I'll have to be perfect. If not that, then I find myself keep wishing I get diagnosed with another chronic illness.
(I know it's bad but it's not like I am healthy either and people just don't understand).

I am chronically worried about my college and can't even do my hobbies or things I like because I genuinely end up falling behind if I give any recreational time to self other than a bit of relaxation before gearing up for next task.

It sucks more when my major is psychology but even my teachers don't understand the issue and I am hesitant to divulge into my issues. At this rate, I can only imagine one day I'll explode on them.

Watching Dr. K's video, I realized that I am actually aware of almost everything he said, I just felt validated by them. Even so, I still find myself feeling utterly helpless in a way I don't think I can be helped. You can say I am just waiting for the day when I take my life since I don't find life worth living.

I’ve always had problems. When I was young I didn’t dare be home alone because I couldn’t stop panicking about what I would do if my parents died. Therapy helped with that.

Then, as I got older I couldn’t get over how meaningless school felt. I HATED it; what was the point of learning stuff like math when I would never—and have never—use it? It got to a point where I would cry in my room and I would refuse to go. I isolated myself and lost contact with friends out of shame.
A mixture of studying at a distance and therapy got me through that.

For a while I thought myself finding my place. I was chasing my dreams of being an actor and writer. I found some confidence in that. But none of it could pay the bills. I started working in a warehouse and a failed audition after failed audition—coupled with a script at a studio fell through, I started to question the validity of this dream. Sweden is small, after all. Our industry doesn’t offer much. I started realizing this might not happen and I would be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my pitiful life.
I started throwing up before work. I quit, but had my eyes opened. I started throwing up when I got anxious enough. Meaning I got afraid to be nervous, which made me nervous, which made me anxious.
Therapy helped some. But it felt like diminished returns.
I gave up acting to write books and for a moment believed it could happen for me. For ten years I wrote five books—burning away at what remained of my ego.

I never fixed anything in full. I am nauseous when nervous; scared to throw up. I don’t believe in my dreams. I don’t believe they’ll happen. But I don’t wanna do anything else. I hate myself to the point that a psychiatrist said, ”Reading the things you write about yourself makes me truly sad, Andreas.”
I am undisciplined and chockfull of complaints without the spine to adress them. I don’t wanna be alive but I also don’t wanna die and/or be dead. And when I talked to a psychologist today she said I gotta focus on what I want out of life. BUT THAT IS ALL I’VE EVER DONE AND IT HAS LED ME NOWHERE. All it has done is make me disappointed. But so too does everything else life has to offer disappointment. Wake up, work, come home, sleep, wake up, work. Life has NOTHING. But death IS NOTHING. And my season today then finished with my psychologist saying she doesn’t feel like she can help me—even though she wishes she could. And so that’s it. I’ve reached a dead-end where I cannot be helped; this is as good as it’ll ever get. A life I don’t wanna live nor do I wanna end…

And I don’t know what to do about that.

Trigger warning: suicide

Disclaimer: text corrected and sorted with AI, made sure it used my original tone and words. I just wanted everyone to have a good readable text.

Hello there!

This is a bit of a complicated and hard situation for me (25, German, living in Germany) and my girlfriend (23, Italian, living in Turin, Italy).

I'll be explaining the situation and answering your questions primarily, but I'll tell my girlfriend about any positive comments and every option that might be helpful for us.

She doesn't want to add her own thoughts and text here, because she feels ashamed of herself and is scared of people hurting her.

My girlfriend is struggling mentally. Her entire life she has had problems: feeling excluded in school, not being able to find friends with a deep connection. With the friends she did have, she was never allowed to do normal things like having a sleepover, because her parents didn't let her. Even just meeting with friends was, and still is, a huge problem for them. She always had to perform in school and always had to study a lot. If she wasn't studying and, for example, did something fun like playing a computer game, her parents would call her out for always playing and never studying, even though she might've been studying for 8 hours and just went on the PC for a few minutes.

She went through a few very traumatic situations her parents forced onto her. She also had a horrible experience with a "therapist" when she was a young teen, who called her egoistic and gaslighted her, saying her parents were doing nothing wrong and that my girlfriend was just attention seeking, or something along these lines.

With that being said, I always feel like there are two possible outcomes when your parents mentally abuse you while you're growing up with them. You either start to hate them and leave as early as possible, or you start gaslighting yourself into thinking that everything they did was good and acceptable, that they are good parents and are trying their best.

My girlfriend is the second one. So while leaving would, in my opinion, already fix the absolute majority of the problems, it's not really an option yet, because she is studying for her master's and still has 2 more years of university.

I could pay for an apartment for her, but that's not possible because she'd have to go against her parents, and she can't do that because of the above. She is also scared that her entire family is gonna cut her out and judge her.

She has no space where she can be herself and let her guard down. She is sharing a room with her brother (21, I think), so she has no physical space to take off her mask. She always has to worry about someone asking questions etc.

During the week she normally gets up early in the morning, goes to uni and stays until 19:00 before going home, just so she can stay out of the house longer and doesn't have to deal with it so much.

Because when she is at home, she is pretty much forced to do their documents, wash the dishes, clean the entire house, clean up after everyone etc.

To the point where I think they subconsciously see my girlfriend as their maid. They even jokingly say it sometimes: "We're gonna be in huge trouble once you move out," while talking about my girlfriend typing up their legal documents.

She can't really go to a therapist, because that would mean going to her general doctor and asking for it, but her family doctor is horrible and will just share any medical information with any family member. My girlfriend is scared of that happening. Of course I'm pretty sure that's illegal, but my girlfriend isn't gonna fight her in court over this while she is actively breaking down mentally and having thoughts about suicide.

So that's not an option.

Also, because her family is relatively poor, every medical treatment has to be added to the tax form for the year, so it could come up that she is seeing a therapist, and that would just be a huge issue.

I'd also be able to pay for online therapy sessions, as those wouldn't be included in the tax forms, but she can't really have online therapy sessions if she doesn't have a space where she feels comfortable enough to let her guard down. Doing it at uni or in public places is probably awful.

At this point I feel like I have looked up everything already and researched every way to help her.

I was thinking about just renting an apartment for her, so she has a space where she can let her guard down and also have online therapy sessions, but since I'm not in the country, I feel like it's not that easy for me to get an apartment.

I'm at a point where I feel like I can only watch her break down, and she is in a spot where she feels as awful as ever, telling me that she can't keep doing this for two more years just to have a chance to move out and get better.

This is why I came here to ask for any advice. If you have/had a similar situation, what options did you look into, and which one helped you?

Is there any way to get help?

Again, she is living in Turin and has no problem moving around the city center and the south of it.

It just makes her feel uneasy if she has to go further north, east or west, because then she is further from home and is scared her parents will find something out.

If you have anything we can look into, then please let me know. I'll at least look into it.

Thank you very much

Just started grad school. To be honest, I am extremely lucky to be here, as I don't think my work habits in undergrad were particularly healthy. I can never be consistent. Assignments were usually submitted minutes before deadline. Started studying for tests way too late, and paid the price on more than one occasion. In my fourth year thesis, I would spam as much of the work as I could the night before my BIWEEKLY meeting with my supervisor.

Thats not to say I am a complete mess, I have a calendar that keeps track of all deadlines, I always do get things done, even if I have to extract the maximum amount of cortisol at 3 am to do it after hours of doomscrolling. I try to kind of set what I'm gonna work on during a particular day/time but I almost never follow that and just do it when I "feel like it"

Now my dumbass gets the privilege to go to grad school and a (dream!) research project that is completely open ended and will require me to be a pro at structuring my time on top of the other courses I have.

I am starting to notice the pattern with my behaviour. I am dreading the next meetings with my supervisor. I have my research work with 2 courses, and now that my plate is full I am getting overwhelmed with the amount of different assignments/codes to focus on and that snowballs into dread about the next meeting with my supervisor. When the feeling of dread hits, the doomscrolling and avoidance hits like CRACK.

I am really trying to be better at this. I've started hitting the gym, I eat healthy, I have made friends. But I feel like I am eventually going to crash and let everyone down.

It never feels like I've done enough in a day, sometimes I just pass out next to my laptop instead of going to bed because I'm avoiding work, but staying close to my laptop psychologically makes me feel like I'm not avoiding work?? and then I sleep for like 4 hours

My brain builds up all these tasks in my head and I know I eventually do them and bang them out but these new projects really are monsters and I don't think my way of doing things is going to work (even though its been crazy so far). My career, life, ambitions are on the line and I just want some advice about what I should do.

I don't understand it, i don't understand myself, what was done to me, what is going thru me, what is there to do.

To keep it short, one day my ex partner, about over a year ago, suddenly dropped the nuke that she cheated on me, and she wants to break up. Imagine this, your friend tells you, your cat got drove over, by that friend, and this friend decides to never talk to you again, shoots you out of a catapult. Then slowly uncover that what you were told, was a highly minimized version, that the details just makes it even more haunting. Only for it to return to your ears, that over time this friend changed the narrative that they did not actually drove over your cat, in fact there was no cat at all.

Betrayal, not the cheating, not just, but who was i even seeing day and night for almost 2 years, suddenly shattered right in front of me, by her own very behavior. If i tell the story, people assume it was a toxic relationship, and i'm like, no, i was at peace.

Not just that, but i couldn't stop thinking about her friends, both old and new. No matter the details or the context, the key word cheating, and they never told me, they one by one cut me as well from socials. How can someone drag someone's heart thru hell and... Have friends...

That's what i've been asking myself, is that what i desire ? For her to be shunned and shamed and in the end for her to be out casted for... what she done to me ?

I don't understand why i don't just zero in on HATING her, viewing her less inconsequential like a bug. Instead, in my mind it's greater. I can't put my finger on it, but i just get angry if i hear mountain peak meditating monk "Advice..."
I don't know, how to heal this wound... What to do with both my desire to love this person and treat her like a human being who tried her best to deal with the situation with what she knew, and my desire to see her in shambles in her shame...

how would you handle this? i had previous with this 30 year old dude and his group and i was generally a bit dismissive of them before and ignored their advances to include me. then i wasnt at college for 6 months and when i came back for an exam late a couple minuts prior he immediately bursted out laughing calling my name loud and pointing, even the prof who stood beside him was flustered and the dude then said "i laugh because of him". he kept laughing for 15 seconds before i sat down i completely ignored him but looked rattled and felt mortified.

Has anyone else found healing felt more like remembering than changing?"

To give background info:

Diagnosed at an early age with adhd, diagnosed recently as bipolar
I’m a freshmen at a college in a big city
Since the start of senior year in highschool, I got ‘addicted’ to weed, did a lot of psychedelics

I still smoke weed daily, I took a 2 month long tolerance break over the summer, life wasn’t as easy as it was when I was on weed, I now have no motivation to quit. I find it really hard to pay attention in most of my classes, I’ve been intentionally sleeping through classes, I have not cared to study for any exams even though I know I need it.

My mom has been asking me to go into therapy, I tell her I have been considering it but I am lying to ease her, I could never fully confide in her, she would see me differently.

I absolutely love art, especially music, but as of the last few months I find it hard to pay my attention fully to the music, I rarely have the will to learn new songs on the drums, hell even play them. I can’t bear to sit through a whole movie. I rarely play video games, if so sessions are never longer than an hour. My screen time on my phone even isn’t high.

I’m considered a ‘good kid’ I guess, never lost any relationships, good contact with my family, I also have a girlfriend of a few years.

I don’t really know if any of this information matters. I find it very hard to find will for my talents and hobbies, but if someone asks me to do something I’ll do it, and I’ll do a great job. But do anything for myself? Nah

Is this a will problem?

I'm a college student who is failing in his third year. I can't move myself to study and attend classes. I just watch YouTube and play videogames all day. Honestly, it's not that bad, but I don't respect this lifestyle, and I wish it wasn't this way.

I am very aware of the consequences of my actions, but at the same time I am not that afraid. I feel that I am disappointing everyone who believes in me and gives me second chance after second chance. I genuinely do want to study, but when the moment comes, I think: "Just one game" and I will not stop until I am very hungry. I will tell myself in the middle of a gaming session: "You need to go to sleep, you can't keep skipping classes." but it's like I'm talking to a brick wall.

I have tried uninstalling everything several times, and it does help, I keep up with all of my responsibilities, but then I feel bored and restless, inevitably I install everything back and lose a grip on my life. I don't know if there is any hope left for me, everything that I have achieved in the past was motivated by insecurities, fears and my father's pressure, I can't do anything by myself.

I would like to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Some context: I’m a 25-year-old KHHV. I consider myself somewhat a black-pilled incel, now I don’t agree with a lot of incel content, like the idea that looks or money are everything. Still, I believe I’m not attractive to women and I’ve mostly given up on that part of life.

The problem is that when I see women, I often feel sad and get overwhelmed by negative thoughts about myself. It's frustrating and very draining. This has been going on for about three years now, but until the middle of this year, I was working fully remotely, so I didn't actually see many women. Now I have to go to an office, and I'm also starting to go to events and shit, so that adds to it. Hearing my peers talk about relationships doesn't help much either, since it makes me feel alienated. On top of that, these negative thoughts are starting to affect my sleep, which is especially bad because I also have to wake up earlier to commute.

About two months ago, I started coping with this by drinking alcohol. It helps me fall asleep quickly, and since I drink a lot of water, I don't get hangovers.

So, I've been dealing with these thoughts by drinking, especially on weekends. But last weekend, I went to a convention in another city, and on Sunday in particular, I felt completely overwhelmed by sadness. I don't like drinking when I'm away from home, though, so I ended up crying all night without being able to sleep. I was exhausted afterward, but at the same time, I kept thinking about how I seem to "need" alcohol to sleep and how that could become a problem in the future.I think going to a therapy session will probably help me get sleeping pills or something similar prescribed, since people have told me it's relatively easy to get them if you don't have a diagnosis. However, the appointment is about a month away, so I'd like to try some things in the meantime.

Lately instead of paying attention on my lectures I go to the classroom but I spend it all staring on my phone. How do I fix that? The lectures just feel so boring.

Useless info: on a burner account.

For context: I've tried free therapy before but it only lasted 3-5 sessions. This is the first time I've tried paying for therapy. I was fortunate enough to earn and save up some money for it.

So, i've had a lot of issues in my life that i needed guidance on. From low self esteem, to envy and jealousy, to limerence and everything in between. I came across this therapist from Instagram ads and contacted them for a free consultation. Told her everything about issues i needed guidance on and she had a rough plan to get me back on track. I agreed to take her 5 session package as it had a small discount.

Her treatment method was CBT and had no prior experience with it. So, when she gave me a ton of worksheets to do, I felt so overwhelmed and stressed out trying to fill in these questions. I realized I kinda hated doing those worksheets. But, there wasn't a way for me to try other methods as she genuinely believes that doing these worksheets will help me get back on track in no time. I noticed some slight improvements but I wouldn't attribute it to the worksheets.

Once the 5 sessions were done, I decided to pause continuing the sessions with her because I really can't take it having to come back with tons of worksheets to do. There were times where I thought, "I paid $200 just for her to say: just ask her out?". Most of her advice were things you hear over and over and over again. "Comparison is the thief of joy" and many more i can't think of right now. She'll also tell me to just read back the handouts she gave when I wanted my thoughts to be challenged.

Thing is, because I watched several Dr K interviews, I guess I already have that expectation that therapy would be like that. Where the therapist would kind of walk me through my thoughts, challenge them, explore my past and how I formed those core beliefs etc. Maybe that's why I hated the worksheets but I am not sure myself either.

I'm wondering for anyone who has been to therapy, is CBT really all just worksheets? and does it work for you? Should i just try the worksheet route again but with a different mindset or search for another therapist?

So you know how ones gut biome or bacteria have relation to one’s mental health? I know I know probably it has no meaningful impact but I’m wondering about when you kiss someone? If their bacteria can influence one’s own? Or is mouth bacteria just not related to gut bacteria? I keep kissing depressed men.

Edit: I’m actually not depressed I think! I’m just imagining all of the possibilities of the world. Thanks for the information about gut bacteria and how to properly colonize.

I was just scrolling my YT Algo and saw this, very solid advices.