r/HOCD • u/Ancient-Guidance-176 • 8h ago

Vent HOCD spike after my first real date

2 Upvotes

I’m 20m and just got home from a date with a girl I met on a dating app. It went fine, but as soon as we said goodbye I started worrying that the fact that I didn’t kiss her means I’m gay. Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal with it?

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Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity OCD

r/HOCD

This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, TOCD, and Sexual Orientation OCD.

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This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, TOCD, and Sexual Orientation OCD.

NOTE: Mods are a bit busy right now taking care of the ROCD sub. I will add HOCD moderators soon. For now, be careful reading the advice, most of the posts are not being moderated for bad advice. Report posts if you see misinformation or harassment. For now, if you would like treatment information, head over to the /r/rocd sidebar. HOCD is treated the same way as ROCD, the only difference is the examples. We'll get a good sidebar going over here as well soon.

RULES

Do not give personal advice

We take treatment seriously here. Truth is, there are healthy ways to manage OCD, and there are harmful ways. If you don't know what ERP or CBT is, do not give advice. We don't want this to be a place where people obsess and give out harmful info.

Do not give or ask for reassurance

Reassurance is when you attempt to get relief from your intrusive thoughts and anxiety. It's harmful because it makes you obsess more, and we do not allow it here.

Make sure to check out the rest of our rules and more details and ask the mod team if you have any questions.

HOCD is Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It describes someone who has OCD and obsesses about their sexual orientation. These obsessions are constant and painful. Treatment, generally, involves consistently resisting compulsions, allowing the thoughts to exist without obsessively interacting with them. This therapy is called ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). ERP is a type of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

HOCD is often misunderstood, especially in gay communities. Many misinterpret HOCD as a person being immature or homophobic. To understand HOCD, you must first understand OCD. OCD sufferers have many different obsessions, and obsessions about sexual orientation are common enough that we use "HOCD" to describe them. There are other variants such as ROCD, TOCD, POCD, and so on. OCD is treated the same no matter what the obsessions are.

Due to the misunderstandings of not only OCD, but of HOCD especially, it's better to get information in communities specifically aimed at OCD. Even in these communities there is a lot of misinformation floating around, let alone places that don't even understand the basics of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's important that you are careful with what you read. Seek treatment from a qualified OCD specialist who can teach you proper CBT.

Shouldn't a gay person accept that they are gay?

While a gay person should accept their sexual orientation, that is a completely different topic, and doesn't have to do with HOCD. Whether a person is actually gay or not has nothing to do with HOCD, HOCD is about a person obsessing over their sexual orientation. While HOCD usually involves a straight person constantly obsessing over whether they are gay or not (probably because there are more straight people), it's very possible that a gay person could be obsessing about it as well. With HOCD, the sufferer will constantly question this. The treatment involves eliminating that obsessive behavior. Once the therapy is successfully applied overtime, the OCD sufferer will be able to move on no matter what their actual orientation is. That's the point. If you are gay, you should be able to be gay without obsessively questioning it. If you are straight, you should be able to be straight without having anxiety.