We've been together for over a year. I've met her 5 year old multiple times. The 3 of us just went to the fair last weekend. This is such a rug pull.

My mental health has gotten so bad that i’m giving up my cat, booger. He is my best friend and I love him more than words could ever express. Unfortunately I am dealing with severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD, while also living with adhd and asd. I’m also suffering from multiple injuries that have put me into a state of constant chronic pain and stress. My right kneecap is shifted, my spine is bent in 4 different places, and I now have trouble breathing normally or living my life the way i want to. The day of the accident though, is the same day booger came into my life. he stuck by my side through all of it. He still does. I wish i could be a better owner to this sweet boy. He means everything to me. my heart is completely broken. I don’t know how i will go on after this.

My life is misery. Every moment, every second. I am ashamed to admit that I'm a lifelong homosexual. I'm 23 and I have no social circles in my life, so this is the only place i have to talk to.

My family says they love me but would disown me in a second if they found out. Everyone says they understand me, but they don't know me. Life is pain. Why do i have to have these fucked up problems? I wish I was into women. I am incompatible with society, most societies even. Why does anything matter?

I see other people talk about my life like it's a choice and how they find me disgusting and I feel it. I have no future. There is nothing.

30 years of being a failure at life, I was never meant to be. I used to be carefree, joyous, happy, but now I’m a shell of myself. Trying to work on my weight, nearly kicked the bucket last year due to health complications.

I’m stressing over the dumbest of things. One example is women, I’m a 30 year old virgin, who has never been in a relationship ever. I shouldn’t even be worried about women, but why are they constantly on my mind. Nothing I do brings me joy anymore.

I’m existing and I know it’s my fault and no one really cares, I might as well end it.i just wish I was worthy, I wish I was accepted, I wish I was normal.

This is the best place I could think of to get this off my chest. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I can skip the part where I've been like this since I was a kid, always knew something was wrong with me, etc., to save some time and make it more digestible.

I can't function properly in my life and it feels like it's going to be the death of me. Sleep issues that have plagued me as a kid, drug/alcohol problems that I've largely got a hold of but remain as a tool for self harm when things get bad, difficulty forming and maintaining relationships, difficulty holding down a job--I could go on but I feel guilty rambling and am terrified of eliciting a bad response from people when I'm already feeling so down.

I have a kid who lives with her mom and step dad many hours away. I get to see her twice a month depending on when I can afford it and how the logistics work out of having enough time to drive her here with me and making it worth it for everyone involved. It has nothing to do with me as a dad or her as a mom--we had some issues and it was best that we split up--at this point it's purely just a logistics thing.

Fighting through those days between when I get to see her is a cruel, cruel weight to bear. It may be punishment for things I've done wrong in my life, and I accept that, but it's starting to feel like the dream of to breaking free from it and make enough money to be able to be closer to her or earn the freedom to see her more often is unachievable.

I feel like I try so hard to do everything right. I have poured my heart and feelings into hundreds of hours of music I've written and recorded over the years, developed skills and hobbies like weight lifting and fishing, I was the absolute star of the rehab I went to before I got clean from the vast majority of the crap I was doing (this was before my kid--I actually met her mom there and we both did very well together until our relationship fell apart). I try to seek religion and spirituality, I just recently finally got to a doctor and was seeing a therapist weekly towards the end of when my last relationship--the first one after things ended with my kid's mom--blew up and continued for a while before I ended up tossing that to the side too.

I took 12 weeks of leave off of work to get my mental health straight because the end of the relationship was absolutely atrocious on both sides, and was doing a lot better focusing on myself and healing. Almost every time I get a good thing going, I just convince myself to say "fuck it". A good job. A fun hobby. A love interest (my issues in relationships--insecurity, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, lack of boundaries, you name it--go way, way deeper than that so I'll try to avoid talking about that too much); the point is no matter what it is I always return to this baseline of being some lazy fuck who can barely get out of bed to get a glass of water and would rather do nothing all day when I'm drowning in debt from when I lived with my kid and her mom (at one point I was paying for 2 apartments because we both wanted one so bad to get her out of sober living--long story but the point is I busted my ass to provide when we were together).

I have periods of extreme motivation, and I swear when I'm firing on all cylinders I can outwork anyone. I am a very, very good worker and I can do anything from manual labor to all kinds of computer software and administrative stuff. I also have my own small business that I've been slowly growing. I'm a really smart guy, I've always tested well and yes I was told I was gifted by I don't want to harp on that because who the fuck cares. All I'm saying is I'm totally capable, I take my vitamins, I exercise when I can, I try to limit blue light before bed, I fucking do everything in the fucking book that you're supposed to do to live a normal happy healthy life and it works for a while over and over again until it comes falling apart because in reality I was just holding pieces of the statue together as long as I could before my hands cramped up and I had to let go. Maybe it's because I fuck up my sleep schedule again. Maybe it's because I wake up and the devil on my shoulder tells me to just quit my job again. Maybe it's because my depression from not being with my kid and losing what I had when I was still with her mom eats me up and I decide to get drunk and that fucks my whole week up because I've completely used up all my chances to get drunk consequence free in life and it serves me no purpose anymore.

Rinse and repeat.

I haven't captured even the tip of the iceberg of my feelings here and what I'm going through because I just don't have the mental capacity for it. This is mostly just a "I don't have anyone to talk to right now and I need to tell someone" thing. I don't know. I just broke down crying after trying to open up to my mom about how no matter what I do I just can't seem to function like a normal person. I finished the conversation with her and came back into my room and just exploded into tears. The changing of the seasons isn't helping either, for whatever reason the turn of it just makes me way more emotional.

Last weekend I went out and got really fucked up for my friend's birthday. We ended up on a little side quest and had a crazy night that was arguably pretty fun, and I met a very kind woman who I'm now friends with and has been super supportive of what I'm going through. So I try to hold onto that as a silver lining because other than her I wouldn't have anyone to talk to right now.

But I can't handle getting fucked up--nor would I even have the desire to if I was able to be with my kid every day--and long story short it led to me quitting my job because it took me so many days to recover. I will say that "getting fucked up" isn't something I enjoy at all anymore, and it's more of a form of self harm than anything. Once it's over I have not even the slightest desire to go to it again for weeks or months at a time, and the only reason I say that is because I think it's a symptom not the problem and always has been, even when I was doing other stuff many many years ago.

So now once again I am sitting here with a business that does not make enough money to pay my bills, wondering what the next job I will get will be just to be able to pay those bills and see my kid, before I lose it because of insomnia, executive dysfunction, depression, anxiety, or any beautiful combination of the above. I don't have health insurance because my premium just went up literally 10x when I went to renew, and I haven't figured out why. I was going to get it through my job but I quit my job and that was only a matter of time. I want to get back in therapy, I want to start regularly talking to doctors and figuring out what's wrong with me, but the crushing weight of feeling like nobody will ever know ALWAYS catches up to me and burns it all down and forces me to start over again.

The brutal honesty right now is I'm pretty much just trying to stay alive until I can figure out a way to get enough health insurance to talk to a doctor. Other than that nothing really matters. I'm fully convinced if I didn't have a daughter I'd probably be trying to drink myself to death right now. She is literally everything to me and an absolute tether to me and this world. But it hurts, because something is wrong with me, has been for a very long time, and I can't figure out what it is because it seems to require so much goddamn time and energy. I refuse to believe I'm just a lazy person with a lack of discipline. I used to work 80 hours a week pouring concrete up and down the coast to keep a roof over my pregnant baby mom's head. I went from weighing 140lbs in active addiction up to 230lbs at my peak and being able to deadlift 405lbs before a bad hamstring injury. I can bust my ass, I can work hard. I've done manufacturing, landscaping, carpentry--any trade I've worked in I've gotten compliments on how hard I can work.

I could go on forever and ever and just rant about my problems but my thoughts are a mess and nobody has that much patience or lack of their own problems to read someone else's struggle biography. I think I'm just looking for people to talk to. Sorry for the wall of text and thanks for stopping by.

TL;DR - Things are really hard for me at the moment, I'm super sad and overwhelmed and I don't know what to do and was hoping to connect with some kind people

i’ve known this girl for a year and we’ve grown super close within the time period. we have many common nerdy interests and hobbies and can talk to each other nonstop on any given topic. we hang out together by ourselves a lot and have a ton of fun every time.

she’s never been in a relationship before and i don’t think she’s ever had a crush on a guy in the past. she’s also probably not really “knowledgeable” on like giving or receiving signs so it’s not the most effective for me to go online and search up something like “does she like me”.

it has been around 2-3 months since i’ve started liking her but i’ve definitely realized that the more i bottle it up, the more attatched i get because she’s constantly on my mind and i pray every notification is from her. crazy enough, i genuinely believe she fits my ideals for a partner perfectly.

the most difficult part about realizing that i caught feelings for her was that beyond just having a crush on her, i love her as my closest friend. so even if i didn’t have any romantic feelings towards her i would still genuinely want to be close friends with her.

but despite that I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out so i asked her if she wanted to hangout and get food and go shopping. i also made sure she didn’t have any exams or stressful things coming up so if she did end up rejecting me, it wouldn’t be detrimental to her academics. i was planning to ask her if she wanted to date at the end of the hangout but during the hangout when we were walking around in this skincare store, she said my face could definitely use some work and that i was chopped. she also said she thought ive been chopped since the pretty much the day we met. this wasn’t in like the friendly insulting tone but rather actual genuine comment. i played it off like a joke but i was honestly holding back tears the entire time. i don’t believe she meant it in a mean way but it genuinely killed all my confidence that i’ve been building up for the past month. so obviously i ended up not asking her out.

it’s been a couple days but ever since, my confidence and esteem has been so low it’s gotten to a point where im making this reddit post at 3am while crying like a hopeless little bitch.

any advice on how to get through this would be greatly appreciated

I just had a fight with my girlfriend, she used words like “you’re so dramatic” “you’re pissing me off” and “give me a fucking break” which she never does, I got upset about it she explained how she just said it cause of this and that and she said take it as you will and now that’s that. This seems like a small or stupid reason but I feel like this is just the proof that she’s tired of me and that I’m hard to love, I’ve always been. I’ve been struggling a lot with feelings of being unwanted and worthless I have a plethora of mental issues which doesn’t help the case and this just was the cherry on top because she’s the only person I can talk to about things like that. The only thing that’s really on my mind right now is thinking to about how long I can still do it and the reasons of staying alive are getting less and less because no one cares if I’m gone anyway, quite the opposite actually it would probably make a lot of people’s lives easier even if they wouldn’t admit this to my face. I can’t really talk to anyone about this. And I don’t know why I’m even making this post, I’m just a wreck right now

I wish I didn't care about it like I do. I wish I could live my life and enjoy everything else that life has to offer. And sometimes, I can. My depression is far from only being caused by my virginity, if anything it's probably the other way around. My depression is to a big part the reason for my virginity.

But still, the fact that I'm a virgin is there at the back of my mind. And when I'm laying in bed, alone, with nothing but the thoughts in my head. Hugging my pillow, it can come out. This deep sigh, the empty stare into the wall, and just wondering why not me. What's so wrong about me. What's so horrible about being with me. I've never bought into all the manosphere nonsense, or the hypergamy nonsense or any of that.

But the question remains, why not me. My friends and coworkers manage to find love. But not me. The average age for losing your virginity where I live is in your teens, and I'm 26. I've managed to move out of my parents place twice, I've gotten a masters degree, I've gotten a job, I've made friends. All in the span of a decade, during which I've tried to find someone.

And I just fail. Over and over and over again. And to me the reason that my virginity is getting to me is not because I'm lacking the sex itself, many will suggest just getting an escort but that won't change anything (looking past the huge issue of sex trafficking, but that's a whole other topic...) because what really hurts about all of this, is that it's not about the sex. It's about being chosen. It's about being able to say "she wanted to have sex with me". Because going through life, knowing that no woman has thought that about me, hurts. It makes me feel so undesirable.

And I wish it didn't. I wish I didn't tie part of my self worth to this. That my happiness wasn't tied to this. But I've tried for years to ignore it. Supress the feelings. Address them head on in therapy. Distract myself. Do other stuff. I've gained confidence in a lot of ways, but this remains the same. And I just want it to end.

29 M, she’s 26 F.

We’ve been dating for a little less than a year, and in that time I feel like the relationship has peaked, and we’re now at the end of things for me. I don’t know how to communicate this, because it feels like I’ve sort of become her whole world.

She talks about me like i’m Mr. Perfect, wants me to meet her family who I have a VERY negative opinion of (I don’t like making opinions about people before meeting them, but it’s pretty easy to do in this case and I don’t want to get into it). She’s dealing with a significant amount of health issues and all of it has left me feeling like the world’s biggest jerk about the way I feel.

Everytime I try to think about it I end up trying to justify WHY I feel what I feel, instead of just accepting the feelings. My friends have called out that i’m very clearly not having a good time, and I’ve spent a lot of time unraveling it all in therapy. But i’m kind of stuck in that I don’t know HOW to actually break things off with them.

In the meantime, she keeps apologizing to me for no reason, and it’s making me feel like i’m some kind of monster. She’s been making a point to schedule hang outs in advance instead of our usual, casual hang outs. She keeps implying we never hang out or go on dates anymore when I accept invitations or provide invitations, which have been happening at least once a week since we started dating, And i’m noticing a slew of what feel like manipulation tactics that I’ve discussed with my therapist.

I’m a bit embarrassed writing all this, as I’ve kind of tried to broach the conversation and failed. I mentioned how her behavior made me feel, and she just shut down until we moved on. Since then I kinda don’t know what to do.

That’s my yarn. No one in my friend group has ever broken up with someone (shout out always getting broken up with weeey). I can’t stop feeling like i’m performing an unfair emotional thing here, and any advice would be appreciated!

I’m 24M, and honestly, I’m going through one of the worst phases of my life.
For over a year, I had a best friend who meant everything to me. I supported her emotionally, financially, helped her with her career, getting a good-paying job, and countless other things. Whenever she needed something, I was there. I genuinely put her happiness before mine.
Our friendship wasn’t perfect. We had fights, periods of no contact, blocking and reconnecting. I made mistakes too, especially when I was emotionally overwhelmed, and I genuinely regret them.
But what hurts the most is the timing of everything.
After she finally had a stable, well-paying job, a boyfriend she wanted a future with, and other important things in her life sorted out, our friendship ended.
I’m not saying she owes me anything because I helped her. But it’s incredibly painful to feel like I was there during her struggles, and now that her life is coming together, I’m no longer someone she wants around.
After our final fight, she said some extremely hurtful things, told me I’d caused her nothing but pain, and blocked me everywhere.
And now, while her life seems to be moving forward, mine feels completely stuck.
I’m dealing with constant anxiety, guilt, overthinking, chest heaviness, loss of appetite, and absolutely no motivation. Some mornings, I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed.
I finally consulted a psychiatrist and was prescribed medication, but I’ve been struggling with how I’m feeling since starting it. Counseling was also recommended, but regular sessions are expensive, and I can’t comfortably afford them.
I’m not pretending I was perfect. I know I made mistakes, and I’m willing to take responsibility for them. But I can’t stop wondering whether everything I did for her meant anything.
The worst part is that I still care about her well-being. Even after everything, I want her to be happy. I just wish I wasn’t suffering this much in the process.
Has anyone experienced something similar, where you supported someone through their difficult times, only to lose them once their life became stable?
How did you overcome the emotional dependency, guilt, anxiety, and feeling of being abandoned?
I’m also looking for affordable mental health resources in India, particularly counseling or therapy.
I genuinely don’t want to keep living through this same emotional cycle. I just want to feel normal again, focus on my career, and get my life back.

Old coworker of mine passed away today. He left behind a son my age and a lovely wife. He was too young.

At my lowest, he had my back. Prioritized mental health, family and moral values, but most of all he gave me a chance.

I didn’t deserve his kindness, because I would let him down. He was promoted to hotel manager, but he was became a father figure to me.

I’m not sure what happens after life, but I hope you knew how many lives you have saved and impacted. Goodbye, Tom.

A few years ago I watched a youtube video where a guy was writing an algorithm to play Super Mario Kart (this is relevant). The program was using a point system to encourage it, with reaching checkpoints on the track giving points and straying off course deducting them. This worked out just fine, until it reached a ramp. In order to encourage the algorithm to succeed at the jump, a massive sum of points was put on the other side, with a similarly big penalty for failing... but all this resulted in was the program not even attempting the jump at all in order to avoid the potential consequences. This bit kinda stuck with me, I don't even know why.

Back on topic, recently there was a public board game night event being held decently close to where I live, and since it was something I thought I might enjoy and that I should get out and talk to people more, I figured I'd give it a shot.

Except no, I didn't, in fact, 'give it a shot'; I reached the venue and my anxiety kicked into overdrive and I ended up just standing outside for a few minutes, debating if I should even go in... and ultimately decided that I shouldn't and went home without ever stepping foot at the actual event, having refused to even make an attempt in the first place, just like the Mario Kart bot backing down from the ramp, ignoring the gain success could bring because the consequences of failure, real or imagined (mostly imagined tbh) feel daunting enough to discourage any attempt whatsoever.

This wasn't an isolated incident either, sometimes it feels like every time I resolve to do something for myself, to improve in any way (join a group, talk to someone, visit some place, schedule a therapy appointment), I am more than capable of making all the necessary plans and preparations, go out to just do it... and then just give up right at the final step for no real reason. I truly do wish to change because honestly I'm not really satisfied with where I am right now but how is anything supposed to change if I sabotage my every attempt to do that?

I know this is very long and rambly but I idk how to better explain this feeling, it's like I'm in a prison and my own mind is preventing me from escaping

idk what to do. broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months. stuck in a career where i’m chasing behind money for long time even though it’s a good salary, can’t sleep good now, back pain and now i requested an ex that i met for one date last year. god truly has ways of humbling the fuck outta me. 24m.

​

So... after losing the person I loved, I became extremely lonely. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I decided to make new friends and find a new girlfriend (of course, I would tell her about my past).

I tried making new friends, and some of them stayed with me for quite a long time. But, in the end... destiny had other plans.

Eventually, I went back to my ex. Yeah, my ex. We were in a relationship three years ago, but we broke up. And guess what? I ended up falling in love with the very person who had helped me move on from her.

Being with my ex gave me a sense of peace that I couldn't find anywhere else. But even then, the loneliness never really went away.

So, I got into another relationship. And now, I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday.

I was missing my love so much and desperately needed some emotional support, so I went back to my ex again. But this time, she told me about her new boyfriend.

I blocked her. Because why not, right?

And now... here I am again. I've lost everyone, once more. All the people I tried to bring into my life, all the connections I thought would last, and the person I kept going back to whenever life became too much.

I'm back to where I started.

Lonely. Again.

​

Some solitude can be good but has anyone made it a routine thing? Like for my birthday, I'd rather be alone and do absolutely nothing. I'm getting flak from family for choosing that so I feel forced to go out, though I don't want to. My birthday wish would be for everyone to forget my birthday. It's just another day for me. I don't mind celebrating other people's birthdays just not mine.

I'm ok with solitude in general but yeah I wish that I could find a significant other but that hasn't worked out for me. I end up being the third or fifth wheel in some social gatherings so i often opt to instead be alone at home.

Being put on the psychology couch, yeah maybe it's a coping mechanism to avoid being disappointed. Life has been full of disappointments for me. It's also though, that I hate being the center of attention. I just want to be lazy and do nothing for my birthday.

So some backstory, I (31M) am the youngest of three kids. My dad and mom divorced when I was two and haven’t known a life with him in my house. Every moment growing up spent with him was the most special moment of my life, I never really understood why. Well, as time has gone on I have realized that he looked at me and my siblings as burdens and that she didn’t want to show up for us. My mom had to pay him gas money so he’d come to the smallest thing like a sports game or a school concert. Now, he is disabled and living on social security for decades at this point from a construction accident where he fell off the roll of a house he was building and a forklift tipped over on top of him in soft dirt, landing on him. He has made every little minimal effort seem like he was making the world move.

Fast forward to two years ago. He is chasing women on Facebook who are clearly scammers while he is married to his now ex-wife. He travels to Chicago from our city in NY with no money in his pocket. He calls my sister and cries saying he was scammed and wanted to find love, but he couldn’t get home because he doesn’t have money for a train ticket. Now she helps him this time but says she’s not helping him any more because he has always taken advantage of her good nature and generosity. He lashed out and said she was ungrateful and is trash to her. Later on he said she was dead to her.

I text him, berating him for the terrible things he said to my sister. He tells me he never wanted us, we weee a drain on his life and we were dead to him. He told me to go do something to myself which I can’t say and told me to change my last name because I didn’t deserve it. I told him I never want him to speak to me or my siblings again because he is a waste of life and oxygen for being a terrible human and father.

At this point in my life, I haven’t been able to figure out how to let his memory go and just forget about him. It kills me. I’ve seen him at a distance multiple times in public, a few of those being at one of the jobs I work.

How do people just let stuff like this go?

TLDR: my dad is a POS and I don’t know how to let his memory go and forget about him forever.

I’ve already posted once in here and I don’t know why… I see I am the problem…. I’m sitting here at work thinking about taking my last breath. What’s the point anymore… things won’t get better… I’ve been applying myself to everything… working harder and harder to survive and that’s just the thing… just to survive… why survive anymore…. 😭 I just want God to kill me so I can come home… I’m done man… 24 years old and I can’t see a way out… I don’t desire to numb myself with medication from doctors and talking to people to get prospective isn’t going to change my bank account. It simply isn’t… we can talk all day and pretend one day things will get better but all everyone wants to tell me is I am young and there still is time for things to change…. That’s a maybe…. That’s a if and possibly… if I am meant to role on the gamble that life COULD POSSIBLY get better… why… why keep waiting… at this point I don’t even want to find out. Last night I finally expressed myself instead of crying in the shower… I learned that life is meant to be hard and should only get harder until it finally kills you because of it… how do you cope? How do all wake up and look around and somehow feel life is gonna work out… I’m sitting here seeing IF I turn 60 one day I won’t have enough to be taken care of but if I died today I know where I’m going… I know pain ends.. I KNOW that life won’t get better because I tell myself
It won’t…. There is no changing that. I can’t change anything about myself besides where my soul rests… at this point, I’m beyond ready to be called home… I’ve lived laughed and loved but now… what’s the point

A few months ago, I met her online.. She was going through a tough time, so we exchanged a few messages. Later, she restarted the conversation and we began talking more and more as days went by. It reached a point where we were talking every single day...video calls, voice notes, photos.. I started falling for her, even though she lives thousands of miles away, across the ocean.

She has BPD and ADHD... which eventually triggered a depressive episode over a situation involving an ex. Gradually, our communication started to cool down... At one point, a whole weekend passed without a word from either of us.. I decided to give her space and not push her. On Monday, I reached out, but she didn't reply... On Tuesday morning, I woke up to find that she had blocked me everywhere...

That was two months ago..... Since then, I’ve been trying everything to get her out of my head, but nothing seems to work. I’ve done every single thing I thought might help, including the foolish mistake of creating a new account just to send her one last message thanking her for our time together...hoping it would give me some closure. I know deep down it was most likely the BPD and self-sabotage that led her to block me, because otherwise, I truly don't understand what I did wrong. Not that it matters anymore... but I just don't know what else to do.....

Lately, whenever I open my messages and see our conversation, the only thing left, since she deleted everything else on Reddit, I start feeling something close to a panic attack. I know I should delete that chat thread, along with all the photos and voice notes I still have from her....... but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Has anyone been through something similar or does anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance!

I was physically and emotionally abused by my older sister my entire life. She would verbally berate me over minor things, make constant jokes and sarcastic remarks at my expense and occasionally if she got mad enough she would punch and smack me (I was elementary school age and she was in her mid teens so I couldn't really fight back). Everytime I tried to tell her how much she hurt me she would yell at me and excuse her actions. Everytime I tried to give her a second chance she would always go back to her abusive behavior. My mother didn't do anything about it because she was afraid of her. I didn't really think that my situation was that bad though because a lot of my friends had it worse. They would often talk about their home issues and mine just didn't seem as bad in comparison, so I didn't say anything about my issues.

The only person I felt I could talk about it with was my mom. She's not perfect though, she constantly defends my sister by saying "she has gotten better", she always gets defensive when ever I criticize her for something and overall I just don't feel like she understands me. But despite her flaws she was still the best I could get. I had never opened up to someone other than my mom before, so when I did the experience really left an impact on me.

I was on the phone with a friend who I was pretty close to. I still distinctly remember the conversation. I told him about everything she had done he immediately responded by asking me if she had ever been raped. When I said that I didn't know he said "She was probably raped, your sister is a victim dude". I still remember his tone of voice, it was so monotone and casual. It came off as condescending. At the time I felt so stupid and selfish for not considering that. I felt like the abuse I suffered was just a blip in the grand scheme of things and that I was being selfish and arrogant for letting it affect me so much. How the hell is my pain supposed to compare to that of a rape victim?!

Eventually the guilt and morbid curiosity got the better of me so I asked my mom point blank if my sister had any history of sexual abuse. She was surprised and confused. She denied it then asked me were I had got that idea. After a conversation with her I realised how ridiculous what my friend said was. My feelings immediately turned to rage and betrayal. I finally found someone I felt comfortable enough to open up to only for them to completely brush past my feelings to make excuses for someone (that they didn't know) who traumatized me. The worst part was how casual they were while doing it, as if my struggles weren't deserving of any seriousness or formality.

I confronted him about it and he did legitimately apologize. I did forgive him (I am still trying to distance myself from him but that's somewhat unrelated.) but my anger didn't go away. I opened up for the first time in my life and it resulted in my abuser getting sympathy and me getting condescended to and ignored by someone I trusted instead of my feelings being recognized. I felt so wronged and hurt but too afraid to open up about it because I didn't want to have my feelings ignored and minimized again. So I wanted to make people validate my feelings and prove that my pain is real and legitimate. I felt that people would only care if I could prove that my pain was a part of some grand societal problem. I felt needed to earn the right to feel hurt.

But now i've had time to think and reflect. I've identified my problem but I don't know what I should do about it. I know these feelings are unhealthy but knowing that won't make them go away. I can't keep bottling them up but I don't know how to voice these feelings or who it's safe to voice them with and all of my coping mechanisms only work temporarily. The just pain keeps coming back. I need an actual long term solution but I don't even know where to start when it comes to finding one. Am I gonna be like this forever? Is it possible to actually heal from what happened to me?

Honestly, I think this feeling of mine will pass but just in case, I was sitting at my workplace and was just waiting before my shift starts. My boss comes in and talks to me. And oh god I ficking despise my fucking self. He tells me about when I asked let’s say O what kind of clothing brand they were wearing at the end of the staff meeting. And oh my fucking god I shouldn’t have asked that was just fucking straight uncomfortable and creepy. I just hate my fucking self. Anyway, boss said it made them uncomfortable (btw, my workplace is majority 95% percent women so boss and I are the only male at the workplace) boss tells to apologize to them for saying that.

You know what I thought? Just an apology? A fucking apology. Just so everybody knows never in my life have I felt this fucking guilty I genuinely thought I barely had any empathy or whatever the fuck pathy that exist. And this I quote myself on “Oh fod I’m fucking one of them. One of those fucking women harassers” I just fucking can’t

I know I still value my life and I’md be fine if someone gave me death because I just fucking deserve it.

You know what I’m thinking of doing? I’m never for the rest of my life ever x fucking ever again talk or speak up my mind when I talk to women. And if a situation occurs where I had to I’m doing the goddamn fucking bare minimum of talking to them. No unnecessary fucking shitty thoughts that just appears out of my mind.

I just fucking hate myself. DESPAISWA despise my self. I just can’t, never fucking again. I will make it a focking oath if I have to.

I don’t know what else to fucking say.

Maybe this whole is to calm myself down or I really do need help just somebody fucking kill me. I really donut fucking deserve any of the things I got to this point.

Btw this just occurred around an hour ago. I’m back at home now. I’m just gonna do my fucking shitty things and play games to some shit to calm myself down or maybe sleep to reset my mentality currently I Donny fucking know anymore.

Please just please or something just let me reverse time or some fucking shit. I’m never gonna work at the damn or because just divisions jsights

I’ll be better if I get just call 911 to arrest for sexual harassment or some shit I don’t fucking he’ll ficking even know anymore

Being a Gen Z man, I can’t speak about the world before the internet when people actually used to talk and hang out. I’ve only really seen videos of that lmao.

But these days, companionship, be it friendship or relationships are really hard to come by. And a lot of times when people do have someone who wants to be around them, it’s like they’re desperate to make it work. Which means that a lot of these relationships are performative and transactional, but they work.

They work because watching these people makes you think, “Wow! They’re really having the time of their lives while I’m just… rotting away in my bed scrolling Reddit…”.

I’ve been in that position many times where I was with someone or was in this friend group not because I genuinely enjoyed their company, but because it was this or complete isolation.

I feel a lot of people would be in a fake relationship than none because they want to at least give the impression that they have a good life to people outside. They can post their pictures on social media and give fomo to other people.

And it’s like that shit gives you imposter syndrome because you can’t relate to the happy person you see in those pictures. For you, those friendships were… meh.

I feel now that I’m stable and mature enough, I’ve realised that I’d have been much better single and friendless. Cuz man those people were so fake.

And when you’re in college with the popular kids, you realise how everyone has to play a perfect character or they won’t be allowed in to their parties and meetups. ie, you can’t be fully authentic and vulnerable which imo defeats the idea of the companionship that most people want.

So if you are in this position where you’re struggling socially… I think everyone is, in one way or another. Times are rough. It’s hard to meet people, and even if you do, it’s hard to meet people who are genuinely compatible with you.

If I could talk to my younger self, I’d probably say, “Prioritize your happiness over your reputation. Being a loner is a better experience than being with performative people”.

Hey guys,
I’m going through a pretty strange period in my life right now, and I’m wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar.
I recently started TRT (testosterone replacement therapy), and I’ve also managed to quit smoking weed after struggling with cannabis abuse for the past four years.
I thought making these changes would help me become a stronger, more confident version of myself. But lately, I’ve been feeling the complete opposite.
I feel more anxious and scared than I’ve ever felt before. I overthink everything, question myself constantly, and worry about things that normally wouldn’t bother me.
The hardest part is that I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I’ve never seen myself as a fearful or mentally weak person, but lately that’s exactly how I feel. It’s like I’ve lost some of the confidence, mental toughness, and inner peace I used to have.
I don’t know whether this is related to quitting weed, starting TRT, my hormones adjusting, or a combination of everything.
I’m proud that I’ve stopped smoking, and I genuinely want to improve myself, but mentally I’m struggling more than I expected.

I don't remember the last time I cried but It's been at least a couple of years. I struggle so much with my mental health. I shut off all my emotions because I don't won't to lose control of myself. But I feel like if I could just make myself cry every week, I would be doing so much better. I wouldn't have a resting misery face anymore.

I just don't know what to do now that I am in my senior year of college. I'm rotting away every single day. Not talking to anyone other than my therapist that I see once a week. I don't study even though I should.