My 6 yo plays and eats alone at school

[u/Natural-Blackberry26]

My kid started kindergarten this year and told me she has no friends. She said the other kids don’t want to play with her and tell each other not to talk to her. She says she plays alone on the playground and even though they eat lunch at the same table, nobody wants to talk to her.

They’re doing spirit week at school and one day is Twin Day. She asked a few kids if they wanted to twin with her and they all said no. Why is there even such a thing as Twin Day? I feel like it makes kids feel excluded.

I reached out to the school and her teacher said she asked my kid, and my kid said everything was fine and she was happy. I explained that my kid doesn’t open up often and she probably didn’t feel comfortable telling her. I never got a response back even though I was told they would follow up with me.

I am so heart broken. My kid is the only child, and her dad and I are divorced. I raised her to be strong and outspoken as I feel like she will need to be in this world, but now I feel like I did too much and she is not liked by others. I don’t know what to do, or if I should even do anything at all and let her figure it out.

Pizza is not burnt. It’s from Prince St Pizza in Chicago and it’s their charcoal crust.

[u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry you went through this. I also had a hard time growing up and I wonder if I’m projecting my insecurities on her. I will absolutely keep working on building up her confidence and self confidence ❤️

[u/whichwitch9 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

One thing you can do is maybe look for a hobby you can sign her up for outside of school- think like dance, sports, craft classes, ect. This can be super helpful if you're worried about her socializing. Introducing herto kids outside her class while they all have something to focus on can be super helpful if there's just a toxic dynamic forming in the class.

Ask your daughter if there's anything she'd like to do or try. Even if it doesn't work socially, she could also just have fun

[u/Ancient-Egg2777 → u/whichwitch9]

I can't second this enough.  If you're in the US, see if you have a community rec center, 4-H chapter, Scouts.

And if finances are an issue, check your local library or county for events.

[u/Sudden-Tell-5872 → u/Ancient-Egg2777]

I agree, but it was girs scouts that changed my daughters life.

[u/ktimetogetawatch → u/Sudden-Tell-5872]

Guides (girl scouts) changed, if not saved, my life. Had no friends in school but in guides I developed life long friendships and learnt many life skills too.

[u/PrincessLinked → u/ktimetogetawatch]

Girl scouts helped me be more social by having to sell cookies to people and being in a group of girls during meetings. I wish my chapter did nice outings like other chapters but it was fun nonetheless

[u/salishwoman → u/Sudden-Tell-5872]

I second this a thousand times! Girl Scouts we’re the answer to a social life for my autistic girl. I even became co-leader. She went to camp every summer, was a great teacher for when working with younger scouts. Went to Washington DC when older. She is now 24 and a member of Girl Scouts for life. The three girls that were friendly to her in her years as scout are still her only real friends. They sent off to college and she would never be able to. However because she knew them for so long and scouts were nice people they are still her friends that include her.

[u/Wise_Neighborhood499 → u/Sudden-Tell-5872]

My mom put me in Girl Scouts to help me socialize. Unfortunately, it was a very clique-y affair and I remember feeling like I was intruding every time I asked the other girls for a color puffy paint. I maybe made it through 2 meetings until my mom pulled me out.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/LeatherRecord2142 → u/whichwitch9]

Yes! This! Shared experiences make it a lot easier to socialize and learn how to be in groups. At that age it isn’t always natural. You sound like a considerate, wonderful mom. Keep giving her the agency and tools she needs to figure things out and be resilient. And remember, it isn’t your job save her from negative feelings. It’s your job to help her manage her feelings as they arise. You got this!

[u/SecretAd8928 → u/whichwitch9]

This is also helpful because generally parents are allowed to observe extracurriculars compared to school which is a black box.

[u/Umklopp → u/SecretAd8928]

Yes, OP, you need to try getting her involved in some group activities AND you need to observe how she interacts with the other kids. Sometimes children need explicit guidance on how succeed socially.

[u/ButDidYouCry → u/Umklopp]

Social isolation isn't necessarily bullying or deliberate exclusion. Bullying involves targeted, harmful behavior, often repeated and involving a power imbalance. It's different from children simply choosing not to be friends with someone.

Sometimes children struggle socially because their peers find certain behaviors frustrating, unpleasant, or difficult to be around. That doesn't make the child a bad person, nor does it mean their peers are being cruel. Parents don't always see the same version of their child that other children experience, which is why observing peer interactions is so important.

Children deserve kindness, respect, and protection from bullying, but they aren't entitled to friendship. Children have social boundaries, too. They may not want to spend time with peers who make them uncomfortable, disregard their boundaries, struggle to communicate appropriately, or have difficulty engaging in reciprocal play and conversation. Friendships require mutual enjoyment, cooperation, and respect for one another's feelings. Young children are experimenting with exercising their own social autonomy when at school.

You mentioned that your child is an only child, and I think it's worth considering how much experience they have interacting with other children their own age. How often does your child have opportunities to play with peers outside of school? Do they know how to engage in reciprocal play, take turns, compromise, navigate disagreements, and recognize when another child is uncomfortable or uninterested?

[u/flying_dodo_wut → u/whichwitch9]

YEAH and also maybe if you’re worried she’s bored and/or lonely at school, you could start a cute tradition in her lunch box/snack. Like a post-card sized coloring page, a sticker book, just anything that might give her something to do (if you think she needs that) or something that lets her know you’re thinking of her

I was also this kid. I was never understood by other kids…my dad drew a new picture on my lunch bag every day, and it made me feel more confident to be alone sometimes…bc I never REALLY felt alone :)

[u/awfulanna → u/whichwitch9]

yes op, please listen to this. i was that kid too and this is something I always wish my parents did

[u/Early-Tea3960 → u/whichwitch9]

This. Get her friends that have same interests! Youre doing a good job mum! Keep it up!

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[u/mustachedworm369 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Hi OP! I was your little girl as well. I'm in my early 30s now and am the most comfortbale alone. There's obviously some other stuff (ie trauma) that impacts this and things I certainly need to work on...but I've always been a bit of a loner.

I cannot reccomend Taekwondo enough, truly. It is by and large a solo sport, helps with self confidance, disclipine, and respect. The "forms" you learn were my favorite part and I was a junior black belt at 13. Plus, it's pretty damn cool to be a girl and say nope I don't play soccer, I do taekwando and break wooden boards!

[u/Sure_Tree_5042 → u/mustachedworm369]

I did aikido for a decade as an adult… and was just thinking… put this kid in martial arts.

[u/frobscottler → u/Sure_Tree_5042]

Aikido is awesome, and strictly non-competitive but very cooperative

[u/SverreSR → u/mustachedworm369]

My nine year old daughter loves taekwondo! She loves the sport, but also the other kids. The girls in her group are great. Sweet, playful, determined, not afraid to speak their mind and very accepting of her.

It is a solo sport, but they also have to work together when they train. Which makes it such a good fit for my daughter. The teachers also teach about boundaries, respect, standing up for yourself and safety.

[u/SymbioticSwitch → u/mustachedworm369]

Absolutely seconding this! Another loner girl who did play soccer (and was singled out as the weird one there) but went into martial arts and loved it. I want to go back, or find another solo sport to continue with, it's absolutely so freeing and builds confidence! 

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[u/jorts-grew-longer → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

I had a few friends growing up, but I always felt lonely because my parents wanted me to be more social than I’m inclined to be. I still feel guilty when I’m alone, or when I want to go out alone. I agree with their advice.

[u/SuperSandLesbian23 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Idk how rough and tumble she is, but I was (still am lol) a little tom boy and the only activities I enjoyed was karate and swimming. My mom found a local team my age division and I had to much fun as a Litchfield Lagardos, and I didn't have to socialize much with other kids which was great I found one other weird girl like me and she became one of 3 girls I considered friends so it was nice. And since I was already a super anxious child the swimming was a great stress reduction activity, and since it was something I was actually good at I started placing 1st in almost every event at our meets so it gave me confidence in myself and kept me strong. I never was bullied, but being stronger kept any wannabe bullies away from me, they were content ignoring me and that's all I cared about and it wasn't so bad I sat in the library every day for lunch and the librarian was nice to me. I hope your daughter finds something she loves ❤️ I was the older sibling and my brother is more on the spectrum that I am so while I could isolate he was tiny and could not and there were times I had to go threaten the little bastards with ending their existence if they didn't leave my brother alone lol.

Best of luck sweetie, 👍 tell your daughter to never dull her sparkle for those wet noodles ✨️

[u/TheSirensMaiden → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

While I did have friends in school, I was very much a loner child by choice. I loved reading books, drawing, and writing stories and recess was the perfect time to indulge in those hobbies. I'm so sorry your kid is going through this, but maybe you can interest her in these kinds of hobbies that she can enjoy when she's left on her own at school. There's so many wonderful book series she could get into and there's something inspiring about a brand new notebook with special pencils to go with it. My mother always indulged my hobbies so long as my grades were good and I appreciate that about her because she really encouraged the growth of my personality.

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