My husband makes me feel like I ruined his life.

[u/Ecstatic-Book-6568]

A year and a half ago my husband and I moved to a new state for an educational opportunity for him. He quit his old job thinking he would find a new one. Well, 1.5 years later and he is still jobless and has been unable to continue the education due to financial constraints. I’ve been working my remote job the whole time and financially supporting us both but it is draining our savings fast.

He managed to get a part time job that paid up to 1500 a month. I was happy for him but still had to go take a walk and cry because that still barely touches our bills and that job had no career progression.

That’s when I suggested we move back home. I could get an even better paying job back home with a good sign on bonus and he could go back to his old workplace. He rejected this because he hates our old state. He suggested he join the military. He asked me what I wanted him to do. I said idk, I just want financial stability. So, he decided to do the military.

He is enlisting Friday. I can tell he is depressed. I encouraged therapy but he rejected this option. I again suggested we move back home, rejected. He said that he feels like I am sending him to an active war zone to die in exchange for financial stability. This was said to me half an hour before work. I began crying and he said this is why he doesn’t share stuff with me, it makes him feel like an asshole. I am so hopeless for the future now. I don’t know what to do. I feel like he will be so depressed in the military. What else can he do? He is 30 and hasn’t figured out a career yet and hasn’t found a job in a year and a half.

[u/trendingtattler]

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[u/cowboythesis]

Sorry, he said that he feels like YOU'RE sending him to an active war zone when HE suggested and voluntarily joined the military rather than taking your suggestion? I'm sorry but that is ridiculous and he is trying to get out of taking responsibility for his own life

[u/res06myi → u/cowboythesis]

Once again, a man blaming a woman for his own failures. The woman who supported his deadbeat ass no less!

[u/sunqueen73 → u/res06myi]

And if he were ever to get out of this slump and make a success of himself, he will leave OP for a newer model, who only sees him as successful because she never knew him during his struggles.

OP is better without this burden.

[u/Maximum_Anything5582 → u/sunqueen73]

Yes throw him away and move back home OP!

[u/petitputi → u/Maximum_Anything5582]

Yes money and a good life > a loser

[u/Em_Strae → u/res06myi]

Yup, a woman just tends to hold a baby-man accountable to their actions, often times very belated. But baby-men cannot ever accept such a reality check from a woman. Not even a woman they say they love. In fact, I think it is especially from the women they say they love. It boils down to domination. But, like, the way a toddler tries to dominate over their parent. I mention this because I have a son who was once a toddler. I've noticed patterns I now can never unsee in those adults around me who act like this.

The similarities between toddler behavior and baby-man behavior are disturbingly similar, at least to me. It's why I use the term "baby-man," because I noticed they use the same manipulation as my toddler child did.

Toddlers love to blame mom for things that often times was the child's own doing. Toddlers can make no sense about why they are upset, and they have a hard time sorting through and self-regulating their own feelings. Hence the tantrums and meltdowns - they have a deficit in working through emotions and verbalizing their feelings because their brains are still developing. Toddler's will pick something and end up not liking it, but struggle to acknowledge they made the choice and instead may lash our at mom, when all she had done was getting them what they had asked for.

Difference is, I can accept that kind of shit from a toddler, because they are a freaking toddler! But from an adult man? EFFFFF. NO.

But yeah, after raising my own, and dating too many baby-men along the way, I seriously now wonder if this is just how a lot of dudes were raised by their moms. Like, if they were allowed to be little cop-outs liars their whole lives growing up, well past the toddler years, and that that's just conditioned into their brains. They can give nonsense excuses to mom and she'll always eat it up. So why wouldn't they assume they can give nonsense excuses to their wife, and that she'll eat it all up forever too?

And when she doesn't? Hello problems.

[u/BullsYeet → u/Em_Strae]

This is described in a book called How to Deal With Emotionally Immature People. The author describes emotionally immature people cannot see a relationship between their actions and what happens next. So to them, life is just a series of things that happened to them. It is why they have a victim mindset most of the time as well. They truly believe they are powerless because they don’t understand cause and effect

[u/Wooden_Jellyfish_400 → u/BullsYeet]

🤯 Okay, I just learned a phrasing for my ex-husband‘s view of his life.

[u/res06myi → u/BullsYeet]

Learned helplessness, but weaponized.

[u/asula_mez → u/Em_Strae]

lol it’s literally like this then? 😂

[u/ChesapeakeNettle → u/Em_Strae]

if this is just how a lot of dudes were raised by their moms.

Don't forget to include dads in that. Parents are equally responsible for the humans they put out into the world.

[u/lissybeau → u/res06myi]

Once again a man who would rather go to war than go to therapy.

[u/Kitchen-Courage80 → u/lissybeau]

Literally choosing potential death over acknowledging their part in the problem and learning to change. SMH

[u/lissybeau → u/Kitchen-Courage80]

Avoiding accountability is their version of choosing the bear.

[u/Outside_Cartoonist36 → u/lissybeau]

Holy accurate. I will be using this. Would a man rather go to war or work out his problems with a woman? Then see how their backwards logic works when they inevitably pick war.

[u/katzen_mutter → u/Kitchen-Courage80]

I think that they might be looking for their partner to beg them not too and to and say please, please, don’t do it, I love you and I was wrong. Reminds me of the movie Christmas Story, the scene where Ralphy is pretending he is blind because of his parents making him put soap in his mouth for swearing, his parents asking him what brought him to this “lowly existence?”…… It was “soap poisoning.”

[u/Electrical_Layer_546 → u/lissybeau]

It’s crazy, but it’s so true.

[u/kennedigurl → u/lissybeau]

https://giphy.com/gifs/knDUXatdqlQeQ

[u/possumcounty → u/cowboythesis]

Don't forget this is all after moving to a new state *for an opportunity FOR HIM*.

OP, bestie, what has this man contributed to your life? Is he worth the military lifestyle? Worth the conversations like this morning?

[u/-HyperCrafts- → u/possumcounty]

He'll be gone a lot. She'll discover she likes being without him. The military murdered my Very Healthy Relationship. I can't imagine it would treat this one more kindly.

[u/veggie_weggie → u/possumcounty]

To add to this, his comment about you “making him” join the military is enough to bring up separation. Frame it for his benefit, you don’t want to make him feel that way so he can be free to do what’s best for himself. When he cries that you don’t care about him because he’ll realize he’s losing his sugar momma, maid (just assuming his unemployed a** also doesn’t do housework), and free emotional support, let him try to come up with a solution. When he doesn’t, cut your losses and move back to a place you can get a better job and start taking care of yourself.

[u/plumeTheory → u/veggie_weggie]

Or just let him join the military if that's what he wants. It's out of your hands whatever he decides to do.

Once he's officially enlisted, you can then pack up YOUR stuff only and move back home like YOU want and get a better job.

Have his stuff put in storage in the city he loves so much and doesn't want to leave. Pay the storage fee for one month in advance, send him the details of where his shit is stored and wash your hands of this loser.

File for divorce and live happily ever after! Don't file for divorce until he's employed somewhere or in the military or else you might be forced to pay him alimony since you've been the sole breadwinner for so long.

[u/christmasshopper0109 → u/plumeTheory]

This is exactly to a T what I would do. Thanks for typing it all out for me!!!!

[u/Morella_xx → u/possumcounty]

The opportunity for an opportunity, more like.

[u/GreyerGrey → u/Morella_xx]

End stage MLMs have more opportunities.

[u/TrendySpork → u/cowboythesis]

That's probably pinnacle tantrum throwing too.

"I don't want to, so I'm gonna go die! Wah!"

He's like a toddler with an overactive imagination.

[u/biscuitboi967 → u/cowboythesis]

Imagine hating your home state so much that you think the military will have better location preferences.

What a dipshit

[u/Monkeymom → u/biscuitboi967]

I gotta know which state it is.

[u/I_eat_paper12 → u/Monkeymom]

Gonna be funny if he completes basic and school, then gets stationed in their home state 😁

[u/Holiday_Regular9794 → u/I_eat_paper12]

😂😂😂😂🙃😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[u/thedonnerparty13 → u/Monkeymom]

I was going to suggest a red state .. but I can’t imagine anyone right now joining the military who’s not in support of the current us government.

[u/elbenji → u/thedonnerparty13]

I know a few but all of them are pretty desperate for one reason or another

[u/parasyte_steve → u/Monkeymom]

I'm from Staten Island and tbh I might prefer an active warzone over that.

[u/Void_Tea_Rex → u/biscuitboi967]

Really depends on the branch he is enlisting with. My first base out of tech school was in Germany, which was cool. Then I got hit with a move to Texas. Not so cool. Now I'm in California and loving it. She should 110% divorce him though. The benefits are not going to outweigh being married to someone who resents her.

[u/SecondFun221 → u/Void_Tea_Rex]

Wait until he signs on. That way she can atleast get benefits if they are married. Then leave him. Keep the benefits.

[u/elbenji → u/biscuitboi967]

This is absolutely emotional manipulation and he is being a total jackass

But like.

Ngl, military probably sounds much nicer than Idaho, Oklahoma or Alabama for my brown queer ass. But unless OPs husband is a black man from the Idaho peninsula, the absolute gall.

[u/SheServedToo → u/elbenji]

I’m a vet and I work with a lot of military and veterans. Hate to break it to you, but there isn’t a state worse than the military right now for anyone who isn’t a straight white man.

[u/elbenji → u/SheServedToo]

Yeah that was kinda my point lol. Also a military brat.

[u/SheServedToo → u/elbenji]

Sorry, I read that totally wrong.

You are spot on about the manipulation too!

[u/BananaramaSummertime → u/elbenji]

Oof, there are military bases in all those states so you can have the worst of both worlds.

[u/itsjydenotjade → u/biscuitboi967]

I think it’s more than that. I think he is embarrassed to go back to his home state after things didn’t work out.

[u/yeetedhaws → u/cowboythesis]

Dont forget its also her fault that she makes him feel bad for sharing things. He lacks accountability and has been using her job and savings for stability yet hates having to contribute or find a reasonable solution (like the one she proposed without his help thinking about it). Sounds like her life is the one being ruined lmao

[u/Nosfermarki → u/yeetedhaws]

It irritates the shit out of me when people whine about "not being able to share feelings" when their "feeling" is "I feel like you're cheating on me" or "I feel like you want me to die". Those aren't emotions! Those are accusations! They're not "feelings" and asking someone to stop launching baseless and insulting accusations isn't saying you're "not allowed to talk about your feelings"!

[u/melropesplays → u/cowboythesis]

Yeaaah OP… yall moved for HIS continued education, HE can’t land a job, you’re supporting both of you and you’ve made rational suggestions HE declines, HE decides to enlist and somehow it’s all your fault? Pls take this as a sign to leave

[u/occidentallyinlove → u/cowboythesis]

He wanted to hear 'It's okay, honey, just hang out at home and I'll take care of everything'. If I were OP I would be moving home on my own, but that's me.

[u/No-Yak-5421 → u/occidentallyinlove]

Same. Move back home & let him deal with the military.

[u/kitsune429 → u/occidentallyinlove]

He’s going to be gone for so long and then after he’s out who knows where he’ll get stationed at. OP should just move home where she’ll have more support. She’s taking care of a child at this point.

[u/ZombieSharkRobot → u/cowboythesis]

Agreed, this is wiiiiiild.

You didn't even suggest the military OP.

This isn't all happening to him. He is making active choices.

Also, it sounds like what he's doing is threatening to join the military so you tell him not to and he can continue to act selfish guilt free.

This guy suuuuuucks.

[u/ZombieSharkRobot → u/ZombieSharkRobot]

Also, I'm sure his fellow enlisted are going to be thrilled listening to him whine his way through this story over and over.

[u/armorall43 → u/cowboythesis]

For an aimless loser like this, the military might be the best thing for him. Maybe some structure and responsibility will help sort him out.

That said, OP does not have to and absolutely should not stick around for this manipulative man baby. Cut him loose and hope he gets his life together.

[u/Catlady_Pilates → u/armorall43]

Or it will make him even more misogynistic and abusive. The military is extremely toxic. She should get out.

[u/disasterous_fjord → u/Catlady_Pilates]

Exactly. It might be good for his career trajectory but terrible for OP.

[u/twistedspin → u/armorall43]

I don't think he ever planned on actually joining the military. He thought she was going to say no because that does sound pretty awful at this point, but he was ignoring the fact that he had given her no other way to avoid homelessness with his other demands.

He thought in every discussion after this, he'd be able to say "We HAVE to stay here, hey, I would have joined the military but you picked this instead". She surprised him and now he's trying to get her to say she was wrong. If she doesn't change her mind, I truly doubt that he goes through with this. He just doesn't sound like the self-sacrificing type.

[u/too_much_mascara → u/armorall43]

Yeah but he sounds so much like my entitled narc ex. He won’t get off his ass. Why would he when nothing is forcing him to? A little guilt gets his rent paid.

[u/diosmiotio18 → u/cowboythesis]

For real. Working at target with max hours they’d let you is an option. Working at your local coffee shop is an option. Working at lululemon or some other part time that actually offer benefits is an amazing option!

How come the choice is between the $1500 part time and nothing else, or going to war??

[u/Shiel009 → u/cowboythesis]

Just wait till he finds out he will be stationed in the middle of nowhere USA. Nothing is more exciting than a military base with nothing to do

[u/My3Pros2 → u/Shiel009]

Or better yet, the state he’s trying to avoid going back to! 😂

[u/Euphoric_Beat_7885 → u/cowboythesis]

I’m also hearing moving back to his home state where there’s better financial prospects is a worst option than shipping off to die in a war zone?!?!

OP’s husband doesn’t sound well, which I’m sorry for and he’s refusing help. He’s blaming his wife for how things pan out… which sounds inline with someone needing mental health support, but see refusing. It’s a crap cycle.

You didn’t ruin anyone’s life OP! He needs to take ownership.

[u/Aggressive_Start_ → u/cowboythesis]

Also he sounds insufferable to be married to

[u/Successful-Doubt5478 → u/cowboythesis]

Fucking manipulative man child.

TWO times he has made the decisions, still blames his very own decisions on her.

OP: he is no martyr till he is dead, and since he isnt sacrificing himself for god (is he leaving to kill little Iranian school girls and first responders by double tapping?) But he sure acts like a martyr..

Please send him back to his parents for 20 more years.

[u/Purple-Sister3971 → u/Successful-Doubt5478]

It took me a minute to figure out what you meant but I think the word you’re looking for is martyr.

[u/ambivalent_moon]

Your husband is being childish. The opportunity he hoped for didnt materialize, he has to accept that and take responsibility for his choices. You are not forcing him into the armed forces, he is using you as a scapegoat.

Honestly, I would not put up with a man like this. You take care of him and he’s still a resentful little bitch? Kick him to the curb lol

[u/ZookeepergameSoft358 → u/ambivalent_moon]

He’s 30. You gave him 18 months to either get the education or a job. You should do what’s best for you as a single person. He needs to get himself together as an adult and stipe being a drain on you. Find one that’s already grown.

[u/moonlight-dreamer-09 → u/ambivalent_moon]

I think is a manipulation tactic for her to "beg" him to not go so he can keep being a leech, cause the alternative is him "dying in an active war zone" 🤦‍♀️

[u/Imaginary_Chip_3470 → u/ambivalent_moon]

https://giphy.com/gifs/dcJinHQTGlcabfzTbV

[u/baleful-hatchet]

First off, you’re not making him do anything, he chose to enlist. He’s being childish for putting the blame on you for choices he’s made. He can absolutely move back to your old state but he’s whining and crying that he can’t because he doesn’t like it? Tough shit, enlisting is worse trust me. He’s depressed and blaming you for it all now before he’s even shipped off, I promise you he’s not going to get better when he’s in and actually stuck there in a contract he signed. I’m sorry you’re married to a man child that can’t take accountability for his decisions.

[u/awwsome10 → u/baleful-hatchet]

He is going to hate wherever the military sends him even more.

[u/baleful-hatchet → u/awwsome10]

Exactly, duty stations are almost never in nice places haha

[u/-HyperCrafts- → u/baleful-hatchet]

I'm praying he gets sent to Lawton.

[u/banana_butterfly → u/awwsome10]

And he's enlisting, too. At best he'll start as an E4, assuming he has a college degree, but with 0 time in service his pay will be shit. He might be able to do a split option and go to OCS, but even an O1 with no time in service doesn't pay much. And he'll have people younger than him ordering him around. This decision seems like a disaster.

[u/JenninMiami]

Here’s my guess, being a totally unbiased outsider looking in…

He’s manipulating the shit out of you because he doesn’t want to work. He refuses to move home and get his job back, but you’re sending him to war? Did I get that right? Let me guess, if you tell him that you’ll continue supporting him financially, he won’t enlist, right?

Call that loser’s bluff. Let him enlist, and while he’s there, make your plans to move home and call a divorce attorney too. Seriously, fuck that guy.

[u/Mother-Pattern-2609 → u/JenninMiami]

I actually doubt it's this, speaking as someone who went through something very similar with a similar-sounding man (from whom I am now happily divorced).

My ex was certain he'd be a rock star in his chosen field. Certain. 100%. Problem is his chosen field is incredibly competitive and building a career requires a whole lot more legwork than just getting a certification, applying for jobs and hanging around waiting for calls.

The calls did not come. He had to take other jobs, which he hated, so we could pay bills. I was working too but he began to ferociously resent me for "making him" do work he considered beneath him to support our household, and I came to realize much later that he actually resented me because he felt like a failure and I was a witness to it.

Men who perceive themselves as failures are capable of figuring out a million awful ways to make their partners miserable.

[u/Lisylis → u/Mother-Pattern-2609]

I absolutely think it's this. He's looking for reasons it's OPs fault because his own decisions have landed him in a bad situation and he can't deal with that

[u/Successful-Doubt5478 → u/Mother-Pattern-2609]

Lived this.

All jobs were beneath him.

But, evrn ehen he got one that was.well paid, high status and good benefits he tried to wiggle out of it, do as little as possible, dlerp in, arrive late,,not use the working hours and leave early.

He qaa let go, and it was 109% his fault.

[u/ourobourobouros → u/JenninMiami]

This. He doesn't want to work and he's trying to maneuver OP into thinking military is his only option and then hoping she'll cave and beg him not to go.

[u/formtuv → u/ourobourobouros]

He’s never , ever going to enlist. EVER.

[u/missseldon → u/JenninMiami]

"You want me to work? FINE, I'LL JUST GO AND DIE THEN!"

[u/OriginalChildBomb → u/JenninMiami]

Please don't wait until he comes back from enlistment with even more issues and an attitude problem. All this man is doing is making you miserable, making shitty choices and then somehow convincing everyone that it's on you, including you.

You deserve so much better than this, OP, please see the light.

[u/Technical_Dream2743 → u/JenninMiami]

Tbh same, i have the feeling that this guy just does not want to work (or at least not anything else than his dream job) and punishes OP for his decision to enlist, which he did because he was worried that she might be too close to ditch him after already talking about more life changing solutions like moving back. Now he will pull the military and war zone argument to torment her emotionally untill she folds and tells him to rather not work than to be "mentally destroyed by work".

[u/pinkcloudsonmars]

Girl, is this what you want your whole lifestyle to be? Military life is really hard - lots of moving, training, he'll be gone a lot. It's really, really, rough on a spouse.

[u/trottingturtles → u/pinkcloudsonmars]

I don't think he's really going to enlist tbh. Sounds a lot more like a ridiculous attempt at getting OP to cave in and be like "oh no I'd rather stay financially insecure than let you enlist, nvm nothing needs to change"

[u/tinygiggs → u/trottingturtles]

Yes, I agree. This is a manipulation tactic where she gets to choose between the two options he is providing and she will choose the status quo, never mind that the option she provided was thrown out entirely.

[u/Appropriate-Goat6311 → u/trottingturtles]

Right. “Let me take care of all the bills while you…. “ whatever. How depressing.

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/trottingturtles]

Yeah, there’s no yeah there’s no way he’d rather go to an active war zone than back to his old state if he’s not into that sort of thing. His just doing this to be manipulative and try to guilt trip her.

[u/Able-Long-2702 → u/pinkcloudsonmars]

Honestly sounds like him being gone a lot would be nice for OP considering his attitude

[u/KittyKatCatCat → u/Able-Long-2702]

She can move back home without him! 🩷

[u/United_Button2644 → u/pinkcloudsonmars]

Thiiiss!!!! And the foundation ain’t strong with them to begin with. This has military divorce written all over it.

[u/Smooth_Contact_2957 → u/pinkcloudsonmars]

He has to make it through Bootcamp. Not everybody makes it. (Source: I'm a female veteran, I watched a few people in my unit wash out, quit, or get injured.)

But it he makes it through and graduates? Then yes. This question. Is this what OP wants.

[u/randomrox → u/Smooth_Contact_2957]

I don’t see him being able to handle boot camp; he’s whining too much already, and the instructors aren’t going to let him cry on their shoulders about how mean OP was to him.

If he actually survives the experience? He’s likely to file for divorce or cheat. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who wants to make his wife’s situation better.

[u/Ingawolfie → u/pinkcloudsonmars]

Especially now that leadership is so bad. Poor leadership in the military has always been a problem but now it’s exponentially worse. I’m retired military and now telling everyone to GET OUT NOW. so brace yourself for trading the frying pan for the fire.

[u/Outside-Ice-5665 → u/pinkcloudsonmars]

And he will resent you for every day of it, because he made this decision.
By any metric you have given this is not a person to stay married to.

[u/syddraee → u/pinkcloudsonmars]

Well if this is his attitude now I can’t imagine what bootcamp will be like for him…he’s in for a rude awakening.

[u/Sapphyria]

You ruined his life?

Your husband:

• Moved the household for HIS educational opportunity
• Has been jobless for 1.5 years (that's a fuckin' choice at this point)
• Isn't continuing with his education because no job
• Has been relying on you this whole time
• Refuses to move back home so you can get a better job and he can get his old job back
• Suggested HE HIMSELF join the military
• Joins said military that he suggested he do
• Refuses therapy
• Accuses you of sending him into a warzone that HE SUGGESTED FOR HIMSELF
• Is upset because you have emotions

I don't know what you should do but I'll tell you what I did. I left. Literally, I feel like this post is cribbed from my life 30 years ago. The only thing missing is two small children who didn't deserve to experience the chaos of their manchild father and his bullshit. Seriously, please leave. Let him deal with his own problems instead of dragging you down.

[u/QuietWalk2505 → u/Sapphyria]

He is manipulating you

[u/Sad-Bird-9151]

So he would prefer an active warzone to the state you guys are from??

[u/alaskaroze → u/Sad-Bird-9151]

Hes so dramatic for that omg

[u/parasyte_steve → u/Sad-Bird-9151]

Yeah how is she sending him to the military when that's what HE chose?

There are tons of other options. If he wants to only go away half the year have him apply to be a deck hand on a ship. They make like easily 100-300$ a day depending where you are.

[u/Humble-Plankton2217 → u/parasyte_steve]

It almost seems like he intentionally chose the thing that he thought could make her feel the most guilty.

At least he isn't trying to be a SAHCD or something like that - Stay At Home Cat Dad

[u/Holiday_Regular9794 → u/parasyte_steve]

I smell Gas….lighting! Dude is so full of it

[u/TrillBunnies → u/Sad-Bird-9151]

This. He could literally move back, hopefully re-join his old company, become financially stable, wife could make more money. But noooooo, he’d rather just join the military and fear death than to just move back home. How bizarre.

[u/Purple-Sister3971 → u/TrillBunnies]

Even being uncharitable and assuming that what he wants is something to hang over OP’s head, he claims he’ll be miserable moving back home so that can still give him what he wants. He’s such a drama king.

[u/HavenHeks]

You uprooted your life for his benefit, that didn't work out and he doesn't appear to have any plans or a determination to improve the situation. You gave him a variety of other options and he CHOSE to enlist in the military. Not one bit of this was your choosing, so how is it your fault? He is 30 years old, not a kid. It's way past time for him to grow up. Sounds like he is about to live with the consequences of his choices. Ten bucks says he washes out of basic training.

[u/Remote-Bake691 → u/HavenHeks]

Honestly basic might do this man some good 🤣

[u/occidentallyinlove → u/Remote-Bake691]

If he actually signs up, but I think we all know he's not going to go through with it.

[u/Leggy-Naggy]

Aside from what others have said about taking responsibility and stuff, I am struck by the notion that a severely depressed guy is joining the military, a line of work where one trains to use weapons. Is that a good combo?

[u/1ReluctantRedditor → u/Leggy-Naggy]

We are about to televise the execution of someone who enlisted with serious mental health issues.

So....

[u/TooRight2021 → u/1ReluctantRedditor]

The only surprise there was him not making it a pay-per-view event, but give it time, because you know he will. So gross.

[u/Leggy-Naggy → u/1ReluctantRedditor]

Point well taken, and taking my already gloomy mood down. But yes...

[u/1ReluctantRedditor → u/Leggy-Naggy]

Welcome to the literal bottom. This is the worst timeline.

https://giphy.com/gifs/26ufgBoqQDG066mPu

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/1ReluctantRedditor]

I want Carrie Fisher, Bowie, Prince, and Alan Rickman back. Death can have the Paul brothers, the entire federal government (not the rank and file workers), and every billionaire.

[u/1ReluctantRedditor → u/Hesitation-Marx]

I agree with you, but I want them to march back to us following the clarion call of Dolly.

[u/Leggy-Naggy → u/Hesitation-Marx]

Add Dolly Parton and offer whatever living tissue is left of Mitch McConnell in exchange.

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/Leggy-Naggy]

We’d have to add her husband, too - she kind of gave up on life when she lost him.

Can’t blame her. I would too.

[u/_stallionandthebee → u/Leggy-Naggy]

He still has to talk to a recruiter, take the ASVAB, get medical clearance/physical (which includes a mental health questionnaire), leave date, boot camp, training, then duty station assignment.

I doubt he'll make it through all of that, tbh.

[u/WhatARuffian → u/_stallionandthebee]

Honestly I doubt it at well. This all just feels like a ploy from him to bring drama so she won’t leave him or something.

“Oh woe is me, I have no other options-“
What about we move home?
“-NO OTHER OPTIONS than to go prostrate myself in an active war zone and hope I shan’t perish!”

[u/Sorrow-and-Solitude]

Read that last paragraph like your best friend sent it to you and think about what you would tell her. He sounds kind like an angry dead weight. Do you have kids? Do you really need to keep him around?

Edit: thanks for the awards! Everyone should take this advice I stole years ago from an older lady while I was trying to convince myself to drop that dusty mannnnn (I did)

[u/ChesapeakeNettle → u/Sorrow-and-Solitude]

Read that last paragraph like your best friend sent it to you and think about what you would tell her.

This advice should be pinned to the top of the sub.

[u/Sorrow-and-Solitude → u/ChesapeakeNettle]

Thank you. Wish I could take credit for it but I had an older woman tell me that when I was considering a break up and it really did a lot for my processing because no way would I be cool with my best friend being treated the way I was at the time 

[u/missseldon]

Your husband feels like an asshole because he is. I suspect he has rejected every alternative you've given him because he wants you to just say "don't worry, dear - stay home twiddling your thumbs forever and I'll take care of everything". Since you didn't, now he is cranking up the theatrics and the drama with FINE, I'LL JUST GO AND DIE THEN.

I supported a (now ex) husband not unlike yours when we both left our jobs to move to another country and I started freelancing straight away. It was going to be temporary. Then he was depressed. Then he really couldn't face looking for a job. Then he was going to be a househusband (he wasn't). Then he didn't know what to do. Then he wanted to go back to uni at the ripe age of 52 to study architecture, which in our country is a 7-year long commitment as a minimum. In between, meltdowns and arguments and tears and drama and flip-flopping between guilt for burdening me endlessly and lashing out for my "unreasonable expectations" (find any kind of job, don't treat me like crap). He ended up utterly dependent on me in every way while also abusing me in several ways. He lived like he was retired (but relying on me) for 7 years. Never even looked for a job, wouldn't even apply to the remote, well paid jobs I often sent him. Last year we got divorced and I helped him getting a state pension. He's still not working nor planning to. Don't be me.

[u/sydcrux14]

The military is a huge commitment…are you both sure this is the right choice for you and your family?

[u/biscuitboi967 → u/sydcrux14]

The right choice was to move back to their original state.

But she called his bluff, and he signed up for the military instead of a) getting a full time job or b) moving to a place she could make more money and he could resume his former career.

It’s goddamn ridiculous, but somehow this was his “best choice”.

[u/kombitcha420 → u/biscuitboi967]

Cause this is his way of throwing a tantrum

[u/Jinniblack → u/kombitcha420]

MANtrum

[u/RogueJosei → u/Jinniblack]

BOYtrum

[u/res06myi → u/biscuitboi967]

I'll bet if he'd been the best fucking house husband ever, she wouldn't even have complained about carrying the financial burden. If the house was always clean, meals were always cooked, and he appreciated and adored her, everything would've been so much more bearable. Thank god they don't have kids.

[u/biscuitboi967 → u/res06myi]

I fucking LOVED having a house husband. He meal prepped so I could “pretend” to cook like those tv chefs who just threw precut veggies in a pan. He had shit organized and at the ready. I forgot my computer fob at home on a business trip, and he sat by the phone at odd hours to read it to me so I could log in.

He hated it and went right back to work :)

[u/res06myi → u/biscuitboi967]

My partner's greatest dream in life is to be a house husband. He's a great cook, loves to garden, can competently keep a home tidy, though cleanliness is his weakest point, has an incredible eye for interior design, and handles all our auto and home repair needs. He's also a musician who helps tend our hundreds of house plants. If I made enough to fully financially support us, we'd both be living our best lives.

My ex husband and I had an understood, unspoken agreement that during periods where one of us wasn't working, that person's job became house spouse. But he hated it. He was never unemployed for long because it was such a miserable chore for him. He's an ex for a reason.

[u/hyacinthqueen → u/biscuitboi967]

Honestly, his response is making me question whether he COULD go back to his old job. Maybe OP doesn’t know that they wouldn’t have him back again. An inability to get positive references would also explain his job search difficulties.

[u/Yellow_Blue_Jet → u/biscuitboi967]

And also somehow her fault

[u/killamobillax → u/sydcrux14]

She’s already expressed that he didn’t need to take this option, so it seems clear she understands this commitment. He’s the one that made the decision.

[u/megaholt2 → u/killamobillax]

Exactly. u/Ecstatic-Book-6568, you offered up multiple solutions for him, and he STILL SHOT THOSE OPTIONS DOWN for no good reason whatsoever. If he doesn’t want to enlist, he has other options available, as you’ve already told him before. He can pout and cry and bitch all he wants, but HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS MAKING HIMSELF ENLIST IN THE MILITARY.

Not you.

HIM. HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS SUGGESTING THE MILITARY, AND THE ONLY ONE WHO IS MAKING HIM ENLIST IN IT.

He can’t pin this shit on you, no matter how hard he tries. This is all him.

[u/28zerosix42twelve]

Girl, let him join the military and move back to your state, his mindset on this is WILD.

[u/1ReluctantRedditor]

So let me make sure I understand.

• You moved because of him
• He somehow can't find any decent job in 18 months?
• He decided to join the military
• He then blamed you for "sending him to dieeeeee"
• He then blamed you for crying when he blamed you and used that to justify why he doesn't communicate.

Girl. I'm going to assume generously that this guy isn't the total zero that he seems like here, but can we agree that he is seriously not okay right now and not datable?

[u/Icy-Yellow3514 → u/1ReluctantRedditor]

Feels like him shipping off to the military isn't the worst idea. It's not like he's adding much to the relationship outside of blame and refusal to compromise.

Unfortunately OP has past the dating stage (or presumably, since she referred to him as her husband).

[u/1ReluctantRedditor → u/Icy-Yellow3514]

For her? I agree.

For his fellow soldiers and future humans he interacts with? I'm not sure training him to kill is really gonna go great, as someone else pointed out.

[u/ohgoditsfullofstars]

Babe, did you know you don't have to stay married to this person? And tbh, enlisting in the military at 30 under this administration, I am sorry, but your husband is absolutely not a smart man.

He is dead weight.

[u/biscuitboi967]

He probably spent the whole week waiting for you to call his bluff and tell him he doesn’t have to enlist.

He’s now getting scared because in 2 days he actually has to do something.

You should tell him he doesn’t have to enlist on Friday, but either way he is getting in the car. He’s either going to the recruitment office or he’s going back home with you.

Actually, fuck it, YOU are getting in a car. He can go or stay. Doesn’t matter. His back up plan will be going away to the army, right?

Sign your new job offer. Take your signing bonus. Move where you want. He’s dead weight. He can live for free off of you wherever you are. He can enlist from any city if he hates it there and “travel the world”.

You moved for his education, which is not happening. He has to move for you now. And I don’t really care if he “hates” his old state because you know who doesn’t care if he likes whatever “shithole” city, state, or country he is stationed in? The army. So you are just conditioning him to that army mentality.

[u/Celestial_Duckie]

HE suggested he join the military. HE would rather join the military than move back to your home state. It is not a crime to want financial stability, and he is the one who made the decision that that stability requires he join the military. You are not sending him off to war. He is doing that to himself to avoid moving back home.

It's fucking hard out here for so many of us. Y'all took a risk on this educational opportunity and it didn't work out. It's not all on you that he's struggling. He has other options available that he is turning down. At best, he feels guilty and lesser than for having failed to do better, so he's trying to make you feel bad so he doesn't have to feel so bad. That's not fair to you.

[u/Star_Witness26]

You know what? It’s time to take control of your life, kid.

Tell him he can do what he wants, because he will anyway.

YOU are going to move back to your home state.

YOU are going to get into therapy to figure out WTF is going on with yourself.

His choices are his own, since he can’t collaboratively problem solve without treating you like absolute shit.

Tell him that if he wants to enlist in the military, it’s his call. You’re going to leave and go do what you need to do to have the life you want.

[u/nothishomeland]

Just move back home and start moving as if you’re single. File for divorce. He’s gonna come out of the military even more fucked up and even more depressed and it won’t be pretty. Save yourself the grief.

[u/cinnamonoblivion → u/nothishomeland]

Seriously. And not to be dramatic, but of all the things a husband might resent a wife for, someone resenting me for “making them join the military” would have me fearing for my safety.

[u/nothishomeland → u/cinnamonoblivion]

Not being dramatic. My best friend is a military officer and he specifically warns all his female friends and family members not to date men in the military because of how common rape and domestic violence is among his recruits. 

[u/LavenderDream222]

Aside from what everyone else here has stated….he sounds like a big baby. An active war zone? Joining the military doesn’t guarantee he’ll be sent out there. He’s being dramatic to make you feel bad for him. 🙄

[u/No_Contribution1747]

Girl, go home. You both are so unhappy. Ho find your happiness. Edit: Go* oops

[u/uselesskuhnt → u/No_Contribution1747]

*Ho, find your happiness.

[u/Prior_Butterfly_7839]

How much do either of y’all know about the military? This is such a poor choice on his part.

[u/wyscracker]

Wait. HE quit his job. HE didn’t line another one up. HE moved the two of you away from home. HE won’t move back. HE doesn’t want his old job. HE didn’t listen to you and HE joined the military. But somehow it’s YOU sending him to an active war zone??

[u/Lychanthropejumprope]

He does know the military moves you wherever the hell they want you to go? He didn’t want to go back home but he’s at the will of the military. He could be in Georgia, Washington state, North Carolina, fucking overseas. He could hate some or all.

I dunno. Best of luck to him and you

[u/LostButterflyUtau → u/Lychanthropejumprope]

And not only that, some of the OCONUS tours are restricted. So he could be spending a year in the middle of bumfuck nowhere overseas in the barracks with people 10-15 years younger.

Not to mention some of the CONUS bases are also in the middle of nowhere where it’s a 45min-1hr drive just to go into town.

Source: My brother is in the military. But you also can’t middle of nowhere him hard enough. As long as he has a laptop and can go to the gym, he’s good.

[u/nenajoy → u/Lychanthropejumprope]

Yeah I don’t feel like military bases are typically in hot and exciting destinations? If he does Navy he could at least be near the beach I guess

[u/United_Button2644]

It sounds like a divorce would give you financial security. You can work remote. Move to make more money. And pay less in bills with one person.

How old is he? As a veteran I am familiar with the type of people who join the military and what a wife’s life looks like. It’s not ideal.

Right now this marriage is doomed if he is going to blame you for his career choice. It’s going to be hard on him for a while and you’re going to be the one he punishes.

Edit. It’s likely not too late for him to back out. Figure out what he signed. Put it on pause. He’s going to get a lot of pressure and push back but stand your ground. You guys are not ready for this yet.

[u/fishbutt1]

What did he study that he can’t get a job in? If you can’t a job in your field—yeah it really sucks but you go to therapy, you get any job and figure it the fuck out.

That is being an adult!

My husband went through a really fucked up time after he was done with active duty because he was kind of floating around. But you do something about it, you don’t float around for 1.5 years!

Guy is being a baby. Honestly the military might straighten his ass out.

[u/BabycrowSAL]

Your husband is in a cage of his own making, and he refuses all of his options but the most miserable and stupid one of them all. Walk away before he drags you into misery with him, you cannot save him.

[u/CeramicSavage]

Stop letting this man gaslight you.

[u/trottingturtles]

I would be so shocked if he actually enlists on Friday. It really sounds like he's just trying to manipulate you into saying that you can just continue living the way you do now. There's no way he really thinks living in his home state would be worse than being deployed to a war, he just thought that suggestion would get you to give in.

Does nobody in your area need a janitor?

[u/Elegant-Abalone-8493]

So your husband had y’all move for an opportunity for HIM? HE couldn’t get a job? HE didn’t want to move back home? And HE chose to join the military? Stop raising this man baby and for the love of god I hope you don’t have kids with him. Divorce is a great option.

[u/byrandomchance20]

Unsolicited advice but please make sure you’re on birth control. A child would make this already untenable situation worse beyond your ability to comprehend.

I would consider going ahead and moving home; hubby can join or not. But you’re setting yourself on fire to keep him warm, all while he does little to assist in improving the situation.

Marriages/partnerships ARE about supporting one another and getting through tough times together, and, yes, sometimes one partner is going to need even more support - but that can’t be a forever thing and both sides have to sit with the reality of whatever situation.

It seems like YOU get the reality of your current financial dire straits, but HE does not.

Don’t drown along with him if he’s refusing to swim.

[u/FlowerGardenzForever]

I feel like this often happens when you financially carry or make more than a man. No matter how understanding you are, they feel emasculated and end up resenting you and lashing out. It’s a certain type of man that is mature enough to not pull this BS.

He’s obviously making his own decision. Being the dumping ground for his resentment towards life and lack of accountability for it sounds like a heavy burden to bear. You can’t change him or force him to want to treat you better. Enjoy the time apart and set yourself up for a life you enjoy. You sound like you would be a lot better off without him.

[u/AdditionalBasil3873]

How is it that YOU are sending him to an active war zone when you presented him options that he refuses to do? Lol. I'm sorry but your THIRTY year old husband sounds like a huge baby and he needs to suck it up and finally make adult decisions.

[u/nyx926]

How are YOU sending him to an active war zone when it was his idea?

That sounds like he’s trying to guilt you into funding his life one way or another.

Maybe the best option is moving out.

[u/imouttahere000]

Joining the military seems to be his way of asking for a divorce without asking for a divorce.

[u/CrazyCatCafe]

Odds are he won't actually sign up. Because it's a grown man throwing a tantrum that his life didn't turn out exactly as he planned and is taking it out on you. 

You deserve better than someone who is blaming you. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. This situation doesn't sound like one.

[u/JadieBugXD]

He hates your old state but he’s going to go join the military where they dictate where you live?!?!

You moved for his education and now he’s not even finishing the program?

You don’t make him feel like an asshole, he IS an asshole.

[u/dutchy_chris]

Hé feels like an asshole because hé acts like one and he knows it. It's easier to blame you tho.

[u/ChesapeakeNettle]

As a veteran: entering the military already depressed is a terrible idea. Military service can be a character-building experience, especially for young adults who haven't got their lives figured out yet, but it's not really conducive to resolving existing mental health issues.

He is a grown ass adult making his own choices. If he feels like an asshole, it's because he's an asshole.

What else can he do?

You are not his mom. It's not on you to be his career counselor. There are undoubtedly career counseling services offered by your city, county, or local community college. Why isn't he accessing those resources?

[u/NerdizardGo]

[u/ThatBitchA]

He's projecting because he's ruining your life.

Plot your escape. Go back home and be with family/friends.

This is not a happy marriage m.

[u/JuicedBallMerchant]

Move back to your home state then without him. HE is making the choice to join the military, you don't have to follow him. Let him live with his choices.

[u/ArticEire]

[u/KayakerWithDog]

He decided that joining the military was the solution to the problem, but somehow it's your fault that he enlisted? This man is going to blame all his troubles on you for the rest of your lives together. If you don't already have kids with him, don't ever have them. If you do have kids, think about what kind of an example his behavior towards you is setting for them. Either way, I think you need to consider whether this marriage is worth continuing.

[u/eleganthiccup]

There’s so many princesses among these men. I think it’s time to give him a reality check and say you’ll be moving home with or without him and he needs to sort himself out. He will get kicked off the military, they don’t keep depressed lazy men on.

[u/taxiecabbie]

Can't he just join the military and YOU go back home?

[u/Dapper-Survey1964]

He feels like an asshole because he is an asshole. Not because you cried when he was being an asshole.

[u/Economy_Relative_104]

mama its time for divorce. he’s holding you back and making it seem like its your fault hes a dusty. you can move back to your state and get a high paying job, and a new man who doesn’t expect you to fix his mistakes for him

[u/Arcsis]

He said that he feels like I am sending him to an active war zone to die in exchange for financial stability

WHAT. He brought it up & volunteered himself. GTFO with that nonsense. How dare he when you have been carrying everything since the move? If his 1 job doesn't cut it, he needs an additional one then.

[u/Medium_Departure_756]

As a military partner, you get paid SHIT in the military! Joining the military for immediate financial stability when you have the option for more money working a regular job in your field is a laughable idea! I’m sorry to say but your husband is bum and will continue to drag you into financial ruin! He is manipulating you and doesn’t want to work, I suggest you run far away from him!

Alone, you’ll be able to move back home and actually save your own money instead of footing the bill for another able bodied adult

[u/Margray]

Bestie, all of these choices were his choices. You're not making him do anything; you're simply following him around while he bumbles into dead ends. The town where he can't find a job? His choice. The refusal to leave the town where he can't find a job? Also his choice. The idea of joining the military? His idea. He's also choosing not to get help with his mental health.

Don't let this absolute manchild put this on you. This is not a you problem.

[u/Odd_Fact7792]

So he blames you for a decision HE’S making? You’re supporting both of you, have offered ideas to help, and because you want financial stability he’s playing victim?
The fact that he’s refusing therapy makes this a very difficult dynamic to improve.
You may be better off just moving home to the better job waiting for you.

[u/SacrificeFlyGirl]

Listen, I would not let someone I currently or once loved join the military under this administration. Tell him he shouldn’t join the military and so that he no longer feels pressure to provide you financial stability, you are moving back to your home state without him.

[u/goddessbecki]

What is this 1940 lol why was enlisting in the military the only option in his mind. Boy go work at dollar general.

[u/PlatypusStyle]

You suggested moving back to your original state but noooooooo he has to enlist in the military and then blame you. Oh, and he refuses to get therapy. HE IS THE ONE CHOOSING THIS.

OP, maybe there are some really great things about this guy but how are you going to build a life with him when, when the going gets tough, his entire personality is pretty much irrational mantrums?

You ask what else can he do… he can get therapy. This is sadly not your problem to solve because he doesn’t actually want your help.

[u/livin_la_vida_mama]

Ok, so HE suggested he join the military, HE rejected an alternative plan that would have meant he didn't join the military, and somehow this is YOUR fault? Oh and his attempt to make you feel guilty about HIS regret over HIS decision is also your fault?

Fucking clown shoes, man....

[u/Reasonable-Factor317]

Why are you married to a bum with the emotional maturity of a 15 year old?

[u/Disastrous_Day860]

That is the most manipulative thing I’ve ever heard. He has other options; he’s just refusing to take them. That’s on him. 

[u/killamobillax]

You are not a villain for asking for financial security. You provided other options, which also included you taking on a new job and a new role. You were not suggesting a unilateral change for him, you were suggesting a change for your family and he rejected it. Most of the time we cannot force someone to take the help we’re offering, we can only really provide options and let them make the decisions they’re going to make and face the ensuing consequences. He may need to be reminded that enlisting will likely result in him being relocated to a place he probably hates about as much as y’all’s home state anyways, but it sounds like he’s incredibly disappointed in his own trajectory and is taking it out on you. This is an incredibly hard situation because you’ve been put into a really unfair position, and no amount of ultimatums or “he’s such an asshole” comments are all that helpful to you. Do I think he’s being a childish asshole? Yes. But, think about what you ultimately want. If you want to stay with him, then it’s worthwhile finding a way to communicate your needs calmly and without judgment for how things have wound up the way they are currently.

What I might recommend: try your best to convey that you want to work with him to brainstorm a solution you can both agree to. You’re not assigning blame or saying that he’s the only one who needs to change or that he’s failing in some way (sounds like that’s what he heard the first time even if that’s not what you were saying). If he continues to shut down the conversation and sulk, be clear that you don’t find that helpful in finding a path for your family to move forward. Remind him that you two are a team working together, and you can’t come up with an agreed solution if only one party is doing the brainstorming. If he continues to sulk and reject, I’d probably state plainly, “I have attempted to find alternative solutions with you and you have shut it down, so I will not be talking about this further. Any decisions you make regarding the military will be your own.” If he enlists, then you have to answer FOR YOURSELF some questions that other posters have posited: do you really want to have your spouse in the military? You’re not responsible for his decision, but are you willing to live with it? If not, sounds like it’s time to leave.

[u/Kahlypso523]

"He says I make him feel like an asshole"
No... He just already is one. Just go back home without him and let him figure out his military issue.

[u/Over-Method-1216]

Step 1: Pack your things and go home.

Step 2: File for divorce. Remind him all those choices were his and deflecting doesnt change shit.

Step 3: Live a happy, successful life full of financial freedom and free from any man blaming you for not growing the hell up himself.

[u/Deflated_Hypnotist]

Here's some resources

Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/

Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/

He doesn't care AKA weaponized incompetence https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/NsoxMseUn3

You should have asked https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse

"The Divorce came out of nowhere" (TW: weaponized incompetence; sexism) https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/

DARVO https://www.keystonelaw.com/keynotes/understanding-darvo-what-is-abusive-gaslighting-and-coercive-behaviour-in-a-relationship

Cycle of abuse https://psychcentral.com/health/cycle-of-abuse

Abusive men describe the benefits of violence https://www.bwss.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/

Narcissistic Injury https://narcissismexposed.com/narcissist-injury/

[u/mildchicanery]

Divorce this dude and move your happy ass back to your old city.

[u/madelynashton]

MOVE BACK HOME.

He can follow you or fuck off to the military but that’s his choice. Stop letting him blame you for his mistakes.

[u/sierra_stellar]

He didn’t even enlist yet you aren’t sending him anywhere. He’s gotta go through basic training like we’re not even in there yet.

[u/Relative_Pepper6607]

He’s off to the military, you’re off back to your home state. Sounds ideal to get him out of your hair.

[u/throwaway5498124181]

He's the one who apparently thinks an "active war zone" is more fun than moving to your home state. Hold onto that fact and do not let him gaslight it out of you or change topics.

[u/ChastityCramps]

It makes me sad that you somehow think this is your fault. He makes his own choices and he is choosing to enlist and blame you.

[u/MoAngryMILF]

It sounds to me like he wants somebody else to blame for his own choices.

[u/Immediate_Cap_7484]

You?! YOU are doing this to him? Sir excuse me, you've misplaced your feelings from the person in the mirror.

Look it's HARD right now for jobs and etc, but that's not on you. Please do not accept this assignment of blame.

[u/BackgroundHeat5080]

What is this guy bringing to the table? You moved for his opportunity that didn't pan out and he's blaming you because he can't get it together? Please take this opportunity to move back to your home state and take a better paying job on your own. Stop tying your future to this albatross.

[u/failatio]

Have you asked him what he would do if you guys weren’t married? What steps would he take if he couldn’t find a job but needed financial stability, which is something most people need? How would he sack up and be the adult?

I do not like that your crying turned into him a)not comforting you, and b) saying you make him feel like an asshole. Brother, you feel like an asshole because you’re being one. Trying to blame it on someone else, attempting to turn your hurt into an opportunity for you to comfort him.. that’s not ok. Like we’re nearly in DARVO territory with that.

He’s an adult but he’s acting like a child