🚨 #101326 OFFICIAL DONKEY REPORT 🚨
BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! 😭😂😂
Somebody PLEASE tell me why Port Charles is operating with a shortage of common sense and an OVERSTOCK of audacity?!
Because tonight we got hospital employees who can't keep confidential information confidential, a baby agent who thinks she's the Secretary of Defense, and a grown man fighting for his life to prove he's not somebody's ERRAND BOY!!! 😭😂
First up… LIZBETH!!!
Girl, PLEASE!!! 😭😂
If you and Lucas had been worried about HIPAA in the FIRST PLACE, you wouldn't have to worry about anybody obtaining information under false pretenses!!!
Because all Lulu had to do was show up with a MEDICAL RELEASE FORM FOR DREW, and suddenly you and Lucas were ready to TELL IT ALL!!! 😭😂
MA'AM!!!
That release was for DREW CAIN!!!
Not Jack Brennan, not the entire hospital census, and certainly not everybody who has ever checked into General Hospital!!!
Y'all saw ONE signature and started talking like somebody had just offered you immunity in exchange for your testimony!!! 😭😭😂
Girl, you and Lucas have been treating confidential medical information like the Metro Court breakfast buffet. Everybody gets a plate, nobody checks credentials, and now suddenly you want to know HOW LULU GOT IN?!
And THEN here you go trying to DRY SNITCH in front of Dante like he's somebody!!!
MA'AM!!! 😭😂
What exactly is Dante supposed to do?!
Stand there with his badge and look concerned?!
Lizbeth, you cannot leave patient confidentiality sitting outside on the curb like Tuesday's garbage and then act surprised when somebody comes by and picks it up!!!
At this point, GH needs to stop giving y'all HIPAA training and start giving y'all a CLOSED-BOOK EXAM!!!
Because clearly the open-book version wasn't working!!!
And somebody PLEASE tell Lucas that a medical release form is NOT an ALL-YOU-CAN-TALK BUFFET PASS!!! 😭😭😂
NOWWWWW… JOSSLYN JACKS!!!
COME GET YOUR AWARD, BABY!!! 😭😂
Because you have officially reached the point where your confidence is writing checks your common sense cannot cash!!!
And before we discuss your latest waterfront delusion…
WHO IN THE NAME OF BUSINESS CASUAL DRESSED YOU?! 😭😭😂
Baby, that suit had you looking like the assistant manager of a funeral home who got promoted after the entire management team resigned!!!
Standing there looking like you were about to deny somebody's life insurance claim, repossess a Buick, and announce mandatory overtime!!!
Girl, you looked like the regional supervisor of BAD DECISIONS!!! 😂😂
And you had the NERVE to be standing there threatening SONNY?!
Let's discuss these PIERS!!!
Josslyn, your obsession with making Sonny the villain has officially turned your investigation into a PERSONAL VENDETTA WITH A WATERFRONT VIEW!!!
You are so determined to prove Sonny is responsible that you've apparently forgotten OTHER PEOPLE EXIST!!!
SIDWELL!!!
That man wanted those piers so badly he probably had the property listed as his emergency contact!!!
PIKEMAN!!!
When they were operating, they had their own interests and connections!!!
And who knows how many other people might want access to that waterfront?!
But here comes Agent Jacks with her two weeks of confidence and forty-seven years of attitude, acting like Sonny is the ONLY possible suspect!!!
GIRL, YOU ARE NOT INVESTIGATING!!!
YOU ARE SHOPPING FOR EVIDENCE THAT MATCHES YOUR PERSONAL GRUDGE!!! 😭😂
And the most ridiculous part?!
You think REVAMPING THE PIERS is going to make everything safe?!
BABY, PLEASE!!!
You think you're playing HGTV while everybody else might be playing THE GODFATHER!!! 😭😭😂
Girl, this is PORT CHARLES, NOT PROPERTY BROTHERS!!!
You cannot fix organized crime with fresh paint, new railings, decorative flowerpots, and an inspirational BEFORE-AND-AFTER PHOTO!!!
Josslyn really thinks she's about to host "LOVE IT OR LIST IT: MOB EDITION!" 😭😂
"Today we're transforming this dangerous waterfront into a beautiful family-friendly destination!"
Meanwhile, somebody in the background is trying to figure out WHO OWNS THE SHIPPING RIGHTS!!!
BABY, THE CRIMINALS DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR OPEN-CONCEPT RENOVATION!!! 😂😂
You worried about the curb appeal when you need to be worried about WHO'S PULLING UP TO THE CURB!!!
And THEN this girl looked Sonny in the face and said…
"BRING IT ON!"
GIRL!!!
BRING WHAT ON?! 😭😭😂
You haven't even gotten your first PROPERTY TAX BILL and you're already challenging the entire criminal underworld to a turf war!!!
You haven't completed a safety inspection, secured a building permit, or figured out who's collecting the garbage, but you're ready to take on SONNY CORINTHOS?!
Girl, the ink on the paperwork hasn't dried and you're already trying to start a sequel to THE GODFATHER!!!
Somebody get this child a HARD HAT AND A REALITY CHECK!!! 😂😂
And let's get something else straight!!!
Sonny has spent YEARS protecting you, helping raise you, and treating you like family!!!
But now you're standing there acting like this man wakes up every morning asking himself how he can personally ruin Josslyn Jacks's day!!!
GIRL, YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF EVERYBODY'S CRIMINAL UNIVERSE!!! 😭😂
And MARK MY WORDS!!!
I would not be surprised if this entire waterfront adventure ends with Sonny having to SAVE HER from somebody she never even considered a threat!!!
And when that happens?!
OH, I WANT THE RECEIPTS!!!
I want the apology NOTARIZED, CERTIFIED, DELIVERED BY COURIER, AND READ ALOUD AT THE NEXT QUARTERMAINE FAMILY DINNER!!! 😂😂
Because I already know Josslyn is going to find a way to say Sonny saved her WRONG!!!
"He should've told me he was coming!"
GIRL, YOU WERE ABOUT TO GET YOURSELF PACKAGED AND SHIPPED WITH THE IMPORTS!!! BE GRATEFUL!!! 😭😭😂
And finally… HUDSON!!!
Sir, I don't care how many times you tell yourself you're not a lackey.
YOU ARE A LACKEY!!! 😭😂
You can call yourself a partner, an associate, an independent contractor, or the executive vice president of undercover operations.
BABY, YOU STILL REPORT TO JOSSLYN!!! 😂
Sir, you're upset because people keep treating you like hired help?
BABY, Josslyn introduced you to Port Charles by announcing you WORK FOR HER!!! 😭😂
You can ride a million-dollar private jet, drink Jasper Jacks's expensive champagne, and call yourself the CEO of the Atlantic Ocean.
When Baby Agent Jacks says JUMP, you're still checking the employee handbook for the required HEIGHT!!! 😂😂
You standing there trying to convince everybody you're your own man while Baby Agent Jacks has you operating like the last employee left at a store that's going out of business!!!
At this point, Hudson needs to stop arguing about his title and ask Josslyn when OPEN ENROLLMENT STARTS!!!
Because if you're going to be taking all these orders, at least make sure the position comes with DENTAL, VISION, AND PAID TIME OFF!!! 😭😭😂
And before anybody comes for me, let me ask ONE QUESTION…
If Josslyn is so certain Sonny is responsible, WHERE IS THE PROOF?!
Because suspicion is not evidence, revenge is not an investigation, and an ugly business suit does NOT make you the director of the WSB!!! 😂😂
Now y'all tell me…
WHO WAS THE BIGGEST DONKEY TONIGHT?!
Lizbeth and her selective HIPAA enforcement, Josslyn and her waterfront fantasy, or Hudson and his imaginary management position?!
And while we're at it, DO Y'ALL THINK SONNY IS GOING TO END UP SAVING JOSSLYN FROM HERSELF?!
Because I can already hear that apology getting stuck in her throat!!! 😭😂
At this point the piers aren't the only thing that needs renovating. Somebody needs to renovate the COMMON SENSE in Port Charles!!!
And remember…
We don't make the donkeys… the donkeys make themselves!