I am sub, and I always describe being sub as a sexual orientation. I am looking for a Dom, and I've chatted with some guys who just can't relate to that. So I wonder if some Doms feel the same way? And if there are subs like me out there?

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is well. I hope this is the right community to post to but I'm just wondering if there's anyone else like me.

I'm not very active on the BDSM scene, but I have a very particular fantasy that I've developed over time that leans into bondage and roleplay, but is mostly spanking.

I've gone into detail about my fantasy in another subreddit which you can read through this link if you want: https://www.reddit.com/r/spankingCommunity/s/RHajOpPPOu

But I'll just briefly summarise here for the sake of the discussion. Basically, my fantasy is a corporal punishment roleplay where I'm a prisoner who has been ordered to receive a strapping.

In the fantasy I have to read and sign mock documents, and get a medical exam before and after punishment. For the actual punishment, I'm stripped naked, restrained flat on a bench in such a way that I'm left completely immobilised but my bare ass is propped up, exposed and vulnerable. The "officer" uses a wide leather strap to spank me.

The spanking I fantasise about him giving me with that strap is long and intense. In fact, it would probably be best described as a beating rather than a spanking. The spanker is unrelenting. As my ass begins glowing a deeper and deeper red, and my cries become sobbing and wailing, he just keeps on beating my ass with that strap.

I don't know why, but I fantasise so much about having that kind of severe pain inflicted on my ass, yet I was never spanked at all while I was growing up. So I have no idea where this has come from.

The discussion I want to start or the question I want to ask is does anyone else have a fantasy like this?

Is anyone else drawn to experiencing pain and why?

I'm 22M and pretty new to exploring BDSM.

I really like the idea of submitting to a confident, dominant and muscular brutal man, but I also have a stubborn, independent side. I don't think I'd ever be 100% obedient, even with someone I genuinely admire and trust.

I'm curious whether other submissive guys feel the same way. How do you balance your independence with your desire to submit?

I'd love to hear about your experiences!

I'm having a bit of a problem. So me and my bf have gotten into the physical part of the relationship but I have a problem. My bf keeps being bratty (not the problem) but if I try to punish him he gets turned on which is the problem, I try to "choke" him which turns him on, I deepen my voice and talk seriously, turns him on. Like I can't win with him 😭, I need something that obviously doesn't really hurt him but that shows that I'm in power and I can over power him physically if I try hard enough. What do I do in this situation.

Your thoughts on this? Genuinely wanting to experience being a live in house slave, kept naked, collared, hooded, shackled, just used to clean and serve sexually then caged when not in use.

Is this viable? Not sure how to meet the right people too. (Recon app has also gone to shit) Any ideas on this or know anyone with experiences? Note: located in Australia.

I want to send my sub something in the mail which is like cheeky and creepy as like an I see you but I don't want to be obvious. What should I do? It's kind of a silly game but idk what the best option is?

Longtime lurker just made a new account so I can ask/answer.

I wanna hear the things sexual/non-sexual that drive you absolutely feral.

Also what’s your favorite way for him to communicate with you:
Calls, texts, FaceTimes, in-person?

my darkest fantasy is that iam tied in a room my cock is tied nipples are clamped, i cannot move many men come in and one of them fucks me hard the other fucks my mouth and any other 5 to 6 men start cumming on my face body anywhere they want until every place of my body is covered in cum and iam made to eat all the cum at the end.

tell me ur fantasy...

What kind of piercings do you like? Please pick just 3 of your favorite piercings. It would be great if you could also tell me why.

I like nipple, PA, guiche.
nipple piercing made my nipple more sensitive. I like Pa and guiche piercings because they look sexy.

My dom/partner has me in orgasm denials with certain rules around it, tldr I can only cum when we’re engaged in sex. It’s pretty common for me to go 4-6 weeks without cumming and we generally have sex like once a week and sometimes 3 or 4 weeks in I feel like I get so damned moody about it and then I end up behaving in ways I’m not proud of. Overall I like this policy and find it hot, but sometimes I find it slips me past my think before speaking gate

Do other folks experience this and if so how do y’all engage with and resolve it internally

I'm pretty new to the idea of lifestyle submission (not new to kink though!) but been through a week so far of training from my now dom, and looking for ways to better serve him!

He's pretty new to the whole "lifestyle" thing too, but we're slowly making it work with a ton of communication and negotiation. Obviously it's early days, but having ideas going forward would be quite useful. So, my idea was to come to him with some ideas sourced online (and from my own brain, of course, lol), then thought I'd make a reddit and ask the fine people here too!

Appreciate any advice/suggestions/etc.

I am a slave who will soon be relocating to live with another Master. Currently, I am fully independent, live alone, and have an established career. This Master has made it clear that he fully accepts me as his permanent property and responsibility and is willing to provide for me completely. He has even mentioned the possibility of me quitting my job to serve him full-time.

One of my biggest struggles is that I have been independent for so long that the thought of giving up that independence and relying on a Master financially is frightening, especially when it means potentially giving up my career and having no income of my own.

He and I are very compatible and want the same things out of this dynamic. He consistently makes it clear that I am a priority to him, and he has been very honest and open with me. He has an established career and earns more than enough to provide for us both comfortably. He has also reassured me that I can keep my job for the first few months while I adjust to living with him. However, he has expressed that it would frustrate him if my work schedule interfered with the hours I am expected to serve him, which will happen occasionally because of the time difference between our time zones.

I will say that he is an exceptional communicator and the best I have ever encountered in a Master/slave dynamic. He is truly unmatched in how he communicates with me. He makes me feel safe and secure when talking with him and encourages me not to be afraid of him, to open up, and to ask as many questions as I need to. That level of communication is very difficult to find these days.

I genuinely want to please him and fully surrender to him, but I am struggling with the fear of giving up my financial independence and becoming entirely dependent on him. What if something happens to him? What if he no longer wants me? What about retirement and savings? Part of me wants to embrace this dynamic and trust him enough to let go, while another part is afraid of losing the security and autonomy I have worked so hard to build.

Can I have both? How does someone navigate a dynamic like this when they genuinely want to surrender but are also afraid of losing their financial independence? How do you learn to let go of control and trust your Master while still working through the fear of financial dependence?

I welcome everyone's input, especially advice from those with experience in this type of dynamic. I would genuinely appreciate hearing how others have navigated this transition and found a balance between surrender, trust, and financial independence. Please be nice, but very honest.

Heyy!! Me and my handler were wondering what challenge and punishment could be done from far away. I have a collar and leash and I don't have limits beside scat and piss (no shame to does who love it)

But yeah if you guys could give us some ideas and be creative, it can involve feet (recommend as my master like feet), it can involve humiliation, restraints, sexual restraint, etc!

Thank youu!!

Until a few years ago, I was a vanilla bottom. No kinks. These things ruined my excited mood.

3yrs ago, I experienced fisting for the first time, starting to become interested in BDSM from that point on.
I used to be afraid of BDSM, but I'm not anymore.
I recently ordered a mask and a leather jock for BDSM meeting. I already have a harness.

Recently, I've become interested in slave lol

What made you interested in BDSM?

I find myself getting a lot of hate for being a masc man that loves provocative underwear.

Where do you suggest on finding like minded individuals?

Long story short, locktober and general locking makes me use my hole a lot. Normally I lock for a week or two at a time, but now going for a month and hopefully till the end of the year. When I lock, I tend to fuck myself everyday and most times for 3+ hours. When do I know it’s too much?

Are there any warning signs something might be happening before I’m forced to take a break?

If I’m going to be locked, I want to be able to use my hole to get the horniness out, but I want to not injure myself.

Brake my hole but not in a medical type of way

Hello

I am sure that I am submissive. But I don't know how strong that is.
A few months ago, I watched slave training porn, and I found it very interesting. I don't know what it's called, but he put on a suit or tape and walk on his knees and elbows. Lick master’s feet and eat foods . Just like a dog. Then stay in the cage. That made me very horny.
My personal fantasy is for my master to train me and one day make me wear a rubber pup suit.

I don't think my fetish is very common. And it's hard to find a master who has the same fetish.

what do you think? Am I interested in being a slave?

I have a small amount of experience with guys, I’ve sucked 3 and been fucked by one, but this will be my first proper sub/don experience. The dom is very nice and experienced.

I’m very nervous but excited haha, does anyone have any tips, advice or just general comments? On how to behave/act, techniques, etiquette, expectations, experience or anything really. I want to make sure I’m the best sub possible and make sure I provide him with the most pleasure i can.

NSFW / Mature themes for discussion:

I have been thinking a lot lately about the weird contrast between how I have to move through the world every day and what I actually crave behind closed doors. Wondering if any of you live in that same tension.

In my day-to-day life, my job demands total command. As an immigrant who worked hard to build a high-level career, I have to wear absolute competence like a suit of armor. You learn pretty quickly that you cannot afford to slip up. By the time I get home, I am just so tired of holding everything together and being the smart one in the room.

What I really want underneath all of that is to be genuinely understood, both emotionally and psychologically. Deep down, I want a space where I can talk about my private shame and that heavy, familiar cycle: hiding sexual arousal tied to humiliation, feeling an intense wave of guilt afterward, and yet still getting incredibly aroused by it anyway, almost like the guilt itself just feeds the fire.

That is why I am so drawn to a specific Asian sub and White Dom dynamic. There is something insanely hot about a commanding, alpha guy who looks right past my professional success, sees straight through my ego, and uses my background and achievements to tease and dismantle me. Instead of getting praised for excelling like usual, the real thrill is getting stripped of all that status and reduced to total, willing obedience.

It also makes me curious about the flip side of this coin. Are there white submissive guys out there who look for the exact opposite, wanting to be dominated by an educated, professional Asian dom who completely turns that script around?

I know race-based dynamics in BDSM come with a lot of layers, but I would love to hear how others handle this intersection:

• If you bring a high-achieving career or an immigrant background into your submission, how do you deal with that clash between your public competence and your private desire to unpack your shame and surrender?
• For those who know that specific feeling of being intensely aroused by humiliation despite the guilt attached to it, how do you process or embrace that contrast? How does a partner effectively use your real-world identity to tease out and deepen that surrender?
• Have any of you explored or witnessed the reverse dynamic, and what does that psychological interplay look like?

Curious how others in the community parse these layers of ego, race, and power. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Long story short, I need punishing and I’d like some punishment ideas…

i’m happy to try a lot of things, so i’m also happy to hear some wild(er) punishment ideas - my dom really likes to deny me from touching my cock/cage and from cumming, which is where a majority of my punishments have come from

any ideas would be greatly appreciated!!

It has been more than a week since Folsom SF 2026. It was my first time attending, and to be honest, it was kind of a mixed bag for me. I just wonder if this is just me feeling this way, and I am wondering how people feel about the event.

I (29, Asian M) went to all events by myself, with one bar/ dance/ circuit party each night from Friday to Sunday, while dipping into sex parties in between events. I think one of the things that really tanked my confidence and self-esteem was attending the Bare Chest Charity Party on Saturday afternoon. Knowing myself not to be muscular in any means, I got the ticket just hoping to enjoy all the eye candy around me and have fun. Of course, the place was so packed, and at some point I realized I started to feel kind of insecure. I knew I was alone, so I hoped I could walk towards some people and hopefully start some conversations and see where it might lead. However, wherever I walked, people danced with their friends, and I didn't see a slight chance to even try getting into interaction in an organic way. I know I am a stranger to everyone around but I just feel like I did not feel belong at all, people did not even look or glare to see me as if that would be something that might lead signals that I could have approached and started talking. To the point that I felt everyone was so out of my league that I couldn't withstand the silent rejection, and I left the place way earlier than I expected.

Even when I was going to the circuit dance parties at night, I tried to calm myself to forget the downs and just enjoy the music and dance. But as the night went on, I felt the same. Wherever I went and danced, people would slowly walk away, turn away, or make out in front of me, like saying, "We are occupied and not for you, sorry". I felt like, for some reason, I was so unattractive, resulting in gaps and spaces around me, that I basically repelled people around me for no reason. The only few people that I actually interacted with at those dance parties were someone who was clearly on drugs, asking, "Are you taking Molly?" or some older Men in their 60s. I kept debating myself as to whether I should have just accepted it as is, or should I have rejected them and kept my own standards and boundaries.

Having all these complicated thoughts in my head, I couldn't really enjoy the Sunday Street Fair and got so much more sensitive and overwhelmed. I was walking alone for some time until I finally met some friends who I knew they were also coming in town to Folsom. But having companions still made me feel so vulnerable and awkward about my previous experience that I could barely enjoy as much. For most of the time, I felt so unseen and undesired that I even decided to take off my rubber thong to show my chastity cage and walk in the Fair basically naked, hoping to draw some eyes and some attention from Men.

Not everything was bad all the way; the only few happy moments that I got were actually having some good sex in sex parties and actually being able to communicate with them and exchange contacts. To me, that was already a pretty big win for the entire weekend, even knowing that exchanging contacts does not mean we would be friends or anything other than a sex buddy, or simply a hole that they found useful in the sex party.

But the overall experience of feeling out of place and not desired among all the attractive and muscular Men really made me so insecure that I couldn't really get rid of these thoughts from my head for the past week. I shared my thoughts and experiences with my non-kinky gay friends, hoping to get some relief and assurance. Some analysed that probably one of the reasons I'm feeling so out of place might be me being completely sober (no alcohol or drugs), as people might be able to sense that I was "different" and thus not feeling in the vibe together.

This is probably the first time I've felt like I am different in a bad way, and I don't belong to the "cool kids" because I don't drink or take drugs. But certainly I don't want to do that just for the sake of feeling like I belong and knowing the risk of doing all these things might jeopardize my health, without guaranteeing anything in return like friends, sex, or relationships.

I also went to do my first Dore Alley alone in July this year. It would be a lie not to feel out of place or overwhelmed at Dore, but I never have such a strong feeling of defeat, self-doubt, and rejection at Dore. All I remember from Dore was that everything felt more diverse, manageable, and welcoming (at least to me), and I had the eagerness to go to Dore Alley again next year.

I feel like I am trying a lot of new things, hoping to embrace myself as a kinky gay asian boy before hitting 30, checking all the boxes of attending events, parties, and places that I have never been to, nor dared to do so back then, to leave myself no regrets. But Folsom, to me just hit me pretty hard for some reason, and I don't feel like I would like to do this again next year.

It would be great to learn and see how people feel about Folsom this year. Is it just me being so insecure (that I am still in therapy, hoping to get myself a solution or remedy), or is there just something beyond my control that Folsom is indeed just not for everyone?

I do get off on leather, restraints, mild "punishments" (like, you're on an all cum diet or you need your ass plowed). Definitely hot to use toys or anything to warm up his ass. Only gagged guys with things like a cum soaked jockstrap.

So I'm guessing I'm pretty vanilla?

I am very much into online humiliation, degrading myself. I have done it for many years now. Only a handful of sessions have escaped online and been in person. I usually get chatting with a Dom/Master, build up a rapport, and then they start setting humiliation tasks. I send photos/videos as proof. A small amount go on video chat and watch me do stuff live (that's the best!).

Just wondering what others experiences are, what they like about it?

Stuff I usually do, trainer worship, forced chastity, plug insertion, workouts, poses, dice games (recently did one that was amazing), food play, piss, and CBT. I also have had Dom/Masters just watch me as I work, go about my day.

Love to know your thoughts.

I'm always upfront, I don't expect or offer loyalty anymore but this year it's been more of a deal breaker than usual. Also, are condoms making a comeback? I was wondering if it's all related.

Still fairly new to BDMS but was wondering how the long distance M/s would work.
Kind of know now with an 8 hour difference.
Just seems kind of blah to me, no excitement on my end and wonder what Master gets out of it.
Am I expecting too much at 3 weeks?

Thoughts/comments please