r/Fijian • u/Sea_Perception_6707 • 17d ago
Want to visit home but...
Dou bula vinaka to all Fijians and especially Gen Z-Millennial iTaukei born and raised overseas.
I (27F) was born and raised in Australia. I have so much love for my Fijian identity but it's been almost a decade since I last went home. I was a child then, and went to my father's village (for the first time) under his wing. (I have been to my late mother's village when I was even younger).
I have been no contact for a while now with my family because of abusive - toxic dynamics and because my dad / aunties / uncles have felt like the proxy between me / brother / cousins / us younger ones and our connection to home, I don't know how to connect to the mataqali back home 'on my own' as a young woman. I feel like it would be easier to make those connections and move through the iTaukei protocol if I was a man. For a while now I've felt very homesick and want to go back to the village for some time to strengthen connection to my roots and everyone there. But I know that visiting home comes with the custom of bringing lots of gifts, things from overseas, resources, that I just don't have the money for, as much as I wish I did. I've experienced recent housing and financial instability and just have been feeling very isolated from my culture. When I think about going home I think about this guilt I have that I don't have any material stability that gang back home may think comes with living in the West. It makes me feel like I'm not enough and I have to earn my way back into the koro through offering material goods, even though simultaneously I deeply want to do this but just can't at the moment.
Anyone been through anything similar? What would be the most appropriate route in Fijian custom that makes sense to someone living in the West? I know I belong to my mataqali irrespective of what I can offer materially but at the same time I also know that it's respectful and customary to bring gifts when visiting the village.
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u/sierraduaciwa set kece 17d ago
Gift giving is not really a custom in my village, at least im the sense you're talking about. We do it out of kindness, but there's no obligation nor part of protocol. Just present your sevusevu and you're good. If you are genuine and sincere in your intentions, and communicate your situation honestly, your mataqali should understand. All the pomp and ceremony is pointless if the love and kinship is absent.
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u/Sea_Perception_6707 17d ago
I think a lot of it is self-generated pressure, knowing how much I really do care and would love to give if I was in the position for it, and acknowledging the gap between that desire and my reality. I appreciate your response. Vinaka.
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u/kai_vt 17d ago
If they fail to understand your situation in lieu of focusing on what they can gain from you, then they're only your mataqali by association - not in the true spirit of it. I'd probably go with someone you know (preferably another Fijian to avoid any culture shock) to have some form of familiar support in a relatively strange, new environment. Be mindful of the environment and conditions that fostered those toxic dynamics that we have had the opportunity to distance ourselves from while we're overseas. I hope things get better for you until you can fulfil your good intentions
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u/Beneficial_Toe8206 17d ago
No real advice, but I can really relate to this. I’ve found it even harder as I’ve gotten older, especially now having kids and living in Sydney. I honestly don’t really see myself going back to the village, so I’ve tried to think differently about what staying connected to my culture looks like.
For me, it’s been about keeping strong connections with the Fijian diaspora here and getting involved in community things when I can. I also try to stay connected with other Pacific Islanders generally. There are so many similarities in our cultures, values and experiences and I want my kids to grow up seeing and feeling that around them.
❤️
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u/Working-Leader1994 17d ago
This is my opinion and it is:
Just go, visit your village with an open mind. A lot of the walls out there are created with our mind and not really a problem. Maybe reach out to someone younger like a cousin to meet you and take you in.
See what it is really like instead of trying to figure out what it will be like. Cost of living in Australia is expensive, much cheaper to buy gifts in Fiji but thats probably not ideal. Again my opinion: buy what you can afford, Tshirts, koala keychains or toys, trinkets, australian snacks like beef jerky, Timtams. You really want people to welcome you because of who you are not what you get them.
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u/ScaredFormal9427 16d ago
Hello! :) maybe for this trip it can just be about reconnecting with Fiji first? - like you can stay at a hotel there and do the culture tours. Do the “touristy” attractions closest to your village or family, while you are there arrange to meet with the connections you have at a mutual place maybe to eat or have a coffee - test the waters first. :) you are fijian and no matter how you navigate that or what your experience is, doesn’t change your ties and kinship, which are!
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u/FortuneTop7324 17d ago
Advice separate from integration support:
Remittances make up to 11% of Fiji's GDP. Make sure you are very clear with your family when you visit that you are in a state of financial instability, don't downplay the struggle.
You are assumed wealthy by default because you live in Australia, and disdain can generate pretty quickly if they think you are holding back help / support.