I know I sound like an asshole. I know this is incredibly judgmental and mean, but I can't stop thinking about it. I've met two trans men in the past 6 months after never meeting trans man irl. They're really nice people and seeing trans men living normal lives has been really helpful, but I can't stop worrying that I'll look like them if I get on hrt. They're on testosterone but their hips are still feminine and I could tell they were trans when I saw them. I feel like crying imagining that I'll look trans when I start hrt. I just want to be a normal guy. I don't want to sound trans or still have a feminine body, I want to be a cis guy. I want to be a normal guy.

I hate the way I look now so I guess it can't get worse. I love the idea of seeing my body get masculine and hearing my voice get deeper, but I don't want to go through the awkward period where I look so obviously trans. I feel like I'm becoming the mean self loathing trans guy who judges non passing trans people because it reminds me of how much I don't pass. I know what I'm thinking is rude but I feel so upset thinking about this.

My stupid fucking cishet male ex (broke up for many reasons but the final one was because he realized he was cis) keeps begging me to fuck him in the ass (which. Lmao no). I do indeed enjoy topping men but jfc. It isnt and never has been "pegging" for me to put MY PENIS in your ass. Somehow this mf manages to consistently gender me correctly until the second it becomes an overtly sexual context.

Really out here trying to break up with a guy im not even dating anymore lmao

I've been on T for 4 years and at best I pass as a butch lesbian. Which would be cool if I was a butch lesbian, but I'm not. I'm a dude. I'm a short dude, and I'm a queer dude, and I'm not the most ruggedly masculine, but I'm a dude. If a cis guy dressed/acted the way I did, he would still be 100% seen as a man, no confusion. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been correctly gendered by a stranger, which would be worth celebrating if it wasn't for the metric fuckton of times I've had to come out as trans to someone just to get them to use my pronouns, and then they keep misgendering me anyways.

I've just started a new job, and while I'm in training, I've been bouncing around to different locations for shifts and then they'll find a permanent placement for me. So, I've been having to introduce myself to a lot of new people pretty much every day. The constant misgendering from every single person I met was getting so bad, for today's training shift, I found a big ol' pronoun pin and stuck it on my shirt. I even put another bright, colorful pin right next to it to draw attention to it. Just make it really painfully obvious to everybody. Very first thing that happens when I walk in to meet the team for the day? "This is Ms. [My Name], she'll be doing [job task] today."

I learned yesterday that my boss that's been assigning me the shifts has apparently been misgendering me to every. single. manager. at every location I've been sent to work at. It's been awful. Every time I go outside it's just constant she/her girl woman miss ma'am lady honey baby sweetie she she she.

The problem is that every time I try to talk about this with my friends, they act so confused.

"I don't know how you could possibly be seen as a woman", "You're selling yourself short, man. You pass more than you think you do", "There's probably a ton of people who have read you as a man, they just didn't say it!"

I don't know if they're just lying to try and make me feel better or if they really see it that way but either way it makes me feel crazy. It feels like nobody believes me. Stop gaslighting me by saying that I pass when literally every other person I talk to in a day disagrees with you.

I almost just want to give up on transitioning. or give up on life. It's clearly never going to work out.

I’m 18 having surgery alone in a foreign country in two weeks ish and I’m going crazy about it, I feel my head is spinning panicking and worrying about minor things (it doesn’t help I have ocd) and how my parents don’t know. If I could dm someone to help ground my feelings and bring me back to earth I’d really appreciate it because I literally can’t tell anyone.

Honestly I’m disappointed with my top surgery. I do regret it. If I could go back in time I’d 100% get top surgery again but I’d go with a different surgeon, a different procedure, and I’d prepare for it differently.

I genuinely hate my DI results. I wish I had studied my anatomy more to know what would be best for my body and I wish I had taken the time to define what my goals were. Even 10 months post-op I don’t know how to get over this feeling that I destroyed the life I could have had.

I think maybe it’s important for people to remember that this surgery is one of the most personal things you can possibly do for yourself and it’s worth every penny spent and year waiting for the results you truly want. It’s lonely to not be happy about something I’ve dreamed about for so long.

No matter how much you try, without genetics the best you can get it androgynous. I know there are exeptions but this is not about that so just let me rant.

You can do all the right things but at the end of the day i just look at my face - round eyes, soft jawline, big lips.

I see how small my shoulders are. I realize how high my voice is. amd this is just stuff you can't do much about without T.

The clothes never fit right. Not how whould they fit if i was born in the right body. I know i have done so much progress in passing. I pass with like adults and random retail workers that dont pay second look at me. But the best i get with my pears is "Are you a boy or a girl?" not mocking, confusion. I don't look like a girl, i don't. But i don't look like a guy either. I don't fit into society, i'm am error. A puzzle to people i meet. Suddle attempts at tryng to make out "what am i" before they get the courage to ask. I'm 14 so it's the passing point where sudenly all the guys got sudenly tall, their voices dropped and they gained so much strengh, i notice. i see 8t all. how small i am compared to them. how feminen my voice is. how wide my hips are. When i do pass, people think i'm 11. It's just a battle i lost even before i had the chance to try. Life sucks being 14 and pre HRT.

I hate myself so much.

I’m short (5’4) and very ugly and unnattractive. I’m also fat with huge hips and thighs. I’ve been bullied at school for my ugly appearance and shy behaviour since I was 10. I’ve evenetually lost every friend I’ve gotten. No one genuenly wants me around.

I see trans people at school that get respected and their chosen name being used and I’ll never have that. Because I’m short and extremely ugly. I’m too anxious to be charismatic and likeable. I’m just a disgusting looking girl.

I cut my hair short to have some will to live and to look less female. Well guess what happened? People treated me even worse than before. Even though I’m not even out. I have to wear make-up every day so I would look less ugly to everyone around me. I don’t deserve the same air as everyone else. I don’t deserve to take up space. I don’t deserve to be anywhere.

I can’t decide on a name. I don’t deserve to even pretend to be male. Unisex names make me feel female. Male names make me feel insecure cause no one would ever look at me and genuenly see me like I see myself. I’m not worthy of love, not worthy of friends, or worthy of happiness. I can’t live like this.

And yet the dysphoria makes my life miserable. I can’t even make myself look like a girl to pretend cause it hurts so badly. I want to rip the skin off of my bones.

I’ll never have the life I want to live. I’m a fucking joke.

So yeah basically what the title says. I'm 19 and about to start T like next month. I live with my parents and sister and grandparents. None of them are outwardly transphobic nor do they have an issue with my bestie being ftm (though they ALWAYS misgender him which is awful but it can always be worse... way worse....). Even so, it's easier to accept someone else being trans or gay or wtv but when it's their own child I'm SCARED.

When my sister came out as a lesbian they stopped talking to her for like a week and every now and then ask her why she doesn't have a bf yet. They have no trouble at all accepting gay people outside of the family though.

I don't think they'd kick me out but they'd certainly be upset about me not having told them when they eventually find out, but sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than for permission I suppose.

Is there a way to hide my hormonal changes from them for like the next uuuhhh 5 years or smth until I move out? Should I just wait and further cripple in dysphoria until then? It's kind of becoming unbearable

EDIT: I should also add I don't mind how others perceive me or if i get misgendered and deadnamed and stuff, it's mostly a me thing and how I see me and feel within me and about me so I would have no mental trouble in hiding it, it's mostly the physical changes.

I was wiping after a good ol pisser and The Ol Bits were feeling funny so I decided to check under the hood and THERE IT IS OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING LETSFUCKINGGOO O O O
ITS LIKE
TINY BUT
ITS A DICK
LIKE FR FR
WHAT THE FUCKKKKK?!?!!???

they all talk about girls, gym, etc and i literally have no experience in anything and have an ed. like im so lame and boring, a part of me wants to go back staying at home, especially since im not on testosterone i feel like trash compared to everyone

Me (21) and my cis boyfriend (23) have been in a relationship for 8 months now and like couples do, we’ve had sex quite a lot. He likes to talk to me and praise me while we do what we do but recently I caught him saying “Good g-Good boy”this really irked me because he’s only known me as a male the whole time we’ve known each other. Which brings me to last night when he fully called me a “good girl” and I don’t know if I want to bring it up or not. Does he really see me as a girl? I definitely do not look like one but I guess that’s all I’ll be. Men love to think of me as a tomboy or not take my identity seriously. We have also talked about trans genitalia and what mine would look like after I start taking T… he wasn’t that happy I guess? He made a face and I obviously got mad

EDIT: not defending him in any way but the reason I’m so conflicted is because he’s very vocal about being gay and having a boyfriend (like posting me and explaining how I identify to his extended family). He’s shown me off to his cishet friends and has even lost one over dating me. He said at the beginning he thought I was already on T and thought I’d have a male voice and was excited.. but then again why would he not like how my body will change? I’m just guhhhh….. he’s only been like this recently which is scary.

Two for mention of genitals.

I'm gonna fucking commit istfg. I went to have my blood drawn and get an internal organ check up to hopefully get back on T and these mf wouldn't stop calling my legal name left and right super loud, I regretted not having cosplayed as a woman for it cause at least then I could hide my embarrassment and not have stood out like a sore thumb and felt utterly humiliated. I swear going to the doctor is a humiliation ritual as is at this point and I'm sick of it. I hate doctors so much.

I also scheduled the appointment all wrong like a champ because their website is ass, and this lady kept saying the words gynecology, ovaries, vagina, uterus over and over and over as if I hadn't understood. Say it louder for the people in the back please! I'm sure theyre loving this little freakshow. (Their confusing ass website made me schedule the bladder imaging one instead of reproductive organs, and they had no information about it to help me figure this out. I kid you not I spent more than an hour just googling shit to feel confident enough in having scheduled the correct procedure, after rescheduling over and over out of doubt because I KNEW something didn't add up but their website didn't offer any help. The name of the procedure wasn't anywhere in their system and it turns out I was looking in the wrong tab because despite it being an imaging procedure with 'abdomen' in it's name , it wasnt with the other imaging procedures, abdomen brothers present or not. Since it was ✨💅gynecological ✨♥️ in nature it was on its special wittle gynecology tab :3 GODD GOD GOD GOD GOD)

I wanted to rip out my entire fucking skin and scream it was so horribly stressful I wanted to cry which only made me feel WORSE because ooohhhh little girl wants to cry over something mundane :(( I hate it here. At least I might be able to get back on T soon. If I don't go insane and try to change the date on my years old prescription 'bt hand' to see of any pharmacies take it looool. Fml

"Testosterone stops periods?"

"Wait, you can be transmasc and nonbinary?"

"Doesn't testosterone make your chest smaller?"

"[Enter accidentally patrionizing or transphobic/cissexist quote here]"

TW for transphobia (namely misgendering)

This is mainly a vent about an ex of mine because I still can't get over this. Most of my relationships have been T4T because I thought that other trans people would be more understanding than cis people, but my ex proved that wrong 😭.

She misgendered me constantly for the first few months of our relationship, she apologised but it kept on happening, and she even said she's probably a lesbian (for context she currently identifies as bi and he/him lesbians are chill but I'm a straight trans guy so it was a hurtful thing to hear). I confronted her about it and it mostly stopped but I feel like I shouldn't have had to say it? Like my sister in Christ you are also trans what are we doing here???

She also called her queer roommates "tenderqueers" on more than one occasion which is just weird. I don't really have a point to this I just hate people who think they have the right to be an asshole to people within their own minority group, you don't get a free pass on transphobia just because you're also trans. I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship

Not even sure if here woild be the right spot, but I have had horrible, debilitating period pains for years, and it is so bad I am not even sure sometimes if i want a hysterectomy and all that for trans purposes or just to make all the pain stop, it is the most dysphoric i ever am, not because periods are a woman thing or anything, but the idea whether i’m even trans, or if i’m just in pain. I cannot believe that to really be the case, considering i’ve been out and socially transitioned for over half a decade, but still. I am so fucking desperate to medically transition so that maybe there’ll finally be a time where i’m not in debilitating pain. Everything hurts.

I had my frist ever meeting whit the trans dysphoria clinic today after waiting for 2 years and they basically said they won't do anything til I'm 18 (im 15 now) they basically just said maybe I can get a speech therapist in like 6 months. I knew they wouldn't just give me hormones out of no where but I just feel so disappointed and so out of control and I don't know what to do now

My life is just controlled by the bullshit other people want. It’s controlled by my fear. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and seeing myself look more increasingly feminine every day. I don’t know if it’s actually happening or if it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I can’t open up to anyone or take opportunities for myself because I feel like it’s pointless if I don’t look or feel like myself. I am at a breaking point after trying to function for 4 years and bend over backwards for my parents wishes for me to just go back to who I fucking was. Reality is I never will and one day I will be on hormones and get surgery and that’s just reality, I just wonder when I will finally grow the balls to put my foot down and finally do what I want. either that or I can’t take it anymore and I seriously have a frustration driven major breakdown. which one will it be

Tw: for transphobia btw!
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So basically I’ve been on T for 2 years now, and Im 10 months post-op top surgery, as well as having a legal name Change. I currently live with my mother, who I guess is a semi-“okay” supportive person in my life, my father and that side of the family is very homophobia and transphobia and a lot of other things. My mom has been by my side since I moved in once I turned 18, and started my transition. She has always been lean on my transition from start to finish, she even BEGGED me to not go through top surgery and told me “my chest was small enough “, which it wasn’t btw. Even after everything and the process of my name change, a few weeks ago she gave me a form to change my birth certificate, which I have not changed yet and told me, “please don’t change your birth certificate, for me please, it’s all I have left of [deadname]. But if you want to change it either way.. you can.” LIKE WHATT??? Genuinely why would you say that to your own child. I just need help. Or someone else who has gone through what I currently am going through, it’s so mentally draining having this weight on my shoulders knowing my mom probably hates my guts 🥲

TW/ Transphobia, Religious Trauma

I turned 19 about two months ago. Ive been trying to save up my money to move out by doing small jobs all while I learn Spanish on the side, but with all the prices increasing in the USA, I feel hopeless, especially if i’m to run away soon.

The reason we left the USA was to have a church here in Mexico. We are missionaries, and despite my wishes, we moved here when I was a minor and I had no choice but to come.

I was forced to drop out of school and focus most of my time on the church. Which puts me at even worse of a position to live on my own and find a job. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to transition, or be able to make it out of the church they placed me in. They keep talking about marrying me off to become a “pastors wife”.

I love them, and it breaks my heart that if I go through with transitioning that they will hate me. I don’t have any friends other than one or two online. I don’t have any connections other than people in the church. I’m afraid i’ll have to do this alone.

They express to me how much they want to change my looks, especially since this year I’ve been starting to revert back to myself, instead of conforming to what they want from me. I made my own binder, bought my own tape in secret, and even cut my own hair. I don’t pass at all but it helps the smallest amount.

No one IRL knows about me being trans. I “came out” when I was a kid to them, I cut my hair and hoped they would support me. They isolated me after that, they didn’t let me be in my room alone. Didnt let me go outside, use the computer, or even dress how I wanted.

My mom pulled my aside and said “God made you this way, youre not a boy. Get that out of your head. We’re all pieces of a puzzle, don’t go trying to change yourself.” I was just a 13 year old trying to understand.

They made me grow my hair out, slapped makeup on me, and had me in dresses most of the time. Eventually I blocked it all out and let them, because what could I do? I was a kid, and I always knew it was wrong what they did to me.

Now I’m older, and trying to transition again! Only now, in a different country, with no one to talk to, very limited resources, and not at all close to the amount of money to move out and not end up homeless.

Im scared, Genuinely so scared for my future. Most nights I stay up wondering when I’ll be able to transition, and if it’s even worth it. I don’t want to end up alone and hated by my family, I just want to transition.

I don’t think I’ll make it out of here and be able to transition. If anyone could give a younger man like me some advice about this all, whether it’s a way to cope, a way to move out faster, or even some basic advice.

I just don’t want to feel alone in this anymore.

Im a trans man 19 i chose the name kai when i was 15 and now ive come to hate it i chose it cause its gender neutral leaning masculine cause at the time i wasnt fully excepting of my identity but now ive grown up and i see how many trans men use kai as there name and it feels like its obvious im trans cause of my name and i really like the name zach but im so scared to change it my family is hardly what you could call expecting but at least they call me kai and my freinds like find it anoying when somone. Changes there name and im a digital artist and an active poster and ive been using kai as my signature for YEARSSS and before i was kai i was noodles naamed myself after gorillaz so my old art is signed by "noodles" and if i change my name my old art is gonna be signed by kai ugh idk i really wanna use this new name but idk if i should or not

Why are non - Binary trans mascs are just ignored in the trans masc community?
I can't help but just notice this bullshit.
I seriously do not understand people saying "Hey just go on Birth control if you don't want to have period lol" or "don't do t if you are repulsed by being man and masculine traits"
when I specifically said that I do NOT want to be woman either.
I do not like having boobs, with female parts, and I'm extremely insecure about it.
I SAID that "HATE being misgendered to be a WOMAN and " I don't like female body that much either" because it lacks Muscles and definitions as well.
Why is it that A. you are either gnc butch woman, or B, you are trans MAN. Why is everything have to be FUCKING BINARY?!
I mean, maybe it is my fault that I worded the shit wrong and I'm still exploring myself,
but I think the concept of gender, at least for me is bullshit made up by the Binary society.

If I hate my assigned gender being a fucking female, I'm TRANS. Period.

I don't want to continue to navigate my life as neither male or female, because I DON'T WANT TO.

More specifically, I'm more masculine in a way, and love both masculine and feminine presentation, and to not get my social dysphoria which I have plenty, I will not go to OBGYN or get Birth control,
and I will get Microdosing and get t in that way.

But I'm so tired of many trans community completely ignoring the people in the Non - Binary spectrum. those ones who also go on t because they have high social dysphoria compared to their body dysphoria. SOCIAL DYSPHORIA IS DYSPHORIA.

Sorry not sorry. It's not cool to bash us and nitpick our transition, it's not progressive to paint us as predators to make a point about bathrooms, believe it or not we're transgender too, but clearly not worth shit past a "gotcha" tagline no transphobe gives a shit.

We're all expected to lie down and accept that their need to make mpreg jokes and perpetuate the concept of pregnancy as inherently humiliating (especially for a MAN).

"This is how you know trans men are men" - aka "I see cisgender men as the only real men and my baggage around them is about to be your problem" ass cissexism.

" All this to be a basic ass man" - " I'm so incredibly unaware of how hard transgender men have to fight to express themselves the way they want, honestly I'm more concerned that they're not as fuckable now."

All time favorite "I want to fuck him" - Do you have an ounce of self awareness or do you not know how objectifying and fetishizing this is.

God can these types of cisgender people get their shit together because I'm about to flip my fucking shit, my transsexual ass is too tired for this.

Obligatory not all Cisgender People.

Now that I'm starting T tomorrow I swear they just get so weird with the topic, I know it's worry but fuck it's doing more harm than they think. I have my friend's house if I need to go there but fuck, I asked my mom if she could give me my first shot tomorrow if I set it all up since Ive never given myself a needle before, and she just said "i'm sorry but I really don't think you should be doing this" or something along those lines, and honestly im so tired, I'm seriously just so so tired, I don't even bother trying to explain anymore cause what's the point if they'll never understand. I just don't know how I can ignore their opinion, I'm terrified of judgement and I really just need some methods to ignore their opinion and not let it drag me down, because it's really hard to keep my mind off this and it's been bugging me all day :(