Any plans for the weekend?

I need rest. This week has been hell. There is a vaping ban on Monday in my state so I gotta find a way to quit. One of the littlest joys I have is about to be taken from me.

Work has been a living nightmare. Holiday season is coming up so I'm going to be overworked.

Its sucks its a waste of mental space. You can tell just by their body language when you even try to chat. I wish I could find a way to to eliminate my sexuality.

I’m a 31m virgin autist, been on 30+ first dates off the apps since 2017, never once got a second. I’m decent looking but once they see how I can’t even hold eye contact or follow social cues they get the ick.

Idk why I keep putting myself through this, guess I’d lose all hope if I gave up, and hope is all I have.

And inb4 someone tries to tell me how lucky I am. I assure you nothing happens on these dates. Not kissing, not having sex, just an awkward stilted convo.

Worst part is these dates are getting rarer and rarer the older I get, and I’m still young. wtf will it be like when I’m 40?

There is a conflict in this place about posts from FA men and I think it comes down to a fundamental disagreement about why men are FA.

One group, lets come them the positive thinkers. Think that the FA problem is down to individual, it is a mental health problem. If FA would just try, they would find a partner. They just need to dress better, get on dating sites, go to speed dating events.

Get hobbies, get a male friendship group, engage with the world.

The second group, lets call them the negative thinkers, sees things very differently. For them something has fundamentally changed. They are in a world out of their control, unable to get a sex or family life because society has changed.

In the past the unattractive man was just competing against men in his own area, not everyone on social media. In the past he could get a partner by becoming a good breadwinner because women had to find a provider. In a way they don't have to now.

The negative thinkers have tried everything and failed. They don't see a solution.

The problem I am seeing here, is ultimately this place is controlled by the positive thinkers, who fundamentally don't like the negative world view. They find it frustrating, they don't understand why men refuse to take their helpful advice and try.

Whereas the negative thinkers are frustrated because they can't express how a world beyond their control affects them. In a way their world view has a positive aspect. They don't see themselves are toxic, they see the way the world treats them as toxic.

The problem is, when they try to talk about it, they upset those who don't like their negative view of their situation.

I’m 31, will my life be shorter due to being a virgin like the stats say? Cuz honestly every year that goes by the less bearable this gets.

I don’t drink or do drugs and am in decent shape.

I mean is it a coincidence that many people die right after their spouse dies?

And that 90%+ lose before age of 30.

Just looking at the facts, I'm an average guy, 33 years old, average looks, height, weight, intelligence, if it was common I would've lost it already, I wouldn't be surprised if the stats were skewed because people brag about this shit the most and reading that even 13 year olds do it? bullshit, I was playing fucking San Andreas at that age, no way people have sex this young except some degenerates.

It's something I've faced multiple times through the years even though I think I've gotten a lot better. Just today a woman I was talking to online said I was boring and that she was tired of small talk. She had moved to my country so I asked what her experience was like and she mentioned she liked art so I asked what kind of art she liked. This is not the first time someone has said my conversation is low effort and boring. Can you relate?

Also I'm not sure what people mean when they don't like small talk, do they mean we're supposed to start talking about philosophy or discussing historical events and their significance? I guess it feels more natural for me to start by asking about someone's day.

As long as the male loneliness epidemic is treated like some dirty secret you're not supposed to be honest about, more men will continue to fall through the cracks. And honestly that kinda saddens me for the future.

A man acknowledges that men are lonely = Is told they deserve it by both other men and women.

A man denies that men are lonely = Is praised by both other men and women for disparaging his own.

A woman acknowledges that men are lonely = Is told they deserve it by both men and other women.

A woman denies that men are lonely = Is praised by both men and other women for disparaging them.

It doesn't matter where you go, there's just no winning. You can't even try to hand wave it away with "It's just a Western problem that Americans deal with." No. It's an issue everywhere.

Any other community you go to, regardless of which country it is, where men make their social issues known, is treated with the EXACT SAME denial and scorn from BOTH genders.

So lonely men can't group together because society sees them as a danger, and will do anything to erase their spaces. They can't get together with other normal men because they suck at socializing. And they can't get together with other women because they hate socially unsuccessful men.

And just based on how disingenuous people are about the subject, like attributing it solely to dating, when it obviously involves a lack of close friendships too, just shows me how far we are from any kinda solution.

I mean holy shit, if you type in any variation of "lonely men" into google, this is literally the first result that comes up. The most upvoted thread on the subject in probably the entire site's history, only 2 years old, made by another man, and full of bad faith discussions.

We aren't anywhere NEAR being able to tackle male loneliness. And I really hate the idea that things could get even worse for any guy unfortunate enough to end up in communities like these.

Any plans for the weekend?

I'm gonna just relax. Thinking of making a Greek pasta salad. This entire week had been shit. People are shit and I hate humanity.

Decided to do the internet equivalent of The Charge of the Light Brigade here but having the only space available to lonely men on reddit. Full of Ministry of Truth censorship, is not very helpful.

The mods had a fit of the vapours about a thread I created because they could see lots of posters expressing wrong thoughts and disagreeing with the mods.

The result was the thread locked, a thread with keeps getting upvotes. Which tells me posters don't object to what was written, quite the opposite.

I wonder how many of those upvoters don't post because they fear the Ministry of Truth here and being banned?

Being banned from the last space for lonely men on reddit?

:(

Reading about an epidemic of abuse of pregnant women and new mothers, in the UK, by their partners.

So can we please put to bed the lie that FA men face 100% rejection because they are toxic? It is so obviously bullshit, it is laughable at this point.

Even the most looney feminist here, has to concede, that I am less toxic than men who use their pregnant partners as punching bags.

I asked it to simulate the experience of going to a club alone. It wrote an overdramatized story of people being confused about why I am alone and spilling their drinks on me. Excerpt:

>being solo just makes you a ghost wandering through someone else's high school reunion trip

By 2:30 AM, your feet sticky from spilled Red Bull and your ears ringing from a relentless, maximum-volume remix of a Tiësto track from 2018, you decide you’ve had enough. You walk back out onto the neon-drenched strip, buy a greasy gyro from a guy who couldn't care less who you are, and head back to your room.

I think it represents a lot of our fears. AI is very capable at scaring humans.

I have actually been to clubs solo and it was fun. I do not regret going. I was not disappointed though it is not something I like to do regularly.

I wanted to share this to warn fellow FA: Be careful of the advice of AI. Often it will use our fears against us and send us down dangerous paths.

Any plans for the weekend?

I'm just going to stay in my house. Don't want to deal with society. Going to watch football and VHS movies I picked up, play video games, and relax.

I thought it was good. Very sad and very relatable in a lot of ways.

Here's YouTube link https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r4g5tqcoH_4&ra=m

I think many of you know the exact type of resentment I'm talking about. Imagine you're closer to 40 than 30 and finally you're getting a chance to leave the FA life behind. Honestly, at this point.. why would I want that? Where was everyone when I had my youth and energy to actually experience what life could offer?

It's not going to be a relationship based on attraction or fun. That ship has sailed long ago, our teens and twenties were supposed to be the fun times, now it's all about financial decisions, mortgages, child support payments, providing for someone in exchange for the privilege of being able to say you're in a "relationship"...

The cold hard truth is that we're never going to experience the fun, carefree, true love we're all dreaming about. Even if we get lucky, the best we can get is being settled for and possibly used for the little we can provide. There's not going to be burning desire, that's for sure.

To make it even worse, we don't even have any of the necessary skills and the vital experience to filter the users, the people who are a danger to us and even if we could, would you really risk your only chance after a lifetime of celibacy, or would you just ignore the red flags and walk into your doom? It's not like we are going to be able to attract anyone after getting dumped eventually, so might as well squeeze that little enjoyment out of this "relationship" as long as we can, right? 

Words cannot express how much I hate this life. I never chose this, I never wanted to be like this. All I ever wanted is to be normal like everybody else I know, but I had to be the biggest loser of my hometown.. I hope the next big war is coming soon so I can watch the whole world burn.

I made a short film called "One More Take". Even though it's not really related to FA, it kind of is in a way because part of why I do filmmaking and acting is part of a larger cope of being FA itself, especially this one where it involves me being in a relationship, much less someone ends up getting jealousy. It's all part of my fantasy plight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MILl7mVdLFk

Please support your fellow FA here

All my life I thought to myself "someday" about the life I wanted to live. Well year after year passed. I reached 46. I lost both my drive, my libido, and my health. Now the things I postponed are impossible.

Therefore should I give up or shift hope to free rejuvenation therapies of the future that will fix my body, make me look younger, and give me back the opportunities I had but never took?

PS. If you are younger and still have opportunities, this is the point you will be at in the future.

It's pathetic but I fantasize a lot about the scenarios that might lead to my first kiss. Maybe it happens at a house party or a walk on the beach or during a concert. What's funny is I've never done any of those things. But in these fantasies I'm always in my early 20's, back in the 2010's, with the same music and atmosphere as back then, the hipster vibe and all. It's like mentally I'm still stuck in that time; in that place. Those years feel unlived to me, somehow. If I had just gotten one weekend with friends and really lived it up and made a connection with a girl that ended with an embrace, I think it would've been worth it. I just want something life-affirming. Just one moment that could make me look back and say "Yes, I've lived through some terrible shit in my life, but all of it is worth it, just for this."

Maybe people who have had a first kiss don't think about a kiss this way. Maybe I've built it up in my head way too much. I'll never know, though. All I know is what going without feels like.

My niece is in town, she was supposed to call me for a meetup and I didn't get a call. When I got there she said to me, "You're late! I called and you didn't pick up!" (tbc she's a good kid, the phone service in my country is not great and sometimes calls don't go through) I just handed her my phone and said, "look, no call". She went to the log book and said, "Hey that's me, first entry." Then she noticed the date and was first surprised, then got sad really quick and said, "A week ago? You haven't had anyone call you for a week?!" I made a little joke and brushed it off.

It's just so easy to forget that this is not normal, that not having any human interaction at all for extended periods is not normal.

On an unrelated note, she does home botany and some years ago I asked her for a few plants for spruce up my room. She got me some and one of them was a pair of cactuses in the shape of a heart. A while passed and all of them were fine, except for those heart cactuses: they straight up dried and died. Cactus, a plant that survives the f-ing desert. Sometimes I think what an apt metaphor it is for my love life. :)

I have no one to celebrate with.

No one to vent to.

No one to text.

No one to call.

No one to share pictures with.

No one to take pictures of.

No one to date.

No one to break up with.

No one to marry.

No one to divorce.

No one to help me move or setup furniture.

No one to rush me to the hospital if I’m having an emergency.

No one to meet after work for drinks or a quick catch-up.

No one to visit restaurants with.

No one to go on vacation with.

No one to attend concerts with.

No one to check up on my well being or simply see if I’m still alive.

I have no one because I am no one.

I am nothing.

I am invisible.

I'm probably gonna get downvoted to a cesspool and hated for this, but the guy who claimed to the ugliest dude basically updated years ago that he finally got a girlfriend, same girl who commented on that same viral video, then it was said they moved in together and got married. Now there is a new update, gender reveal on the way. My question is this, I have not had a woman attracted to me in a decade (I know some will say they haven't ever in life) but some speculated that because his video went viral, that she could sense he was about to become rich or at least VERY well off, and that part is simply true (him doing decent with money after his internet fame) She's a decently cute girl as well, not a super model but absolutely the homebody type of girl most guys would settle down with in a heart beat, not just FA dudes, but regular dudes who don't have trouble with this kind of stuff. It stumps me because, yes I have tried and women immediately put up a huge boundary wall (like please do not even try), like chopped one worded replies, ending a convo after you reply, with just "lol", things like that even before I say much, I feel I look decent, I'm not on the spectrum, at least I don't think and I can tell you with full confidence that I have not had a woman be physically attracted to me in a serious long time. What is up? Did he truly get lucky? Also most may disagree with this, especially the women here but I don't believe her comment.

I don't think she actually finds him physically attractive when she said "I think you're cute tbh", which was her original viral comment. I think what it is is that she was somebody who didn't CARE about looks which is a much different thing. (none of this is me talking crap about her by the way before anyone claims I'm an *ncel btw) I actually think if this is the reason which I suspect, it's actually to be commended, more than if she actually found him attractive because then that would mean she isn't shallow or vapid, a rare quality in human beings today, not just women. He hit the jackpot, because finding women like that period is tough, he did it by getting noticed on the internet, because his original video that made him go viral, gave many eyes on him and we all know dating is a numbers game. He pretty much was able to get millions of eyes on him, eventually one girl was bound to like him. The issue with us is that we don't have that luxury. This is why I get so annoyed when people say there are plenty of fish in the sea, or that there are about over 8 billion people on this planet, implying that we get seen by all of them. I guess this sort of turned into a rant and mid-way through me answering my own question ironically but yeah, the guy is extremely lucky. I hope he lives happy life. The thing is, misery loves company and my life has been absolutely toilet water for a long time now, but that dude clearly wasn't some virtue signaling "chad" looking dude who moaned about dating, which I seem any videos of. He was actually someone I felt bad for, even in my situation. So he deserves it.

Edit: I see people downvoting this post and the comments. This sub turned into a cesspool a long time ago, I thought maybe it'd be different this time I post, guess not. No it isn't just because my post got downvoted, I notice most posts here are in single digit upvotes.