r/Equestrian • u/Effective_Moose_4997 • 2h ago
Mindset & Psychology Does anyone else not like their horse?
Got a horse 2 months ago and I'm really bummed that I just don't like him like I thought I would. There's no glaring issues outside of some nipping when I scratch him. I have not ridden him yet. But I'm just not feeling it. The feeling is like when you ride a lesson horse that you don't particularly like and wish you were on the lesson horse you do like. I feel like I bought that horse? We just don't connect. I don't really look forward to when I eventually ride him and I get more anxiety thinking about him than anything. I worry about his feet since he's an OTTB and don't fully trust the farrier I have for him. I worry about ulcers even though he's on ulcer meds. I obsess over what to feed him because he's skinny and not putting on weight. I constantly watch him for lameness and am always in between if he's lame or not. He is unmotivated and slow. But very curious which is when I do enjoy him. I've always preferred mares and feel like I missed out on buying one and had to settle for a gelding. But I do love goofy geldings as well.
He was cheap and selling him shouldn't be an issue. I just wish I really liked him. I feel bad for not really enjoying him. Maybe this will change as time goes on?
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u/spectacularbird1 1h ago
It sounds like your anxiety might be out competing any other feelings of excitement, joy, etc. I see this a lot in the adult ammy eventing barn I’m in. Folks are super excited to buy but then really struggle in the first 6 months or so with fears about health, soundness, etc. Horses are a big responsibility and once they’re your full dependent, the worry can become crushing. Almost all of them have worked out of it, only two have sold and gone back to just lessons or leasing.
Do you have a plan for him? Like what do you want to do with him and how do you plan to get there? What are you doing with him right now while not riding? Why are you holding off on riding? I feel like there is so much context missing here. There’s almost no horse that I’ve worked with that I felt immediately bonded to or even had any kind of relationship - it takes some work to build up to.
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u/Effective_Moose_4997 1h ago edited 1h ago
I think you are right. I have been waiting to schedule a vet appointment since our trailer needs new tires and I just haven't been able to get around to it yet. I think the checkup will help with the anxiety a lot. He is just going to be my trail horse and all around english, western, whatever at the low low level.
I do enjoy how curious he is and non-spooky for an ottb. I can lead him over logs and fallen trees, over ditches, and he does fine. Sometimes needs a second to figure it out. He will walk right up to our 0 turn mower while it's running and not spook. We can turn it on right by him and he doesn't care. Not scared of our truck either in the pasture. He is though very scared of our pond lol but I still walk him up to it. He is so curious that he just has to be involved whenever I do something in our paddock. I was emptying and refilling our water troughs and he would just knock the troughs all over the place while I was trying to clean them. So I do really enjoy that part of his personality.
He is generally lazy in the pasture and sometimes will stop while I lead him which does worry me about under saddle. I've figured out how to get through it with him though. I generally just have to stand with him for a bit and pet his neck till he lets out a sigh and we get back on our way. He is grumpy grooming which is a hard adjustment for me because I love grooming.
Holding off riding till his back gets some muscle and I am certain his feet are not sore from being barefoot now.
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u/spectacularbird1 1h ago
Definitely keep up the ground work! That is one of the best ways to build a relationship and it means he’ll put more and more trust in you which is SO important in trail riding. And the more you can hand walk hills, poles, logs, etc, the faster is top line and muscle will improve.
With the grooming - OTTBs can have really sensitive skin. Experiment with a variety of brushes to see if he reacts to some better than others. Mine HATES the standard rubber curry comb but loves a grooming glove or silicone curry mit. Some horses love it when you talk to them (I found that out in a word way with mine when I kept a zoom training video for work on while I was grooming bc I was being a bad employee 😅). He just was SO much more relaxed and interested with the commentary going on which would have never expected. Now I tell him all about my day, what I’m reading, stupid shit my coworkers get up to, really whatever while I groom and sometimes on the trail and he’s just so locked in when I’m talking.
I also love doing some bodywork and massage to get in tune with his body. Just running your hands over his whole body and watching for where he reacts can give you excellent information. My OTTB is pretty stoic about this and it’s not as effective with him but my warmblood is super into it. He leans into my touch on areas that are ouchy or stiff and does lots of lick/chew/yawn/release. You can look up basic bodywork stuff on YouTube or hire a bodyworker once or twice and watch them closely and ask lots of questions.
You can also try some liberty with him. I’ve always had fun with that even if I’ve never been super successful. It’s fun to just get in the round pen and play and see what they respond to.
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u/Crochet_Corgi 2h ago
2 months and not riding yet isnt really a fair assessment. He's barely figured out the lay of his new land and may still be reserved in getting to know you. Mine was super shy initially. He's a big ham now for treats, but each time he moved, we had to start again with getting him over stranger danger. A couple of horses I've ridden are not fun on the ground, but a blast to ride. Maybe give it another few months before you decide.
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u/Upset_Pumpkin_4938 2h ago
I’d give it until 6 months. Then, if you’re still not feeling it, sell him.
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u/PureFicti0n 2h ago
Could be that as soon as you start riding him, you'll fall in love. In that case, you'll be glad you gave him a shot. And if not, you can sell him. I'd say to wait until you've ridden him a handful of times. But if it's going to months until you start riding him, then there's no harm in trying to find him a new home sooner rather than later, and looking for a horse you mesh with better.
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u/Additional_Excuse870 1h ago
Why did you buy him?
If you bought a horse for riding that you’re now not riding just because you don’t really feel like it and the horse is sitting there getting out of shape and likely under-stimulated then yeah you’re probably unlikely to enjoy the horse when you do get on it.
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u/FarmSkool 1h ago
It sounds like, if I may humbly deduce, that what you don’t like is the stress that has come with him. You have the ottb + the underweight + Ferrier issues + ulcer and lameness watch—those are each a lot and combined, almost too much. So, you either stop worrying or you stop worrying. ;) you can take wonderful care of him without all the extra worries. Personally I meditate for things like this. I meditate in this way, first by asking myself:
“I wish things were different in this way [insert desire] because I want it to resolve this issue [insert problem].”
Then I contemplate having the solution to the problem, and I forget the thing I “want.” Does that make sense? It’s somehow easy to think of what we want, but to investigate why we want it is more satisfying to the worrying mind. A lot of times we think we need this or that, when all we need is the stress dissolved.
I’m here to tap through a meditation script if you’re interested. Happy horseing.
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u/Lazy-Network6361 2h ago
I wouldn’t consider nipping when you scratch him an issue. When horses groom each other they nibble and nip, if you’re scratching him you’re inviting him to do this as a buddy! But you could encourage him to use his top lip more than nip be stopping if he nips and carrying on if he doesn’t.
Re: not feeling it, there’s no right or wrong answer. You can give it a little time to see if you gel, or cut your losses since horses are not cheap to maintain if it’s not fun! If you’re not sure about lameness, worth getting it checked regardless of whether you’re selling or not.
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u/Snowpant 1h ago
Please give it time.
The first 3 months with my most recent horse were not great at all, I thought she was trying to kill me. (she is a mustang). I thought I made a huge mistake with getting this horse. After 6 months it was better, but still not there. We are a year out and we are totally bonded. I love her so much, she a great horse. She’s my first pick for any ride and such a great trail horse. I can’t believe I was like a hair from giving her up.
So please give it six months minimum. There’s an adjustment period before they really settle in and their personality shines.
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u/Sad_Fail_3013 1h ago
Took my guy 3 years before he was comfortable enough in his own skin for his real personality to come out. He was quite the anxious/nervy horse until then and had some issues, didn't show much personality either so I felt the same way you do, like we weren't the right match. Worked with him & around him a lot on the ground & in low pressure scenarios so we could both get to know and trust each other without stress. Didn't ride at all for an 18ish month stretch. After all that he can back better than ever, he's a total love and absolutely my favorite horse I've ever worked with. It just takes some time and effort, they're all individuals and can't expect them to adjust straight off. My guy was a special case don't necessarily expect it to take 3yrs lol. I'd give it some more time. For what it's worth, the thing that made to biggest change for my gelding was perfecting his routine and care. Sounds like you have a lot going on right now that you haven't quite figured out what works best for him, I'd focus everything on that more than riding/working. But in the end it's up to you. If it doesn't feel right, there'll always be a person out there who's a good match for him, and a horse who's a good one for you.
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u/LindwormBride 1h ago
Why did you end up buying him if you are more into mares etc..? Just curious about the situation, like if you bought him sight unseen?
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u/appendixgallop 1h ago
What priorities drove the decision to get an OTTB? What features made you choose this particular one? What is your five-year goal for horsemanship?
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u/sherevs 1h ago
It's very normal for a horse to be a bit standoffish at first. You're building a new relationship with him and that takes consistency and time. If he moved barns when you bought him, his whole world just changed- new horses, new people, new routines. I bought an OTTB last year, and it took him about 6 months to start opening up and being more expressive and playful and about 8-9 months for him to feel like "my horse".
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u/Illustrious_Stage351 2h ago
Horse are living breathing creatures with their own personalities, and sometimes you just don’t click. If you’re on the fence maybe give it some time and see if you feel better about it. If not, selling may be the right decision
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u/ClassroomMore9802 2h ago
If it’s not working for you, consider selling. Horses are too expensive and time consuming to own something you don’t even want to ride. Just my thought.