r/DnD • u/StoryAlternative6476 • 1h ago
Table Disputes Asked to exclude another player because the DM doesn’t like him
I’m venting bc I’m grumpy.
Recently, I started to notice that my character has had a series of being shut down or left out of things, for no discernible reason. I will preface she’s neither smart or wise, so some of these things started as simply “she didn’t roll very high” which is super fair, but then no one caught her up on anything and folks even clarified that they intentionally didn’t tell her things. But this evolved into basically 1 character in our party (N) getting a ton of super plot relevant information and then keeping it secret between her and one other character while the rest of the party was excluded. We got vague explanations of “she doesn’t trust everyone yet.”
N was very friendly (and at times flirty) with my character and gave me no reason to believe there was friction. My character is very lovable dingus golden retriever. She has no enemies except the party’s enemies. While she’s not very smart, she does understand loyalty and keeping secrets and can follow instructions. There has not been a time where she’s spilled secrets or done something stupid that had negative consequences on anyone but herself. She would jump in front of a sword for anyone in the party.
N also recently had a huge backstory reveal, but again, only to a select few characters, and mine was not included. The following session, N slammed a door in my character’s face while mine was checking on her and making sure she was okay because N was described to be sobbing loudly in her room and no one else wanted to check on her because of still processing her backstory reveal. My character still had no info on the backstory reveal so she just was asking generally what was wrong. N’s player basically said N didn’t want to talk to mine so to stop trying, which was also fair and I respected the player’s boundary and didn’t continue interacting. N’s player continued to hint that she wanted further interaction (“Doesn’t anyone want to check on N? She’s crying” / “You all can still hear N crying loudly in her room”) so I asked if she wanted my character to try again, and she said no, and no one else wanted to interact with her.
I sent a message in our group chat the next day saying I was feeling a little stuck with my character because she seemed to be left out of so much info. DM messaged me privately and asked where I wanted to go with my character. I reiterated that I was feeling kind of stuck because my character basically had zero idea why we were even at the current location, is not up to date on the Party Drama, the current situation with the BBEG, and is getting doors slammed in her face when trying to do things that would help her gain information. DM stated that N doesn’t trust a different character in the party (E) and therefore is going to be distrusting of anyone who interacts with him. E is not hostile at all, but let a tactical secret slip in front of a bad guy on accident toward the beginning of the campaign. The player was driving at the time and genuinely got confused that we were still within earshot of a bad dude, but agreed to proceed and say that E messed up. E is a sheltered teenager with minimal real world experience and is socially awkward, so it made narrative sense and the player was cool with it. No one expressed being genuinely upset, in character or above table. Since this instance, E has been very helpful to the party and I find E’s player to be a fun person to play with.
I messaged N’s player and asked if I could clarify what was up. N’s player confirmed that anyone who interacts with E will never be trusted and information will continue to be withheld. I mentioned that my character isn’t even especially close with E, nor has she personally ever done any of the actions that has made N distrustful. If she’s asked to keep a secret, she never speaks of something again. I also mentioned that my character (and I as her player) were under the impression that she and N were at least friendly so she didn’t realize she was doing anything ‘wrong.’
I did clarify that above table, she was asking me to ignore an entire player for the whole campaign, and she said yes. The DM also confirmed that they were basically trying to ice E’s player out of the campaign by encouraging everyone to just ignore him and using it as a bartering thing where he gives N information and she only tells people who don’t interact with E. I asked why, and DM stated E’s player is too much of a rules lawyer and metagamer (which I haven’t ever noticed, but everyone’s got different pet peeves). I said I didn’t think in-character antagonizing was the way to go for this and was basically told my character’s options were to keep having information withheld from her or to stop speaking to E. This also wasn’t even done well (not that it’s something I would’ve agreed to) because over multiple months of weekly play I genuinely never connected that information was being withheld because my character interacted with E.
I let them know that neither me being excluded or participating in excluding someone else were going to be fun for me, and left the campaign with a message that I didn’t feel my character fit well with the party anymore and wished them well. I’m trying to determine if I message E’s player and let him know or just let them work it out themselves at this point because they’re all adults and I’m no longer involved. In my opinion, issues with a player shouldn’t be resolved by antagonizing a character, and this is all very reminiscent of high school bullying which I don’t want to be a part of. There was never any explanation on why the DM and N’s player wouldn’t just speak to E’s player directly other than because this is how they wanted to resolve it.
Am I absolutely losing it for thinking this was all super petty and wanting no part in it? This all feels like such a toxic dynamic to me. But at the same time, I am sad to leave a group I’ve spent almost a year playing with. I’m a high school teacher, and I have seen how bad isolation and exclusion can get, so it’s not anything I will ever participate in.
TL:DR- I was asked to participate in excluding another character/player because the DM and another player don’t like him and don’t want to address it above table. I said no and left the campaign because the vibes were bad.