Divorced 1.5 years, share a 4 year old son. Split custody. 2 years fully separated. Previous with ex for nearly 10 years, married for 5.

Doing my best to co-parent with the ex wife. We schedule well without any strife and participate together in our child's extracurricular activities. We're both active in his social life and do our best to show our child a healthy relationship with each other.

Recently, I've seen my ex has totally flipped in ideals and political stances. It's been absolutely shocking hearing her speak to me, or seeing her social media posts about local and national political topics in the last few months.

Im not even asking for advice, or understanding from anyone. Mostly just venting.

I've become increasingly aware that the young man I've planned on raising is going to be hearing/witnessing/practicing very conflicting beliefs in both his parental households. So now I'm navigating teaching him what I think is right and wrong while not trying to discredit his mothers values and in turn possibly disrespect his mother.

I'm looking for advice and support from other divorced fathers who have navigated difficult co-parenting situations while balancing work, school, and raising young children.

I'm a father of two young children, currently working night shifts at a hospital while attending nursing school. I'm working toward finishing my RN program, and my goal is to provide a stable future for my kids while continuing to be present in their lives.

My mom has been helping with childcare on the days I have school, which is typically Monday and Wednesday. Unfortunately, she is starting radiation treatments around the week before Thanksgiving, and her treatment schedule will affect her availability for approximately six weeks.

My school semester ends December 9, so I'm trying to find a temporary solution that gets us through this difficult period. I have paid leave available through work and am considering taking time off, asking my ex for a temporary custody adjustment, or combining the two.

My biggest concern is the co-parenting side of this situation.

My ex doesn't know that my mom has been watching the kids while I'm in school. On the other hand, when my ex has to work overtime, her mom helps with childcare, so both of us rely on family support at times.

I'm nervous about bringing up my school schedule and childcare arrangements because I worry that my ex could react negatively or use the information to create conflict around custody. I don't want to assume the worst, but our relationship has made me anxious about how she might respond. I'm concerned that she might threaten to withhold the children or make things more difficult if I disclose my schedule.

She has an attorney, and part of me hopes that having legal counsel will encourage her to approach this reasonably. However, I don't know whether I should proactively explain my school schedule and ask for temporary help, or keep the conversation focused on the immediate childcare issue.

I want to do the right thing for my children, support my mom during treatment, continue my education, and maintain a workable co-parenting arrangement. I'm not trying to start an argument or change our long-term custody arrangement over a temporary problem.

I'd really appreciate advice from dads who have been in similar situations:

• Would you be transparent with your ex about your school schedule and childcare arrangements?
• How would you approach a temporary custody adjustment without opening the door to unnecessary conflict?
• If you were worried your ex might withhold the children or use information against you, how would you protect yourself while still communicating in good faith?
• Would you use paid leave to get through the temporary childcare gap rather than risk creating tension over the custody schedule?
• Has anyone successfully navigated a situation where both parents relied on grandparents for childcare but communication between the parents was difficult?

I'm trying to be thoughtful rather than reactive. I have a lot on my plate between nursing school, hospital work, parenting, and my mom's health, and I want to make a decision that protects my children and keeps their lives as stable as possible.

I'd appreciate honest advice, especially from fathers who have dealt with high-conflict co-parenting while trying to finish school or manage demanding work schedules.

So me and her are over 40 and divorced for years. Anyway we been co parenting for a while and one day I guess she had baby fever and said she wants another kid with me. Took me by surprise because the conversation wasn't, "are you seeing anyone" I been just doing me and tbh the dating pool been trash. I know she doesn't love me but it more of a, "devil u know" situation. I been thinking what she said for a while, but I'm thinking with the other head which got me in trouble in the first place.

Has anyone been in this situation?

My ex effectively started openly dating her affair partner (well, one of them) once I filed for divorce. And it turns out she'd had him around the kids all along.

My kids keep telling me details about my ex's bf and all the things he does with them. He fixes stuff around her apartment. He changes the batteries in their toys. He gifts them new toys. Hes rides with her to pick up the kids from school. He meets them any time she's out and about with the kids.

I'd heard about him before. During the separation he was "just a friend who helped her emotionally" but he "would date her if he could" I'd told her she's emotionally cheating in my book but she didn't end it. Throughout the separation they'd been spotted openly together in public being "more than friendly" on several occasions by my friends and family. He was also an accomplice in helping my ex hide her years-long online and physical affair from me.

So I keep hearing week to week about how much time my ex's second affair partner spends loads of time around my kids. And how excited my kids are to see him.

I tried addressing this with her once. Told her that its entirely inappropriate for her to have another man around so much while the kids are going through this divorce just as much as we were. And especially a man that played a role in her infidelity. I am purposely not dating my anyone for a while until it's been a healthy amount of time. but when I do find someone there's gonna be several steps in the relationship before she even gets to see my children let alone be around them so casually.

she shut me down. Said that I had no grounds to say that something inappropriate was happening (obviously not what I meant) and that it's none of my business. She also insisted they were still just friends.

I know it's officially none of my business, especially now that we are divorced. But I can't stand her putting my kids through that kind of confusion. I know it's ultimately something I have to let go of because it's outside of my control. So I don't say much to my kids when they mention this guy. I just say "oh that's nice" and change the subject as quickly as I can. My kids are still really young. There's no appropriate way to explain to them that he's only in their lives because their mom betrrayed me. Idk if it's appropriate to ever tell them about the affairs...

I have to admit I'm also being selfish. I can't stand that she's happy with a man she cheated on me with, and for my kids to spend time with him that would have been time with me had none of this happened. I don't like that she already has someone while I navigate being a divorced betrayed dad by myself (apart from therapy, I'm definitely in therapy.)

Every Twelth of the Month, we've opened this thread up to discuss what's going on in your life related to being a dad.

• What successes have you had?
• What struggles?
• What's something you're looking forward to?

This is pretty open and community support and discussion is appreciated!

Me and my girlfriend/the mother of my child just broke up. It kinda was a thing in progress we both knew it was coming eventually. She has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. We don’t hate it each or anything like that we are very cordial. During our “talk” she mentioned why don’t I move out and she stays at the house. At first I was like absolutely not. But during the day and while watching football I was thinking about it in my head. It’s a good size house for here and the 2 daughters, nice safe neighborhood, and good school district. My daughter is almost 3 and I want the transition with her be very minimal and less noticeable for her. I haven’t brought it back up to o my ex but I think it’s a conversation I might be willing to have. This won’t be a you got my word type deal. I would write up a legal rental agreement as if she was my tenant. I’m pretty sure she will want her cousin to move in as well since she’s already looking for a new place in January. So in the end it helps all 3 parties. I’ll be paying less than my mortgage and I don’t need all this house for just me. It’s a 1900 sqft home for reference. It would be better used with 2 adult women and 3 kids aged 10, 9, 3. It wouldn’t be a long term thing maybe 2-3 years max just so everyone can save as much extra money possible. I haven’t brought a child with this woman so I have to see her and communicate with her anyways so I personally don’t see anything wrong. Just trying to get some outside thoughts and see what other people think.

STBEX is asking for credentials for all marital accounts - she wants access to "all marital accounts."

What's been working for you?

What went horribly wrong?

If there's an account where it makes sense for her to have some access (insurance covering the kids), how have you handled that?

I'm definitely not going to:

a) put username/password in plain text

b) give her access if the website clearly says each person should create their own account.

I'm thinking just print off the documents and tell her she has to call them, so the agent can explain whether she gets to know stuff or not.

I feel like a failure and a loser. My life has been stripped from me. My STBEX told a mutual friend of ours she no longer loves me, has been checked out for a while and is no longer attracted to me. She also admitted she was just looking for a reason to end things. I have a 14 month year old with her.

I’ve done a lot of the things in the relationship that were unhealthy and not a sign of a good husband. But she also did the same and controlled me and tried to force me to be the person she wanted me to be. Not who I really am. I’ve had 10 people who all knew me and her all say the same thing. Idk how you deal with her. You’re a saint.

On Friday we separated and I got most of my stuff from the house. She is taking the divorce very lightly and acting like nothing is bothering her she actually even acted happy with a mutual friend of ours and was even making jokes about pursuing a trainer at her gym. Apparently today she was a bit more serious and quiet.

I still need to figure out child custody agreements. Because I’m a first responder I can only get my daughter at max every Wednesday night and every other weekend Fri night- Monday afternoon.
The idea of not living with my daughter is killing me.
She is also making lies about me that she knows are incorrect just to drag my name through the mud and is threatening that I won’t be able to be involved in my kids life if I don’t pay her house mortgage and child care even though I won’t be living there

How did you guys deal with this? Does it get better and if it did when did it start? I want to drink and take other substances to numb the pain but I won’t. It’s a battle in my head that I’m waging.

TLDR: i have a 14 month old who I love dearly and and a STBEX that is completely over me. When did things become better? When were you able to live again not in constant agony or like if your brain was going to rip in half? Did your exes ever realize that you weren’t that bad and wanted you back?

My child, 10, is encouraged by his mother to hide stuff from me.

For context, we still live together and are preparing for divorce.

Due to mistakes I did, the relationship with my child is not the greatest. We still get along well and spend time together, but he is not open to discuss his feelinfs with me. I know that's on me, and I'm working to repair my past mistakes.

The situation at home is not the greatest, since I was the one that opened the divorce topics with him, and I did it in a bad way at a time when I wasn't thinking clearly.

In the last period, I've noticed that he and his mother are hiding things from me. He has a phone, which is linked to my account, since he has restricted access to it. A few days ago, I wanted to show him something for school on his phone, and when he entered his password, he said I shouldn't look. But with his mother, he never did this.

And on another day, while we were cleaning his room, when putting stuff back on the shelves, I had a small notebook, which I haven't seen before, so I asked him what it was, and he immediately said it was private. Didn't think much of it, but his mother said it was a journal. Haven't looked inside, since I respect his privacy, so I have no idea if he really writes something in it.

But all this made me be suspicious. And unfortunately, what I came to find out is that he is being encouraged to hide things from me.

The mother is close friends with one of our neighbors, and one evening, while I went to a game, they went to the said neighbor, but told the next day, they were at gome that evening.

And I actually heard her telling him that he should go to bed because of me.

I am slowly trying to repair my relationship with my child, and am actually making progress, but I feel really betrayed by this.

For those that experienced similar issues, how did you navigate this?

I also feel betrayed by my child, but I know that the fact he's not so open towards me is partly my fault, not just the mother's.

We talk, but the most of the time, he just tells me about his games. Though that's not bad, I would love him to also talk to me about his feelings and emotions.

I haven't confronted the mother about her encouraging him to hide things from me, since I am afraid that this will only hurt me more in the divorce.

He is closer to the mother, since I worked overtime to keep the bills paid and she was unemployed for a long time, and worked only part time after our child started kindergarden, and also other bad moments from my side.

If I start a discussion with her about something, he always thinks I am the one arguing with her, and I am the one at fault.

I am really scared of losing him, so I need to thread very carefully.

Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

Soon to be ex and I have a pretty rough divorce and it's still spiraling down. Right now under temp I have expanded visitation and she has all the rights. Medical, education, and psych. She is also my oldest teen kid's teacher. (Nightmare trying to get information about my son as the teachers just speak to her in the hallway and it doesn't make it back to me until I email or see in person) Other children are toddlers.

Started with drug and alcohol abuse claims and has kinda gone downhill from there as my drug test was clean and I scored a 37 on alcohol PeTH test. (200 or more is considered the heavy drinking threshold) It's transitioned to I am intimidating and letting an "unknown" woman bathe my kids. Responses to me are annoyingly long. I once complained about her third party drop off being 20 mins late. I got a 16! Paragraph response.

Lawyer is pretty adamant about not getting 50/50 if we can't get along but I honestly just apply the BIFF method to her very long and self glowing messages that also manage to make it seem like me being involved is a new phenomenon. We have a custody evaluation going and she writes to the evaluator weekly through messages to me. Almost no communication comes from her unless she is asking me for money or to pay for an extracurricular. I pay CS and honestly it's a lot. Like 10s of thousands. I've offered full CS and all I want is equal parenting time which my lawyer says is the dumbest thing I can do lol.

She's done things like hide where the kids are being kept during the day and forge paperwork when my daughter was scheduled to go under IV sedation. I also don't get notifications when Doctor appointments are booked. I have to call all places myself monthly to stay informed. She even said I had to get her permission for signing my kids up for after school programs on my time cause she truly just wants control I feel like.

She withheld the kids before we got temp orders, now she just kinda chooses when she allows the phone calls with the kids. I get two a week and Mondays on my off weeks by the orders.

Has anyone heard of being able to get equal parenting time when the other parent is the high conflict one and the one with less rights is just attempting to be apart of the kids' life? I'm looking for advice on how to carry myself as I'll never be able to control another person. I do plan on taking this all the way to trial. I'm not confident mediation will work and ESPO would be difficult to lose I hope so why not push for more?

I've been going through some personal discovery and have had a run of hard times lately. I wanted to share a few things from some Stoic readings and videos that might help other dads who are struggling.

Some of these ideas are part of why I started this group years ago. I didn't really understand Stoicism then, but the concepts made sense to me. Take responsibility for yourself, help each other out, and keep moving forward even when things don't go how you hoped.

I work in a very high-stress role, and I often listen to Stoic videos on YouTube while winding down or trying to sleep. A lot of it comes back to accepting what's happening and figuring out what you can actually do about it. I'm still working on that myself.

A few things have stood out to me.

You can do your part and still not get the outcome you wanted.

You can't make the other parent see things your way. You can't make someone want a relationship with you. You can't guarantee that doing everything right will make things work out.

But you can decide how you handle yourself. How you talk to people, what you'll put up with, whether you keep your word, and how you show up for your kids. It's hard when you've put in the effort and things still fall apart. That doesn't mean you're worthless or a bad dad.

Accepting what happened doesn't mean you're okay with it.

You can be hurt or angry about how things turned out. You can stand up for yourself and set boundaries. Accepting it just means being honest about where things are so you can figure out your next step.

I think a lot of us are grieving more than the relationship. We're grieving the family life we expected, seeing our kids every day, and growing old with someone. That's a lot to lose. It takes time, but we still have a life to live, even if it looks different from what we wanted.

Try to catch yourself when you're filling in the blanks.

“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”

Seneca, Letter 13

I'm sure plenty of us know what it's like to replay a conversation, check the phone again, or lie awake thinking through everything that could go wrong.

Sometimes there's a real problem to deal with. Sometimes we're making guesses and treating them like facts. I'm trying to get better at asking myself: What do I actually know? Is there anything I can do about this right now?

If there is, do it. If there isn't, another hour of worrying probably isn't going to help. Easier said than done, I know.

Own your mistakes, but give yourself a chance to move forward.

If you messed up, own it. Apologize if you need to. Fix what you can and work on doing better.

But beating yourself up every day doesn't fix anything either. A relationship ending doesn't mean you'll never have a good one. Making mistakes doesn't mean you have nothing left to offer.

Don't wait until everything is sorted out to enjoy your life.

“While we are postponing, life speeds by.”

Seneca, Letter 1

It's easy to tell yourself you'll feel better once the divorce is done, the money is settled, or you meet someone new. Those things matter, but there will probably always be something you haven't figured out yet.

In the meantime, our kids are growing up. Call a friend. Get out of the house. Do something you've been putting off. Enjoy the time with your kids when you have them. Having a good day doesn't mean you're suddenly over everything. You're allowed to enjoy it anyway.

If you're interested, a few books to look into:

• The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman. Short daily readings, so it's easy to spend a few minutes with it.
• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
• Letters from a Stoic by Seneca.
• How to Think Like a Roman Emperor by Donald Robertson.

One line from a video has stayed with me: you're allowed to finish the day without finishing the future.

I liked that. You don't have to figure out the rest of your life tonight.

I'm still figuring this stuff out too. Some days I handle things better than others. Having people to talk to helps, and that's part of why this group is here.

Anyone else spent any time with Stoicism? Anything that's helped you or stuck with you?

Anyway, thanks for listening. Always remember, you have value, you're heard, and you're not alone. You've got this!

Going through a divorce and the wife keeps claiming that she does the majority of the day-to-day activities for the kids. This is wholly untrue. Is there an app or a method to track who does what? Id like to prove her stance is wrong.

Edit: We live in the same house. I need to track thinks like who wakes the kids up, who takes them to school, who packs their lunches, etc. When my stbxw says "I do the day to day" I want to have proof that she in fact does not.

I'm going to try and give you all a high level breakdown of my situation. 14 years together and we have the kids together. 11 and 5. My wife suffers from many, MANY mental health issues that have given me secondary trauma amongst other things. We've been separated inside of our home for about 5-6 months now and when the separation started, all hell broke loose. Originally, I went to her and told her what was happening to me. I wasn't happy, I tried to stick it out for the kids, she traumatized me, Etc. Just couldn't do it anymore. She freaked out and told me that this is all my fault because I didn't see a therapist sooner. We've essentially been roommates for years. She suffers from deep depression, PTSD, OCD, and everyone suspects undiagnosed BPD.

When the separation started, everything obviously was exacerbated. She even physically and verbally threatened me. I don't want to go too much in detail here, but you get the point. I'm moving forward with the divorce and I'm absolutely terrified. From my end, I never had a partner. I was her caretaker. I was young and thought I could help her. That was my mistake.

My 5 yo absolutely loves her and the 11 yo is my buddy. I have zero evidence for a case to remove the kids from her and tbh, the thought of dragging the kids through a multi year traumatizing fight seems like a terrible idea with the trauma that they've already endured. Not to mention, I just don't have 30-50k to fight. I barely had enough to retain a lawyer. In the end, she'll most likely get the kids but she can't provide for them financially. She's never been able to hold a job and never built a career. We live in an expensive state and even I still struggle everyday to provide with my higher salary. If she gets the kids, she'll have to move to another state to live with family. I've thought about moving to said state after the divorce but being near her won't allow me to heal from all of the trauma she's given me. I've thought about staying where I'm at or just starting over in a new state that's mildly close to where they will be and suck it up with the distance dad stuff.

I'm hoping to find some dads with the same situation as me. With the divorce as their choice, long distance, and an ex that has many mental health issues that have traumatized them. If they don't exist here...I need some big empathy here. I'm going through it and I'm finding it really hard to concentrate with work lately. The only positive thing in my life rn are my kids and someone that I've been talking to.

You can see my old post, but basically my wife sprung a divorce on me with no warning. I have several young children and it has been devastating.

I moved out of the house with a separation agreement with 50% custody. After about 5 weeks, she sent me a text saying that "You are perfect for me and I miss you." I had moved on mentally and was even seeing a girl at the time. I called my wife and she seemed remorseful. She was fixing herself by finally treating her depression. She was taking care of the kids for once, finding hobbies and taking classes to get a job. She reminded me of who she was before all this. I thought long and hard and eventually gave into a possible reconciliation. I cut it off with the girl I was seeing.

My wife wants us to live separate for a month or so longer and take it slow. We made a list of things we need to fix in the marriage and we are going on a date tomorrow. The plan in a month is to move back in and see how it gos. The divorce likely wont progress for another 3 months (per our attorneys) so we have time.

I just wanted to know what you guys thought of all this. It seems genuine, but my trust is low in her at this point. She seems to be improving and engaged in fixing things.

Hello All,

We have a CAO (Child arrangements Order) with equal shared care (live with) in the UK. Problem is it doesn't have holiday arrangements in it. Currently we have a week on week off care schedule.

I want to go on an internation vacation in December for around 3 weeks. Now my ex initially cited lack of explicit clause in the CAO and said it should week on week off (even abroad- she has also plans to travel in the same country during the period).

I challenged that and said holiday blocks are separate and this week on week off is not sustainable and not favorable for the kid. Then she comes back and says that i pay half of the flight costs (A-->B; B-->A) for her and half of the cost for the kid (B-->A) trip. She relies on the MoU which had in 2025, but she had withdrawn consent from that and i had to get a CAO.

The same MoU has clauses that we agree that holidays will be shared on equal basis. Have been trying to get her consent and am fed up. I am running out of time. Planning to file for C2. and get an urgent hearing.

What do people do in such cases where court orders lack holiday provisions? She is cherry picking clauses from a document which i do not recognize as she had formally withdrawn consent to use the document for a consent order.

I will be filing in court to allow me the trip for the 3 weeks and i am happy to give her the compensatory time back for any loss of time during the window. I have also accepted sharing the costs of her trip from (B-->A) and the flight ticket for the kid (B-->A), but the deadlock is (A-->) cost sharing for her trip to collect the kid. the distance between A & B is vast and flights are the only reasonable mode of transportation. Any suggestions?

When I say finish line.. maybe I mean the gate to the rest of my life. It's getting close to 2 years now.. and we have 50/50 custody... something strange has been happening.. I woke up Saturday morning by myself, and spent the first 30 minutes of my morning trying to figure out what to be stressed out about today in my lil apartment.. Nothing! Bills are all paid, all important tasks at work and home are complete.. the place is clean enough.

I got a coffee and sat in the park and read a book for a few hours on a beautiful autumn morning.. I still find myself checking my phone in case I'm needed, or my watch because it felt like I was on a timer any time I stepped outside.. but there was nothing to do... my body is still resetting itself to feeling like its okay to feel peaceful.

I know this process is not linear and I have had these moments in the past, and then something big knocks me back.. but it's starting to feel like this is maintainable in the long run. I'm not sure if the absence of stress is a true happiness.. but I'm willing to try for a while

My divorce hasn't been an easy one. We separated 4 years ago, and because of the very flawed justice system in the country we are, we are still not officially divorced. Currently the appeal court is looking into our case. And I am blocked at 25-75

Meanwhile, both me and my ex have new partners for a while. Her is actually a divorced dad, with 50-50 himself (ironically but that's a whole conversation on himself).

Now, my ex has not really being easy on the co-parenting. She fails to see and accept that the same attitude, of thinking that only she knows best about the kids and parenting, that helped our marriage to tank, Is making her actually being a bad mother.

I don't want to go into the usual long bashing message, just trying to be honest. I have offered every single attempt of cooperation and collaboration in the book. Included several offers to attend together professionals, so that we could work better together. Nothing.

Meanwhile the kids have several hobbies. Football (soccer), chess, and Pokémon cards (ptcg).

Now football is something she embraces and even chess. Football is something she believes she is also good at, because she played in her teens. So she register them, take them to trainings and games, and even hired a private coach for the older one. Chess, she also register them to camps and what not.

Now Pokémon cards, which btw is a quite competitive and brain stimulating hobby, because it is done mostly through me - and because I also started to play in tournaments (because when I take them, I needed to wait 3-4 hours. So now I also play), she is entirely blocking it. She says she doesn't, but she ignores any event on her time.

She even sent me 1200 words essay on how, I am creating conflict by pressuring them to participate on Pokémon tournaments because I also go. I had to answer and explain that if there is conflict, she needs to consider. In one house, the parents there takes them to all hobbies. Football, chess, ski, Pokémon. Whatever it is. Training. Games. Tournaments. That parents take them to everything. On the other house, even when they asked directly, the other parents ignore and refuse to take them to tournaments or trainings, in the hobby she doesn't "lead".

They know the difference.

But this continues. And I am unsure how to tackle it.

Because they ask me "can we go to x or y?" and I am like "well that's mommy time... I can tell her about it but is up to her.". And right away they answer "oh she won't take us, she never does.".

And I don't know how to deal with this. Because I do feel is bothering them. I even feel I should hold back to mentioning the events as much, so that they don't feel in the middle.

And this apply to other things. Like my partner tells them she loves them, like when wishing them good night, and recently I noticed they question it. It seems my ex told them that her (my current partner) love, is not really love.

Or my older son one day started crying, that it doesn't know what is the truth anymore, because he hears different things in the different house, and he doesn't know which one is the truth. Or asked me if it is true that me and my partner think he is an idiot (probably due to something we must have explained him and it was framed as we were trying to dup him).

Is hard. I don't know how to navigate such waters. And how to protect them of feeling in the middle.

Fellow DD,

Have you ever gotten back to together with your X for any reason?? Whether that’s dinner, a date, a random hookup, etc? For context, I feel like my X has been more flirtatious with her texts to me. Exclamation points after texts, emojis, compliments, etc. We have been divorced for 1.5 years and her responses like this have been going on for the past 3-4 weeks. Normally, our texts are all business about the kids. Had these texts occurred a month or two after the divorce, I would have thought it was just second thoughts, but not 1.5 years later. So I guess my main question is, if you did go on a date, hookup, or whatever; what was the outcome? Positive, negative, neutral?? Did it help or hurt your relationship? Thank you all in advance!!

I grew up on the East Side of Las Vegas in a low-income family, and art was always something I had. I never imagined it would eventually become how I supported my family.

Their mom and I were together for about 10 years. We built a life together and had two children, and for most of that time, I thought we were building our future together. It was during our final year together that everything changed. After our second child was born, our relationship went through some very difficult circumstances, and ultimately we had to separate.

Suddenly, I found myself a divorced dad raising two young kids while trying to keep my business and career alive. For a while, I was essentially a stay-at-home dad and a full-time artist at the same time. I was trying to take care of my kids, pay the bills, keep creating, and somehow build a future when everything felt completely uncertain.

There were plenty of days when I questioned whether I could actually make it work. I didn't have a traditional career path or much of a safety net. I just knew I had two kids depending on me, and I couldn't give up.

It's been about 15 years of building my life through art. Along the way, I've gone from painting and graphic design into murals, sculpture, jewelry, and other creative work. Today, I make my living entirely as an artist and provide for my family through something I built myself.

Looking back, becoming a divorced dad completely changed me. It forced me to grow in ways I never expected. It was one of the hardest chapters of my life, but it also showed me what I was capable of.

I'm still figuring things out, just like a lot of dads are. But I'm proud that my kids get to see their dad keep going, even when life doesn't go according to plan.

If my wife and I separate, I know i will be losing the normal day-to-day time I have with my kids.

We built a really nice home for the kids, but if I move out, I’ll basically have enough money for a mattress. My place probably won’t be suitable for having the kids over for at least a couple of years.

I don’t want to miss out on the little things. I want to make them breakfast on Saturday mornings and put them to bed a couple nights a week then leave right after..Literally have breakfast ready for them on Saturday at 8am and leave at 10am. That’s what I used to do anyway, especially when I was working nights.

For those who have gone through this, do you still go to your ex’s house to spend time with your kids? Does that actually work, or does it just make the separation harder for everyone?

Hi everyone, I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle this and be the best dad I can be.

My ex and I planned our daughter together. After the birth she had postpartum depression, so I stayed home to support her, then worked 4-week rotations and helped with everything during my 2 weeks home. Over time she emotionally pulled away, and I eventually found out she'd been cheating on me with a friend I'd known for over 20 years. (No need for a DNA test, my daughter is clearly mine, becouse she looks almost exactly like i.

After the breakup we informally shared alternating custody and it worked fine. Then her family, who she lives with, started interfering. Once, while we were standing by my daughter's crib, her mother told me that a colleague of hers was going through a divorce, and that if she were ever divorcing, she wouldn't let the father have the kids. She said she'd make something up so he wouldn't get them, because she's against alternating custody. After that they kept dictating when I could see my daughter, so I went to court. I got extended contact, but my ex refuses overnight stays.

Things were okay for a while, but since her current partner arrived, communication has fallen apart. He's her second partner since we split. The first was the friend she cheated on me with, and the current one is a friend of his. She now takes up to two days to reply about our daughter, I have to beg for basic information, and she announces decisions instead of discussing them. Recently she told me I was "a mistake" and that she wants our daughter to see we have nothing in common. Everything is framed as "for our daughter's good," but it feels like she's trying to minimize my time with her. Daughter is 3 years old.

For context: we never had a toxic relationship and rarely argued. I pay child support on time, contribute to kindergarten and activities, spend quality time with my daughter, and support her relationship with her mom.

1. Would a mediator help, or should I go back to court and stop making concessions?
2. How do I stay a calm, reliable dad my daughter feels safe with through all this?
3. Is there any realistic way to get my ex to respect me as a co-parent?
4. If you grew up in a situation like this, what helped you most?
5. My ex still lives with her mother and grandmother, and I feel her mother heavily influences her opinions and decisions, including pushing her to limit my contact and communication with our daughter. Since they live under one roof, I know I can't really stop that, but is there anything I can do from my side to reduce that influence, or at least keep it from affecting my relationship with my daughter?
6. For anyone who's been through this or grew up in it: did a co-parenting relationship like this ever actually get better? If so, what changed? Was it something someone did, or did it just take time?

Hi all DD,

In all my scrolling and reading subs like this as I try to understand the situation I am entering ( served divorce papers but currently in counseling) I have come across the same phrase in multiple posts. A phrase which was told to me in my own situation. This is a phrase I have heard said to me. The “I love you but I am no longer in love with you” and the expectation that we will remain friends after things settle. It is weirdly common to hear and seems so strange. We have kids so we will have a relationship but a friendship? That seems like an unrealistic expectation.

Is there like a script somewhere?

My wife and I went through something traumatic last when we lost a child before birth. We have two children already but this one was brutal. It devastated us both but obviously was harder on my wife. Rightfully so as she felt such guilt and pain which I simply can’t imagine. She the. became hostile. To me.

I’ve learned through coupes therapy that her hostility and pushing me away was a plead for help. I recognized that too late and left her alone for too long and now we don’t believe we can come back to where we were. Heal. Reconcile. She resents me too much. That is something I will have to deal with on my own.

However, with that, we are now discussing a trial separation, which I think is just our polite way of beginning the divorce process. Because neither of us have the courage to say that out loud.

Has anyone gone through a trial separation and had it successfully bring them back together? Did the distance help?

So, like the title says, my son found his mother’s sex toy. He told me tonight that he found a pair of “underpants with a fake penis.” Apparently it was for her “friend” who was visiting from out of state.

The “friend” is married, with a child, but she wants to divorce her husband as well.

This is deeply weird and I am not sure what to do.

We just finished a round of litigation she initiated (and lost).

Well, this court piece is being drug out forever. We will now have 3 straight days of court coming up in a week. The judge said it’s that contentious where he felt the need to schedule it that way. Just insane

My ex has withheld the kids for over a month. And now is attacking me for not giving her full access to my employment income. She kicked me out, filed and is dating a new guy while keeping my kids away since “there’s no custody order” but demands I give her whatever money she wants even without any finance order in place.

Nights are getting dark and this is draining me but I’m still here.