Ladies and Gentlemen! We welcome with open arms the beginning of the 2017-2018 Daddy's Deep Dog Fantasy Season

After months of waiting to kick off the season we're finally within a week to go until the season opener. Dom coming off a championship season decided to give mercy to the rest of us and left the league leaving the crown vacant. Who will be the one who comes out on top?

THE DRAFT *In order of draft*

1. Everyday I'm Russellin' had the #1 pick in the draft. Wasting no time, picking up David Johnson who a was a fantasy stud a year ago, started his team off on a good foot. Going RB heavy for the first 3 picks, appears has the best RB lineup in the league. The WRs aren't the strongest group, but EIR has plenty of depth in this category. EIR shouldn't need to worry about picking up a TE every week, he picked up Delanie Walker who is a serviceable starter with the capability of making magic happen. 2 QBs were picked up in Derek Carr and Big Ben to give the option of starting 1 of the 2 best starting QBs playing in the NFL today.

Pros: Strong RB group, deep WR group, 2 good QBs

Cons: None

2. Matty Ice followed up the first pick with taking Le'Veon Bell off the board, the best RB in the game, just a tad bit injury prone. His next 3 picks would be WRs. Out of the 3, 2 were true starters but he will need to make some decisions throughout the season on who to start for his flex position. He has a few options, Tevin Coleman, Latavius Murray, Rishard Matthews, or Devante Adams. They will all put up some points but not enough to truly win the Flex. Picking up one of the potential busts of the season, Frank Gore, he can possibly face the task of replacing his RB2 midseason. His QB is Andy Dalton AKA the Red Rocket, who is not a flashy but somewhat steady QB. Zach Ertz will fill the TE spot who is a little above average, will not need to worry about finding new TEs throughout the season.

Pros: Le'Veon Bell, 2 top end WRs

Cons: Frank Gore, not a lot of depth.

3. Josh having the 3rd pick and took the first WR in the draft, taking Antonio Brown. He took TY Hilton next which is questionable in my books. Having the potential of having one of the best WR groups in the league, weighs heavily on the health of Andrew Luck. He has 2 other starting capable WRs in Michael Crabtree and Willie Snead. He will be set on WRs only swapping if he wants to. Only having 2 RB spots to fill, he chose his first RB to be Leonard Fournette, an up proven rookie and following up with Rob Kelley. From what I remember, Kelly wasn't who you hope to be starting for RB, but having RB1 duties on his team, his value should be up from last year. Jordan Reed is his TE, who is a good TE but only if he stays healthy. He is not stranger to battling injury. Josh will be relying on Tyrod Taylor to handle his QB duties while he waits for Andrew Luck to get healthy. Josh chose unhealthy Andrew Luck over drafting other RBs with the names of Tevin Coleman and Eddie Lacy to settle for Rob Kelly. Maybe he knows something the rest of us don't but being so reliant on a hurt QB doesn't seem like a good strategy.

Pros: Deep WR group

Cons: Very reliant on Andrew Luck, RB2 seems like a weak point in the team

4. The Tanstars took Julio Jones off the board getting a good start on filling his WR roster spots. He wouldn't continue to add any other WRs until rounds 7 & 8 which resulted in an average WR group. Taking 2 RBs with rounds 2 & 3, he has a good RB group if Todd Gurley can rebound out of his sophomore slump, which shouldn't be an issue. He took the GOAT and followed that up with two TEs. He is the only team in the league to be starting two TEs. We will see how this goes. On his bench he has a back up for every skill position giving him a bit of a shield to any injuries that may happen.

Pros: Depth, RB group, TE safety Cons: None

5. Jolly Swagman aka Auto Draft King started by auto-drafting OBJ. He auto-drafted his way to possibly the best WR group in the league and auto-drafting one of the best TEs. His auto-drafted RB group has a bit to desire but hey, starters are starters (For now at least). His auto-drafted QB turned out to be a good one, with good upside coming into his third year.

Pros: WR group

Cons: Auto Draft, no RB depth

6. Savage, usually one of the better drafters in the league, had a very average draft this year. Taking Shady McCoy in the first round and taking Dez Bryant with round two. Dez has the potential to be a bust this year relying of sophomore, Dak Prescott, to sling him the rock. We will see how teams adjust to exposing Dak's weaknesses to try and disrupt the air attack on the Dallas Homos. Jarvis Landry was a solid pick up in the 5th round who is an excellent WR2 for any team. Savage took Aaron Rodgers in the 3rd round which is early for a QB, but reaching for the best QB in football right now might be okay.

Pros: Aaron Rodgers, solid core of top RB1 and WR1/2

Cons: Flex Position (After Doug Martin reclaims his RB1 duties on the Buccs and J. Rodgers goes back to the bench where he belongs)

7. Piping Petes going RB heavy, drafting 3 RBs with his first 3 picks which comes out to be a decent group of RBs. The only downside to the RBs is two of them are on shit-teir teams so they will have to abandon the run game when they try to catch up to stay in the game. His WR group is a good group too with Golden Tate and Alshon Jeffery running the routes. His TE is Tyler Eifort who has proved to be one of the best TEs in the game. Piping Petes chose to draft one of the best geriatric QBs in the league inDrew Brees. Piping Petes has a bit of depth at WR sitting on the bench but will have to see how they preform this year.

Pros: Skill Positions, WR Depth, very even team

Cons: RBs on teams likely to play from behind

8. Golden Taint had a very solid draft picking up big names that have been known to produce in the past (Keenan Allen, Deandre Hopkins, Sammy Watkins). We will not know how they do until they play this year. GT also picked up some of the highest scoring RBs in the league from last year (Melvin Gordon, Jay Ajayi). Golden Taint chose an up and coming QB, Jamis Winston who has plenty of offensive weapons around him and should make for a solid year for the 3rd year QB. Eric Ebron will play as his TE who showed last year, that he could get the job done. Overall, Golden Taint has one of the highest ceilings if all his pieces can produce at a similar level as they have done in the past.

Pros: Big names, RBs & WRs

Cons: None

9. Graham By the Pussy got off to a good start selecting two of the top WRs in the game. Afterwards started selecting RBs. Mark Ingram is a questionable pick due to the fact we haven't seen how Adrian Peterson and Mark Ingram will split the carries. He selected Matt Ryan as his QB which if last year can be any indication, he will have the ball in good hands. The rest of his squad is okay. Jamaal Charles is on his way out and Antonio Gates isn't like what he used to be. His bench is full of other names you recognize but not sure in the starting capacity.

Pros: Good WR group

Cons: Old star players

10. High Society the second of two teams to auto draft started auto drafting Mike Evans. Picking up bust-prone DeMarco Murray with his second pick. Joe Mixon in 3 who is a part of the most confusing backfields in the NFL. Adrian Peterson who for reasons stated above is somewhat questionable (but for a 5th rounder it might be okay). Larry Fitzgerald seems to have found the fountain of youth is always productive and caps off a very solid WR group. Cam Newton will be commanding the offense. Many questions surround this group which could lead to a very disappointing season or can lead to a hopeful season being a part of the race to the post season.

Pros: WRs

Cons: RBs bust-prone

11. Hard Work wasted no time on drafting unproven talent in Kareem Hunt with his first pick. Almost immediately turning around to pick a questionable TE pick in oft-injured Gronk. His next pick would come 21 picks later in unproven RB Ty Montgomery. Not saying its a bad pick, just unproven. In the 4th round, Hard Work picked up the man of the hour that we all wanted to draft for our own, Russell "The Winner of Superbowls, King of the Deep Ball, Breaker of Ankles, Juker in the West, Team Captain, Lover of Children (Children's Hospital visits, not pedophile), The Greatest 3rd Rounder, Dangeruss" Wilson. WRs seem pretty decent between Eric Decker and Chris Hogan. One glaring question is what will HD do with his flex position?

Pros: Russell Wilson, High Upside between RBs and TE

Cons: Depth, Flex

12. Bukkake Monster getting off to drafting RBs got Marshawn Lynch and Ezekiel Elliott. Zeke's suspension is still up in the air so this could prove to be a good draft pick if the suspension gets eliminated entirely or a bad one if the 6 game suspension is upheld. BM's WR group is pretty good coming up with some big names in Tyrell Pryor, Kelvin Benjamin, and Brandon Marshall. He did choose to stack up his QB and WR on the same team so he is dependent on the Redskins offensive attack. BM did stretch to grab Justin Tucker off the board early. About 3 rounds earlier than the next kicker would be picked.

Pros: RB & WRs

Cons: Zeke's Suspension Status, Justin Kicker in 4th round

do do dee do

Welcome to Week 6 of the battle for the privileged of getting Deep Dogged by Daddy. We are one game away from the mid-point of the season and most peoples teams are set and the rotations found.

Before we dive into the predictions let's take a look at some of the best plays of Week 5.

Teams on Bye this week: Minnesota Vikings & Tampa Bay Buccaneers

And now for the picks...Winners in bold.

Golden Taint(3-2) vs The Fantasy God(3-2) GAME OF THE WEEK

Two 3-2 teams face off in what should be the matchup to watch over this week. Both of these teams are relatively equal this week and I think the deciding matchup will be at the QB position.

Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers roll down to Miami to square off against the Dolphins who have underachieved expectations(to say the least) this year and should expect to drop ~25+ points against the Dolphins. Matt Ryan has the unfortunate task of heading to the Clink(where the weather is expected to be very windy and rainy) and facing a Seahawks team that is fresh off a bye and looking to return to form. It appears Julio Jones will be man marked by Richard Sherman and although Sherman has been a beaten a few times this year(most notably against Brandon Marshall) I still expect Sherman to limit Julio Jones production. The Falcons will more than likely have to utilize the run against the Seahawks which should also limit Ryan's production.

The RB matchup is incredible this week as both of these teams have great RB's with the slight matchup edge going to The Fantasy God as Golden Taint has Melvin Gordon and the Chargers having to play Denver and that defensive front that has vowed will perform better after that atrocity against the Falcons last week. David Johnson should be able to shred the Jets defense as he has been shredding virtually everyone since being given the lead back role last year. LeSean McCoy has been terrific this year and there is no reason to suspect that will end as the Bills host the 49ers.

The WR matchup will also be incredibly close as Fitzgerald goes against the Jets secondary that appears will be without Revis for a second consecutive game. Cooks/Thomas get the fortune of playing against a Carolina secondary that is starting rookies. Amari Cooper and the red-hot raiders should be able to shred a Chiefs defense that has been among the leagues worst in defending the pass.

C.J. has been underwhelming the past few weeks but hopes to turn it around against the Chargers with Siemien returning under center. Allen Hurns should also be able to feast against the Bears but that all comes down to which Bortles comes out to play on Sunday. The safe bet to win this matchup is C.J. but never underestimate the Bears ability to be absolutely atrocious.

This game will be close and I could see it going either way but I think the QB advantage will push Golden Taint ahead this week.

The Tanstars(2-3) vs BabyWipes Over ToiletPaper(3-2)

I like the matchups for BabyWipes much more so than the matchups for The Tanstars this week. BabyWipes team faces favorable matchups across the board but primarily with Lamar Miller playing a very RB friendly team in the Indianapolis Colts and Michael Crabtree vs the Chiefs. The return of Arian Foster, who is rostered by the Tanstars, could signal a significant dip in the already less than stellar Jay Ajayi but the situation with Foster will have to be monitored all the way until game day. If Foster is healthy and fully available expect him to dominate the touches out of the backfield because Jay Ajayi absolutely blows.

The Tanstars seem to be getting Jamaal Charles back for his first start of the year against a somewhat forgiving Pittsburgh defense but it remains to be seen how he will perform with his first full workload. Hopefully he justifies his second round pick.

It appears Richard Sherman will be shadowing Julio Jones this Sunday as the Seahawks destroy the Falcons so expect Julio's numbers to be lower than usual. The same goes for Brandon Marshall as he will likely spend most of the game under the wing of Patrick Peterson.

The Flex matchup goes in the favor of Michael Crabtree who has been amazing when Derek Carr has been under center and should be in store for a great day against the relatively weak secondary of the Chiefs.

This should be a good game but expect BabyWipes to come out on top and improve to 4-2 while The Tanstars drop to 2-4 and drop further down the slippery slope towards the playoffs.

Everyday I'm Russelin'(3-2) vs JackofallNguyens(1-4)

Two teams trending in opposite directions square off in what is essientially a must-win game for JackofallNguyen's if they want to have any hope of making the playoffs in their return to Daddy's Deep Dogs.

The QB matchup goes in the favor of JackofallNguyen's as Derek Carr, who has been playing absurdly well this year, faces off against a relatively weak KC defense which him and the Raiders should be able to shred. Everyday I'm Russelin' has Andy Dalton.

The RB matchup goes to Everyday I'm Russelin' as LeVeon Bell is the best RB in the league when healthy and active and it remains to be seen the opportunites that Duke Johnson will get this week after a less than stellar showing by the entire Browns ground game against the Patriots. I like both Theo Riddick and Carlos Hyde but it remains to be seen how the signing of Forsett will impact Riddick's workload and the starting of Kaepernick effects Carlos Hyde. It's a wait and see situation with these two. I wouldn't be surprised if they both scored under 10 points nor would I be suprised if they both did tremendous.

DeAndre Hopkins and Kelvin Benjamin are both incredible players who will be in favorable situations this week for them. The return of Cam Newton should help Kelvin's production as him and Olsen are the favorite targets for Mr. Newton. Jarvis Landry, although a great player in his own right, has the misfortune on relying on Ryan Tannehill to get production and I don't see Tannehill turning it around this weekend even against the Steelers offense. Expect this game to be relatively high scoring(at least for the Steelers) which may help Landry's production.

Gronkowski hasn't been playing well(or at all) lately but turned it around last weekend, albeit against the Browns. I like Hunter Henry but Denver's LB corps/secondary both do solid jobs against tight ends and I expect them to limit Henry's opportunities.

This will be a relatively close game but I expect Everyday I'm Russelin' to move ahead and for JackofallNguyen's playoff hopes to essentially come to an end.

Savage(3-2) vs Piping Petes(1-4)

Savage and Justin Tucker face off against the second worst team in the league in Piping Petes and Phillip Rivers.

Savage has a better roster and better matchups this week than does Piping Petes.

The RB situation is a bit of a wash as Terrance West will now more than likely assume the lead back role for the Ravens with the cutting of Justin Forsett and has a favorable matchup against the Giants at the New Meadowlands. Mark Ingram has really turned it on the two weeks prior to his buy and I expect him to do just as well this weekend with a terrific Saints offense squaring off against a lackluster Panthers defense. Matt Jones had a rough week last week against the Ravens and things don't get any easier as the Redskins face off against a surprisingly stout Eagles defense. Darren Sproles is boom or bust and you never really know what you're going to get with him.

The WR matchup edge goes in favor of Savage as T.Y Hilton has been amazing this year and I expect that to continue even though they are facing a pretty good Texans defense. I expect OBJ to break out of his slump this week as well against the Ravens. Jordy Nelson is very good and very consistent but it is a bit worrisome that Aaron Rodgers is the least accurate QB in the NFL through the season so far..

If Jordan Reed is unavaible to go due to his concussion this week Piping Petes will have to either find a replacement TE via the very shallow TE pool in the FA list or run a zero at that position.

The Flex matchup is the most interesting one of this game as Christine Michael, who expects to get the start, and the Seahawks square off against the Falcons and Willie Snead and the Saints face off against a Panthers secondary that has been getting absolutely torn to shreds against virtually everyone so far this year. Hopefully Snead is healthy and ready to go after his bye. I assume Michael will get the better of this matchup simply due to the fact that he will get more opportunities both running and receiving the ball.

This is a must win for Piping Petes and unfortunately for him it doesn't appear that Savage will let him get it. Savage will move to 4-2 and Piping Petes will also be in danger of missing his second straight playoffs.

HARD WORK(1-4) vs Team Dom Dom(4-1)

Absolute must win game for the league's commissioner as he faces off against the rookie and #1 ranked player in the league and I do not believe that he will get it.

The return of Tom Brady not only shores up his QB position for the rest of the season but should hopefully also return Edelman to fantasy relevancy after a lackluster start to his season. Aaron Rodgers, simply put, has not played up to his God-tier status so far this year and things don't appear to be getting any easier as he squares off against a surprisingly effective secondary/defense that the Cowboys hold. He's still Aaron Rodgers though so he very well may go out there and throw for 400 yards and 3 TD's.

The reason that Hard Work is going to lose is simply because Team Dom Dom boasts the best RB combo in the entire league with DeMarco Murray and Ezekiel Elliot leading the charge against Matt Forte and Devin Booker. Though this tandem is not bad in it's own right it simply is no match against what Team Dom Dom can trot out.

I like the matchup for HARD WORK as Antonio Brown faces off against the Dolphins who are absolutely inept at covering receivers this year and who won't have a snowballs chance in hell of stopping the freight train that is Big Ben and that Steelers offense. If Hard Work has any hope of winning this matchup then he needs Antonio to go out there and drop 20+ points.

Greg Olsen who is on pace to eclipse 1600 receiving yards will more than likely outperform Julius Thomas especially with Cam returning and *especially against the Saints defense.

The Flex matchup should also go in favor of Team DOM DOM and Jordan Howard who has been ripping defenses up despite the Bear's struggles and should continue to do so against the Jaguars. I do not like the matchup for Mr. Williams against that Broncos secondary that should have a healthy returning Aqib Talib.

Expect Team DOM DOM to cruise to 5-1 and for our commissioner to start preparing for the offseason.

Matty Ice(4-1) vs Rizza (2-3)

Rizza got a much needed win last week and hopes to keep the ball rolling against the second seeded Matty Ice....and I expect him to.

The boi Russ Wils will be coming back more healthy and fresh after the Seahawks bye week whereas the already sporadic Kirk Cousins has the misfortune of playing a very solid Eagles defense in an NFC East showdown.

Both Coleman(@SEA) and Gore(@HOU) square off against very solid defenses which may very well limit both of their productions going forward. Fortunately for Gore he is not in a time-share with another RB. Crowell looks to get back to shape after being throttled by the Patriots defense last weekend. You never know what the game plan will be for Belicheck and the Pats, Blount may very well run the ball 20 times and get a pair of TD's ....or he may seen very few carries. The game plan is always changing for the pats so it's too difficult to read.

I like the WR matchup for the Chiefs the most as OAK gives up the most points to opposing wideouts and Cole Beasley has been one of Dak Prescott's favorite targets. Expect the Patriots to try and completely take A.J. Green out of the game and force the Bengals to beat them with some other players as per Bill's usual defensive game plan.

Tamme may very well be the best fantasy option for the Falcons going forward as it appears the Seahawks can never quite seem to keep track of opposing teams Tight Ends.

Marvin Jones, currently ranked the #2 wide receiver, has a decent matchup against the Titans whereas Jeremy Hill(who is in a RBBC) has to play the Patriots at Foxborough...

Rizza should be able to snag his second consecutive victory and move to an even .500 while Matty Ice gets a minor setback and drops to 4-2.

Thanks for reading, folks!

P.S. If you haven't you should read this: http://www.theplayerstribune.com/richard-sherman-seahawks-what-you-dont-know-about-cornerback/

Week 5 is upon us and just as everyone expected Mister Fuhr and "Matty Ice" are at the top of the standings and Derek Hartwigsen and "Hard Work" are at the very bottom.

Injuries have hit pretty hard for many teams early on which have seen a lot of studs head to IR or be ruled out for the season (Keenan Allen/Sammy Watkins/Adrian Peterson/ etc.) but there are no excuses and your ability to adapt is what separates the 2x champions from the Derek's of the world.

Week 5 is upon us and before we look at some scrub squads lets take a look at some non scrub highlights.

The picks are in late this week so some of these things are foregone conclusions by now but...

Rizza(1-3) vs BabyWipes Over Toilet Paper(3-1)

Rizza's team is not as bad as their record would have it appear...that being said they are going to get destroyed again this week.

With Murray appearing to be a game time decision the RB edge will go slightly to Rizza who fields Crowell(vs NE) and Coleman (@DEN) against L. Miller(@MIN) and Murray(vs SD). On paper it seems that Rizza has tougher matchups but so far this season neither Denver nor New England have been particularly stout against the run. IF Murray is healthy and good to go against SD then I expect him to absolutely shred that weak Chargers defense.

DT/Brandon Marshall both have great matchups(outside of the snaps that DT is covered by Trufant) as opposed to Cobb who has been largely irrelevant for most of this year and though Marvin Jones has been terrific this year so far I think he will come back to Earth against a surging Eagles defense.

While I believe that Antonio Gates is a superior player to Rudolph it will be Gates inability to stay healthy that will lead this matchup also going in favor of BabyWipes as well.

Rizza to go 1-4 and BabyWipes to keep pushing along to 4-1. Expect this to be a 20-25 point margin.

Matty Ice(4-0) vs Savage(2-2)

This will be the best game of the week to observe with two really solid teams facing off. I really, really like both of these rosters top to bottom but there are a few concerns I have this week that push me to rolling with Matty Ice this week(a decision I flip flopped more than a few times on).

I give the RB edge this week to Matty Ice as I like the matchups/skill levels for both of his guys a bit better than Savage's. Although you never can really tell what BB is going to do it is safe to expect Blount to get roughly the same amount of work that he has been getting, perhaps a tad bit less now with the return of Tom Brady. Not sure what has gotten into Frank Gore but he has been playing like a man possessed despite Indy's early season struggles and I fully expect that to continue against a porous Bears defense. West/Jones are both servicable in their own rights but I don't think they will replicate their last week's performances.

The WR matchup is probably the most interesting. Will ODB get his head out from wherever it is and get back to being the beast that we know he can be or will he get benched? Stay tuned to find out! Alshon has a tasty matchup against a weak Indy secondary but unfortunately for him he is on the Chicago Bears and Cutler forgets to QB sometimes. I like A.J. Green in any matchup and Terrelle Pryor is proving to be the best receiving weapon the Browns have and will continue to see a heavy dose of targets and perhaps even a carry or two.

TE edge goes to Matty Ice despite him having to play his back up as Tamme is playing for a Falcons passing game that has been absolutely on fire. Even facing a tremoundous Broncos defense I still expect the Falcons offense to do reasonable well.

Not having Cam Newton is really going to hamper Savage's QB matchup battle because Simien will not be asked to do a whole lot against the Falcons and the Falcons defense is much improved from last year. This is one of the few matchups that I would take Cousins in.

This will be a close game but ultimately Matty Ice will improve to 5-0 and Savage will drop to 2-3 after

JackofallNguyens(1-3) vs Team DOM DOM(3-1)

Two teams that are trending in opposite directions to start the season as JackofallNguyen's is spiraling down into oblivion and Team DOM DOM seem like a roster poised to make a strong playoff push.

Top to bottom TDD has a better rosterwith perhaps the only advantage JoaN having is at the flex position in a matchup of Tight Ends.

Although JoaN's had a strong start on Thursday night with Carlos Hyde putting up a tremendous statline it doesn't appear to be enough to stem what TDD is expected to put up this week and beyond.

This game was over before it ever really began.

HARD WORK(1-3) vs Everday I'm Russellin'(2-2)

A battle that has been brewing for decades returns in fantasy format. A battle that has two opponents who have combined for 1* trophy in the 5 years of this leagues existence....THE HARTWIGGY BOWL

Everday Im Russelin came crashing back down to Earth(in predictable fashion) after his week 3 win and HARD WORK is looking to get out of the basement of the league and have a seat at the winner's table.

I love the matchups for HARD WORK this week:

Tom Brady returning to action on a revenge tour after serving his four week suspension(also returning after the Patriots managed to get shutout at home, something they haven't had done to them since 1993).

Forte against pretty much anyone outside of the Vikings/Seahawks/Broncos.

Edelman with Brady back should go back to being a beast.

Antonio Brown against a secondary that no longer contains Revis and Steve Smith who looked sharp last week and who I expect to keep it up against the Redskins in what figures to be a decently high scoring game.

The key matchup will be one between two back up RB's, both of whom have to start for both of these rosters. Duke Johnson vs Devin Booker. Booker and the Falcons will have a tough time as is to run against a solid Broncos defense in Mile High Stadium so the edge goes to Duke Johnson who looks to factor more into the rushing attack after last week's decent showing.

Hard Work will get his second win of the season at the expense of his younger, less smelly brother. No matter who wins here...we all lose.

The Tanstars(2-2) vs The Fantasy God(2-2)

The League Leader in championships as well as the #1 Gamer in the league squares off against bottle-first The Fantasy God.

The Fantasy God is off to a bad start with his starting flex player (Michael Floyd) getting zero points in his TNF game against the 49ers despite a huge win by the Cardinals.

Andrew Luck should have a field day against the Bears and utilize all of his targets in route to a strong performance that both himself and the Colts need if they want to stay in the race for the Division Title. Matt Ryan has been on an absolute tear lately but going into Mile High and playing against that defense should temper expectations a bit for the current #1 QB in fantasy.

LeSean McCoy/Todd Gurley are both better running backs than either of the options that The Tanstars will be trotting out this weekend despite them playing against teams that are traditionally very solid against the run. Expect the RB matchup to go in the way of the Fantasy God by over 20 points.

The Julio Jones/Mike Wallace combo is better than the Floyd/Cooper combo and should result in a decent sized swing in favor of the Tanstars to tighten up the game, although once again the matchup of Julion Jones & the Falcons against the Broncos is something to be watched closely.

Flex matchup goes in favor of The Fantasy God and McKinnon over Diggs(if he is healthy) or Cameron Meredith(who?)

This will be a close game but the edge goes to The Fantasy God despite the goose egg from Mr. Floyd and may very well come all the way down to Monday Night when the Panthers face off against the Buccaneers.

Piping Petes (1-3) vs Golden Taint (2-2)

30.50 points from David Johnson. 20.10 points from Larry Fitzgerald.

This game will be an absolute bloodbath. Expect Golden Taint to win by 40+ points.

R.I.P Piping Petes. We hardly knew ya.

Projected Standings After Week 4

Daddy's Deep Dogs Playoffs Outlook

Playoffs are among us and the margin of error is getting tighter than a straight man's clenched butthole in a gay bar. With no more bye weeks, all excuses are out the door. Out of the 12 teams this year, 9 are still fighting for those playoffs spots. Rolling into week 12, amazingly no one has clinched a playoff berth. Three weeks left to keep the dream alive. With only four playoff spots, this will be the most exciting playoff race to date.

Golden Taint - (8-3)

Golden Taint is the clear favorite to win the year. Somehow moving past losing Jamaal Charles in week 5, GT has remained at the top of the league. One more win should solidify his playoff berth. Ranking #1 in record and #2 in points. Pairing that with the easiest schedule is a recipe for playoffs. Things do not change in the last 3 weeks either having tied for the easiest schedule against opponents with a combined 13-20 record.

Piping Petes - 7-4

Piping Petes has surprised us all by maintaining his elite status this season. Let this be a testament that miracles do come true. Sadly this princess story will come to a tragic end in the Superbowl. PP is the current top scorer in the league thanks to a string of godly performances by Devonte Freeman. Once he fell back to earth, so did the Petes. Piping Petes is going against average teams with a combined record of 16-17 in his upcoming three games.

Savage - 7-4

Savage's hopes of winning the Daddy's Deep Dog Trophy is resting on the availability of Marshawn Lynch who has been battling injuries all season. Being 7-4, and playing against opponents with a (16-17) record, Savage is in a good spot and it is his playoff spot to lose.

Viet Mali Mafia - 6-5

VMM's chances of making the playoffs for a second consecutive year in a row is dwindling. Losing to SS4 Goku puts him back in the pack, albeit in the front of the pack. I don't see VMM winning the necessary games to move past week 14. Most of VMM's roster is a boom-or-bust type player. His remaining three games is the third hardest going against teams with a record of 18-15.

Everyday I'm Russellin' - 6-5

Everyday I'm Russellin's team is in a tough spot. After losing his #1 wr while his #2 and #3 receivers are battling injuries of their own, it will be tough to grind out some wins. The one bright spot in Russellin's future is the promising game of Eddie Lacy in what looked like his 2014 form. With the hardest remaining schedule (21-12), EIR can only hope for star performances from his squad, which there have been flashes of throughout the season.

Fantasy God - 6-5

For all the questionable trades and injuries that The Fantasy God has made and had this year, it is amazing that he is still in the playoff race. Working for his first legit playoff berth, Fantasy God is one of the largest underdogs. Despite boasting the lowest points per game and being outscored by 100 points over the course of the season, he has a winning record. (???!) The points for and against have a chance to even out by playing against a leagues second easiest schedule (15-18).

SS4 Goku - 6-5

Snaking a win from Viet Mali Mafia during week 11 keeps SS4 Goku's playoff hopes alive. Since no one is too vested in SS4 Goku's season we will keep it brief. His remaining schedule has a combined record of (16-17)

Josh Engen - 5-6

What happened to Josh's team over the past few weeks? Starting the season out 5-2, he has dropped the last 4 games, putting his postseason into jeopardy. Fighting the uphill battle, Josh will likely have to win out the rest of his games with some help of other competing teams losing. What separates himself from the other 5-6 team, is that has outscored his fellow competitor. In the upcoming weeks his schedule is the second easiest going against team with a record of 15-18.

HARD WORK - 5-6

HARD WORK has been fighting tooth and nail after a horrible draft and then losing Arian Foster to injury. Somehow he is still in the talks for the fourth playoff spot. At this point, he needs a lot of things to go right for him. A combination of winning out his schedule and key teams losing will give him a glimmer of hope. One more loss and that glimmer will be squashed. Things aren't looking up for him either as he is tied with the second hardest remaining schedule vs opponents with a combined record of 19-14.

Tanstars - 4-7

Tanstars has already been eliminated from the playoffs at week 11. So much for the reigning champ. LOL. Maybe he can get some garbage time wins to hide his disappointing season with the easiest schedule vs teams with a record of 13-20

Saskatoon Rowdy Dogs - 4-7

Saskatoon Rowdy Dogs' admittance into Daddy's Deep Dog's didn't go according to plan. Ranking tied for 11th out of 12th, there has to be better seasons ahead of SRD. We can say his season was plagued with injuries and a hard schedule but he will have to improve on a lot for the upcoming season. SRD versus teams with a record of 19-14.

BabyWipes Over ToiletPaper - 2-9

Over the course of the year, it seems like BabyWipes lost 3/4 of his team due to injury. Either way, losing 8 games straight seems like a stat that you have to work for. BabyWipes closes his season vs teams with a 17-16 record.

WHO WILL MAKE THE PLAYOFFS?

1. Golden Taint

2. Piping Petes

3. Savage

4. Everyday I'm Russellin'

WINNER?

This year the title with go back to Everyday I'm Russellin' after he upsets Golden Taint in the first round and pipes Piping Petes right in the pipe hole for the championship! GGWPnoobs.

Welcome to week 6 of fantasy football bois and gurls. At roughly a third of the way through the season things are just beginning to seperate. Some of the teams have had good luck staying injury free while others not so much. I would like to remind everyone that losing a top pick to the injured reserve list is only crippling if you let it. I'd also like to point out that we are playing for $300.00 - that could buy you a lot of rohypnol - so lets keep those rosters active and those benches rotating through these hard hitting bye weeks. Some of you guys are doing a great job playing the matchups and keeping an eye on those emerging free agents while others are going with the strategy of keeping a static lineup and hoping their injured players are soon to return. I think these next few weeks will really seperate these two coaching techniques.

Shout out to Derek for being a great interim commisioner this year so far. Besides not being able to return my mis-traded Doug Baldwin you're doing great.

WEEK 5 STANDINGS

Week 6 Predictions(winners are linked to half naked women)

Piping Petes vs. Babywhipes Over Toiletpaper

I want to start off by saying I love my brother.. I would do very much for him.. Lose in fantasy football is not one. This seems like a pretty easy win for Piping Petes, maybe not as easy as week 4s obliteration against HARD WORK, but easy nonetheless. Both teams have a strong run game, relatively weak passing game and QBs we love to love. The difference however is very definitive - Piping Petes puts up points. With Devonta Freeman scoring 25+ points 3 weeks in a row, and holding more fantasy points than Tom Brady, we can expect him to steam roll through New Orleans' struggling defense and carry Piping Petes to the promise land. Thursday's game will look something very similar to this

Golden Taint vs. Tanstars

This is the type of situation where a good coach has the opportunity to really break out and show Daddy's Deep Dogs what they are made of. Give up on your year and hope for better luck in the next season? No, Golden Taint will push through losing Jamaal Charles and should be able to get his 5th win this week, further seperating him from the middle ground. With that being said, Tanstars restructuring and being very active in flipping his bench has done him well, and can be attributed to his week 5 win. That specific W came from the help of Seattle's very own Thomas Rawls - who will never put up parallel numbers with Lynch's expected return this Sunday. A close eye on what the Tanstars do with Rawls and who will replace him in the lineup this week should be kept. Andrew Luck coming off his bench for week 6 might actually be a gamble seeing as how Phillip Rivers has recently been outscoring projections.
This matchup will be very tight, not as tight as Tanstar's grip on Odell Beckham Jr's dick, but close nonetheless.

Josh Engen vs. Savage

This is going to be a fan favorite - should be a close matchup. Josh Engen picked up James Jones from the waiver wire after game 1 and that is turning out to be one of his better moves this season. Starting Tyrod Taylor over Tannehill is quite the judgement call, especially since he has to throw through the Bengals defense - which was proved to be quite difficult last week in the Seahawk's disgusting portrayal of how not to play offense. Savage is running down the field with Gronkowski and his newly, questionably collusion-acquired Marshawn Lynch. His match ups this week seem to be a little more laxed and this will give him the edge over Josh Engen.

Viet Mali Mafia vs. Everyday I'm Russellin'

If it weren't for the fact that Antonio Gates has to play the Packers at Lambeau Field, I would halfway expect him to single handedly carry VMM to the winner's circle. Luckily for EIR the Packers' undefeated squad should be able to slow Gates down and put up big points for Eddie Lacy. EIR has had the fortune of owning the stunningly good looking and equally talented QB Tom Brady, who just like EIR's abilities in highschool, can really get away with cheating. VMM has some really tough matchups this week and will ultimately get the best of him.

SS4 Gokuvs. HARD WORK

This matchup should be interesting. HARD WORK has had some tough losses, including week 4 where he got piped by Piping Petes with a point deficit of OVER 60 points. Alshon Jeffery will be back and hopefully put some long overdue points on HARD WORK’s board. Arian Foster also returned last week and SHOULD be able to run through the Jaguars. HARD WORK’s lack of depth (holding 3 QBs and 6 RB might just make it difficult to put up required points. LUCKILY… the required points won’t be too much if SS4 Goku forgets to set his lineup again. SS4 will have to hope that AP goes off and Drew Brees doesn’t get totally squashed by the powerhouse that is the Atlanta Falcons.

Fantasy God vs. The Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs

I'm really excited for Monday to write up on which team does worse. At this point it's not even about winning, its about who loses the least and takes away a win that will ultimately go to waste when its apparent neither team will even contest for a spot in the playoffs. I don’t want to write anymore cause its hard to analyze teams who have never broken 90 points

Week 5 Standings

Piping Petes (4-1) vs. The Fantasy God (2-3)

This game went as well as Piping Petes could have hoped for. Putting up at least 15 points from 5 different players and 2 crossed the threshold of 20 points. The Fantasy God on the other hand, only had 1 stand out player and of all people, it was Josh McCown?? As predicted, TFG's nobodies did nothing and was thoroughly destroyed by 30 points. Piping Petes secures his 1st place position with a 18 point cushion over 2nd place.

Golden Taint (4-1) vs. Viet Mali Mafia (3-2)

With a bittersweet victory, Golden Taint's quest to win a championship might elude him once more. What appeared to be an easy layup win for the Chiefs over the Bears, GT's fantasy team took a turn for the worst as Jamaal Charles blew out his knee just like Golden Taint's dreams this season. GT does have the depth to replace Charles but it won't be of the same caliber. LeSean McCoy better stop being hurt. Viet Mali Mafia played a good game scoring 97 points but lost by a mere 8 points. To make it worse, he chose the worst combination between rb/wr on his team. He had every opportunity to win but decided to suck instead.

Josh Engen (4-1) vs. BabyWipes Over ToiletPaper (2-3)

I originally predicted BWOTP to take the victory on this matchup. Boy was I wrong. He got his ass whooped all the way down the lineup. Josh Engen didn't even need to play a full lineup with Greg Olsen (9 ppg) on his bye week. Josh won in every single category except TE for obvious reasons. Lets hope BabyWipes can clean up that disaster of a game and score more than a laughable 66 points.

But Le'Veon Bell doe.

Savage (3-2) vs. SS4 Goku (3-2)

SS4 Goku didn't even get the spit. Savage tore Goku a new one en route to a 47 point victory for a week largest victory. It is unsure if Goku can ever come back from a beating that actually doubled his score. SS4 Goku managed to start only one player that scored over 15 points. The rest of his team decided to take the week off apparently. Savage played a respectable game scoring a consistent 7 points/player across the board with sprinkles of 16+.

HARD WORK (1-4) VS. The Tanstars (2-3)

It happens, sometimes teams get lucky and The Tanstars have gotten lucky twice this year now. What used to be the favorite team to go winless is managing to creep up the win column and what is shaping into a surprisingly mediocre team. HARD WORK on the other hand though, his team is as broken as Derek is in real life. Groin injury, hamstring injury, ankle injury. You just have to ask yourself, what's next.

Everyday I'm Russellin' (2-3) vs. The Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs (0-5)

Everyday I'm Russellin' did not want to be the one to give up the troll on The Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs putting up a weekly high score of 122. No surprise here that EIR dropped the hammer on SRRD by outscoring the competition by 46 points. Everyday I'm Russellin' put up 18+ points by 5 players, 2 who surpassed 23 points. Quite impressive Russell, quite impressive. There was not one redeeming performance by any of SRRD's 9 starting players.

After Week 4 Standings

Week 5 Predictions - Winners in bold

Piping Petes (3-1) vs. The Fantasy God (2-2)

Somehow after 4 weeks, the fantasy equivalent of the Raiders is leading the league. Piping Petes will attempt to extend his winning streak over The Fantasy God to help solidify his chances at his first appearance in the postseason. We can expect Petes to lay his pipe all over the self proclaimed Fantasy God. While there are no standout matchups for either side, Piping Petes has the far superior roster.

For the second week, The Fantasy God is without the services of Big Ben and has to settle with Mike Vick for a Monday Night Showdown. If you had not been keeping up with the season so far and you saw TFG's lineup, you would think it was pieced together on the Waiver Wire with the exception of Jimmy Graham. Even if TFG's newest weapon returns to his pre-trade production (21.1 ppg), he will need all the other nobodies on his team to step up. Enjoy the free win, Pete.

Viet Mali Mafia (3-1) vs. Golden Taint (3-1)

This is the most important game of the week. With the #2 and #3 teams facing off, this game will start to spread the league records and give an early picture who is a real contender for the postseason. This game, I give the edge to Golden Taint. Overall, his team has the better players and the better matchups.

Viet Mali Mafia does get two of his starting players back, Andre Ellington and Antonio Gates. But where his chances of winning dips, is starting Blake Bortles. Golden Taint has the Jag's #1 receiver and rb vs a hurting Tampa Bay defense. This game will rest in the hands of Allen Hurns stealing the spotlight. Aside from that, VMM is starting Jeremy Hill vs the best run defense in the league, Seattle Seahawks. GT has favorable matchup with his best player; Jamaal Charles vs a poor Bears defense.

Josh Engen (3-1) vs. BabyWipes Over Toilet Paper (2-2)

BabyWipes will manage to pull a 3rd win in the past 4 games over Josh Engen. Josh does have an okay lineup, but unfortunately, some of his matchups will prove to be too much to overcome; such as Alfred Morris @ATL and Amari Cooper vs DEN. Bad matchups are not unique to Josh as BabyWipes also has some unfavorable matchups with Russell Wilson @CIN, Pierre Garcon @ATL and a hurt Steve Smith vs CLE.

BabyWipes has Le'Veon Bell which automatically secures the win. There's too much to say about the guy to be brief. He runs, he catches, he blocks, we have even seen him throw. Maybe not throw, but given a chance, with his talent I'm sure he could replace Vick in a heartbeat. Piling this onto the fact that Josh will be missing Greg Olsen, he has not chosen a replacement for his starting TE. The remaining replacements are not looking good.

Savage (2-2) vs. SS4 Goku (3-1)

NOT SO BOLD PREDICTION: This week will mark the downfall of SS4 Goku's record. Goku certainly has been battling at a Super Saiyan 4 level, but this is the big leagues and I believe Goku has run out of senzu beans.

Adrian Peterson on bye, Karlos Williams/Nate Washington injured and Hilton/Martavus Bryant's QB injured; What light does Goku have to look to. NOTHING. Expect nothing less than a Savage buttfucking this week.

Savage will be hoping to getting to start fan favorite Marshawn Lynch from an outstanding trade on his part. He received the focal point of the Seahawk's offense in exchange for a QB/WR stacked Larry Fitzgerald. On top of that, Rob Gronkowski will be returning from his bye week to slaughter a Dallas defense that has given up over 1000 passing yards and 5 tds from the likes of Eli Manning, a struggling Sam Bradford, a running Atlanta steamroller (4 rushing tds), and an injured Drew Brees.

HARD WORK (2-2) vs. Tanstars (1-3)

HARD WORK IS WORKING HARD TO WORK THE HARD TO BEAT TANSTARS. Coming off of a championship, it looks like Tanstars has run out of luck (no pun intended). With Luck and Hyde being a bust, Tanstars has to rely too heavily and too often on OBJ.

HARD WORK is likely to post his highest marks of the year this week with favorable matchups clear across the board; Eli Manning vs SF, Arian Foster vs IND, Demarius Thomas @OAK, Alshon Jeffery @KC, Travis Kelce vs CHI, and Dion Lewis @DAL, this should be a slam dunk.

Everyday I'm Russellin' (1-3) vs. The Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs (0-4)

The struggling Everyday I'm Russellin' looks to end his losing streak vs the defeated Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs. The pressure is on to not lose vs the most skill-depleted team in the league. Despite being 1-3, EIR is still the favored team to win the championship.

EIR can rest easy knowing he has some of the better matchups this week, Tom Brady/Julian Edelman @ DAL, Demarco Murray vs NO, Eddie Lacy vs STL, and Justin Forsett vs CLE. The only two players that are even a bit fantasy relevant is Matt Ryan and Julio Jones whom face a holey Washington secondary. Possibly it isn't Saskatoon's year or fantasy isn't his thing. Either way, 0-5 is inexcusable.

Week 3 is upon us and before I roast your scrub squads lets take a look at some non scrub highlights.

Standings After Week 2

And now for the picks....winners in bold.

SS4 Goku(1-1) vs Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs(0-1)

Honestly, both these rosters look like absolute garbage right now. When you're forced to start Derek "How has no one realized I'm bad yet" Carr as your QB you know you're in for a rough week. Luckily for SS4 Goku he goes against an even worse roster that the Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs have no choice but to trot out.

Each of these teams has one bonafide superstar player with SS4 bringing out Adrian Peterson and Saskatoon with Julio Jones. Each of these teams can rely on their respective star to provide a hefty amount of points, the problem comes from the roster they surround this talent with.

Outside of Julio, Saskatoon has no real impact players able to go this week. Lamar Miller has a rough matchup with a stingy Buffalo defense who I'm sure is less than pleased by the way they were absolutely torched by NE last weekend at home, and whether or not Saskatoon chooses Jonathan Stewart or James Starks to start as his RB2 he can be sure that both of them will not perform well.

I like SS4's team just a bit more than Saskatoon's team this week but I don't believe either of these teams has a real shot of contending this year unless they make some serious alterations to their rosters moving forward.

Golden Taint(1-1) vs The Fantasy God(1-1)

This will be the best game of the week to observe with two really solid teams facing off. I really, really like both of these rosters top to bottom but there are a few concerns I have this week that push me to rolling with Golden Taint this week(a decision I flip flopped more than a few times on).

1. I give the RB edge this week to Golden Taint as I like the matchups for both of these guys a bit better than The Fantasy God's. Lynch has not been particularly productive these past two weeks, whether that is poor o-line play, poor reads by the QB, or simply poor running by Lynch is yet to be determined but we can expect Fred Jackson to get quality RZ looks that used to be solely given to Lynch which diminishes his value a bit. The Bears defense has been really weak this year but the Seahawks offense hasn't been particularly threatening either.
2. WR edge sliightly goes to Golden Taint as well: A.J. Green and the on fire Bengals get to play against a Baltimore secondary that just got torched by Derek " How has no one realized I'm bad yet" Carr. Expect him to go off. Now that Ryan Fitzpatrick has been named starting QB you can be sure that he will continue to force the ball to Brandon Marshall. Now that may not be good in the real world, but Golden Taint should be nothing but thrilled.
3. QB edge goes to The Fantasy God as Ben has been on absolute fire so far this year. With the return of Le'Veon Bell after his 2 game suspension even more options for Big Ben are available. Big Ben also revealed that the Steelers would continue to go for many 2 point conversions which could also serve as a nice little boost.
4. TE battle also goes to The Fantasy God as I expect Jimmy and the Seahawks to bounce back in a major way in their first home game of the season. The rest of the Seahawks receiving group is simply not good enough to create separation and you can bet your ass the Seahawks are not satisfied with the little opportunities Jimmy has been getting.

Expect this to be a high scoring game that will go all the way down to Monday Night Football. Just don't be too surprised if The Fantasy God comes away with this win either, these are two quality rosters.

Piping Petes(2-0) vs Josh Engen(2-0)

Two teams that many are surprised to see start the season 2-0 face off, and only one can leave with an unblemished record.

Matchups are just not very kind for Piping Petes this week and as a result should give Josh Engen the edge.

Jordan Mathew's(pretty much the lone bright spot of the Eagles' offense) will more than likely be covered by the terrific DB combination of Cromartie and Revis. With how anemic the Eagles offense has looked and how disgusting the Jets defense has looked don't be surprised to see Matthews held heavily in check. Piping Petes other starting WR is Michael Crabtree....I won't waste any time explaining why thats a horrible decision.

Matt Forte (Piping Petes best player outside Rodgers) gets the unfortunate task of playing against the Seattle Seahawks at their home opener, coming back from a tough loss at Green Bay, and returning All-Pro Strong Safety Kam Chancellor. If that wasn't bad enough for the guy he now also has Jimmy Clausen as his starting QB. Shits going to be rough.

Josh Engen doesn't necessarily have good matchups, he just doesn't have any bad matchups.

I like Piping Petes as a team going forward but it appears like Josh Engen will take this game and move himself firmly into second place.

Savage(1-1) vs Viet Mali Mafia(2-0)

Viet Mali Mafia comes rolling into week 3 as the number one team in the league and faces off with Savage who is coming off of a rough loss.

Viet Mali Mafia has a terrific roster. Despite losing his RB2(Ellington)to injury he has been able to replace that production with Duke Johnson and Danny Woodhead. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the decision to start Mariota but I am leaning towards it being a better idea than starting Matthew Stafford(who has been mediocre through his first two starts).

I'm very concerned with a few of the matchups Savage has to deal with this week...

1. Calvin Johnson vs Denver: Denver is projecting to be one of the best defenses this year and that is no small part due to the impressive secondary that the Broncos boast. Expect Calvin to do Calvin things, but even Gods can bleed.
2. L. Blount: I just don't trust any RB in Belichicks' system. You simply never know what you're going to get from him. With how great Dion Lewis has looked so far it would be hard to imagine that Blount would be able to poach enough touches for him to be start worthy. Then again, it would shock no one if Lewis only had 2 carries for 8 yards and Blount carried the ball 28 times for 212 yards. Who knows...

Some matchups that I LOVE:

• Larry Fitzgerald vs SF: Larry Fitzgerald was on absolute fire last week and while he may not get the same amount of points he accrued last week it wouldn't be suprising to see him have another 10-15 point game against an extraordinarily weak 49er secondary.
• Mike Evans vs HOU: Mike Evans has been cleared of his snap count restrictions and as such is an absolute must start against a Texans defense that hasn't looked particularly strong in the back half. Expect 12+ points from Evans.
• Seahawks Defense vs CHI: Jimmy Clausen

Matchups are in favor of Viet Mali Mafia this week and he will roll to his first 3-0 start in franchise history. Congrats Rizza, I look forward to watching you fuck this all up.

Everyday Im Russelin(1-1) vs HARD WORK(0-2)

A battle that has been brewing for decades returns in fantasy format. Unfortunately for Derek this isn't a battle he can win simply by flinging poop at Cory and his amigos. These two brothers have been in the league for 4 years and have combined for one total title, not much family pride.

Everday Im Russelin came crashing back down to Earth(in predictable fashion) after his week 1 win and HARD WORK is looking to get out of the dumpster and notch his first win of the season.

I love the matchups for HARD WORK this week. Murray @ CLE and Jones @ NYG are both great matchups compared to Everyday I'm Russelin's Hillman @ DET, Forsett vs CIN, and a banged up Lacy vs KC.

You never know who is going to dominate the touches out of the backfield for the Broncos, the Bengals have been stout against the run and the Ravens Offense has a whole hasn't looked particularly smooth, and if Lacy is even somewhat limited this week you can expect Everyday I'm Russelin to not be able to overcome the major lack of contributions out of the RB/Flex position. Starting Lockett is a ballsy move that I don't believe will pay off this week and in a game where he will be starved for points I'm not so certain he can afford to take that kind of risk.

Hard Work will get his first win of the season at the expense of his beloved brother and will more than likely leap him in the standings. Sucks to suck.

The Tanstars(0-2) vs BabyWipes over Toilet Paper(1-1)

The defending champion Tanstars head into a week 3 matchup scoring their lowest total of fantasy points ever(57.40) and faces off against BabyWipes who is coming off of a great win over Savage.

BabyWipes get's Le'Veon Bell back who is returning from a 2 game suspension and what a sigh of relief that is(although DeAngelo Williams filled in more than admirably during Bell's absence.)

I like the matchups a bit better for The Tanstars this week outside of Hyde vs ARI. A few notes for this matchup:

• Expect Luck to bounce back against the Titans who aren't quite as formidable defensively as the Bills and the Jets were.
• Maclin @ GB is a player to watch. The Packers defense isn't particularly strong and will more than likely focus a lot of their attention to stopping the running game of the Kansas City Chiefs. Expect 1 or 2 big plays from Maclin. The curse of not throwing a TD to a wideout has to end at some point right?.....RIGHT?
• As great as Le'Veon Bell is it is hard to see him outdoing the production of DeAngelo Williams his first game back from suspension. Expect a solid game from him, but expect at least a week or 2 for him to get into his groove.
• I don't like Garcon/Watkins as the two starting wideouts because I don't trust either of those teams QB's to keep their team on the field long enough to get any kind of productive points out of either of those players.
• Whether or not Brees plays determines how effective Cooks will be in this matchup(granted he has been fairly ineffective in the first two weeks and that was with Brees playing).

This will be another close game that will come down to the Monday Night Football game but homers gonna homer.

Projected Standings After Week 3

Lots to discuss about the Week 1 matchups but first lets begin with the highlights of the week.

And last and certainly least...Browns Football...

Week One: Biggest Fu*k Ups

Every week I will be highlighting mistakes that your teams' make because it makes me ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉʀᴀɪsᴇ MY ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ seeing you all make dumb decisions. It actually may not be healthy or normal for me to take a lot of pleasure in this but...w/e, fuck you guys.

1. The Tanstars- Buccaneers Defense: The Tanstars tried to get cute with it and started the Bucs defense against the Titans. What could go wrong, they said? Starting a Lovie Smith defense at home against a rookie QB with a questionable offensive line and less than stellar offensive options seems like a sure fire way to get at least 5-6 points right? Fucking WRONG. The Buccaneers got absolutely molly cocked by the ex-Oregon Fuck Duck to the tune of four touchdowns in the first half. Get fuckn rekt Tanstars.

2. BabyWipes Over Toilet Paper- Basically EVERYTHING: BabyWipes started three WR's this week and they COMBINED for 1.5 points. Absolutely awful. Holy shit, actually I may have given them too much credit. They didn't combine for 1.5 they combined for 1.3. WoW. Get fuckn rekt BabyWipes.

Week One: Biggest Fluke

This decision was pretty easy to make as there was no one in week one who could even touch the flukiness of his first week production than Austin Sefarian-Jenkins. It's only fitting that the biggest fluke player happens to play for the biggest fluke champinship winner, this shit basically writes itself. ASJ got an absurd 23.00 points(110 rec yards, 2 rec TD's) in a clusterfuck loss the Titans at home. The Bucs were forced to pass all game long as they were getting reamed by the Titans and ASJ was the beneficiary of a lot of that due to Mike Evans being unavailable. Expect ASJ to come crashing back down to reality this week as Evans is probable to return.

Things more likely than ASJ still being rostered by Week 8:

1. North Korea's space program reaching Pluto.
2. Matt M not mentioning dicks for more than 2 hours.
3. Rizza turning the ball over in a 10-10 tie game by completely missing the open man who is standing like five fucking feet away from him and waving his arms around because he has a clear shot for the win but nah fuck it he just keeps dribbling and then gets stripped by some random dude who is wearing jeans who proceeds to jack up a 35 foot 3 pointer and of course he makes it cause why fucking not right? Bullshit.

Anyways, thats beside the point. The point is this: ASJ sucks and got lucky.

Week One: Disappointing Player of the Week

Peyton Manning: Golden Taint

Rumors of his demise have been greatly exaggerated. Peyton didn't look good Sunday, at all. He was missing routine throws including an overthrown^yeah deep ball to DT that would've led to a TD. Peyton's debilitating performance against the Ravens in which he recorded 175 pass yards, 0 TDs, 1 int, and a whopping -1 rushing yards was the nail in the coffin for Golden Taint who looked to start the year off strong. Manning wasn't necessarily expected to crush a stout Ravens defense but to play as badly as he did is not only inexcusable fantasy wise but also embarrassing in reality.

The possibility of DT and Sanders being banged up a bit hamper their ability to get open. If his players are unable to get a decent amount of separation don't expect Peyton's ducks to make it to their intended targets.

The decisions of whether to start Bradford or Manning will probably plague Golden Taint all season.

Week One: Dope Ass Player of the Week

Carlos Hyde: The Tanstars

In case you missed it last night, Carlos Hyde absolutely wreaked havoc on the Vikings en route to a 20-3 victory on Monday Night Football. Hyde going off not only helped the 49ers start off the year strong but also eased any doubts many fans may have had about the post-Frank Gore era. He made absurd play after absurd play to generate his 26 carries for 168 rushing yards and two touchdowns.

Hyde will remain the feature back for the 49ers and take a vast majority of the snaps(especially if Reggie Bush misses time). The league has a new top dog and unfortunately for us he plays for the San Fransisco 49ers.

However, at the end of the day we are really all losers because this shit happened. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK

Winners in bold.

The Tanstars(0-0) vs Savage(0-0)

The season starts off with the two best players in the league going head to head. The Tanstars and Savage account for 75% of the titles since the league began and all indications point to one of these two perennial power houses continuing to roll over the inferior(and mildly retarded) competition.

The Tanstars return two key players from last year: the devilishly handsome Andrew Luck and the boner-inducing Odell Beckham Jr. The Tanstars have relatively good matchups at all their positions with one major caveat: Andrew Luck facing that Bills defense. Last season, following week 8, the Bills allowed a grand total of 2 TD passes while facing elite quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning, and Tom Brady.

Savage's matchups this week aren't so tantalizing and he may end up starved for points. Savage's running back situation will ultimately be his down fall as he is forced to play Bolden, who is garbage, and Melvin Gordon who is a rookie who didn't play at all during the preseason and could possibly be on a snap count going into his first week.

Almost every positional matchup this week favors The Tanstars as they have better RBs, WRs, and QB. The only hope Savage has to pull out a big win is for Gronkowski to eviscerate the Steelers and for the Bills to continue being the Bills.

Expect this game to be fairly close until Carlos Hyde ends up putting The Tanstars ahead by at least 10 points on Monday Night Football against the Vikings.

Viet Mali Mafia(0-0) vs Fantasy God(0-0)

Two players coming off very different seasons last year, yet are pretty comparable in skill level. Granted, that skill level is very very very very very very hilariously low.

Viet Mali Mafia is the result of two bros combining intellects in the hopes that together they can do something that individually they would not be able to do: win a championship.

However, the result of this combined draft was.....surprisingly good. Viet Mali Mafia walked away with one of the best teams in the league. From top to bottom the roster is loaded with talent that consistently performs but also has big game potential.

The Fantasy God's team is very potent this year, some might even say it is dank as fuck. The reality, however, is that he has some not so good matchups this week including Lynch playing against a tough Rams defense in which he may lose a decent chunk of carries to Fred Jackson, whom the Seahawks signed to a one year deal this offseason. The entire RB situation in Dallas is still a huge question mark as to whether or not McFadden or Randle will be the primary back, which doesn't bode well for The Fantasy God.

In the end Viet Mali Mafia should win this game by at least 10 points as they have the better top to bottom team as well as the better matchups for week 1. The Fantasy God will need monstrous performances from Big Ben and Jimmy Graham in order to have a chance to pull off the upset.

SS4 Goku(0-0) vs Golden Taint(0-0)

Newcomer to the league, James Carmichael Johannsen Frederick Jun has the unfortunate task of going against the best team, on paper, in the league to pop his Daddy Deep cherry.

SS4 Goku started off with the #1 pick in this years draft and did what most consider a no-brainer, selecting Adrian Peterson. However, after his first pick is when things start to get a tad bit peculiar for SS4 Goku. Goku elected to take Drew Brees in the 2nd round of the draft when there were still not only better skill position players but also better quarterbacks available.

Golden Taint's team is the best team in the league, on paper. From Manning all the way down to Yeldon he has elite players at every single position and yet also has solid rookie options for rotating in his flex in Todd Gurley and TJ Yeldon.

This should be a comfortable win for Golden Taint as he not only has better players but also has better matchups for his guys across the board.

Everyday I'm Russelin vs BabyWipes Over ToiletPaper

In this matchup we have one-hit wonder Everyday I'm Russelin facing off against last years 2nd place finisher BabyWipes Over ToiletPaper. BabyWipes Over ToiletPaper coming off a heartbreaking single digit loss in the championship game aims to return with a bang out the gate. Unfortunately for him though, he is missing two of his key players in Julius Thomas and LeVeon Bell and will instead have to slot DeAngelo Williams and Dwayne Allen who will not be able to provide enough points.

Piling onto that fact is that BabyWipes Over ToiletPaper has tougher matchups for his players than Everyday I'm Russelin. Ingram vs a stout ARI run defense and Wilson vs a smart Rams defense.

This game shouldn't even be close but never underestimate Everyday I'm Russelin's ability to shit the bed.

Piping Petes(0-0) vs Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs(0-0)

This game pits perennial underachiever/dick enthusiast Piping Petes against the league's second newcomer in Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs.

These two teams are fairly evenly matched with Piping Petes getting the nod at QB and RB and Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs winning the WRs. The matchups for this week are even with Aaron Rodgers getting free reign to torch the Bears and for Matt Ryan to get into a shootout with the Eagles.

The main indicator of who will win this game will come down to the battle at the FLEX position with Piping Petes rolling out a back-up RB in Giovani Bernard and the Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs whipping out one of last years fantasy breakouts: Golden Tate.

This game will be extremely close and come down to Monday Night with Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs having Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, and Zach Ertz and Piping Petes having Vernon Davis. Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs will win, but I don't feel to strong about this pick.

Josh Engen(0-0) vs HARD WORK(0-0)

New year, new commissioner, new life, and a brand new team name for Derek Hartwigsen as he has decided to move away from fecal based team names and thus reducing the number of teams that are anally focused to just one.

There really is no way to say this expect to be really blunt: HARD WORK's team is awful and is far and away the worst team in this league. Outside of WR this team is an absolute disaster on the level of LeBron James in the 2011 finals. What went wrong for HARD WORK you might ask? Well it all goes back to the 3rd round of the draft where HARD WORK selected Arian Foster with the 32nd pick knowing full well that he was likely to miss at least a quarter of the season. Baffling. Until Arian Foster returns, which could be as early as late September, this team will not win very many games.

Josh Engen just has to make sure to have his players in their appropriate slots and he should win week 1 without too much hassle.

Projected Standings After Week 1:

1. Golden Taint (1-0)

2. Viet Mali Mafia (1-0)

3. Everyday I'm Russelin (1-0)

4. The Tanstars (1-0)

5. Saskatoon Rowdy Raw Dogs (1-0)

6. Josh Engen (1-0)

7. Piping Petes (0-1)

8. Savage (0-1)

9. SS4 Goku (0-1)

10. Fantasy God (0-1)

11. Baby Wipes Over ToiletPaper (0-1)

12. HARD WORK (0-1)

This year has started off rough, as no one wants to be the league commissioner. To make things more active and "friendly" this subreddit can be used for discussion and banter related to the league. Instead of having a designated "shit talk Tuesday" feel free to use this subreddit to troll to your hearts content while keeping in mind that we are trying to have a fun year. Since everyone is always on reddit anyways, what better way to keep things active? If you want to keep your reddit username private because you post embarrassing pictures of cats or something then make a throw away account with your team name to use. By the way I'm really high right now so Adrienne is typing this for me. Will edit in the morning.

early edit: I know not everyone is on reddit or that active of a user but it's not difficult. I think it has a better interface for posting good content league/player related.