One thing I deeply disagree with in traditional Chinese culture is the emphasis on endurance and yielding. There's even a saying that has been passed down for a thousand years:
- 忍一时风平浪静,退一步海阔天空
- Literally: Endure for a moment, and the wind calms and the waves settle; take one step back, and the sea and sky open wide.
Fortunately, the younger generation of Chinese people aren't buying it anymore. When faced with toxic people or situations, they don't let anything slide. In fact, they've invented and borrowed a whole set of terms to call it out.
For example:
- 自恋型人格障碍 zì liàn xíng rén gé zhàng ài
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Most people are more familiar with the abbreviation: NPD. It's originally a clinical psychology diagnostic term, characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, an intense need for admiration and validation, and a lack of empathy for others.
But in Chinese internet culture, it's widely used to call out people with similar traits encountered in everyday life: like an extremely arrogant boss who needs constant flattery, a romantic partner who lacks empathy and loves putting you down, or parents who always blame and manipulate you while never reflecting on themselves.
Strictly speaking, these applications don't meet the clinical diagnostic criteria, but because NPD is such a punchy and aggressive term, people have gotten used to using it on as a label. You'll see post titles like:
- 一个家族里只要有一个 NPD,就会拖垮所有人。Yí gè jiā zú lǐ zhǐ yào yǒu yí gè NPD, jiù huì tuō kuǎ suǒ yǒu rén.
- All it takes is one NPD in a family to drag everyone else down.
Besides NPD, there's another personality disorder that has become popular in Chinese internet culture:
- 表演型人格障碍 biǎo yǎn xíng rén gé zhàng ài
- Histrionic Personality Disorder / HPD
Interestingly, people aren't familiar with the English abbreviation HPD this time, they know the Chinese shorthand "表演型人格" instead. Maybe it's because "表演 (performance)" carries a more obviously negative connotation, cutting straight to the point: everything this person does isn't genuine, it's purely to grab attention.
For example:
- 同事里有一个表演型人格,每次项目复盘他都要抢功,怎么办?Tóng shì lǐ yǒu yí gè biǎo yǎn xíng rén gé, měi cì xiàng mù fù pán tā dōu yào qiǎng gōng, zěn me bàn?
- There's someone at work with a histrionic personality, he always takes credit in every project debrief. What do I do?
These two diagnostic terms aren't just useful on their own, they've also given rise to a very popular vocabulary structure:
- xx 型人格 - the xx type personality
Based on this, young people have created all kinds of similar labels to identify toxic people and express their frustrations. Some typical ones:
- 白磷型人格 bái lín xíng rén gé - "white phosphorus personality"
- Describes someone who ignites like white phosphorus, their emotions flare at the slightest trigger, randomly bursting into excitement or sudden rage
- 反驳型人格 fǎn bó xíng rén gé - "contrarian personality"
- Someone who loves to argue and habitually nitpick, whatever you say, their instinct is to push back, even when logic and facts aren't on their side
- 确实型人格 què shí xíng rén gé - "'That's true' personality"
- "确实" is a common word in spoken Chinese used to agree with someone. This type of person hides their real position and passively goes along with everything, just to avoid engaging
I've put together a matching quiz using real-life conversation scenarios, see if you can figure out which label each Person B corresponds to:
Scenario 1:
- A:今天一楼食堂的红烧排骨挺好吃的!Jīn tiān yī lóu shí táng de hóng shāo pái gǔ tǐng hǎo chī de!
- The braised pork ribs at the first-floor canteen were really good today!
- B:哪里好吃了?明明三楼食堂的排骨才好吃。Nǎ lǐ hǎo chī le? Míng míng sān lóu shí táng de cái hǎo chī.
- What do you mean good? The ribs in the third-floor canteen are obviously better.
- A:它们明明是同一个厨师做的……Tā men míng míng shì tóng yí gè chú shī zuò de......
- They're literally made by the same chef...
- B:那咋了?三楼更干净,在那儿吃饭更香。Nà zǎ le? Sān lóu gèng gān jìng, zài nàr chī fàn gèng xiāng.
- So what? The third floor is cleaner, the food tastes better up there.
- A:你说的有些道理,也许环境会影响菜的口味吧。Nǐ shuō de yǒu xiē dào lǐ, yě xǔ huán jìng huì yǐng xiǎng cài de kǒu wèi ba.
- You have a point. Maybe the environment does affect how the food tastes.
- B:谁说的?菜的口味和环境好坏有什么关系?Shéi shuō de? Cài de kǒu wèi hé huán jìng hǎo huài yǒu shén me guān xi?
- Who says so? What does the quality of the environment have to do with how the food tastes?
Scenario 2:
- A:听说了吗?这周五下午提前下班。Tīng shuō le ma? Zhè zhōu wǔ xià wǔ tí qián xià bān.
- Have you heard? We're leaving early on Friday afternoon.
- B:太好了!你们都跟我去喝酒,不醉不归!Tài hǎo le! Nǐ men dōu gēn wǒ qù hē jiǔ, bú zuì bù guī!
- Amazing! Everyone's coming out drinking with me, no one goes home sober!
- A:我已经有安排了……Wǒ yǐ jīng yǒu ān pái le......
- B:你怎么回事?是不是不给我面子!Nǐ zěn me huí shì? Shì bu shì bù gěi wǒ miàn zi!
- What's wrong with you? Are you trying to disrespect me!
- A:你别急啊,有话好好说。Nǐ bié jí a, yǒu huà hǎo hao shuō.
- Calm down, let's talk this through.
- B:我怎么急了?你说清楚!Wǒ zěn me jí le? Nǐ shuō qīng chǔ!
- Who's not calm? You'd better explain yourself!
Scenario 3:
- A:这几天加班好累啊,我快受不了了!Zhè jǐ tiān jiā bān hǎo lèi a, wǒ kuài shòu bu liǎo le!
- I've been working overtime so much lately, I can barely take it!
- B:嗯,加班久了就是会很累。En, jiā bān jiǔ le jiù shì huì hěn lèi.
- Yeah, working long hours does make you tired.
- A:还好马上要放长假了,能喘口气。Hái hǎo mǎ shàng yào fàng cháng jià le, néng chuǎn kǒu qì.
- At least the long holiday is coming up, I can finally catch my breath.
- B:是啊,放假可以好好躺几天。Shì a, fàng jià kě yǐ hǎo hǎo tǎng jǐ tiān.
- Right, you can just lie around for a few days during the break.
- A:但我很想去爬山,难得秋天不冷也不热。Dàn wǒ hěn xiǎng qù pá shān, nán dé qiū tiān bù lěng yě bú rè.
- But I really want to go hiking, autumn is the perfect time, not too cold or hot.
- B:对,做做户外运动蛮好的。Duì, zuò zuò hù wài yùn dòng mán hǎo de.
- Right, getting some outdoor exercise is pretty good.
Feel free to leave your answers in the comments!
Of course, being able to identify toxic people and refusing to put up with them is a good thing. But these labels can also be misused.
Everyone has personality flaws, and it's pretty unfair to turn every little quirk into a personality disorder. So learn these popular expressions, but please use them with care!
If you're interested, I've been organizing all the Chinese learning posts I've shared before. You can check out the link in my profile to see the full collection. Hope it helps. Thanks!