r/CheatingGF • u/Physical-Shelter-870 • 26d ago
Vent/Rant Cheating?
My wife and I have been together for 9 years, and we have a 6-year-old together.
About a week ago, I was going through her phone, which we are sharing at the moment because mine got disconnected. I pretty much kept it with me during the week while she worked, mainly in case I received a call from a job. I ended up scrolling through her pictures because I wanted to see photos of all of us, especially ones I hadn’t seen before.
After going through the pictures, I stumbled across some intimate photos of her and screenshots of conversations she had with one of her coworkers from 3–4 years ago. Some of the conversations were pretty erotic, while others were about arguments between me and her.
My stomach knots up just thinking about it.
I immediately talked to her about what I found. She told me that she started talking to him during a time when she and I were fighting a lot. Nothing physical—just really bad arguments. She said she needed someone to talk to, so she chose her coworker who she had developed a crush on.
Apparently, things between them eventually went bad. From what she told me, he ended up blocking her on Facebook because they weren’t getting along, told her they had nothing in common, and said he hated her.
I asked her if they were ever a “thing” or if anything physical ever happened between them while I wasn’t around. She denied that anything physical happened. I also asked if she had ever sent him the intimate photos I found, and she denied that as well.
What makes this even harder for me is that I also worked with this guy at the time. I talked to him all the time. I was friendly with him and considered him a buddy and coworker, completely unaware of what was going on between him and my wife.
Knowing what I know now makes me feel like a complete idiot. Thinking back on all the times I interacted with him while he had been talking to my wife behind my back makes me feel incredibly belittled and embarrassed.
At this point, I honestly don’t know what to believe. She kept this from me for 3–4 years, and now I can’t help but wonder what else she may have kept from me.
When I look at her now, I feel like I’m looking at a different person. That’s probably the hardest part to explain. I still love her with all my heart, but my trust in her has definitely been shaken, and it’s driving me crazy.
I know this happened 3–4 years ago. I also know that our relationship is in a much healthier place now than it was back then. We’re doing really well, and our marriage is stronger than it was during the period when we were constantly arguing.
She has expressed how sorry she is and told me that she’s wanted to tell me about it but was scared that it would hurt or upset me.
And honestly, I’m not angry. I’m shocked. I’m sad. I’m disappointed.
I never would have thought that our petty arguments would lead her to start talking to someone else. I genuinely thought we were going to power through that difficult period together and figure out how to do better, like couples do when they’re struggling.
But I was wrong.
While I thought we were working through our problems together, she was also talking to someone else. That realization absolutely breaks my heart.
I don’t even know if I would technically call it cheating, but emotionally, it feels pretty damn close.
I still love my wife. I still love the life we’ve built together. And I know that what happened was years ago. But finding out about it now has completely changed the way I see those years, and I’m struggling to reconcile the person I thought she was with what I’ve learned.
I don’t necessarily want anyone to tell me what I should do. I think I just really needed somewhere to put all of this because I’ve been carrying it around in my head, and I needed to get it off my chest.
13
u/wellspda 26d ago
You may want to confront the other guy just to make sure her story matches.
I don't believe that it stopped at that.
Or bluff and tell her you talked to him and the story doesn't match to see how she reacts
6
5
u/Physical-Shelter-870 26d ago
Trust me, I want to. This guy has blocked me or has deleted all of his social media accounts. Only luck I have is bumping into him in person.
6
u/Familiar_Solution449 26d ago
She's not telling you the truth about their actions. She denies everything because she is protecting herself from any consequences if her cheating. She didnt take those pictures of herself for nothing. Never sent them to him? She lied to you for years, now she's told you the truth? Not!
8
u/Phoenix_Taurus 26d ago
Am I the only one who’s curious about how bad or possessive she must have been after sleeping with him multiple times over that period, only for him to eventually block her? Come on, nobody’s asking that question. Obviously the story is fake. No one is this deluded or naive enough to believe the wife wasn’t physically involved with her AP after reading this story. Then again, who knows? There are too many pushovers in the world these days, and you definitely sound like one if you genuinely believe this fairy tale. If this is actually true, dude, your wife was sleeping with him. She must have done something serious for her own affair partner to physically block her. Come on, man, you’ve somehow found the perfect wife material, even her affair partner wanted to get rid of her, and you still married to her..lol
3
u/Championship682 26d ago
Verify what you can including whether he did block her on facebook. Then ask her to get a new job.
3
u/zloanranger 26d ago
For you piece of mind, you need to pull together 300bucks and have her take a polygraph. She should be jumping at the chance to clear her name and help the love of her life(you) put this to bed and move fotward w clarity and piece of mind.
The likely hood of her telling you the ACTUAL truth before she gets in that chair is very good. Either way you will feel better. You have to know....she owes that to you. Good luck OP
2
u/untalornis07 26d ago
Something happened with your so-called friend and your wife, you can be sure of that.
The problem is that your wife won't accept anything because you don't have any proof to contradict what she says.
1
u/clearheaded01 26d ago
Sorry man ..
And sorry for saying this, but of she's like most other classics cheaters, she's minimising their relationship... If the were alone together at any time you need to assume they were also intimate..
So get STD tested, paternity test your kid.. and ask her for a timeline of this and any other adulteries...
3
u/Physical-Shelter-870 26d ago
He started working with our same department after our kid was 2-3, so I know that’s out of the question. I’ve got a lot of more questions I’d like to ask her. The whole timeline is on the list.
1
1
1
u/DCARLEON 25d ago
The only thing that would keep you from moving away from a cheater is a child. Your wife is well aware of this (most women are) Imagine you didnt have a kid, you would've walked away without a second thought
1
u/Prize_Negotiation553 24d ago
Update, I cross-reference over 80 emails, that came from the only 5 that she owns, and I had roughly 80 to 90 phone numbers that right now. She only owned 12, but all the information came from a handful of emails and a handful of phone numbers that just spread like spider webs everywhere. I cross-reference that 5 ways from Sunday paid sites, free sites, public government and it all checked out. But I'm, I made it all up though. So she just had to walk away Cos, she got mad at me because I found it whatever I give up. I'm done good luck to her and whoever she gets with
1
u/X_not_sid_x 24d ago
I understand the fact that you have a child together but relationships are built on trust and if she could hide such a big thing from you i don't think you'd trust her now. At least i wouldn't. My honest opinion is that I think get a divorce man but don't let it have a toll on the kid's mind I also think that now all of these trust issues will make you guys have a lot of worse fights which is not worth it for the child and you
1
u/Competitive-Mall5025 19d ago
Don't contact the other guy it will make you look desperate and weak. Obviously it got physical that's why he blocked her and had his fun and left her
1
u/Worldly_Diver9265 26d ago
Your wife is lying to you. She fucked and sucked him. I guarantee it.
4
u/Physical-Shelter-870 26d ago
If she did. I’ll never know. I’m looking for real hard facts, proof, and/or truth. I don’t want to take the next step without any of those coming to light. Trust me, that hasn’t crossed my mind.
1
u/BigMann6950 26d ago
I would contact him and not let her know and see what he says.I would also ask her to take a polygraph test.
17
u/CG774 26d ago
At the very least she emotionally cheated on you and that’s pretty fucked up in my opinion, you’re thinking of her as the woman you have in your head and no how he actually is and what she shows with her actions. I hope everything works out for you bro