Culture

[u/Outrageous_Bar180]

I have a question: is it cultural standard that a man a woman must live together before getting married? ( I ask this because I am of a different culture altogether?) you can also answer your pro / cons! Thank you!

[u/Wonderful_Koala_7757]

I don’t think it’s a cultural thing ,but in this day and age I’ll be damned if I don’t advice it’ll probably be a good idea to live in together to know who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with . A couple of months after an engagement won’t hurt . You need to know if you can cope with them on a day to day basis ,to me it was not optional . You don’t get to know all of a person ,you get to know more as you age together.

[u/Outrageous_Bar180 → u/Wonderful_Koala_7757]

I appreciate your response! I do see what you mean as well. By a couple of months. What would you advice?

[u/Wonderful_Koala_7757 → u/Outrageous_Bar180]

I did 7 months before we did the court wedding ,then trad then church . But that was my preference. At 7 months I felt like we had both learnt enough to be able to live together . It was a whole learning process cos we each had certain way to live .I lived on my own before then so did he ,so adjusting took quite a while . But we did learn and the first yr after marriage wasn’t rough as compared to cohabitation for the first time . We had a routine and it worked perfectly,going on 4 yrs married this Dec .

[u/Wonderful_Koala_7757 → u/Wonderful_Koala_7757]

We both agree it was the best decision so far .

[u/Outrageous_Bar180 → u/Wonderful_Koala_7757]

Thank you dear!! Can you share a few pro and cons if you don't mind? Did you both decide to get a whole new place together or you moved in or he did. ( I too have always loved alone but he has experience with roommates.

[u/Wonderful_Koala_7757 → u/Outrageous_Bar180]

I didn’t live with a roommate neither did he so we did 3 months at my place and 4 months at his ,we both maintained renting even while engaged. I was able to learn his routine and he did to mine likewise . We both had a place to go to for a few hrs if we had a disagreement,we called it during that phase as a couple of hours of silence or time out . To reflect ,so as not to use words and inflict pain on each other . Learnt what he liked,so did he . Was able to witness each other be taken care of while sick . Saw he could cook and clean and maintain study environment and like wise . Pros you get to change your mind if it doesn’t work ,cons there’s little to no personal space lol .

[u/Outrageous_Bar180 → u/Wonderful_Koala_7757]

Thank you so much!! I like keeping the own separate places for that reason!

[u/Wonderful_Koala_7757 → u/Outrageous_Bar180]

Good luck to you . Hope it works out for you .

[u/Outrageous_Bar180 → u/Wonderful_Koala_7757]

Thank you ❤️

[u/Outrageous_Bar180 → u/Wonderful_Koala_7757]

I agree with you!!!

[u/wadleo]

No, it is not, but some sub cultures promote it.

[u/Outrageous_Bar180 → u/wadleo]

I had put two and two. Thank you for confirming

[u/Fine_Fold_4072]

Not sure it's

[u/Okafor-Resident-usa]

Love, marriage, adventure? You will be surprised. You should read novels about the culture, and you will see how open-minded Cameroonians are. Have you read Bleeding Stubs (by Donald Besong)?

[u/Initial_Camera2662]

Pour certaines on peux dire connaître quelqu'un avant de ce marié ce bien mais ce pas pour la culture, nous les hommes on a tendance à dramatise les choses pour rien , selon moi donc je peut dire connaître la personne avant de ce marier ce pas forcément un idée 💡 parce que elle connaît déjà ta faiblesse tout au tard elle vas te faire souffrir là c'est claire

[u/Outrageous_Bar180 → u/Initial_Camera2662]

Exactly!!!!