Hiya. Welp, obviously addressing this shit is going to be a many years, decades, generations thing. But FIRST, we need to FUCKING VOTE to get some FUCKING LEADERSHIP in Congress. (And State Attorneys General who will uphold THE CONSTITUTION, and state leadership that will protect the 2028 election, and school boards that aren't flat out fascist, my God, there's so much, etc. )

Check your voter registration status online FREQUENTLY. www. VOTE.org

Make a plan to vote. Check in with friends and neighbors. They need a plan, too. Does anyone you know need help getting to their polling place or (depending on the state) getting registered?

If you see voter intimidation at the polls, take note of where you are and call and report (numbers below). Yes, they do have mechanisms in place to respond quickly, so call. Voter intimidation is nothing new.

English866-OUR-VOTE866-687-8683

Spanish/English888-VE-Y-VOTA888-839-8682

Asian Languages/English888-API-VOTE888-274-8683

Arabic/English844-YALLA-US844-925-5287

What counts as voter intimidation? KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Google "voter intimidation" in your state and know what is legal and what is not. Read about it on an official page for your state.

If you think you are free and protected while others are not, you're wrong. If you think "someone" is coming to save us, they're not. WE. We The People are the ones we've been waiting for. And we have mountains to move. Get up and DO WHAT YOU CAN. But first, we VOTE.

Tues, Nov. 3. MAKE A PLAN.

Take care, Dear Kinky Fuckers. And if you're really, really struggling in this shit, maybe decide to outlive this motherfucker. It's pretty good motivation for me, anyway. xxx

And if you don't like this post, I cannot BEGIN to tell you how little I care about that.

tl;dr: what is your “favorite”/most effective punishment within your dynamic or another dynamic you’ve been around? I’m just looking for inspiration - not suggestions for what would be best for me/my dynamic.

___
I am submissive and a pretty heavy masochist. So pain/spanking/impact/suffering isn’t a good tool for discipline for me - those are rewards in my world.

I’ve been in a D/s with my husband for 10+ years, a good portion of that has been 24/7. We live together and have our dynamic fairly ironed out with revisits here and there. Very happy within our relationship exactly as it is🫶

Husband and I are poly as well. I’ve been dating someone who is also a D-type and has a full 24/7 with his wife as well.

This new partner and I have been engaging in light D/s, within scenes and our time spent together. We’ve recently been discussing accountability, discipline, and punishment. I know punishment is a deeply personal and individualized thing for everyone. I came up with a list of things I genuinely dislike that I’m planning to give to him, but before I do I wanted to hear from others in the community. For inspiration, ideas, get the creative juices flowing kind of thing. There’s also the fact that the new partner and I don’t live together, so that piece is a little foreign to me within a dynamic.

What is the most effective punishment within your dynamic? Has there been discipline you’ve witnessed in other dynamics that appealed to you, or made you want to be the goodest boy/girl/them to ensure you avoided a specific discipline?

Last Saturday i finally git a real scene after months of just my toys and late night scrolling
He cuffed me face down on the bed, hogtied my ankles to my wrists so i couldn’t do anything but take it, then spent forever running the flogger and his hands over me until i was shaking
Every time i got close he stopped, made me say exactly what i wanted, then denied me anyway, when i finally shoved in and used my mouth and cunt like they belonged to him, i came so hard I cried.
Aftercare was quiet, heavy and exactly what i needed, I’m still sore and still thinking about the next one

I've been thinking about this lately, especially in the context of professional vs. lifestyle dynamics. And no, I am not talking about money. Money obviously has its place in professional BDSM. Time, access, attention, expertise and experience have value - but I see money NOT as what defines a man's worth, but rather as energetic exchange.

I'm curious how you guys think about it.

Doms: what makes a submissive genuinely valuable to you?

Subs: what do you think you bring to a Dominant that has nothing to do with money?

I witness that men seeking professional service often believe their worth is perceived by the amount of money they can spend.... And that perception can turn into personal believe. But what does this have to do with actual BDSM?

There's nothing wrong with a submissive who generously likes to treat their Domme.

But isn't attentiveness, honesty and consistency so much more valuable?

And what makes My heart jump is this: A submissive who remembers something small I said three weeks ago. A sub that is still 'imperfect' but willing to be shaped. A sub who shows they have the ability to be in a session or dynamic with their mind, body and heart. A sub who honours the craft of bdsm. A sub who doesn't treat a dominant lady as kink-dispenser - but a sub who is willing to EARN the experience they desire.

Once the newness faded, what actually made the dynamic stronger—ritual, better communication, evolving rules, deeper trust, or something you didn’t expect?

I’m hoping someone has some niche knowledge to help me. I’m writing a fanfiction with a spanking scene (it’s a discipline thing more so than a sexy thing, punishment not funishment) but I’m having a hard time thinking of an appropriate implement for it because it’s based on a fantasy book that sort of takes place in a mid-medieval time period and I want the spanking implement to match that if possible.

The other issue is the spankee is a magical assassin (technically i should say wetboy but I don’t think anyone knows what that is lol. Or maybe everyone who reads fantasy knows. Who knows.) and hes fought and killed a bunch of people so I have to assume he has a fairly high pain tolerance, so I’m also looking for something that would hurt a lot.

Does anyone happen to have an idea for a potential implement that would work for that?

I built Avowl (avowl.app) — a free yes/no/maybe checklist for your phone where answers have six degrees instead of three boxes, rated separately for giving and receiving across 186 items. Your hard limits stay off your partner’s screen by default when you share lists. No accounts, everything encrypted on-device, nothing on a server. Built it solo, so blunt feedback beats compliments — if something’s wrong, I want to hear it.

I recently started getting more into erotic audio and realized it works better for me than videos. It gives me a whole lot more room for my own imagination and fantasies.

I’m trying to find something as intense as that with humiliation, degradation, control, or sensory deprivation themes. I usually prefer a male voice, but it doesn’t have to be if the acting is good.

I’ve listened to Best Kept Secret and have also come across UndertheMonstersBed and ShibbySays. I know this can turn into a rabbit hole, but are there any other creators, subreddits, or specific audios you would recommend?

I’m working on a presentation about kink for a group of social workers and have been thinking a lot about what the Off the Cuffs podcast calls the “radioactive spider bite into kink”- that thing that, when you encountered it, first made you go “hmmm”

Often, when they ask their guests this question what comes up are examples from Golden Age Disney: the fox Robin Hood, the kidnapping of Tiger Lily scene in Peter Pan, etc.

This got me thinking: what are some other G-rated pop culture moments that served as YOUR “spider bites into kink?”

I've been thinking of going to a kink-aware therapist, I see good therapy as a superpower.

​

I'm curious to those who have been. What was your experience like? Do you feel you benefited and got your money's worth?

​

Also generally, what's your experience with therapy?

Hey everyone,
I posted in other community recently too about struggling to get into a dominant headspace with my current FWB (I’m naturally more submissive but trying to top for him). That post got me thinking even more about the other side of things. The truth is… I have a lot of submissive that I never really got to explore properly. My ex was super vanilla, and now that I’m a single mom, I feel like it’s too risky or complicated to find someone I can actually trust to go there with me.
I keep reading stories here and fantasizing about finally being able to submit the way I want, but then reality hits. I have a daughter , a job and I’m scared of bringing the wrong person into my life. So most days I’m just stuck feeling frustrated and lowkey sad that I might never get to experience the things that turn me on the most. Has anyone else (especially other single parents or switches) felt like they woke up to their deeper kinks too late?
How do you deal with that frustration? Sorry if this is heavy. Just needed to get it off my chest..

I've been really into bondage for a long time now. I mostly do self-bondage sessions, and I tried some light stuff with an ex a while ago, but I've always struggled to find people who match my level of interest or are even open to exploring it. It feels like I come on too strong or something. Are there any solid websites, apps, or communities specifically for this that actually help connect you with nearby people? I’m aware of FetLife, but I’m kinda lost on how to navigate it properly and haven’t had any luck finding local or even reasonably close events and partners. Any advice would mean a lot — even if it’s just pointing me toward a better subreddit. Thanks so much, everyone!

I'm looking for a checklist, hopefully printable, to help negotiate our power dynamic into a partial lifestyle. I'll also take any advice that may come to mind.

We're looking to have a sort of mommy Dom/ gentle Dom and service sub lifestyle. With structure, rules and punishments for personal goals my sub wants to make progress on.

We are married, live together but he travels for work 50% - so some long distance.

Thank you!

I have been into bondage for years and doing self bondage on myself, and light bondage on an ex a while back but I can never seem to find someone who is as into it, or willing to try it as I might come off. Are there any websites or dating app type things that fit these gaps. I know about fetlife but I lowk don’t know how to use it and I can’t find anything that would be local or decently close by. Any help is appreciated even if it’s telling me to try a diff sub. Thanks strangers!!!

MB and I ordered a custom BDSM bed from Metalbound. It'll have tons of anchor points, a detachable bondage cross, and a detachable swing mount. This model also has the arches over the top so we could do suspensions if we wanted.

It's going to have all sorts of crazy anchor points on it.

Once it arrives, I can post a review here if folks are interested.

(for context I've been on injections for 5+ years, so I know how to give an IM/subQ injection safely, don't worry!)

one of my friends recently started on estrogen injections and since we both have a fantasy of incorporating injections into a scene, we're meeting up soon to make it happen!

my question is, what are some other things to potentially add to the scene? she's a puppy, she loves sensory play, and anything else I'd have to ask her about cuz idk. I want to go into negotiations with some good ideas!!

Hello, I’m pretty new to posting on reddit in general and currently putting together an outfit for Bondage Ball in Los Angeles later this month. I’m looking for good recommendations for shiny hoods to buy preferably online.

Background: straight male, but centering my outfit around a latex maid theme because it’s fun lol

It's the holiday season and I ordered a duplicate of my submissive's favorite toy. I've been watching the tracking information and the custom agents briefly held it pending "clearance". After looking it over today they must have decided it was fine.

All this to say my life is strange and the government people in customs approved our expensive French dildo.

Happy holidays to all and stay kinky and safe.

I don't know who here remembers me, but I've been part of this subreddit since nearly the beginning, just haven't posted for ages.

My FWB is submissive (mostly anyway) in the bedroom, figured that out the first time we hooked up. The problem is that I'm also submissive. I'm happy to try the dominant role with him, but then I worry about saying the wrong thing and upsetting him, or hurting him more than he actually enjoys. He wants to explore, and I don't know how to go about it. I managed to call him a "subby little good boy" today which he liked, but I'd like to take a little more control. I'm only talking about light stuff, because he's new to it all. Basically I'm just asking how to get out of my own head and into that role, because I'm very much the kind of woman who wants the man to take what they need from me, and he wants me to take what I need from him, if that makes sense.

Trigger warnings: Self harm and increasingly heavy pain

I am a long time lurker, don't really post on Reddit, so if I mess something up, please let me know. I've been in the community for around 8 years and recently met a heavy masochist. I'll refer to her as Maso. Maso is a nice young woman, mid 20s, in a D/s, artist, super friendly, and she is friends with one of my closest friends in the scene.

I live in Korea. I mention this for several reasons. 1) Her English ability is low, so it's difficult to find relevant information. 2) BDSM is really not understood here and so things like a kink aware therapist probably doesn't exist here. However, I do remember meeting a sex therapist couple in Seoul. Kink? Unsure. 3) Drugs are highly illegal here. So saying something like "smoke some pot" isn't an option and certain meds which are over the counter or easy to get prescribed are sometimes very difficult to get.
4) The scene is very young and there are very few people I consider to be mature outside of rigging. And let's be honest, there are only a handful of domestic riggers which I respect both their skills + morals. All this in mind, my close friend asked her to talk with me about her masochism and how it's getting dangerous and what best to do. As I am not a local, perhaps I have a different idea.

Maso and I had a great talk, few language barrier issues, but nothing major. She described difficulty as the need for masochism would rise more and more, and the best way to release that pressure is through pain. I follow that as it's difficult for me to live a strictly vanilla life and I need kink as my release valve. While she greatly respects her dom, and I'll meet him in a few days, it's been difficult as he is unable to give her the level of pain which would be enough to release the value, so to speak.

She has cut herself, but is worried about scars or cutting too deep. She is heavily tattooed, and that's going to make her unhirable, so she is saving up to get the tattoos removed and that is very very expensive. She sometimes removes her own toenails, and removed her sock to show me, but risk of infection and it affecting her ability to walk are concerns. She removed her own wisdom teeth with pliers, then went to a dentist to get sewn up. You get the picture. Oh, oddly enough, she doesn't enjoy impact play or the kind she has tried has not been enjoyable. I've met a heavy masochist before, but never anything close to this.

Much like drugs and porn, there is a need to up the dose/intensity. This is something she is very concerned about, especially considering how young she is; meaning she should have a long life ahead of her and this problem is only going to get worse.

I am seeking advice to give her and her dom, as this is far outside my wheel of expertise.

I was thinking of UV tattoos, as they could be done basically anywhere and still be invisible. I was thinking of tattoos under clothing, perhaps a simple shape like a box, and then just keep tattooing that spot. But would repeated application of a tattoo do permanent skin damage or kill the nerves of that skin or such? I was thinking of spicy food, but she mentioned she consumed (drank?) so much hot sauce that she needed to visit a hospital. Language barrier at this point, so I do not know the full extent of the injury. I've seen videos of people putting hot sauce on genitals, and Steve-O in an eye, but have no idea the kind of injury those could result in.

Again, I am out of my depth and am seeking advice.

I (f) have been in my scene for a few years. It's more of a social/intellectual thing for me; not into typical play parties or pickup play. That said, for a couple years I used to love attending a now-defunct event that was basically a large group roleplay scene. I don't larp but I'm assuming that would be a good comparison? We played some games and also had to follow certain rules for how we interacted with people in that space. Anyway, I've really missed that event.

I recently had an idea for a group scene so I tried it with 5 friends from the old event. I was really nervous because I'd never tried organizing anything, but it went well, probably because we all know each other and were used to roleplaying together.

I would like to try having more parties like this, potentially getting bigger and being open to new people. I want to have realistic expectations and take any steps gradually because a)idk what I'm doing b)I have limited time and energy.

I co-run a small munch but to me this feels very different because I go around advertising my munch in different places and talking to newbies about it and encouraging them to come, but I don't think I would want to have people rocking up to the group scene who don't have some familiarity with the people there. Or maybe one new person at a time?

I'm curious to hear from people who organize parties or group scenes. Any advice or experiences to share about how you got on this path and how it developed? One specific question: at what volume of people would you consider renting a space vs. using your home?

I also have a history of being really shy and 5-years-ago-me would never have believed that I would co-run a munch or socialize in a group so...general non-kink resources about organizing parties would also be appreciated :)

My wife has a pair of leather gloves we bought specifically for scenes, but she hasn't used them at all. When she brought it up recently, she expressed that she was afraid to make a mess with them, either by getting lube or cum all over them.

That should be my job to clean up! But when I tried doing some research, it seems like there's a lot of different info on how best to clean leather gloves, but none was really specific about bodily fluids or lube. One wiki how page even suggested just...washing your hands as normal with gloves on and letting them dry?? That seems not correct to me, but hey! That's why I'm asking :)

The gloves we have are nice, but not super duper expensive or anything. They are real leather though.

So kinky redditors - how do you clean your leather gloves after sexy time?

<Note : This is a mod approved post - I asked first and was given permission to post>

This is relevant to the US at the moment, however other countries where Amazon sell RING monitoring systems should pay attention as well.

Earlier this month, Amazon Ring announced a partnership with the notorious surveillance tech company Flock. This corporation was was recently exposed for secretly sharing camera data with Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) and with out-of-state law enforcement investigating people who travel for abortion care.

There is concern that this may be used during Halloween to share images and video of Trick or Treaters with government gestapo law enforcement - ICE among them.

Anyone who has one of these devices is being urged to either turn it OFF during Halloween or enable end-to-end encryption if it is supported.

You can find more information here

I'm not a US citizen or resident - but I have many friends who are, and I have been horrified at the actions the so-called "law enforcement" agencies are undertaking under the current dictator president. Please feel free to share this - the page linked has a lot of useful information on it.

Thanks to the mods for letting me post this.