Looking for some perspective on how to handle this with my daughter’s school.
My daughter is in 3rd grade and has had a difficult friendship with another girl since last year. It’s been very hot and cold.... best friends one day, then hurtful comments, “I hate you,” apologies, wanting to be friends again, etc. There were enough issues last year that I had multiple conversations with their teacher and eventually met with school staff. They were placed in separate classes this year, which has helped a lot.
I’ve encouraged my daughter to keep some distance and have talked to her a lot about healthy friendships and boundaries. She mostly has kept her distance this year, but the other girl tends to interpret that as my daughter being mean or unkind to her.
Yesterday at recess, the girl pulled my daughter aside and told her, “You’re going to die tomorrow.” My daughter reported it to yard duty. There was a similar incident at the end of last school year. I was there volunteering when this same girl told my daughter that she “doesn’t deserve to have a family” and “doesn’t deserve to live on this earth.” My daughter was very upset and a school behaviorist got involved.
After school yesterday, this girl gave my daughter an apology note that basically said, “I’m sorry, but I think you’re not kind to me,” that she’s been trying to be nice to her, and that she feels like my daughter hates her.... This is the part that makes this complicated for her and I. I don’t think my daughter should be unkind to her, obviously, but I also don’t want her feeling responsible for maintaining a friendship she no longer wants because the other child is hurt by that boundary.
I know they’re 8, there are two sides to these things, and I’m not assuming this child literally intended to threaten my daughter’s life. I have empathy for her and know there is context behind some of her behavior. But hearing “you’re going to die tomorrow” after the previous comment about not deserving to live is something I feel like I need to address.
I also know a few other girls have had similar issues with her, even as far as the death comments are concerned, and that some of those incidents have been reported to the school. This girl's behavior has been described as "gaslighting" "manipulative" and "psychotic" by others (I know that's harsh to describe an 8 year old, don't come at me). My daughter just happens to be a preferred target and gets the worst of it.
I’m emailing the principal and teacher to formally document what happened yesterday, ask what follow-up occurred after my daughter told the yard duty, and make sure she can continue keeping her distance at school without consequence or complication. But I am really questioning if I am doing too much or not enough. Should I do anything beyond this at this point? I’m trying to handle it appropriately without turning it into something bigger than it needs to be.
Extra context that may or may not make a difference in how to proceed: this other girl's grandmother is a teacher at the school and was my younger child's teacher last year. We got along great. I am on the PTA board.