Hi older people of Reddit I wanted to ask advice about this.

I know a lot of Gen Z feel this as well. And it might be a question you get asked a lot from people of my generation especially.

However I feel like I am not going to get married. I feel like my generation is trash when it comes to dating. I might be wrong because there’s tons and tons of cases of people my generation with Partners.

However I heard that both men and woman and LGBT people of my generation have all found it hard to do. My sister already got married last year at 19 and let me tell you didn’t even know the guy probably for a year. And she had her kid this April too at 20. Which is insane to me. And she was in the military and just married another person also in the military. And just did one of those express military marriages for benefits. Now I don’t talk to her so I have no idea if that marriage is having complications or not.

The thing is people all go for different things. Some go for maturity. Some go for looks and some go for success. Issue is I don’t feel I am either of those things.

And with me being a trans woman I feel my options as far as dating are severely limited. It’s not to say there isn’t trans woman who haven’t gotten married or are in relationships. I just find for me as a transgender individual I can’t do it exactly the same way cis people do.

I been using dating apps and all. However those are terrible even on the LGBT ones I found it hard. I been told I have a better chance of going to LGBT specific events and trying to meet people there.

I just have this anxiety that I will never get married. And yes I talk to a lot of older people. And some of them are divorced. And told me not to waste my youth rushing into love.

I also know people Will tell me things like I will find the one. However I learned in life not everyone will. Some people could go there whole life expectancy without getting married. And I fear I might be one of them.

I’m about to turn 41 and realizing I’ve spent most of my life just winging it. Jobs, relationships, responsibilities… they always gave me something to work toward. But when those things fell apart, so did I.
Looking back, I don’t think I ever really learned how to build a life of my own. I just dealt with whatever life threw at me.Any other men relate to this? How the hell do you start changing that at this age?

I have a BA in English. I've worked as a Grant Writer for a non-profit for 2 years, and I'm currently working at a small local cemetery as an office associate/receptionist. I've been at this cemetery for about 8 months now. I just turned 27.

I would like to do something else. I would like to be a professional in... something. I've considered going back to school, but (with the help of my grandparents) my student loans are paid off and I don't want to spend more money than I have to.

I wouldn't mind working one of the lower positions at a law firm or insurance company, but I know nothing about those fields. I wouldn't even know how to land an interview. I'm also worried that I'm too old to try and make something more of myself than just the perky receptionist at a rural cemetery.

What if I only make 30k a year for the rest of my life? What if I stop learning and become settled in a mediocre job forever? I want to put my ambition into something I can benefit from both financially and reputation-wise. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I really want to try again.

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I am student of 1st year at a decent engineering college, I was recently appointed as CR( class rep) of my class.

But there was this one other girl, who was borderline begging everyone and me to let her be the CR and take our names back.

But I didn't, now some of her male friends thretend me, mocked and insulted me( some them are now acting kind of good towards me)

Yesterday, before an event one of her friend called me useless as CR as I do "nothing"( these are the first one to get mad when I do some work) and called me 'pussy', in reply I called him 'asshole'. To which he got so offended he said "I am speaking to you with respect, so you better stay within your limits, otherwise you won't be seen in college from tomorrow."

I did report this to my class teacher, today but he was absent today so mam is going to talk to both of us Tommorow.

I am not that strong to win a fight against these people( for now), I was fat but now I am skinny with some muscle and a thin wrist

I don't know why I have always been bullied in so many places, like in my school bus or in my gymnastic classes although I did make it stop with help of trusted adults but it still bothers me, like why me

Tommorow it will be 21st day of college, like it is my first time after 3 years(11th, 12th online and 1 gap year). I hope things go very good soon

Hello I thought I ask older mature people. I 23 and a transgender female I got kicked out of my parents last year because they didn’t accept my identity. And even though my parents said they take me back they would be the same exact again.

I am at job corps where I currently live and will Likely be till the year 2028. I worry where I will go from here as I am homeless again after I am gone from here. Now I have some family members who love and accept me. My great aunt owns her own house. And she accepts me. I might ask if I can live with her. However she also lives with her 2 daughters. The issue is I don’t see her being the type that let me sleep on the street. I just don’t know other how she respond to letting me sleep on her house. And even if it means sleeping on her couch I am more than happy with that.

Keep in mind my great aunt has only learned of my new identity in September. And her daughters might not know she invited me for Christmas though so we can talk in person.

I hope my great aunt lets me stay with her. I hope because not just for the shelter but her house is near a university I really might consider going to. My parents are both homophobic and transphobic. And even though we’re not on good terms they still want to succeed in my life.

My father paved the way for me to go to a 4 year university without ever having to take a student loan in my life. And yet I don’t know how to feel because I don’t exactly like him. However because of his help going to university won’t result in massive student debt.

So after here if my great aunt does let me stay I plan to go college. I been advised from people with her being my grandmas age from people she might expect to help pay with bills etc. she does work a lot to pay for her own needs and wants. I would think at the very least she want me to have a job to at least be self sustainable even if I don’t get charged rent.

But that’s just the start of it. I think I also been over thinking and distracted a lot. Like I been trying to also get into romantic relationships as well. And those never last for me. I find that with me being transgender it’s harder as well. And so I given up but I am distracted by making success with the thought of forever being single.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some completely unbiased advice from people who don’t know me or my circumstances personally.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar situation, or even parents who can offer a different perspective.

My partner (26) and I (24) have been together for eight years, and we’re engaged. We’re incredibly happy together, and a couple of years ago, we discovered a shared love for hiking and exploring the more rural parts of the UK, particularly the national parks. We love wales and Scotland!! We’ve never felt more connected, content or genuinely happy than when we’re out exploring somewhere new, surrounded by nature.

The problem is that we currently live in London, and the longer we spend here, the more unhappy we seem to become. Whenever we return from one of our trips, we experience this almost overwhelming feeling of coming back to a life that doesn’t really fit us anymore. It’s hard to explain, but the contrast is becoming too difficult to ignore.

We know the typical London lifestyle probably isn’t for us long-term, but making a move feels much easier said than done. We’ve discussed moving somewhere rural, but trying to find somewhere that offers genuine countryside living while remaining close enough to a city and my family seems incredibly expensive. And if we’re honest, some of the places we’ve looked at feel more like a compromise than the lifestyle we actually want.

Recently, however, we discovered live-in opportunities on rural estates, including in Scotland. Some of these positions offer decent salaries, accommodation and utilities, with what appear to be reasonable working hours and commitments. For the first time, we’ve come across something that could potentially allow us to experience the kind of life we keep dreaming about without immediately taking on enormous living costs and allowing us to save !

And now I’m terrified.

Part of me feels excited by the possibility of starting somewhere new, building a different life together and finally doing something that aligns with what makes us happy. The other part of me is constantly thinking, What if it doesn’t work out? What if we regret it? What if we end up isolated, miss our friends and family, or discover that the reality isn’t what we imagined?

I’ve recently started a new job, which makes the timing feel even more daunting, even though I know I’m not necessarily tied to it forever. My partner doesn’t seem to have the same reservations.

A lot of my siblings live abroad or are planning to move further away, and although my partner isn’t particularly close to his family, I have a handful of very close friends and family whom I would genuinely miss. I know that moving away would mean giving up the convenience and familiarity of our current lives, and I dont know if I would get to keep my connections.

But the other side of this is that I’m genuinely unhappy with the life we’re currently living. I don’t see myself wanting this lifestyle in the future, and I’m starting to worry that staying simply because it’s familiar and safe could lead to its own kind of regret. I’m not someone who usually has such a negative or fearful outlook, which is why these feelings are confusing me so much. I can’t tell whether my anxiety is a sensible warning that we need to think things through more carefully, or simply the fear that naturally comes with considering a big change.

So, I’d really love to hear your perspectives.

If your adult son or daughter came to you and said they’d found an opportunity in a different part of the country that could give them the lifestyle they genuinely wanted, but it meant leaving their jobs, friends and familiar surroundings behind, what would you tell them?

What would you want them to consider before making that decision?

For those of you who have made a similar move, particularly from a city to a remote or rural area, what was the reality like? Did you find it difficult to build a social life? Did you regret leaving your old life behind, or did you wish you’d done it sooner?

What are the biggest risks or downsides you think we might be overlooking? And equally, what are the potential benefits that might make taking this leap worthwhile?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who can be honest about the practicalities, rather than simply saying, “Life is short, just do it!” I know that, but I also recognise that decisions like this have real consequences.

I suppose what I’m struggling with most is knowing the difference between being sensible and letting fear make my decisions for me.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and offer their perspective. I genuinely appreciate it.

Ive been a personal trainer for 9 years and the last 5 I spent growing my private training business.

I’m not miserable at work, but I have zero desire to learn more about my craft or try to grow my business. I have zero sense of achievement because I’ve done close to 10,000 PT sessions at this point.

One of my biggest current beliefs is that as a man you need to have a purpose you’re working towards.

I’m 27M and single. My friends are either married or in relationships. I moved from the suburbs to the city 6 weeks ago to try new hobbies and make some new friends and it’s been going well but I still wake up dreading the day because all these pursuits feel aimless.

My biggest inspirations growing up were fitness influencers who traveled the world, got in great shape, made fun vlogs. I believe I can do the same thing. I don’t care to stay in fitness but I love creating.

My question is if I should keep exploring my new city life while still running my current business or do I stop the training business and go all in on creating content?

I feel like my bf always points out the things I do wrong

Sorry this is a bit long. I'd like advice besides to just leave as that's not really possible for me right now and I'd like to find a way to stay together happily.
I have a great job that I love and am on a spousal visa.

My partner and I were together for two years before I had to move back to the US for a year because of visa issues. I’ve recently moved back to the UK to be with him, and I’ve just started a new job that requires me to travel for two days every week, so there’s been a lot of change lately.

Recently, I’ve been feeling like my partner turns little mistakes I make into bigger issues about things I need to work on or do better. Things that seem minor to me become conversations about why I did something wrong or how I should have handled it differently. Meanwhile, when he makes mistakes, I tend to see them as just mistakes and move on. I don’t feel like I get the same grace in return.
It’s got to the point where I find myself explaining things before he’s even said anything because I’m worried he’ll think I’ve done something wrong. I feel like I’m constantly trying to get things right around him, and it’s affecting my confidence.

There have also been arguments where he’s said genuinely hurtful things, including telling me his friends didn’t like me after I made a slightly rude joke (I didn't remember meeting a friend of his who is a really attractive man and said maybe you just have a forgettable face and then I did apologize in the moment saying that came out wrong) to one of them. I eventually apologised directly to that friend again, only to find out he didn’t even know what I was talking about. My partner said he was just being polite, and I’ve never really known what to make of that.

The confusing thing is that I love him and we do have good times together. He can be loving and supportive, but sometimes he can also be really cutting, and I feel like I’ve lost some of my spark lately. I just want to feel happy and loved without worrying that every little thing I do wrong will become another issue.

I’ve tried explaining how much the constant criticism is affecting me, but I’m not sure he really understands. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things because I’ve had so many changes recently, or if this is a bigger relationship issue.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Did things improve, or did you eventually realise how much the relationship was affecting you?

\\- White claw on a bench in the park as I sit here crying lol but here is my breakfast earlier

I’ve been struggling with ambivalence in my marriage for a couple years, and been doing a lot of research on psychological studies, expert advice, therapy. By posting here, I’m hoping for some real life insights coming from lived experience.

For some context, I’m a 38M married to 35F. We’ve been married for 12 years, and dated for 1.5 years before that. On the surface, we have a picture perfect life. Strong career and no financial concerns (I could retire soon if I wanted to), two beautiful children (7 and 4). Family members all healthy, and my wife and I get along with low drama and conflict. My relationship with my wife started more companionate, where I was not extremely attracted to her physically, but attracted enough to have a functional sex life and beyond all, I had a huge amount of respect for her (educational background, kindness, loyalty, discipline, social reputation), where I felt lucky to marry someone with such a strong character and pedigree. For the first few years of dating and marriage, our relationship felt like a comfortable, safe, and warm home base. That said, I never felt the classic infatuation or limerence with her and it was more companionate, respectful type of relationship with functional sex from the beginning. I did have some wandering eyes throughout for women that aligned more with my physical preferences, but I never cheated or crossed any boundaries, and resolved that fantasy by watching porn.

Then Covid, kids, career stress hit all at once in my early 30s. I was promoted to a more executive position at work, which was exciting but also doubled my stress level. Raising kids took a toll on us as do most parents, and we started fighting more, and in retrospect we did not do a good job solving the problems as a team but started suppressing our feelings and resentments to make sure we kept a functioning household for our kids. It peaked during Covid when we both had jobs and our nanny could not come so we were raising a newborn while also working two fulltime jobs. This eventually led to my wife voluntarily quitting to be sahm, and after COVID I even got her a full time nanny to lessen her burden even as a sahm. For additional context, this was her call, I supported her either way, and she hated her job any way and at this point her income was 1/10th of what I made so it made sense to both of us.

For the last few years, we both worked on ourselves and improved a lot, conflicts quieted down, we got used to the new rhythm of parenting, and I got used to the elevated level of responsibilities at work. However, I feel like the companionate friendship and attachment for her as my person never quite returned to pre-kids days, and felt like we became two co-managers of the house living a stable, calm, functional life without any passion or fun. And to my regret, thoughts like “only if I married someone with better chemistry, someone I was more attracted to, someone with a more romantic pull, I would be happier and more fulfilled.”

This all coincided with my career flying off, and me getting fitter than ever in my life. I initially directed my frustration and tension to fitness and health. Digging deep into lifting routines and calorie tracking. I have a tendency to get obsessed about something - whether it’s my career, health, or video gaming - and between my career success and fitness, started getting more attention from women. Some of whom me in my 20s wouldn’t have imagined would show interest in me.

To my regret and shame, last year I gave in to my temptations, and had an emotional and physical affair with someone I met during a night out for several months, someone who matched my physical preferences to a tee. Being brutally honest, I felt so alive and desired and validated, and the infatuation I had was explosive. We had many similar interests and hobbies and emotionally connected effortlessly as well, albeit in an affair bubble free of logistical stress of daily life. It all came crashing down dramatically when my wife got suspicious, I started having panic attacks at mostly the thought of ruining my childrens’ lives through an ugly divorce, so I told my affair partner I cannot continue until I decide what I want for my marriage, and that either I should repair my marriage or divorce honestly so I don’t further damage the future of my kids. I also told her I feel like I’m wasting her precious time and opportunity as well if there is no future here. She was also quite infatuated with me at the time and I think because this felt like her being abandoned and discarded (even though she knew I was married with kids and I told her I am not ready to divorce yet from the get go), in a fit of rage, she called my wife and told her I never loved her and that I am a scumbag (which I fully admit I was), with extensive incriminating and damaging details.

No matter what I do, I no longer want to live a deceitful life and find a path where both me and my wife are fulfilled. We are working hard on reconciliation now, I’ve been doing individual therapy and marriage counseling, and reading a lot of books and looking into psychological studies. I know my situation is not unique. Midlife crisis and affair, looking for excitement and novelty after the ups and downs and pragmatic realities of a long term marriage, tale as old as time.

The central question I’m trying to answer now is - is long term love and marriage a choice or a feeling? Where do people draw the line between a marriage that can be fulfilling with effort vs. marriage that even with effort will always feel passionless and hollow and depriving? How much does initial chemistry and passion matter in the long haul. On one hand, I hear that emotional stability, effort, and peacefulness are the real key ingredients to a happy marriage, because no matter how high the initial chemistry, passion fades, looks deteriorate through aging, and love that relies on physical attraction and early passion cannot last, and most if not all marriages turn into companionate friendship like a warm blanket without much lust or excitement anyway, even if it started with burning passion and loins. That we are all at the mercy of the hedonic treadmill and Coolidge effect, no matter how explosive the chemistry in the first couple years felt like. On the other hand, I also hear some say that lack of initial chemistry and physical attraction cannot be manufactured and it’s biologically wired, and some people that leave a “peaceful, calm, and passionless” marriage do find longer term fulfillment from resetting, finding a new partner where perhaps the fire and passion actually doesn’t burn down to zero and there’s a lifelong sense of lust, passion, and fulfillment with the same partner.

As for the affair, I am deeply regretful for what I have done, and I am doing everything I can to heal my wife’s pain, restore trust, and have abstained from porn and deactivated all my social media to focus on the present reality. I’ve been strictly NC with the affair partner for 8 months now, though I still occasionally reminisce about the passion I felt with the affair partner back then, fantasize about the what-ifs, and then feel disgusted at myself for feeling that way. We also have an open phone policy. She is willing to forgive me, and the only thing she is asking for is my commitment and certainty that I will be fulfilled in our marriage and would be happy recommitting for the long term without hidden ambivalence or regret. And I guess it agonizes me right now because I really want to get there especially for the sake of my kids, but I also can’t say that to her yet, until I feel I have sufficient answers to these questions.

Appreciate any and all advice, especially any real life outcomes of people who either divorced or recommitted in similar situations years ago.

I (31 m) am not sure what to do but I know I am at a crossroads for my life and need someone to discuss with. Hopefully someone in the later stages of their own life, with wisdom and experience.

My life isn't in complete disarray. I have a great job, a house, savings, education, no debt. On paper I should be doing great. But I feel stuck and like my life is slipping by. All I do is work (hardly that because I procrastinate) and workout. And I find myself using escapism so often that things are falling to the way side almost everyday.

I have partially thought out goals but I don't work towards them like I should... I could be doing so much more than endlessly doom scrolling or watching TV. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. It's like I've given up or I'm lazy or both.

I know would like to be married and start a family (via surrogacy), which could be part of my distress. But as I am now, I don't think I could handle it even though I want it. Part of my difficulty might be I'm gay and live in the south, so there are fewer dating opportunities or maybe that is cope.

I might simply be looking for someone to talk to about all this so feel free to DM.

Whenever I think about a moment before it happens, I wonder: Is this going to be one of those moments I’ll see again when I’m dying?

I guess, somewhere in the back of my mind, I believe that we’re all going to be shown the big events that have happened throughout our lives when we’re about to die.

And the question I ask myself is almost like I’m trying to weigh the moment that’s about to happen, asking myself whether it’s significant enough to qualify for that short clip of our lives that I’ve heard so many people who’ve had near-death experiences say they saw.

Cross posting from other groups where I asked for advice on the topic. Hoping to benefit from redditor insights here

Are there any seniors taking Jardiance as a heart-pumping aid experiencing any disturbing, but not life-threatening side effects? I am neither overweight nor have Type 2 diabetes. I went online and could not find anything posted. I asked my doctor that I have been seeing for over 35 years and he basically told me that the benefits outweigh the risks. He is retiring and no longer has the time to pursue what might be happening. Not looking for a diagnosis.